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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 fishundone
Joined: 7/1/2013
Msg: 112
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?Page 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
More times the not the "ought" is on both sides in any drama.
The "oughts" always come with hindsight.
Some people have perfect hindsight when it comes to other's lives.

Though I found throwing the "oughts" back at the 'oughters' often times escalates to the point the "ought" loses it's point.

Cooling down with the "oughts" with a nice "now.." or an "anyways" is better than when oughts get heated.
 justlookinflorida
Joined: 4/2/2013
Msg: 113
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/8/2013 10:25:34 AM
No you're not in my opinion. He was rude and disrespectful for telling you what you "ought" to have done. He was absolutely rude.
 JaiNai
Joined: 7/6/2013
Msg: 114
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/11/2013 10:37:06 AM
I wouldn't consider his showing up early as bad manners, but rather a lack of consideration.
I also would not have been in bed 20 minutes before expecting a date to arrive.
But that's just me.
And I would have shown him to the door once he started arguing with me about anything.

Good manners are not old fashioned. They are timeless. I still expect and receive courteous treatment from any man I happen to be dating.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 115
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/18/2013 12:18:24 PM

(curviest) I'd like to thank Cindy O for her continued good sense in taking on the man who thought I was in the wrong for not foreseeing that my date would turn up half an hour early.


As I am the man in question, allow me to jump in and defend myself:

As I could have anticipated, you have it all wrong and back-asswards. I wasn't saying you were in the wrong for not foreseeing that your date would turn up half an hour early: I said you wrere in the wrong for playing grab-ass on the InterNet, when you *SHOULD* have been getting ready for your date. *RESPONSIBLE* adults do the stuff that will impact others first, then waste time on minmdless pass-times...
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 116
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/18/2013 12:38:50 PM
I have no idea what "playing grabass" is.

Nothing I did "impacted" on him, as you put it.

I would have been outside the front door at 0830 as agreed, because I had booked a cab for that time and I am never, NEVER late for any appointment.

I know exactly how long it takes me to get ready to go swimming because I have been going 2 to 3 times a week for twelve years.

Agreeing to meet someone at 0830 does not entitle them to "own" your time or your actions at any time before 0830. So long as you are there at the appointed time, what gives anyone the right to dictate what you "should" be doing at 0800 or 0810?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 117
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/18/2013 1:06:27 PM

(curviest) I have no idea what "playing grabass" is.


Wasting time on silly irrelevancies.

You're welcome.


Nothing I did "impacted" on him, as you put it.


Laying in bed fiddle-farting around on the Internet meant you weren't ready for your date, which mnopst certsainly *DID* impact him...


I would have been outside the front door at 0830 as agreed, because I had booked a cab for that time and I am never, NEVER late for any appointment.

I know exactly how long it takes me to get ready to go swimming because I have been going 2 to 3 times a week for twelve years.


Getting comfortable with a routine is one thing: getting comfortable with a routine to the point that you freak out and fall to pieces if it's challenged in any way is quite another...


Agreeing to meet someone at 0830 does not entitle them to "own" your time or your actions at any time before 0830.


And, I've said this *WHERE*, exactly?


as you are there at the appointed time, what gives anyone the right to dictate what you "should" be doing at 0800 or 0810?


*shrug* Nothing is more pathetic than a supposed adult who is unable to realize that you have to live with the consequencdes of your choices...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 118
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/19/2013 12:32:58 PM
Who cares if she was fiddle-farting on the internet before her date?
It was scheduled at 8:30. She should be able to fiddle-fart on
her computer until 8:29. From what I read, he invited himself along
and they planned on sharing a cab which arrived at her house across
the street from his house at 8:30.

The OP had a choice. She decided he was rude to arrive 30 minutes
early (and I think he was too)...he decided she needed a chill pill and
left after giving her a lecture IN HER OWN HOME.

The original question was about manners and assuming it's alright
to arrive for an appointment 30 minutes early and expecting to be
welcomed with open arms and coffee or tea. Maybe some people are
okei with that sort of behavior, but the OP is not...and she's entitled
not to be.

She is living with the consequences of her choices...she's not dating him.

But that wasn't the question or the issue.
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 119
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/19/2013 1:43:21 PM
I've read this thread to the best of my ability, and from what I can tell, you weren't prepared to introduce another person to an established pattern. 30 minutes is excessive, but I don't agree with the argument that he was as churl for arriving before 8:30 on the dot. He kind of invited himself along, which you may not have appreciated. Then arrived early and broke up your flow. I agree the "ought to" critiques were out of line, but there was a graceful way to handle them.

