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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > feeling lost and empty      Home login  
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 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 26
feeling lost and empty Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
well i decided to try my best and move on she told me never to text her again but i never got to say goodbye,so i texted her this morning thanking her for everything and that i wish her the best and she will succeed in whatever path she may choose in life,and that she is a great mother and has the most amazing child ever,and that i was sry for messing things up,after i did that i broke down and was a wreck all day at wrk,i so wish i could shut off my emotions and tommorrow is valentines and it hurts even more thinking bout that, i have never had a valentine for the day and this time i thought i might,life sucks sometimes
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 27
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/13/2013 5:19:49 PM
sry for keeping the post going,it helps when i talk about it though,im being really selfish about all of this,her dad has cancer and is going into surgery in a week an d he might not make it ,hes her best friend,and im sure the stress of that and the stress of me isnt helping, i have no idea how she feels right now, i just hopeing for the best for her dad,cause he an awesome guy to,
 Seraphial1
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 28
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/14/2013 6:33:39 AM
I hear you, mine has well and truly moved on, and I started late myself, was 41 when it happended to me. And yes, she would be seeing someone else now, if only to forget you or at least try. One consolation for you is that she is most likely rebounding from you to some other guy and the same mistakes will be made with another heartbroken guy and similar pain for her as well. Just believe in Karma, greive and focus on yourself and family / work.
The more you dwell on this, the worse the pain ... best way to move on is find someone else, like she has most likely done. Cheers mate.
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 29
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/15/2013 1:24:44 PM
ya i hear wat ur saying and i am getting better but i still think about her lots and if shes ok and if ill see her again, i mean i know she said she doesnt love me anymore but same time its hard to just move on like she apparently has.,...this really is the hardest thing i have ever delt with.and i only was with her4.5 months.wtf is wrong with me
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 30
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/16/2013 11:59:25 AM
i know 100 % ill never get her back and i realize that,but i feel like im obssessed with her,i mean im not stalking her i dont text her or message her ,or anything like that.,but i think about her so much ,i just wanna stop,all i think about is the happy times i was with her,the happiest times of my life to be honest.
 Seraphial1
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 31
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/17/2013 8:13:56 AM
Well that is an very important step realizing you will never get her back, and like a wise woman said above in a post, is it really her you are missing or merely the way she made you feel? I have found twice now sure it is to some extent the person you will miss, as every one is different, but more often it is the way they make you feel ... Best thing is to socialise, chat up that woman at the supermarket who always has a bright smile for you when you buy your food, talk to that woman with the smile for you when you do your errands or get your coffee. I am talking to myself here as much as you. It is why people rebound, is truly the only way to move on, find someone else to think about so your memories of your ex will lose their sharp edge and eventually fade to dim shadows of the pain you are feeling now.
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 32
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/17/2013 2:00:20 PM
well my ex messaged me today on facebook,she said shes back with her ex ,i found out it was a week after she left me,also found out shes sleeping with 5 other guys to.She told me the neckless i got her for xmas was fake and it made her feel worthless,i paid over 250 for it.im not a jewelery expert.Made me feel awefull.i said im sry its not real but it doesnt matter the cost it matters that it came from the heart.she called me a loser and told me go fuk myself.i said i am sry for failing her and ill always love her and her child.she then blocked me .now all the hope i had is gone and my heart in ruins again.why are ppl so mean like that.
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 33
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/17/2013 4:19:58 PM
OP......I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

But that being said, better 5 months versus 5 years down the road, or in my case, try being 14 years down the road with your significant other leaving.

She showed her true colors and is now sleeping with every man in town. - Well...let her make a fool of herself......and I'd lay odds she'll try to come back when she sees the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. And if she does....don't go back. never. My ex tried that with me.....and I said no all 4 times.

Do NOT text or email her on facebook anymore. - Better yet, block her phone number or change yours. - Remove or block her on facebook. NO contact. If you feel you need to get your feelings out, then by all means, write a grief letter expressing how you feel - let it all out - but do NOT mail or send it, and read it to a trusted friend, or to yourself in front of the mirror and when you are through, DESTROY IT! I will also go out on a limb and advise you to join a grief group if you need to have a safe place to get your feelings out.

If you are not able to physically move from your current residence, then by all means, redecorate - paint the walls, go to antique malls or estate sales and find nice things for a good price. Make your place your own.

Go back to college and finish that degree you started some years ago. - Trust me, that will keep you busy and when you finish, the sense of achievement you will have will never have a price.

