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 AUTHOR
 StrykinOut
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 26
Serial Monogamy versus marriagePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I opt for marriage, but to each his/her own.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 27
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 10:47:36 AM
In the case of divorce, kids can be just fine as long as Mommy and Daddy no longer fight and as long as the kids have regular ongoing contact with both parents. While a healthy traditional marriage is the optimal environment to raise a child, when a marriage dissolves a single parent home - where the above two factors are in play - helps a lot in minimizing any negative effects of divorce on the child's well-being.
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 28
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 10:52:23 AM
Yes, that's a big part of the reason people that want to have children should get married. You also don't want **stard kids that don't have the proper last name of the father.

What's needed is more education about relationships so that people can make a better go of things.

The kids need role models, they need to see what a healthy couple in love looks like so they know what to do themselves someday... we primarily learn by example. Sometimes they can watch another kids' parents and learn that way, but that's iffy, and is not always available to them.

No, a divorced couple is not optimum, in the least. Better than nothing I guess, but not much better.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 10:57:09 AM
I think most people still believe that a good marriage is possible and young people in particular I don't think are wanting to avoid marriage as much as they want to improve over the last generation.

I've talked about this at length with my very soon to be 21 daughter, we think my generation of parents has done somewhat better divorcing and co-parenting, etc. so we think her generation should focus on picking the right person. So many people focus on the wedding and getting married without as much thought into whether they really want to spend 60 years with someone.

At my current life stage I don't know whether marriage is in the equation or even cohabiting but if I were young enough to start a family I think I'd still be inclined to "do things the right way," and marry before having a family.

I've also accepted the fact that maybe we wind up with people who are right for that time in our lives and only few of us are lucky enough to find a partner capable of growing with us over that long a period.

You have children, you have no "reason" to get married, if you are having relationships that you remain in while they are healthy and happy but that you extricate yourself from when they have run their course, why do you give a rat's butt what anyone thinks about your lack of matrimony?

I get the term serial dater but why anyone would have a problem with someone being in a string of hopefully good monogamous relationships? Consider the source of the question.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 30
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 11:02:54 AM

I get the term serial dater but why anyone would have a problem with someone being in a string of hopefully good monogamous relationships?

Probably because they'd like to get married, or remarried, at some point, and a serial monogamist doesn't seem a likely prospect for that.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 31
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 11:04:40 AM
I don't believe serial monogamy is a choice, exactly... I simply think it's the best we humans can do.... bashing ourselves for not being able to stay married for a lifetime is pointless because it's not realistic for most of us...
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 32
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 11:07:50 AM

At my current life stage I don't know whether marriage is in the equation or even cohabiting

I find this fascinating as I believe I am seeing this more and more.. women who in their profiles say they are looking for a "long term relationship" but then say the above.

I guess in the vetting process, I need to ask more closely what their actual goals are because while I am certain having a "long term relationship" without cohabitation might work for some.. I know it wouldn't for me... not in the long run.
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 33
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 11:30:02 AM

is marriage simply fading away as serial monogamy becomes more of a societal standard?

Depends on what you mean by marriage.

Do you mean the pair bonding with love that people experience with their mate, so they go through a ceremony to communicate to their community that which has already occurred within them?
No. That's not going away.

Do you mean the ceremony people can idealize as a goal, and end result that will then change their life, and give them the justification they need to enforce their expectations on someone else? A ceremony people use as a means for self actualizing?
Yes. I think that's going away. But mostly because it's not as fulfilling as people idealize and has too many negative consequences.


Am I simply biased?

Everyone is biased.
Many, or most, people go through life getting into relationships that simply validate their bias.
Some people get into relationships in spite of their bias.


Is this maybe an age or experience issue-

IMO yes.
IMO there is evidence of a generational dumbing down effect in "westernized" or technologically dependent nations.
A dropping of I.Q.
Of not being able to issues with more complexity, and lessening of attention span.


