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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?      Home login  
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 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 26
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Thank you to everyone for their thoughts on this.

Just to clear up one small matter (again, it did not seem relevant when I posted #1) we didn't choose this activity for a date. We've already met twice, several hours each time, got on really well. Found out we lived opposite. In conversation I mentioned that I go swimming every day, and he simply asked if he could come along with me on his day off work, and we could share the cabfare. It would have been churlish to refuse. So I told him, I go at 8.30, that is when the cab is booked for, and he said he'd be at my house at 8.30. He did not suggest coming at 8.25, or 8.15 or 8am.

It's a shame it ended that way. It wasn't going to turn into the Romance of the Century, but we had lots of activities planned for the future and he said he enjoyed my company- just not enough to apologise, apparently!

Anyway, thanks everyone.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 27
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 5:17:20 AM

Just to clear up one small matter (again, it did not seem relevant when I posted #1) we didn't choose this activity for a date


Yet you clearly call it your 3rd date in your opening post.......

I think you both over reacted......you probably a "tone" to your voice when reprimanding him for being early.....and he reacted to it.

Personally, I don't get the waiting till the last second to prepare thing.....I would have had my bags packed, brushed my teeth, etc, been dressed, sitting on the front porch sipping tea and waiting for my friend with anticipation!!

even if he had showed only 10 minutes early......you still wouldn't have been ready. You "ought" to have taken into consideration you had a guest coming with you and had your butt up and ready!!
 14everBlessed2
Joined: 6/21/2012
Msg: 28
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 7:32:17 AM
Dear curviest,
At least he showed up even if it was a little early. Once he opened his mouth to complain I would have said "Please make yourself useful and be a darling and make me a cup of coffee while I finish getting ready, OK? If he continued with his diatribe I then would have told him to STFU and to leave if he could not be civil in my home.(Hey I just calls them as I sees them!) :D
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 29
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 7:40:24 AM
Anybody that shows up "early" at my door gets shot. Honestly, how dare they!!!!!! There are some things I get all jacked up about and this wouldn't be one of em. Actually I would be really impressed if any female that I knew would actually be "early" for anything.

OP, you're old enough to know that you can "expect" anything you want from anyone. Are you going to get it everytime and in every situation????? I highly doubt it. Figure out how YOU want to deal with those "expectations" of yours that are not met.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 30
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 8:04:18 AM
Well, that was interesting to say at least..
I must say, when I have an arrangement like that, I am early, leave myself enough time for traffic,etc.
Not half an hour early maybe 10 minutes.
I do agree that you don't need to be ready exactly by 8:30, I would have liked if you ready by 8:15.
But wouldn't made a big deal about it, I would have just waited.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 31
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 8:33:29 AM
Manners...the number one thing that can make or break a connection. Nothing is more important than showing some consideration and respect. Never under estimate it, and never accept a lack of it.

We are living thru an age of selfish, entitled people, regardless of age, who could not care less what others think. Let them start to learn than "civility" means caring, being considerate and respectable.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 32
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 8:49:03 AM
Manners would have been offering coffee. Manners would have been not waiting till last minute to be ready for a date & manners would have not been showing him your displease over a half hour. I get the feeling you provoked his responses with your attitude. Someone your age shouldn't need to be told to grow up.
 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 33
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 8:58:54 AM
^^^ Exactly. And we only know one side of the story, we have her take on what "he" said but we don't really know what "she" said...we all think we're perfect.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 34
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 9:09:15 AM
No, you're not old fashioned just ill-prepared for dating. I expect someone that I'm doing a little field trip for a date to BE prepared well before I show up, which could be early or on-time or even a bit late because, hey, accidents happen. It is often best to leave for a meeting early to avoid being late. So, HE was being very thoughtful, while YOU were not. The risk of taking off early for a date is arriving early. At your age, you should know better. If I were picking up someone and we needed to pack something, then I would expect them to be ready when I showed up, even if 30 minutes early. Because I have either packed the night before or first thing in the morning. That is what a normal person would do, not 5 minutes before heading out the door. Yet, I bump into the occasional self-centered woman that thinks only of herself. A terrible first impression. After all, a woman expects a man not only to be well-groomed but their car clean inside and out. Do you think we will wait until 5 minutes before leaving to clean our cars? I hope not because it takes quite a long time to do it justice. So what makes you think we would not expect the same consideration from the women we go to all this trouble for? It's called mutual respect.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 35
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 9:25:56 AM
You know why I have a problem with this story? you OP talk about manners but you clearly showed none, if he lives down the street from you why didn't you meet him at his place instead of yours? so he came early did you offer him a cup of tea ?

If you're so old fashioned you would make sure the man asks you to his place to catch a cab? no. You sound kind of fuddy duddy or what ever the term is, yes the guy was a bit of a goof criticizing you like that but you didn't handle the situation well either and Its kind of surprising since you say you live meters from each other certainly you would have seen him around in the neighborhood? no

If a woman lived near me and I didnt have a car and she didnt have a car, I would invite her to my place to take a cab and at least have coffee/tea or a light breakfast waiting in case she showed up early, by the way early is better than being late.