Take your time and don't date or try to get into another relationship for a while, but get out there and find new things to do. Join a sporting league, volunteer somewhere, join a club. Get yourself out of the house. - Trust me, it will be the best medicine. I did all those things and while I did not meet a "romantic interest" I did meet some new and amazing friends that really helped me. Being able to have something positive to look forward to and get out of the house 2 or 3 nights each week did wonders. Still does.

In fact, at the first anniversary of my ex leaving, my new found friends and I actually went to dinner to celebrate how far I had come. - and what a milestone that was at the time. I look back at that time with a great fondness as I was starting to live life and feel human again.

Today, all of us get together about once or twice a month for dinner and celebrate the little and big milestones we all have in our lives.

I know you are feeling pretty raw and a little tough right now, but there IS sunshine at the end of the road and in time, you will see she wasn't the one for you. - For her to go back to her ex and sleep with every guy in town doesn't actually make her the greatest girlfriend.

Right now, you just need time, space, and a good support system and it is my prayer you can find that.

I wish I could give you a hug right now, but I will say if you need someone to talk with privately, feel free to give me an email here on this site and I will be willing to talk with you.
 TPG1956
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 34
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/18/2013 8:22:07 AM
Back off and give her her space, in the end, if you keep at her you'll only wind up pushing her completely away. Give her some time, let her sort things out. After a little time, re approach her and see if she's open for discussing what happened.
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 35
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/18/2013 8:22:15 AM
i know for afact shes with her ex and has been wit h 5 other guys,her sis told me and 1 of her friends,why would i make that up
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 36
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/18/2013 8:38:47 AM
and as for not being able ot handle adult emotions just hard thats all i never been in love before thats all.,this is all new to me,thats why im haveing a hard time with all this,i lost her and her lil girl,i lost 2 ppl not 1
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 37
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/18/2013 6:56:55 PM
i know i need to ,i m just being a idiot,my heart was broken, and im trying ot get over it all still hurts no matter wat she did,cause i loved her with everything i had.
 jermanicus
Joined: 2/16/2013
Msg: 38
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/19/2013 3:31:48 PM
that's good advice
 ronjon714
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 39
view profile
History
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/19/2013 4:59:51 PM
hey man how r you? i hope you feeling better, i know how r you feeling i had a gf for 6 years we were living together for those 6 years and out of the blue she took all her stuff and left, i was really sad for a while even now when i think about her i feel i knot in my chest or something, but you have to let her go brother i know is really hard thing to do, many ppl use to tell me that before "just let her go" but i was the kind of guy that will check his phone every 5 minutes to c if she text me and u know what , she didn't... just keep you head up, try to do new things, hang out w friends but real friends not friends that will tell you whatever you want to hear find one that is really blunt and that will tell you.. DUDE! YOU BETTER CHILL THE F.... DOWN .... she is gone and if she comes back good if not keep on rocking..You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from nesting in your hair. i hope that helps bro...
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 40
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/22/2013 5:36:38 AM
^^^
Oh... my EX-boyfriend is just like that. SURE... behaving like that might make YOU feel better. However, when you finally meet a nice girl who is honestly capable of loving you for the way you are ... you will F@U@K up the relationship by playing games and she'll end up hating you for being an aaa$$$. Good relationships are built on mutual respect and love for each other.

Next time... just avoid the bad girls. You ex sounds like a s*LU*t.
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 41
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/22/2013 1:24:29 PM
The magic is gone now that she caused you pain. --- chattykathie413


That's a myth, a global one, which we have all bought into hook, line and sinker.

I would urge people, even the enlightened among you, with your lists of degrees and education smarts, to read a book called Awareness by Anthony de Mello. I have read some books in my time (more books than I can count) but this has to be the most astonishing book I have ever read.

Let me quote something he wrote in his book from the chapter called Our Illusion about Others:

A young man came to complain that his girlfriend had let him down, that she had played false. What are you complaining about? Did you expect any better? Expect the worst, you're dealing with selfish people. You're the idiot -- you glorified her, didn't you? You thought she was a princess, you thought people were nice. They're not. They're not nice. They're as bad as you are --- bad, you understand? They're asleep, like you. And what do you think they are going to seek? Their own self-interest, exactly like you, of course. No difference. Can you imagine how liberating it is that you'll never be disillusioned again, never be 'disappointed' again? You'll never feel let down again. Never feel rejected. Want to wake up? You want happiness? You want freedom? Here it is: Drop your false ideas. See through people. If you see through yourself, you will see through everyone. Then you will love them. Otherwise you spend the whole time grappling with your wrong notions of them, with your illusions that are constantly crashing against reality. It is probably too startling for many of you to understand that everyone except the very rare, awakened person can be expected to be selfish and to seek his or her own self-interest, whether in coarse or refined ways. This leads you to see that there's nothing to be 'disappointed' about, nothing to be 'disillusioned' about. If you had been in touch with reality all along, you would never have been disappointed. But you chose to paint people in glowing colours; you chose not to see through human beings because you chose not to see through yourself. So you are paying the price now.

