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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > feeling lost and empty      Home login  
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 ronjon714
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 39
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feeling lost and empty Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
hey man how r you? i hope you feeling better, i know how r you feeling i had a gf for 6 years we were living together for those 6 years and out of the blue she took all her stuff and left, i was really sad for a while even now when i think about her i feel i knot in my chest or something, but you have to let her go brother i know is really hard thing to do, many ppl use to tell me that before "just let her go" but i was the kind of guy that will check his phone every 5 minutes to c if she text me and u know what , she didn't... just keep you head up, try to do new things, hang out w friends but real friends not friends that will tell you whatever you want to hear find one that is really blunt and that will tell you.. DUDE! YOU BETTER CHILL THE F.... DOWN .... she is gone and if she comes back good if not keep on rocking..You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from nesting in your hair. i hope that helps bro...
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 40
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/22/2013 5:36:38 AM
^^^
Oh... my EX-boyfriend is just like that. SURE... behaving like that might make YOU feel better. However, when you finally meet a nice girl who is honestly capable of loving you for the way you are ... you will F@U@K up the relationship by playing games and she'll end up hating you for being an aaa$$$. Good relationships are built on mutual respect and love for each other.

Next time... just avoid the bad girls. You ex sounds like a s*LU*t.
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 41
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/22/2013 1:24:29 PM
The magic is gone now that she caused you pain. --- chattykathie413


That's a myth, a global one, which we have all bought into hook, line and sinker.

I would urge people, even the enlightened among you, with your lists of degrees and education smarts, to read a book called Awareness by Anthony de Mello. I have read some books in my time (more books than I can count) but this has to be the most astonishing book I have ever read.

Let me quote something he wrote in his book from the chapter called Our Illusion about Others:

A young man came to complain that his girlfriend had let him down, that she had played false. What are you complaining about? Did you expect any better? Expect the worst, you're dealing with selfish people. You're the idiot -- you glorified her, didn't you? You thought she was a princess, you thought people were nice. They're not. They're not nice. They're as bad as you are --- bad, you understand? They're asleep, like you. And what do you think they are going to seek? Their own self-interest, exactly like you, of course. No difference. Can you imagine how liberating it is that you'll never be disillusioned again, never be 'disappointed' again? You'll never feel let down again. Never feel rejected. Want to wake up? You want happiness? You want freedom? Here it is: Drop your false ideas. See through people. If you see through yourself, you will see through everyone. Then you will love them. Otherwise you spend the whole time grappling with your wrong notions of them, with your illusions that are constantly crashing against reality. It is probably too startling for many of you to understand that everyone except the very rare, awakened person can be expected to be selfish and to seek his or her own self-interest, whether in coarse or refined ways. This leads you to see that there's nothing to be 'disappointed' about, nothing to be 'disillusioned' about. If you had been in touch with reality all along, you would never have been disappointed. But you chose to paint people in glowing colours; you chose not to see through human beings because you chose not to see through yourself. So you are paying the price now.

It is, indeed, an amazing book. It dispels so many relationship myths -- in a heartbeat. And that's all the time it takes to wake up, a heartbeat.

Alas, most of us fall for the illusion. "You did me wrong." "You promised me. . . " [insert which promise applies at the time.] "You said that you would . . . " And so it goes on. Wall-to-wall illusions. And we fall for them every time.

Wake up, people.


- Peter
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 42
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/22/2013 6:33:13 PM
That's a very interesting passage Peter. It makes a lot of sense, and like it says it's very startling to realise this, when many of us try to see the best in people. --- Gwizard86


Thanks, Gwiz. Really.

I've had this book three times. I lent it out twice and never got it back, so I bought myself a copy from Amazon. I've got it by my computer here on the desk. It won't be lent out again.

