To the world:
Thanks, I know some or most of you think this is pathetic and that Im stupid. I didnt start the thread to be hated on, and I know its kind of a stupid situation. Ive stayed clean last few days, and steped back from them to think things over. Part of that is to start this thread to help me view it from different perspectives.
Sorry my grammer and spelling is at time attrocious, but being biligual kind of messes my grammer/spelling up.
To more various replies:
Guy 1 you are not that into. (brotherly).
Guy 2 is not that into you. (rebound).
Guy 3 is not going to find you if you are sleeping with guy 1 and 2.
Learn about yourself for awhile and see how fun independence (not dependence) can be.
Quit smoking for awhile, you'll see things clearer. REALLY you will.
Perhaps you're right about guy 1&2. Im enjoying being single and if Im ever in another relationship I never want to lose my independace, at least not all of it. And been clean for half a week now, and some things are clearer. Im giving myself time before seeing either, and making a decision.
these are not fwb's .. their boyfriends ..and I bet they don't know about the other
There is a difference between fwb and bfs. And yes they do know about the other.
BTW, you're not in control of this. They're using you and may I ask,,,,has either of these "friends" expressed in anyway that they want to be in a relationship with you? And, so you know, saying you're the best f*ck I've ever had, doesn't count. It sounds to me that you could be over-estimating yourself.
I'd also suggest, since you're looking for advice on how to find men that don't want to use you for sex , check out baggagereclaim.com It will be as if she is writing just to you.
It was my choice and me who asked for fwb with guy 1. guy 2 asked me.
Ill check that site out once Im done posting this.
How do i find someone who wants me for more than just sex?
This is simple.. he will want to be with you and do things with you that don't revolve around sex.
I'm having a hard time getting passed the fact you felt the need to throw in "how much weed they let you smoke" as part of the pros and cons of each of them!! LOL
Personally I don't think you're capable of a real romantic relationship ....or you wouldn't say you might sleep with someone else if you're smashed/stoned.
haha I was comming off a high and craving more weed when I created this thread. Been clean for a bit now, so now its not really a factor in my descision.
My only serious relationship in the past ended disasterously, and was emotionally/verbally abusive for the last half. So yes, I am having trouble figuring out what an ideal romantic relationship is. I do spend time with Guy A, without the benefits part, as well as without the weed part.
This is just a continuation of your ex, really. Guy A was rebound guy. Guy B is you just wanting to get poked by someone new. Guy A is already left in the dust. Guy B sounds ready to leave YOU in the dust at any time.
Guy C really (really) sounds like a better choice. (Provided you have ended "A" and "B."
When your dating life starts to resemble algebra, it might just be time to take a step back and think things over a little..
Perhaps maybe youre right. I think you might be a bit more right than Dame Write (no offence). And love the algebra analogy, and last few days ive steped back to think things over. Creating this thread and seeing the different responses is helping me think things over.
Having no boyfriend right now seems like the best option to me, considering what you are going through (per other post). If you must have one, I would pick guy A. He seems to be more concerned with your well being, whereas guy B doesn't seem to care about it (or if you are out of control). Guy A will at least give you some semblance of self control right now. I would talk with him and see if you can make it an exclusive FWB arrangement, though, if you must be with someone.
You might want to consider Guy A's feelings and well being first, though, since you doubt your ability to stay faithful under the influence. If he truly is a friend, you'll have to decide if it's best for him to involve him in your issues until you finishing getting those worked out.
We are responsible to some degree for the other person when we choose to have sex with them.
I quite value your response. And thanks for noticing my other thread.
(Guy A)His feelings aren't really there much -- not beyond being friends -- otherwise he wouldn't be hard to get ahold of, and you'd progressively see more and more of each other.
The reason that hes hard to get a hold of is because he doesnt have a working phone, and is on a computer only like once a month. And I see him when I can, but its hard since he lives on the oposite end of town.
About Guy A.
You have shared history, he’s helped you out, but it’s mostly platonic.
Maybe he’ll still be your friend if you choose ‘B (if he’s not crushing on you too much yet)
I like that he looks out for you
But I pick guy B.
More sex, more opportunity, more initiative on his part, more privacy
More compatible financially
More weed. Not that I’m an advocate.
Okay, so you have two FWBs. Do you need to "pick" one? If things are in cruise control with both guys, then who cares? But it sounds like you want "a guy"... to be dating. Guy B by default would be a better choice since you guys click/flow well, IF he is THAT into you. And that's not determined by what they say in response to something you ask, either -- never rely on that. But you can at least start from there and see how he rolls afterward. If he ends up being "busy" a lot, etc. and hard to get ahold of -- then tell Guy A how you feel and you'd like there to be something more... and see if he comes more or less available (which shows his interest).
Another route im considering.
(about guy B)And he’s smarter & more bookish. Will he encourage you to go to college this fall? That would weigh in his favour.
And which one’s life can you make a significant positive contribution to? That will make you happy too.
Thanks for pointing this out too. He has encouraged me to pursue my dreams the one time the subject briefly came up. Guy A also encourages me going to college. As for the significant positive contribution Ill think about that.