I think you both screwed the pooch on this one.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 36
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 9:27:41 AM
As usual, DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse, you DID NOT READ my post properly!

"HE was being very thoughtful, while YOU were not. The risk of taking off early for a date is arriving early."

What is thoughtful about arriving uninvited? What is thoughtful about bawling me out for what time I choose to get out of bed in the morning? He lives opposite me! It takes 20 seconds to get to my house but you think it was reasonable for him to allow himself half an hour to cross the road?

"I would expect them to be ready when I showed up, even if 30 minutes early."

Then that proves you are a demanding, selfish, thoughtless, arrogant pig. Just like him - you two should date.

On to the next person who didn't read it properly!

"if he lives down the street from you why didn't you meet him at his place instead of yours?"

What difference would that make? You are just trying to twist the whole thing to find ME at fault. I already had to cab booked before he asked if he could come along with me.

According to you, I should have phoned the cab company and changed the pick up address? Why? Because you think the woman should always go to the man?

"certainly you would have seen him around in the neighborhood?"

Never. What difference would that have made? That if I'd seen him walking in the street sometime that would have made me know psychically that he was the sort of thoughtless twat to turn up at my house uninvited then rubbish me?

"I think you both screwed the pooch on this one."

A pooch is the only thing he will be screwing if he keeps treating women like dirt.

No wonder both of you are still on here. You're as bad as the sad losers I waste my time dating.

 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 37
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 9:56:13 AM

A pooch is the only thing he will be screwing if he keeps treating women like dirt.

No wonder both of you are still on here. You're as bad as the sad losers I waste my time dating.
No I think you did the guy a favor and he bolted If I was there I would shake the man's hand and buy him a beer , and by the way you're the one that keeps meeting" losers" so what does that say about you?


Never. What difference would that have made? That if I'd seen him walking in the street sometime that would have made me know psychically that he was the sort of thoughtless twat to turn up at my house uninvited then rubbish me?
I think you need to get your stories straight or up the meds, you invited him to your house at 8:30, so how is that uninvited? should he have criticized you of course not but you really made a mountain of out a mole hill .

And by the way I do date and I dont have the issues you are having so I guess I'm doing the right thing, plus I would never date or meet a woman that doesn't drive.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 38
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 10:12:23 AM

No wonder both of you are still on here. You're as bad as the sad losers I waste my time dating.

I think we're all starting to see how this really went down.......
I think he nailed it when he told you to take a chill pill!!!
 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 39
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 10:23:01 AM
"You're as bad as the sad losers I waste my time dating."

Geez, if you're picking losers you need to fix what you're doing wrong. And some folks have a list of "red flag" issues a mile long and thrive on drama or it's "all about me". So this guy is an "on time" or "early" guy and you're a "lay in bed until the last minute" gal - it won't work, not without a fight or two along the way.

I can't imagine what you would have done if this man was 5 minutes late and kept the cab driver waiting. You'd have gone into cardiac arrest.

Not all of us are compatible, we have our quirks and punctuality or lack there of is one of them. After a bit we figure each other out and work it out. But I think in this situation, if we go strickly by what the OP said, BOTH acted like children.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 40
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 11:06:27 AM
Sounds like we all read it correctly because just look at the arrogant and spiteful reply you posted. You are not worthy of any more of my time.
 NatureGirlMaggie
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 41
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 12:01:33 PM
Wow, if people don't want comments, feedback, input, why post up on these boards to begin with? To get people to agree with you, and nail the people who don't with insults and inappropriate criticism? Give me a break, take your venting someplace else unless you really want us to comment -- DON'T ASK! Love and luck to everyone here from Iowa!
 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 42
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 12:29:33 PM
^^^ I agree. The OP posted elsewhere a list of 20 red flags and said she had more but wouldn't list them all. Everything from overweight guys to genital piercings. Too much drama and too high of expectations when she's not all that and a bag of chips herself. Just an ordinary person, just like the rest of us.

The thing is, most of us are in our late 40's, 50's and beyond. Why add stuff to a red flag list. We all have our preferences but some of the things folks list as red flags are so damn juvenile or petty. I can't understand why a chubby man wouldn't accept a chubby female, for example. And to list "thin lips".... really. Some folks just shouldn't date, they can't handle it and actually aren't worth the time or effort as they either see everything as a red flag, a turn off or what ever. If you aren't "perfect", why require it? I have more stuff on my body that is heading south and get more wrinkles and grey hairs as the days go on - why would I not be a little more accepting and realistic about who is asking me out? It's not like I'm asking everyone to lower their standards and date the bottom dwelling fish...but really - are you so damn perfect that you can't accept a few flaws and the fact that we all age, get grey, lose hair, get wrinkles and put on a pound or two.