It is, indeed, an amazing book. It dispels so many relationship myths -- in a heartbeat. And that's all the time it takes to wake up, a heartbeat.

Alas, most of us fall for the illusion. "You did me wrong." "You promised me. . . " [insert which promise applies at the time.] "You said that you would . . . " And so it goes on. Wall-to-wall illusions. And we fall for them every time.

Wake up, people.


- Peter
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 42
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/22/2013 6:33:13 PM
That's a very interesting passage Peter. It makes a lot of sense, and like it says it's very startling to realise this, when many of us try to see the best in people. --- Gwizard86


Thanks, Gwiz. Really.

I've had this book three times. I lent it out twice and never got it back, so I bought myself a copy from Amazon. I've got it by my computer here on the desk. It won't be lent out again.

Let me quote another passage of Anthony de Mello's book, Awareness, from his chapter called Awareness without Evaluating Everything:

_______________________

When you say of someone, "He's a communist," understanding has stopped at that moment. You slapped a label on him. "She's a capitalist." Understanding has stopped at that moment. You slapped a label on her, and if the label carries undertones of approval or disapproval, so much the worse. How are you going to understand what you disapprove of, or what you approve of, for that matter? All of this sounds like a new world, doesn't it? No judgement, no commentary, no attitude: one simply observes, one studies, one watches, without the desire to change what is. Because if you desire to change what is into what you think should be, you no longer understand.

Do you want to see how mechanical you really are? "My, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing." You feel 'good' hearing that. For a shirt, for heaven's sake! You feel proud of yourself when you hear that. People come over to my centre in India and they say, "What a lovely place, these lovely trees" (For which I am not responsible at all), "this lovely climate." And already I'm feeling good, until I catch myself feeling good, and I say, "Hey, can you imagine anything as stupid as that?" I'm not responsible for those trees; I wasn't responsible for choosing the location. I didn't order the weather; it just happened. But 'me' got in there somehow, so I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good about 'my' culture and 'my' nation. How stupid can you get? I mean that. I'm told my great Indian culture has produced all these mystics. I didn't produce them. I'm not responsible for them. Or they tell me, "That country of yours and its poverty --- it's disgusting." I feel ashamed now. [See how quickly it happens?] But I didn't create it. What's going on? Did you ever stop to think? People tell you, "I think you're very charming," so I feel wonderful. [Another switch of my emotions.] I get a positive stroke (that's why they call it I'm OK, you're OK). I'm going to write a book some day and the title will be I'm an Ass, You're an Ass. That's the most wonderful, liberating thing in the world, when people openly admit you're an ass. It's wonderful. And when people tell me, "You're wrong," I say, "What can you expect of an ass?"

___________________________

This is only scratching the surface, and perhaps I am not citing the best from his book, but Anthony de Mello was one of the wisest, most human human beings ever to walk the earth. Of course, I know he would disagree!

Just as an addendum, reading de Mello's book reminds me of when I was a boy. I was the only child. My parents were in a constant battle with each other, and I was the meat in the sandwich. It was like the siege of Beirut. Basically, I didn't know if I was Arthur or Martha. Anyway, my mother was a very sick woman, and with my father a professional alcoholic and womanizer, I was left to look after my mother. I had to wash her, feed her, dress her, carry her from bedrom to bathroom to living room, and so it went on. I was "a good boy" when I did this, and you could see she was sincere. Later in the week, I may have done something to displease her, and she would say I was the "son of the devil." So, depending upon her mood, depending upon how she felt, depending upon the ceasefire in the battle of Beirut, I was 'good' or 'bad.' My goodness or badness depended on someone else's feelings -- that's all. Think about that.