Let me quote another passage of Anthony de Mello's book, Awareness, from his chapter called Awareness without Evaluating Everything:

_______________________

When you say of someone, "He's a communist," understanding has stopped at that moment. You slapped a label on him. "She's a capitalist." Understanding has stopped at that moment. You slapped a label on her, and if the label carries undertones of approval or disapproval, so much the worse. How are you going to understand what you disapprove of, or what you approve of, for that matter? All of this sounds like a new world, doesn't it? No judgement, no commentary, no attitude: one simply observes, one studies, one watches, without the desire to change what is. Because if you desire to change what is into what you think should be, you no longer understand.

Do you want to see how mechanical you really are? "My, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing." You feel 'good' hearing that. For a shirt, for heaven's sake! You feel proud of yourself when you hear that. People come over to my centre in India and they say, "What a lovely place, these lovely trees" (For which I am not responsible at all), "this lovely climate." And already I'm feeling good, until I catch myself feeling good, and I say, "Hey, can you imagine anything as stupid as that?" I'm not responsible for those trees; I wasn't responsible for choosing the location. I didn't order the weather; it just happened. But 'me' got in there somehow, so I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good about 'my' culture and 'my' nation. How stupid can you get? I mean that. I'm told my great Indian culture has produced all these mystics. I didn't produce them. I'm not responsible for them. Or they tell me, "That country of yours and its poverty --- it's disgusting." I feel ashamed now. [See how quickly it happens?] But I didn't create it. What's going on? Did you ever stop to think? People tell you, "I think you're very charming," so I feel wonderful. [Another switch of my emotions.] I get a positive stroke (that's why they call it I'm OK, you're OK). I'm going to write a book some day and the title will be I'm an Ass, You're an Ass. That's the most wonderful, liberating thing in the world, when people openly admit you're an ass. It's wonderful. And when people tell me, "You're wrong," I say, "What can you expect of an ass?"

___________________________

This is only scratching the surface, and perhaps I am not citing the best from his book, but Anthony de Mello was one of the wisest, most human human beings ever to walk the earth. Of course, I know he would disagree!

Just as an addendum, reading de Mello's book reminds me of when I was a boy. I was the only child. My parents were in a constant battle with each other, and I was the meat in the sandwich. It was like the siege of Beirut. Basically, I didn't know if I was Arthur or Martha. Anyway, my mother was a very sick woman, and with my father a professional alcoholic and womanizer, I was left to look after my mother. I had to wash her, feed her, dress her, carry her from bedrom to bathroom to living room, and so it went on. I was "a good boy" when I did this, and you could see she was sincere. Later in the week, I may have done something to displease her, and she would say I was the "son of the devil." So, depending upon her mood, depending upon how she felt, depending upon the ceasefire in the battle of Beirut, I was 'good' or 'bad.' My goodness or badness depended on someone else's feelings -- that's all. Think about that.

And so, today, it takes a supreme Corinthian effort to remember that who I am, the essential 'me' in me, has no bearing on other people and what they do or think or say. And when you read de Mello's book, tears come to the eyes, tears of relief, tears of joyful understanding; because there are secrets in this book you won't even hear mentioned at school, primary or secondary or university. There are insights here worth their weight in platinum. I have only scratched the surface to give you an idea of what the book is about.

- Peter
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 43
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 2/26/2013 8:46:02 PM
its definately gotten alot easier,i dropped off all her stuff the other day that i had for her and her kid,left it on her doorstep.She texted me a few days later and said thnks u didn thave to do that,and i said i wanted u to have it and hopefully itll leave u with a happy memory of me and wat we had.(i included a pic of me and her and her daughter all holding hands).I still think bout her but its way easier now then it was.Thnks for everyones words of wisdom with out u guys id be lost no joke.
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 44
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/3/2013 8:53:59 PM
Not sure why i keep comin back to this forum to talk about how pathetic i am acting but i do anyways,was doin pretty good for a week or so but had a breakdown tonite,just cant stop thinking bout her i know its over and ill never see her or her kid again,all i think about is the happy times,she broke my heart called me names ,left me for an ex and everything yet i still think the world about her and ur lil one,i keep telling my self its not worth dwelling on the past and to shed tears over someone who doesnt for u.i try to forget but shes always on my mind even when i am doing other things.It feels hopeless right now.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 45
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/3/2013 9:40:30 PM
it took me a very long time to heal from a broken heart.
in some ways I feel there will always be a little part missing.
people do take a bit of our hearts if we give them.
but I know he and I are not good together...
and I dont even like his lifestyle.
we no longer fit.

at first I cryed every day and felt absolutely awful.
after a while I did not cry daily..
but I would have times it all came back and I broke down..could be in my car,..
with a freind,...mostly alone in my house.

