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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?      Home login  
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 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 51
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
This OP seems to love creating drama and also appears to only accept comments that agree with her. No, 30 minutes early is not unreasonable and if she had been a little nicer, maybe he would have taken a seat a waited for her. I agree with most of the other women who thought having this man meet her at her house was a little bit unnerving, but to each his or her own. I do not think everyone has to think like me, be on time or perfect. Sometimes people create drama to get attention.
 rob4320
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 52
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/10/2013 8:43:11 AM
Its not wrong to exspect manners.
But todays generation has changed.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 53
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/10/2013 9:04:59 AM

No, OP... you're not old fashioned enough. If I had been in your shoes, I wouldn't have even answered the door before 8:30 am.


Hm..I disagree with you there..Who can plan to arrive exactly ontime, down to seconds?
OK, so 30 minutes early WAS early..Still shouldn't be THAT big of a deal..


I might let him slide if he were five minutes early, but no more than that. When I make plans with someone, and they agree to meet me at a specific time, I expect them to adhere to those plans.

For all he knows, I could be sitting on the toilet. He can just be fricking patient and politely wait outside until the agreed upon time---or he can go find himself another woman who's a doormat.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 54
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/10/2013 9:12:39 AM
I think this is where communication comes in to place, simple questions like do you arrive at a place on time, early, late?
are you a early riser, late night type of person etc.

I think the communication between both parties was lacking , hence the misunderstanding but it makes me wonder how she responded to the guy for him to say " take a chill pill" maybe she was breaking his chop without realizing she was breaking chops.

Im still trying to figure out why a postman would knock at her door at 8 am? is that how the mail is delivered in the UK? mailman knocking on people's door at 8 am in the morning? I know if my mailman knocked at my door at 8 am, I would take him in the back yard and throw him a beating.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 55
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/10/2013 9:27:11 AM
I love the fact that people are so different. What a boring place this would be if we all thought the same.

Here's what I think. First off, he would not be ringing my doorbell at 8 am in the morning cause he wouldn't have the slightest idea as to where I lived...lol
Secondly, if he arrived 30 mins early I would not be very pleased as I would probably be in the midst of getting ready and would have to run down the stairs looking a bit dishevelled (maybe)
But what I would do in a situation like that, knowing that he lives close by is ask him nicely if he would mind coming back in 15 mins. If he was a distance from me than I would ask him if he would mind doing up the dishes while he waited...lol (kidding)

...mae
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 56
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/10/2013 9:34:20 AM
^^LOL..I would just played with your cat..


or he can go find himself another woman who's a doormat.

Ouch..
Well, in that case I would just go find myself a woman who isn't rushing out the door in the last minute.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 57
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/10/2013 10:24:25 AM
I get a little weepy when people invoke the good old days, when everyone adhered to good manners. There are only a few left now. How far the rest have fallen.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 58
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/11/2013 2:19:54 AM

had to quickly pull on my swimsuit and a kaftan, grab my clothes in a bundle and dash downstairs before he gave up and left.

^^^^^^^^^doesn't jive with

To my astonishment, it was my date, half an hour early.

^^^^^^^^^^

You knew it was him.
Anyhoo.

Having a swim date isn't old fashioned on date 3.

Would love to hear his side.

HIM:"I had date# 3 with this woman that invites me to swim half nekid with her *YIP YIP *and in my anticipation was 15 minutes early and she preceded to berate me immediately upon opening her door.
I jokingly said to chill out as I brought some mescal,but alas her shrieking continued at my perceived rudeness ( and I bought such a nice yellow banana hammock for the occasion).........pouts
After 10 minutes I had to leave since the hammock was riding up my arzzz when my buttocks became quite tight and was loosing my ahem * enthusiasm *quite quickly at the sound of that voice piercing my ears.

Was I wrong to be so eager ?".
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 59
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:35:46 AM

First off, he would not be ringing my doorbell at 8 am in the morning cause he wouldn't have the slightest idea as to where I lived

my sentiments exactly
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 60
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:48:50 AM
(curviest) Am I just too old fashioned in my expectations of good manners?


I wouldn't say "old fashioned"; I'd say you lack the ability to roll with the punches; also, you let little bits o' nuthin' bother you. So the guy was a dweeb, according to you. Big deal.


(moirama) Seriously folks, you expect someone to be ready 1/2 hr. early for a first thing in the morning meet up?


I try to be ready at least half an hour early for appointments, regardless of when they are (to prepare for unforeseen circumstances); but, I don't expect it of others, and I don't get all grumpy and colichy about it.
 pageforyou
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 61
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:58:47 AM
A half hour late, no matter where he lives, would be what would put me off and has.
I would look out a window through a curtain to see who is there without them seeing me.
And then, if it were not the postman ... I would answer at 8:15 and no sooner.
He DOES live across the street. He might realize what's up as he toddles back to his place for 15 minutes.
But, we are not all the same, that is just what I would do.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 62
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:58:51 AM

(halcyon_skies) I might let him slide if he were five minutes early, but no more than that.