I also wonder how much of the story was added on just to make it more interesting and to show the person in a poorer light.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 43
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 12:36:33 PM
Regardeless of 'whatever'...our own standards never should be lowered. I try not to react to someone's elses poor manners.
Bad behavior is never acceptable...not even as a reaction.

An aside: this guy has an issue. Regardless of how he felt, he should have been a gentleman and politely waited without comment. You should have been cheerful and politely offered him a coffee.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 44
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 2:32:14 PM
"Seriously folks, you expect someone to be ready 1/2 hr. early for a first thing in the morning meet up?

I don't think she is the one who needs a chill pill.

I think it is rude to think people have nothing better to do than waste 1/2 before a meet just sitting around waiting. Definitely a person who thinks it, is all about him.

What if she had been in the shower when he arrived? Was she supposed to answer the door soaking wet and apologize for not being ready waiting for him at the door for 30 mins.?

Why expect someone to be ready 1/2 hr. early?

Is the person supposed to be a mind reader and know you will be 1/2 hr. early especially when they only live across the road?

The "you ought to do this and ought to do this and that" is prime control freak speak.

I wouldn't think of showing up early to someone house that I knew well on purpose. If there was a reason that I had to show up early, I would apologize and ask if they minded me waiting in their house until they were ready.

I don't tell any adult what they should do. They are adults and have a right to schedule their day any way they want. If I find I don't like their behaviour/habits I just don't make plans with them in the future.

What was his reason for being 1/2 hr. early? Surely wasn't traffic (that I could understand).

Could be more like, "I'm early, so she should be early. After all, it is all about me."

’OP, would you have rathered that he had arrived a half hour late?"

Neither too early or too late is right for this situation.

He can could have waited outside for the taxi or arrive 5 mins early. The "you ought to" speak would have surfaced eventually anyway.
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 45
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 4:45:41 PM
"Wow, if people don't want comments, feedback, input, why post up on these boards to begin with? To get people to agree with you, and nail the people who don't with insults and inappropriate criticism? Give me a break, take your venting someplace else unless you really want us to comment -- DON'T ASK! Love and luck to everyone here from Iowa"

If I can help someone I give it my all. The only problem is when the ops thread starts I find that she is lashing out at the same people she is asking the advice from. I'm sure she's a nice lady but by some of the backlash from her makes one wonder.

I would say give it sometime for the dust to settle from your last interaction with this guy. Maybe it was an off day and some misunderstandings. You both made some long term plans to do things together. Maybe try talking to him in a few days to see if things can work ou? Know one is perfect and we all make mistakes. I wish you well and good luck.
 Ladyfromfrance
Joined: 1/3/2013
Msg: 46
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 5:09:17 PM
We are all different and coming from another country it is very obvious to me. I think that it is a matter of self preservation that before starting dating we remember some rules that will help us stay at peace.
Don't expect people to think or act like you would because they are not you and yoou will inevitably be desappointed if you do.
Know what are YOUR deal breakers in a relationship (no one but you is entitled to decide what they are) and stay firm on them.
Try to work on all the other challenges that are not the deal breakers together. I know it is easier said than done but we are not perfect and we all come with flaws, it is you who decide which ones you can live with and which ones you won't accept because people do not change.
Finding someone is like a quest and I have hope that he is out there :)
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 47
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 8:22:58 PM
"Good old fashioned manners, never go out of style. Especially when those expressing them, are doing so with a smile."

Then again... Rude, crude and presumptious have a zillion faces.Which is why people like the OP's hot date look best from the backs of their heads going in the opposite direction.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 48
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 8:51:47 PM
When I objected to his barrage of criticism he told me to take a chill pill. I replied that it wasn't pills I needed but someone with the manners not to turn up half an hour early then complain that I was not ready. With that, he stormed out.

Am I just too old fashioned in my expectations of good manners?


No, OP... you're not old fashioned enough. If I had been in your shoes, I wouldn't have even answered the door before 8:30 am.
 dennigrain
Joined: 12/23/2012
Msg: 49
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/9/2013 8:56:09 PM
nothing to do with old fashioned manners it would seem. it is the ever present being considerate. sort of like the females who believe it is okay to show up, always, late for a meet and greet. men are usually early and females usually late. have found that many know the word considerate, but have little understanding of its intent.

very, very common. :(
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 50
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/10/2013 7:40:41 AM

Wow, if people don't want comments, feedback, input, why post up on these boards to begin with? To get people to agree with you, and nail the people who don't with insults and inappropriate criticism? Give me a break, take your venting someplace else unless you really want us to comment -- DON'T ASK! Love and luck to everyone here from Iowa!

Well said..I have seen this OP..She post these threads for everyone to agree with her, and if you don't..Look out!


No, OP... you're not old fashioned enough. If I had been in your shoes, I wouldn't have even answered the door before 8:30 am.

Hm..I disagree with you there..Who can plan to arrive exactly ontime, down to seconds?
OK, so 30 minutes early WAS early..Still shouldn't be THAT big of a deal..
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