So I took a suggestion that sounded like it would not work.
it was to set aside a time, maybe an hour,.depending on your needs,....to take to cry..to greive each day...
and then as the feeling passes through...to get up and do something..
go out, cook, clean the house, do a hobby...
to me getting out was best....seeing a freind...
or painting...something that takes focus.

it has not been so long ago that you broke up.
I dont recommend starting a new relationship until you are healed of this one.
really look at it...and come to more self understanding.

I was also lucky because I joined a local support group where we shared our feelings...
I had so much support that I keep going now to help the new people.

I also agree that smiling at those in the grocery store etc..anyone who smiles at you...just smile back...say hello,wish them a good day...say thankyou to the waitress etc. you will be involved with another person and wont think of her at that time. Other people will begin to seem nice and friendly. go for walks or runs.

we dont know what your fight was about. but you do.....so think about that too.
and what you can learn from how the relationship came to be and came to end
when you can learn something...you will be more ready to begin a new relationship.
did you see red flags at first at all?
did you let them slide?

Iam at the point where I can look at photos and smile at the memories.
when I was where you are....I didnt look at photos or listen to sad breakup and love songs.
this too shall pass
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 46
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/3/2013 9:58:18 PM
the fight wasnt even a fight if u ask me she was jus tupset about sumthing.and after loseing them its made me a better person sorta,i look at things alot different now.like how i treat people,i help out alot more.just things like that,but it still hurts,i did everything for them and it didnt matter
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 47
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/7/2013 2:43:24 PM
well after just starting to get things under control and feeling better my ex texts me last nite and i received it this morning, at first i was happy but ,its just playing with my emotions now,it wasnt anything huge just a hello how r u.Is she just playing mind games or trying ot reac hout without saying it,either way my mind is all scrambled again :s.
 ILuvSunshine2013
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 48
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/7/2013 6:35:36 PM
move on with your life. I am sure you will find someone deserves you.

Have you tried working out? I found working out is one of the best way to get through breakup. At least it worked for me.. Whenever I feel sad/lonely/miserable, I hit the gym. So I am getting something positive out of the bad relationship. Best of luck.
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 49
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/7/2013 6:47:04 PM
ya i am getting a gym pass in a week a lot of ppl told me it helps them out alotand makes them feel better about them selves
 galpal664
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 50
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History
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/7/2013 6:47:39 PM
Yep, sure do. Just happened to me too. I was all "in luv" with this dude from here and he decided he wasn't as into me after about 2 months. He was very nasty to me in the end and it hurt my feelings so bad. Keep your chin up and know that everything happens for a reason. I think we tend to look through "rose colored glasses" on these sites when trying to find someone. If you are like me, you are lonely and just want someone nice in your life. Good luck and keep on looking/fishing......CAREFULLY! :)
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 51
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/7/2013 6:51:39 PM
ya thats all i want is to feel loved,im very lonely right now,put so much into her its all i have ever known to,makes it that much harder
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 52
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/8/2013 8:53:57 AM
Look Im sure that's a cheap shot at me ,I know I need to suck it the fuk up grow a set and move on.just easier said then done.I never thought It would b so hard even after Wat happened.I just feel really alone since she left.she's only love I ever had.
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 53
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/8/2013 11:07:12 AM
Ok ill watch it today
 Genuinerarelady
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 54
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/9/2013 1:01:49 AM
I know this is really hard as many people go through this...your not alone..I kept thinking when someone is taken from you..there's someone better for you in the future...This is not about what you are as a person this is ABOUT HER..sometimes it doesn't matter how great you are as a person..sometimes the other person has issues..
Anyway..I was recommended a book to help me..and it was a lifesaver to me which I kept near my bed and read it whenever I felt down...Its worth buying.." ITS CALLED A BREAKUP because its BROKEN by Greg Behrendt and Amirira Ruotola- Behrendt..its only $ 20.00..I also wrote down how I felt..that way I wasn't off loading on all my friends all the time...Good luck..
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 55
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History
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/9/2013 1:52:03 AM

,not sure what i can do...



