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 imNOTyourPrince
Joined: 3/16/2012
Msg: 28
Friend zonedPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
pick up "The Game" by Neil Strauss
grab a romance novel and check out what the guys in those things are like.
Just be a guy. and stop acting like Justin Beiber.
or this guy..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bEDM4bsfWg
 MarksgoneFishing
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Friend zoned
Posted: 2/21/2013 10:34:51 PM
It's all good dude, I practically run friend zone so don't feel too bad. But YES, you definitly need to move on..theirs Plenty of fish (no pun intended) is the sea...people like to think that's just a quote but it's actually quite true...and If you can distance yourself from her..keep yourself bizzy.

I'm also guessing you're not that confident in yourself...some girl gave you some attention and you jumped on it..it's happens. Keep your head up and move on.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 30
Friend zoned
Posted: 2/22/2013 7:11:11 AM
Markus needs to trademark the term "Friend Zone"...lol. I must see several friend zone posts it's ridiculous. I been on both sides of the equation, but I agree with the overall consensus in this thread.

Somewhere out there is a woman who will be into you and vice versa. Life is too short to waste on one who isn't. At least that's the way I feel.
 bbqjudge
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 31
Friend zoned
Posted: 2/22/2013 10:22:55 AM
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the scars to prove it.

I wrote a post almost identical to this a few weeks ago. Best advice I got was forget her, move on, it ain't happening with her. I didn't want to hear it at the time but it's true. I moved on, met a nice woman and things are progressing nicely with her.

I know it's hard, but you know you have to let go. Move on, Dude.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 32
Friend zoned
Posted: 2/22/2013 11:57:15 AM

My advice from me: set dates on which you can contact her. One month from now, you can write. Meantime, write it all in a notebook or laptop. When the date comes, you'll be surprised how much less you care, and so on from fortnight or week to month and year.

That sounds like a very good idea. +1 on this, if OP's still reading.
 shine1274
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 33
Friend zoned
Posted: 2/22/2013 12:19:38 PM
Sometimes it is hard to find the right balance of emotions and reason. The easy path is to let emotion take full control. In this sort of situation it is best to temper your emotions and sort the logic out before going any farther. Yes, it can make you lose sleep and such, but eventually the direction to go in will become clear. And you will retain some dignity in the process.
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 34
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/3/2013 11:51:44 PM
I think the friendzone is just a result of no chemistry or attraction, I would hope it wasn't so much based off behavior.

I would find it odd if the respectable friendly get to know you approach is a complete turnoff and the whole "I'm not going to respect you and play with your emotions" is a turn on. Unless I'm not accounting for some instinctual behavior women possess. A woman once told me that it works out better if you're friends first but it doesn't seem to work out that way much.

As for the OP, it's over! If a woman is not interested she's not interested. Normally I would say if you're friend zoned just treat her like any other friend and move on ( romance is not going to happen down the road like in the movies) but it doesn't sound like she is really one of your friends to begin with.

Move on! Lingering and trying to get with her will just cause you to miss other romantic opportunities. I was in your same situation in high school, obsessing over this will girl that had zero interests in me. At the end of it all it caused me to miss out on girls that liked me.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 35
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/4/2013 6:16:19 AM

It was the 4th date when i went for the kiss and still got denied.

Unless all 3 "dates" beforehand were more daytime lunch-break meetups, if you're having to muster up the courage to kiss the girl on a 4th date, there's usually a reason it'd take a lot: She's not that interested in you.

Apparently I got friend-zoned because I didn't have deep meaningful conversation with her. ... I was supposed to provide advice or personal suggestions and ask her about her feelings; not just provide a sympathetic ear.

Unless you were an ahole to her about it, I don't think that's true. If that was truly the case, "friend zone" wouldn't be the most applicable label -- but more like not wanting to hang out with you at all anymore. If she was denying you beforehand but you were still "going out" with her -- you were wasting your time. She wasn't interested in-that-way. But she probably was for some guidance, etc that she'd expect from Mr Nice Guy -- and if there could have been more -- she'd turn to that. If there was, she'd turn to something else that she sees you like a brother, a friend, helping her through everything. It's certainly not going to be the truth, that she's possibly only semi-aware of (using you for attention, to lean on in the first place).

That "Quit being a wuss and just take her" crap is BS.

Given your situation, I hope you're being sarcastic. :) It's not about keep-trying-keep-trying with the same girl, if she denied you previously. It's just don't wait until the 4th date to kiss a girl. Do Not take her "reason" to the bank. Don't be foolish. Of course, you could have easily been sarcastic due to your comment, so forgive me if I didn't catch it. :)

I think the friendzone is just a result of no chemistry or attraction, I would hope it wasn't so much based off behavior.

Well, behavior can play a role -- but it's not going to be based off a-holish behavior. That wouldn't be friend-zoned, that'd be more like just not even friends...

A woman once told me that it works out better if you're friends first but it doesn't seem to work out that way much.

Yes and no. Not as a staged on-going situation to re-enact when it does work. That rarely works. What does "work" is by happenstance. You're friends within a group, whether it be work or a social group -- and over time, get to know each other, there's sexual tension that slowly builds, and at the right time someone (usually the guy) makes a move. Trying to "re-enact" that is weird.
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 36
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/4/2013 2:43:07 PM
Sounds like you back her text buddy and she got bored. You should have straight up asked her out. Being her form of comfort and secondary entertainment is all you were to her b/c you allowed her to put you in that position.