You sound awfully rigid and inflexible.


For all he knows, I could be sitting on the toilet.


And, for all you know, it could be Ed McMahon with a cheque for $10 million smackeroos for you, Miss "I don't answer the door before 8:30!"...


He can just be fricking patient and politely wait outside until the agreed upon time---or he can go find himself another woman who's a doormat.


I actually agree with you: patience is a virtue. So is not freaking out over the social malaproprisms of others...
 rhonda333
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 63
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:18:46 AM
I'm another who expects punctuality in a date or any other appointment. And I also expect a guy to take his hat off indoors and when he's seated at a table with me. I think women fail to demand these common courtesy's - I know their mothers taught them when they were growing up.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 64
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:45:36 AM
To summarize, (I would say SO TO summarize, but some don't like sentences that being with "so to".)




So I lay in bed replying to emails on my laptop till 0810. Except the doorbell rang at 0800. I assumed it was the postman. As I'm in a big house I had to quickly pull on my swimsuit and a kaftan, grab my clothes in a bundle and dash downstairs before he gave up and left. To my astonishment, it was my date, half an hour early.

Although I pointed this out he did not apologise, he just issued a stream of sentences beginning with the words "You ought...." He said I ought to have been out of bed before 8, and in fact dressed and ready to go by 8. He kept on haranguing me in this way despite my repeatedly reminding him that, as he knew, the cab was booked for 8.30. I offered him a seat to wait for me to get ready. Because of his constant talking I could not think straight to collect all my little bits and pieces together than I needed, and I asked if he could just "give me a few minutes" to collect my thoughts and pack my bag, whereupon he started saying that I "ought" to have packed it up the night before ... blah blah. When I objected to his barrage of criticism he told me to take a chill pill. I replied that it wasn't pills I needed but someone with the manners not to turn up half an hour early then complain that I was not ready. With that, he stormed out.

(…..then)

Just to clear up one small matter (again, it did not seem relevant when I posted #1) we didn't choose this activity for a date. We've already met twice, several hours each time, got on really well. Found out we lived opposite. In conversation I mentioned that I go swimming every day, and he simply asked if he could come along with me on his day off work, and we could share the cabfare. It would have been churlish to refuse. So I told him, I go at 8.30, that is when the cab is booked for, and he said he'd be at my house at 8.30. He did not suggest coming at 8.25, or 8.15 or 8am.

He knew where I lived because at the end of our first date we shared a cab back and it emerged that we lived just a few metres from each other.

(…..then)

"I think you both screwed the pooch on this one."

A pooch is the only thing he will be screwing if he keeps treating women like dirt.

"I would expect them to be ready when I showed up, even if 30 minutes early."

Then that proves you are a demanding, selfish, thoughtless, arrogant pig. Just like him - you two should date.


To the OP, why put on your swimsuit for the postman? A kaftan would suffice, it seemed like you thought it might be your date.

When people describe their experiences dating, it's like 50 shades of reality. The situation varies from psychotically delusional to 100% objective. People normally are not either delusional nor 100% objective.

From what you post, you lack good manners yourself, and the man was pushy and not sensitive to your emotional make up, and maybe he had poor social skills. It would be recent dating experiences has made you more sensitive to these types of things, or it maybe just your nature.

In my view you at the type of planner that can't handle unforeseen changes to your plans and anything that does not happen to plan causes a great deal of confusion / angst, and it is likely you will overreact to that. My advice would be when dealing with others, be excessively clear about when to arrive and other instructions, or tell them you will meet at their house so that you are more in control of events.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 65
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:56:53 AM
It sounds as if you both were much more interested in being right than in dating each other.

Also, an old-fashioned lady doesn't rip her date a new one. Some of the ladies above pointed out how this could have been handled with charm and grace.
 pageforyou
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 66
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/11/2013 9:31:01 AM
Having thought about this ... I notice you have all the potential "holes" in your story ( that might cause posters to fault you as much as the guy or at all) but not very well.

I'm still trying to figure out how you didn't notice each other living across the street and imagining your right answer will be one of you just moved there.

There is no way I would date someone who lived anywhere near that close until I knew them very well ... SOMEWHERE ELSE! Very awkward if it goes awry IF the guy is the controlling type. I know there are laws. Enforcing them effectively is quite another matter. :/

I just think some fact may be conveniently mixed with fiction for who knows what reason, but it happens on here.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 67
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/11/2013 10:07:19 AM
Ohhh PLEASE don't come to my door a half hour early if it's during morning hours!!
No no no no, please no. (other times during the day, okay)

I'm watching the clock and doing just fine with my morning routine, and I will be ready with no problem 10 minutes before I'm suppose to be leaving.