Give her all the space she wants,as in walk away. It ain't helping you by being clingy. You miss what she represented,now go and find someone who will fulfill what she didn't want to be.
 Funnylisa1
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 56
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/11/2013 10:33:28 PM
Well I have the perfect solution you need to surround yourself with positive people......your friends....I just helped another friend out......you have to re focus no matter how hard it is....if it is truly love she will come back ...if not it was not meant to be.......hope things get better for you...
 funtobesquare
Joined: 8/15/2012
Msg: 57
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History
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/12/2013 1:59:55 PM
Time heals all , I have been through all that, but the best medicine is to move on and start a new relationship, try to remain more free the next time. If you don't get as much into the other person , for some reason they care more about you. When you ignore the other party, they will begin pursuing you. It usually works, but hang in there, slowly the pain will fade.
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 58
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/15/2013 6:56:58 PM
ion- we broke up cause she said i changed and we argued cause i was watching football,no joke.and she hates her kids father .she left me for the ex just b4 me .lol im over her now,i mean ya i miss her a bit but i dont cry or think about her as much.thats for sure,i looked back at what i wrote on here and was like wtf i was lost and out of touch with reality.
 nirvanawithu
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 59
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/16/2013 10:15:29 PM
Outdoorsguy, don't lay this whole thing at your own doorstep, I had very much the same thing happen to me.

She contacted me here, we met and had awesome chemistry. Dated a few months and she asked me to move in with her and her daughter. Several months went by picture perfect and then the real her came out. She had extreme mood swings, depression, fits of rage, jealousy, started accusing me of things I didn't do, and it became so bad that I told her one day I was no longer her boyfriend. I had no choice but to leave them both and it was heart wrenching.

It was only a few months after we met, that I fell in love with both of them. It happens, you don't typically make the decision, one day you realize it. I know what it's like to drive a kid to school, help them with homework, take them shopping and spend the day as a family. A couple weeks after I moved out, I still dropped Christmas gifts off for them and I've taken them out for diner a few times this year, but it's over for us as a family.

What really happened: She hid the fact she was suffering from PTSD. It may have been bipolar too, not certain but she told me at the end she was diagnosed years ago but wanted to use self control rather than take the medicine her Dr. prescribed. A month or so after I moved in, out came a pipe and her smoking weed. She had left that little tidbit out, although I could tell it helped calm her. My problem was that it became an expensive habbit starting at 7 Am until she went to bed. She also needed an inhaler because of lung problems and she coughed so violently after smoking pot, that I couldn't stand to see her do that to herself anymore. She originally told me she did home health care work, but that didn't happen either, so guess who paid for everything including all of her bills?

I had all of these things and more hidden from me at the start, over time she got tired of acting and little by little it all came out. It's apparent now what she really wanted was someone to pay the bills and take care of them. Even though I apparently wasn't her exact type, she pretended I was and basically used me for her gain. I think the same happened to you.

I don't hate, I still hope they have a happy life. I met someone new that has helped me put the past where it belongs, and also helped me see that you can be with someone that truly does enjoy spending time with you....
 outdoorsguy2099
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 60
feeling lost and empty
Posted: 3/18/2013 11:20:05 AM
ya nirvana i totally hear u, even though im moved on and dont want her back or anything i still hope she is ok and ill always have a soft spot in my hear for her and her kid,its definitly a huge wake up call and i learned lots about being in a relationship and lots about me to ,so i dont regret it just takeing wat i learned and moveing forward
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