I think you're wrong to expect a person to work on the same time table as you from the get go. He's an individual and if you're building a relationship with him, then you'll need to learn to hash that out. He probably wouldn't have arrived 30 minutes early if he'd known it would inconvenience you so much. That's a pretty awful way to start a date.

From what you've said, his major failing was how he handled discovering you weren't ready. If you guys had 2 successful dates, it may be worth it just to see why he felt that was the way to handle things. I wasn't there, but my guess is that more happened if it escalated so quickly.
 Sapphireeyes100
Joined: 5/30/2013
Msg: 120
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/19/2013 2:19:15 PM
From post by curviest on prior page about a salesman, she goes on and on about how someone is invading her space, time effort or energy, without realizing she is the person in control, these men are who you are making a choice to interact with...at all times you have the right to remain ALONE and not interact with them, just because that is all that is willing to interact with you doesn't mean you have to accept it.

Stop playing victim that others are doing such horrible things when the bottom line is is a lack of self respect or esteem to ditch losers before they get this far, if a man is told no but he is allowed to continue then the person who is wrong is not the man--it is you...if you say no...then mean no...if you aren't interested then you say thanks but im not interest and you dont string them along with don't call me Ill call you bullshit. The only possible way a man can call you is if you give him your number, if you do that then you should put his name in your contacts and you know who is calling at 7:20, but then to suggest that if he called after 9 it would have been better shows the mixed signals you are giving. I am bored with my life and want attention from a man to entertain me cause even receiving the wrong attention from the wrong man is better than no attention.



Then I realised that being a salesman is sooo deeply embedded that he was using the same technique of pushiness, of not taking no for an answer, on me! He must be a very good salesman, but a person really needs to know when to switch it off -- in social situations.


Actually that is not a sign of a good salesman, a good salesman answers objections to the point of satisfaction to the client before proceeding otherwise it is a waste of his time to go forward. That is simply a man who was bossy and boring and YOU MADE the choice to continue to talk to him at 7 20 vs saying sorry I was sleeping Ill call you back and then hanging up and now you want to blame him for his actions without taking responsibility for your own. I also doubt the situation is as described and then to call him stupid insensitive and unrealistic when you were the one who wasnt interest but just using him to feel better about the lack of quality contacts from men you are interested in. Who wasted who's time?
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 121
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/19/2013 2:29:33 PM
OP, it sounds as though you did'nt fit into this fellows mold of what his date should be. He must have liked and cared about you because he took the time to let you know what he expected of you. Of course, doing this in a rude and critical way was just his way of showing you just how much these things meant to him. Plus, in so doing it would have left a more lasting impression on you.

The fact that he came to your place early and did all of this simply added to the irritation factor I'd bet. Nothing like being told how to live your life in your own home by a critical date from hell.

I'd say you dodged a bullet OP. He sounds like the type of jerk who would have peed in the pool and try to blame it on you.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 122
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/19/2013 3:31:07 PM
^^^ If indeed the OP experienced the described behavior from her date then I would still say he was rude. And, also that she dodged a bullet.

I have'nt read all of her posts and threads however. She is who she is and rude behavior should be recognized and called out as it happens. Simply for the betterment of society as a whole this should be done. If I were the OP and this behavior was manifested in my home I'd have hit him with a copy of Emily Posts book of etiquette. Then, I'd have politely, but firmly shown this lout the door.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 123
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/20/2013 7:22:42 AM
(browneyesboo) Who cares if she was fiddle-farting on the internet before her date?


First off, Internet addiction is worse than cigarette addiction; it is quite contemptible, and indicative of a lack of self-control. Aside from the issue that it tells a lot about a person's (lack of) self-control... second of all, it reveals a dismaying solipsist attitude, i.e. "I can do what I want, when I want, and if anyone sees a problem with it, theyre double-plus dummy-heads!" Salesmen just love people who are so easily manipulated...

If you absolutely *HAVE* to do it, don't expect others to feel good about it.


The original question was about manners and assuming it's alright
to arrive for an appointment 30 minutes early and expecting to be
welcomed with open arms and coffee or tea.


It's also bad manners to post a one-sided whine.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 124
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/20/2013 7:56:40 AM
1. The original post was really about whether it is okay to arrive 30 minutes early for a date and then natter on about how the person should have been ready. (half an hour early in morning, wouldn't happen for me either).