And so, today, it takes a supreme Corinthian effort to remember that who I am, the essential 'me' in me, has no bearing on other people and what they do or think or say. And when you read de Mello's book, tears come to the eyes, tears of relief, tears of joyful understanding; because there are secrets in this book you won't even hear mentioned at school, primary or secondary or university. There are insights here worth their weight in platinum. I have only scratched the surface to give you an idea of what the book is about.

- Peter
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 43
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/26/2013 8:46:02 PM
its definately gotten alot easier,i dropped off all her stuff the other day that i had for her and her kid,left it on her doorstep.She texted me a few days later and said thnks u didn thave to do that,and i said i wanted u to have it and hopefully itll leave u with a happy memory of me and wat we had.(i included a pic of me and her and her daughter all holding hands).I still think bout her but its way easier now then it was.Thnks for everyones words of wisdom with out u guys id be lost no joke.
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 44
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/3/2013 8:53:59 PM
Not sure why i keep comin back to this forum to talk about how pathetic i am acting but i do anyways,was doin pretty good for a week or so but had a breakdown tonite,just cant stop thinking bout her i know its over and ill never see her or her kid again,all i think about is the happy times,she broke my heart called me names ,left me for an ex and everything yet i still think the world about her and ur lil one,i keep telling my self its not worth dwelling on the past and to shed tears over someone who doesnt for u.i try to forget but shes always on my mind even when i am doing other things.It feels hopeless right now.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 45
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/3/2013 9:40:30 PM
it took me a very long time to heal from a broken heart.
in some ways I feel there will always be a little part missing.
people do take a bit of our hearts if we give them.
but I know he and I are not good together...
and I dont even like his lifestyle.
we no longer fit.

at first I cryed every day and felt absolutely awful.
after a while I did not cry daily..
but I would have times it all came back and I broke down..could be in my car,..
with a freind,...mostly alone in my house.

So I took a suggestion that sounded like it would not work.
it was to set aside a time, maybe an hour,.depending on your needs,....to take to cry..to greive each day...
and then as the feeling passes through...to get up and do something..
go out, cook, clean the house, do a hobby...
to me getting out was best....seeing a freind...
or painting...something that takes focus.

it has not been so long ago that you broke up.
I dont recommend starting a new relationship until you are healed of this one.
really look at it...and come to more self understanding.

I was also lucky because I joined a local support group where we shared our feelings...
I had so much support that I keep going now to help the new people.

I also agree that smiling at those in the grocery store etc..anyone who smiles at you...just smile back...say hello,wish them a good day...say thankyou to the waitress etc. you will be involved with another person and wont think of her at that time. Other people will begin to seem nice and friendly. go for walks or runs.

we dont know what your fight was about. but you do.....so think about that too.
and what you can learn from how the relationship came to be and came to end
when you can learn something...you will be more ready to begin a new relationship.
did you see red flags at first at all?
did you let them slide?

Iam at the point where I can look at photos and smile at the memories.
when I was where you are....I didnt look at photos or listen to sad breakup and love songs.
this too shall pass
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 46
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/3/2013 9:58:18 PM
the fight wasnt even a fight if u ask me she was jus tupset about sumthing.and after loseing them its made me a better person sorta,i look at things alot different now.like how i treat people,i help out alot more.just things like that,but it still hurts,i did everything for them and it didnt matter
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 47
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/7/2013 2:43:24 PM
well after just starting to get things under control and feeling better my ex texts me last nite and i received it this morning, at first i was happy but ,its just playing with my emotions now,it wasnt anything huge just a hello how r u.Is she just playing mind games or trying ot reac hout without saying it,either way my mind is all scrambled again :s.
 ILuvSunshine2013
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 48
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/7/2013 6:35:36 PM
move on with your life. I am sure you will find someone deserves you.

Have you tried working out? I found working out is one of the best way to get through breakup. At least it worked for me.. Whenever I feel sad/lonely/miserable, I hit the gym. So I am getting something positive out of the bad relationship. Best of luck.
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 49
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/7/2013 6:47:04 PM
ya i am getting a gym pass in a week a lot of ppl told me it helps them out alotand makes them feel better about them selves
 galpal664
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 50
view profile
History
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/7/2013 6:47:39 PM
Yep, sure do. Just happened to me too. I was all "in luv" with this dude from here and he decided he wasn't as into me after about 2 months. He was very nasty to me in the end and it hurt my feelings so bad. Keep your chin up and know that everything happens for a reason. I think we tend to look through "rose colored glasses" on these sites when trying to find someone. If you are like me, you are lonely and just want someone nice in your life. Good luck and keep on looking/fishing......CAREFULLY! :)
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