Maybe those who have been married before and over a certain age prefer serial monogamy over marriage?

People that see the two as choices on opposing spectrum's rather than comparing apples to oranges, do.


Younger people consider serial monogamy because they don't want to settle down until they are older?

IMO "younger people" use it as a rationalization to avoid what they see are the negative consequences of "settling down," rather than any attempt at long term life planning or security in who they are and what they really want.


I'm assuming the reason for this "rule" is because it's believed kids are a lot better off being raised in a two-parent home. Using that reasoning, this means people with kids should not be allowed to divorce because a single parent home is bad for the kids

Using this reasoning is like saying "if you have scurvy, don't eat apples because they are bad for you, only eat oranges and absolutely nothing else, everything else is bad for you, and apples will make it worse."
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 34
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:07:53 PM
""I get the term serial dater but why anyone would have a problem with someone being in a string of hopefully good monogamous relationships?""
""Probably because they'd like to get married, or remarried, at some point, and a serial monogamist doesn't seem a likely prospect for that.""


This doesn't make sense...
A serial monogamist doesn't seem like a likely prospect for marriage???
If you've been married and have been divorced and are now looking to get remarried again... the term "serial monogamist" applies to YOU... who else do you think it refers to?

You've been in a monogamous relationship and now are looking for another one because the last one didn't succeed.... serial monogamy. That's what that is... The only ones barring cheaters who are not serial monogamists are people who have stayed married for an entire lifetime... no second, third, or fourth marriages littering their paths. It's not a negative thing to be a serial monogamist... but signing a marriage contract doesn't make you exempt from the title if your marriage didn't last.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 35
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:16:28 PM

... but signing a marriage contract doesn't make you exempt from the title if your marriage didn't last.

Obvious enough to thee and me, but not to those who won't date "serial daters." I didn't say it wasn't a failure of reasoning!
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:35:58 PM

2.) The practice of being absolutely faithful to the one you are with.... at the moment


Does this mean that threesomes are out ..?

Sorry I just can't get serial monagamy ?? ,

Things were so much simpler , when we just all got married ..!
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 37
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:38:22 PM
Can someone explain serial dater to me then?

If you date someone, it doesnt work out, you break up, and then you date someone else, does that make you a serial dater?
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 38
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:49:10 PM

Can someone explain serial dater to me then?

They date a lot of people, generally at the same time, and all they want is the dating experience.. nothing more.
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 39
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:58:17 PM
If you date a bunch of people at the same time, how is that serial?


serial: Consisting of, forming part of, or taking place in a series

But is it mostly that people who are serial daters have no intention of forming a long term relationship?
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 40
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:59:39 PM
They date a lot of people, generally at the same time,...

I thought that was multi-dating.

Serial dating to me is one at a time, but different from serial monogamy in that the involvements tend to be without any serious intent, shorter-term, and often, um, goal-oriented, so to speak.

But is it mostly that people who are serial daters have no intention of forming a long term relationship?

That's my understanding.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 41
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/8/2013 4:11:56 PM
Marriage is fading away because of the no-fault divorce laws , where the scales are tipped in favor of women . I do realize there are a few women that end having to pay in divorces . But men are the ones getting cleaned out in the no-fault divorce courts . It is becoming less and less attractive to be legally bound to some one that can gut you like a fish in divorce court .Even if a pre-nup is involved as soon as children arrive , every thing changes and you can throw the pre-nup out. In this age of no fault divorce the man loose his children, home ,and possibly a good sized part of his income for up to 20+ years . Not much of a incentive to get married is it . Especially when over 70% of the divorces are initiated by women , not for abuse or cheating or being a bad father or husband , but simply because they got tired of their husband and want a different man .
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 42
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/9/2013 11:47:56 AM
^^^Married or not, if you procreate, you are going to pay for those kids for 18 years so knocking up someone without marrying her will not spare you from paying child support.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 43
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/9/2013 11:59:46 AM
Here's the problem with you divorced types. You married before you were a) either fully matured as an individual or b) coming to terms with your unresolved issues from childhood. I am looking forward to marriage when I find a suitable partner. Not someone I just want to have sex with but a REAL partner. Someone I relate to and they to me. It's quite simple but not really because I have had several issues to work through and it took me a good 20 years to develop as a person (after leaving the nest). And another 10 to be independent of the man. If I had attempted marriage in my 20's or 30's, it would not have been such a good idea.