2. Where did she say she was "fiddle-farting" on the internet? What she said was that she was replying to emails. Catch me 30 minutes early and I might be doing the same thing. It's called working, not internet addiction.

3. Think you have it wrong there, she was at home, 30 minutes before the date was due to arrive. He was the one giving her sh^t for not being ready. So tell me who is the one who thinks they are the centre of the universe?

It is rude to keep people waiting, but you are only doing that if you are not ready at the appointed time. Arrive half an hour early, h3ll I might be in the shower still. Does that make me self-centred? Don't think so.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 125
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/20/2013 9:15:59 AM
[hamilton12345) 2. Where did she say she was "fiddle-farting" on the internet? What she said was that she was replying to emails. Catch me 30 minutes early and I might be doing the same thing.

She might have said she was replying to emails; however, unfortunately for her, I wasn't born last night...


It's called working, not internet addiction.


See my previous comment regarding my birthing time.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 126
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/20/2013 9:35:31 AM
People can suggest to the OP what she should have been doing
for the 30 mins before her CAB was supposed to arrive, but she
doesn't have to do that.

Apparently the guy has a right to arrive 30 mins early, but she
doesn't have the right to be pissed because she doesn't consider
it proper manners. Who cares whether anyone else thinks it's
okei?

And the addiction to the internet posted in here is hilarious.
If everyone in here didn't have an addiction to the internet,
these threads wouldn't exist,

Apparently it's alright to shove our ideas of what the OP should
have done down her throat, but it's not alright for her to "whine"
on a thread.

Jaysus tap dancin kerist at the double standards, irony and just
plain cluelessness in here.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 127
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/20/2013 9:45:35 AM

(browneyesboo) People can suggest to the OP what she should have been doing
for the 30 mins before her CAB was supposed to arrive, but she
doesn't have to do that.


No, she doesn't have to listen to intelligent analysis of her situation, and proper identification of one of the factors involved in her difficulty. However, it's not me or my position that she has a problem with, but REALITY and CONSEQUENCES.


Apparently the guy has a right to arrive 30 mins early ...


Strawman Argument, thy name is browneyesboo. Can you point to ONE MESSAGE that has said anything remotely close to that?

No, I didn't think so.


Apparently it's alright to shove our ideas of what the OP should
have done down her throat, but it's not alright for her to "whine"
on a thread.


*shrug* If you post publicly, you'll get responses you may not like. Tough kitty-toenails.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 128
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/20/2013 10:10:47 AM


Apparently the guy has a right to arrive 30 mins early ...



Arlo: Strawman Argument, thy name is browneyesboo. Can you point to ONE MESSAGE that has said anything remotely close to that?

No, I didn't think so.


How about what you said below.



Curviest: Nothing I did "impacted" on him, as you put it.



Arlo: Laying in bed fiddle-farting around on the Internet meant you weren't ready for your date, which mnopst certsainly *DID* impact him...


She would have been ready at 8:30, she wasn't ready at 8:00 so she was rude and impacted him because she wasn't ready at 8, not at the agreed on time. So while you did say come right out and say it, you implied it.
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 129
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/20/2013 1:39:07 PM
+1

If this situation had happened to me and I was not ready, the friggin POLITE thing to do would be: answer the door, tell him I'm not quite ready but have a seat and I'll be back in a few minutes. I would have offered coffee but it's not necessary. I would have then left him to sit while I got ready. Done and over with.


I'm do wonder what would have happened if the guy was late 5 minutes or was a no show.


the world doesn't revolve around you and you alone.


It sounds like you both were not a good match.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 130
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 11/26/2013 3:38:29 AM
We are in an age where you can't really expect old fashioned manners. This is still the ME generation, I am a victim and what can you do for ME? No one is guilty of anything, no one will admit culpability, how often will you hear someone say they did it?

One of the golden rules.
Rule 6: "Never say you're sorry. It's a sign of weakness."

That's a good reflection of society.

Old fashioned manners is more the exception than the rule. Maybe in some future generation it will swing back to a more mannered society.
 completelyhappy
Joined: 10/3/2010
Msg: 131
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Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 12/9/2013 4:24:49 PM
And why would you want to even discuss with a classless boob like that? Just say don't let the door hit you on the way out" if something simlar ever occurs...

You are a valuable human being and obviously this dude has issues ....

blessings
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