You coming in and sitting here in my living room for an entire half hour really will throw it all off, lol.

But... *sigh*... I'll be nice, smile, and offer you some coffee... to sip alone, because I'm doing what I planned to be doing - my own coffee in my hand, getting ready to go out!

If you chose to sit there and berate me in any manner for not being ready that early?

I'll chose to put your coffee in a to-go cup and send you on your way.
Don't mess with me in the mornings, ha.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 68
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/11/2013 5:25:16 PM


For all he knows, I could be sitting on the toilet.


And, for all you know, it could be Ed McMahon with a cheque for $10 million smackeroos for you, Miss "I don't answer the door before 8:30!"...


Of course it goes without saying that I would be surreptitiously peeking out the bathroom window after I heard the doorbell. If I didn't spot the Publisher's Clearing House van, I would stay put.



He can just be fricking patient and politely wait outside until the agreed upon time---or he can go find himself another woman who's a doormat.


I actually agree with you: patience is a virtue. So is not freaking out over the social malaproprisms of others...


Oh, but it really does depend on what those social malapropisms are, Arlo. They might involve Tabasco sause... lots of Tabasco sause.
 totalrelaxation
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 69
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/11/2013 5:48:11 PM
You are not wrong. I was brought up with manners. I expect that in....anyone that I am with. I would of told him to go home and come back when he got some manners...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 70
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:16:12 AM

(the suave and debonaire Arlo)And, for all you know, it could be Ed McMahon with a cheque for $10 million smackeroos for you, Miss "I don't answer the door before 8:30!"...


(the lovely and witty halcyon_skies)Of course it goes without saying that I would be surreptitiously peeking out the bathroom window after I heard the doorbell. If I didn't spot the Publisher's Clearing House van, I would stay put.


You can see out the front door from your john? Your house must have a pretty interesting lay-out...



I actually agree with you: patience is a virtue. So is not freaking out over the social malaproprisms of others...


Oh, but it really does depend on what those social malapropisms are, Arlo.


Ironic, isn't it?


They might involve Tabasco sause... lots of Tabasco sause.


It's comments like that, that can get you taken off the "Pretty girls who can play with Arlo's bum!" list. I'm warning you...
 boaterguy7
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 71
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:15:21 PM
I don't think you have given enough info. You pointed out that he was early...how? If you "let him have it" for arriving early then I can imagine him firing back (not that that is the right tact on his part). I would have driven around the block or gone to a convenient store for gum or something, but even if I didn't, I certainly would not be expecting a lashing for being a little early. It sounds like you got flustered by being in bed when he got to your house, and you let him know it. I hope you both learned something from this for your future date's sake.
 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 72
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:20:37 PM
^^^ Actually, I agree - I hope they both learned something from this experience. Manners work both ways and in this example manners were lacking with both.
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 73
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 5/6/2013 8:53:03 PM
A pooch is the only thing he will be screwing if he keeps treating women like dirt. No wonder both of you are still on here. You're as bad as the sad losers I waste my time dating. --- curviest


I was waiting for something like this.

This is when the mask falls, when the personality is exposed, and when the projection begins - all the other 'losers' [insert whatever projected term best suits the mood at the time].

It says a lot about you, that you date losers, 'sad' or otherwise.

Why don't you just relax? Stop haranguing people, especially your dates? You picked them. It's all down to you. No one else. Everything you are complaining about is a result of you. Remember that. It has nothing to do with your date. You are creating all of this. Every last dramatic morsel of it.

If you want to be relieved of all this drama, if you want to find out what people are really like, I would urge you to read a book called Awareness, by Anthony de Mello. I have read thousands of books in my time, but this one moves me to the core. It opened my eyes, which I thought were open. Not so. This book is a must-read.

Best wishes
- Peter
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 74
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 5/6/2013 9:19:27 PM
I don't think it showed bad manners. IMO it makes him seem like a control freak. I don't respond well to anyone, male or female, telling me repeatedly what I "ought to do". (other than work with a supervisor telling me how I ought to do something).
At my age, I wouldn't even respond well to my parents telling me what I "ought" to do-though I'd be more respectful in the way I told them to shove it. come to think of it I did do that with them once..all except the shove it part of course...Hey, my mama didn't raise no fools and I wanted to live a little longer.

But you know, it boils down to people being different. I'm a lazy slug. I want to stay in my bed as long as possible. so when I have work or plans for the morning i know exactly how long it takes me to do what. Plus I am not a morning person. I'm trying to change gears from being a lazy slug to something else....Someone who is the opposite of that would probably have a problem with me. It would be something we'd have to work out.
Still, he seems like a control freak, so.. Life's too short for such pettiness
 tnt8
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 75
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 5/7/2013 9:19:14 AM
Control freaks are one of the biggest problems with relationships today.
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