At a very early age, I thought a lot about marriage and always wondered how anyone that didn't really know who they were could enter into a partnership with some other person in the same boat. I always concluded that after just a few years, maybe 5, that they could possibly grow in totally different directions and it would not last. I was only 7 years old when I realized this simple yet subtle issue with marrying young (well, it was old for me at the time). I could see it in the struggles of my own parents and the parents of friends. But from a logical perspective, it takes people a long time to mature. Why not wait and then seek out a partner? Isn't that the way it should work? I think so and when I do find my partner, I know it will be a smooth, stimulating, enriching and joyous journey through life.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 44
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/9/2013 12:03:33 PM
If you don't want her as a wife, then don't make her a mother.

And personally I would prefer marriage over Serial Monogamy.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 45
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/9/2013 12:11:56 PM
If you are done having kids,why bother becoming a wife again?

I personally prefer Monogamy over a second Marriage."Serial" just mean's you
don't stay with someone forever and still choose not to get married again
but refuse to die alone.Thankfully I found a man on the same page as me in all regards.
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 3/6/2009
Msg: 46
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/9/2013 12:33:52 PM
These titles just never stop do they.Serial dating and serial monogamy?Hmmmmm.!I v'e had so many
relationships that have been based on some commitment but they've always wanted their independence and it's always felt like that anytime I would be getting my walking papers .Not having any aisleage I still find it hard to invest time
and try and work towards something for a longer relationship.Marriage sure.I know,I know.At this stage in my lifI'll just keep holding my breath.
 NatureGirlMaggie
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 47
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/9/2013 12:34:48 PM
The idea of marriage and living happily ever after is a wonderful idea, and one I would like to have again even though I am too old to have more children -- at my age, and pragmatically speaking, I have to look for something different than allowing the social security folks to give me less money by virtue of the fact that I am married than if I stayed single, madly in love, and living with someone in a cohabitational, monogamous situation. It isn't fair but it's true.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/9/2013 12:49:35 PM
I googled it and found this.....http://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/get-flirty/serial-monogamy

"Crudely put, a serial monogamist is a person who stays in the relationship for as long as they feel the infatuation, excitement and love, and walks away into someone else’s arms when they start to get bored of the relationship". ~ Natalia Avdeeva

It sure does explain why a lot of relationships go down the perverbal tube.
Jan
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/9/2013 1:40:16 PM

I have to look for something different than allowing the social security folks to give me less money by virtue of the fact that I am married than if I stayed single, madly in love, and living with someone in a cohabitational, monogamous situation. It isn't fair but it's true.


So True Maggie , my parents didn't plan well for retirement , and one of the things they were considering to improve theur situation ..was divorce , after 58 years !......we children stepped in to avert that .

But The Ideal that our goverment penalizes us for being married ,
seems a clear violation of our right to choose
 tallbrowneyedlady
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 50
Serial Monogamy versus marriage
Posted: 2/9/2013 2:04:15 PM
Marriage is great for some people. Personally I'd like to be married but not unless I am in a totally terrific relationship. Otherwise I'll stick to serial monogamy. I don't want to be celibate and I don't want to get married just to have "legal" sex. Marriage is hard work and you have to be 100% committed to the marriage to make it work. Divorce is expensive and a major hassle. So are weddings. So each person needs to decide for themselves what they prefer. I was engaged to a man who has been divorced 4 times. I finally thought "I must be crazy to marry this person". We broke up.
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