You acted like a friend in front of her and she placed you in her life accordingly. You should have asked her out immediately to go somewhere. It's entirely up to you to make things progress b/c women like to be coy and subtle when they are into a guy.

The best thing you can do is either accept what your mistakes have done or tell her you don't accept where she has put you and tell her to holler at you when she is single. Either way, you have to allow her to choose.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/5/2013 3:36:12 PM
OP, there is NO WAY out of the friend zone. Take it from one who knows. My entire life has been spent in the FRIEND ZONE, with just about every woman I've ever met.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 38
view profile
History
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/6/2013 12:16:22 AM

Ok so I met this girl over the summer through mutual friends and whatever we chilled only in a group for about the few times we hung out the first few months then one day we exchanged numbers and started texting all the time, I got to really know this beautiful girl who turned out to have an amazing personality and I just fell so hard for her but I didn't do anything about it, & I didn't hide it well either. Real quickly we became close and I still never made a move or came clean about my true feelings or intentions, then one day out of the blue she texts me this long thing about how she knows everything and that she just wants to be friends. My own stubbornness allowed me to think I can change her mind and after a few weeks of frustrated attempts I finally cracked and told her how I felt (I know mistake number one). After that things got a little strained between us and she had spoke to a mutual friend and she pretty much told him I just wasn't her type she later confessed to me that it has more things to do with her then that but she wasn't going into detail with this friend. Well it's been about a month since that all happened and now she's talking to a new guy...all these things are pointing to the obvious answer that it will never happened between us but I am just so crazy about this girl I can't seem to walk away. I honestly feel deep down that we are perfect together and that she will come around but I have no idea what to do.


The only way you can get out of the friend zone is to stop being the guy that's always available whenever she wants to talk or hang out. You need to have your own life with a lot going on and hope she'll want to be part of it. It's never going to happen if you talk to her every day. While you take a break, do something to transform yourself into someone she would want to date. In that process, you might even find new girls that are better because they're into you. Once you reconnect with this girl, don't be afraid to flirt and act like a potential lover instead of the teddy bear that's always there for her. If it fails, it fails, but at least you know how she feels. There's no point in obsessing over it right now.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 39
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/6/2013 6:19:07 AM
OP, there is NO WAY out of the friend zone. Take it from one who knows. My entire life has been spent in the FRIEND ZONE, with just about every woman I've ever met.

Well, if you're awkward around women, you're probably not giving yourself enough chances or care to... but also, such guys are wanting to "lay up" in the friend-zone as they see it, instead of positioning themselves as one who's not interested in that . Guys play the friend-zone route for the avoidance of rejection, with the hopes that at some point she Will develop feelings -- or not -- it's a win-win, if you don't lose, is their line of thinking.

Going the route of being a platonic friend as opposed to the position one can read that you're not at all looking for female friends but you're a friendly, great person is subtle but very different. Much of it is like setting a tone. It's how you posture yourself and the vibe you give off. Much of that is due to what you're really thinking & feeling and comes off natural. But it's also followed up with not positioning yourself to be the gal's shoulder to lean on, the guy who's going to listen to her stuff like a gal-pal -- all when there's essentially no sexual tension, let alone the platonic line solidly crossed yet.

Be social/group friends with women -- don't try to chase a girl in a platonic cloak. If she likes you, she'll cross into an understood non-platonic zone with you if you take that approach, assuming you're decently tactful. The always-friend-zoned guy's problem is:
(a) Fear & avoidance of rejection as a main goal
(b) Finds comfort and a "bronze medal" in being a friend and sees it as "good enough" after he's been conditioned
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 40
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/7/2013 6:01:07 PM
This is simple. Ignore her. She might change her mind d after that. People want what they can't have.

That said. I've been thinking about changing my username. Confident-realist, you gave me as n idea. Ms.Piggy.

So ticked - Just tried and you have to be an upgraded member now to change your name! Lame
 curvesweetblonde99
Joined: 5/7/2011
Msg: 41
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/8/2013 8:37:14 AM
I know exactly how you feel! Me and Johnny Depp would be perfect together too. He is so handsome and has a wonderful personality. After a few weeks of frustrated attempts to persuade him to see how perfect we would be together he has gotten a restraining order on me. I am so crazy for him I can't seem to walk away. I have no idea what to do. As soon as you find the solution of how to force a person who has no attraction to you fall madly in love with you with let me know.
 aanarchist
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 42
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/8/2013 10:33:34 AM
she could've been yours but you lacked the spine/balls/manhood to assert yourself when she opened herself up to you. she gave you her number and all that other stuff you said, practically handed herself to you on a silver plate. when you did nothing for an extended period of time out of FEAR AND COWARDICE, she began to subconsciously resent you for not being man enough to assert yourself. did you expect her to do all the work for you? literally all you had to do was at some point say hey babe i think you're pretty great, we should get together sometime. instead what happened was she got so tired of your superbeta behavior that she called you out on it. in her eyes you're a puppy and not a man, because you act that way around her. next time man up and go for it, women like men, not poodles that they can put in their purse. well ok they do like cute doggies but they won't bone one which i assume was your ultimate goal.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 43
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/10/2013 8:02:00 AM
she gave you her number and all that other stuff you said, practically handed herself to you on a silver plate. when you did nothing for an extended period of time out of FEAR AND COWARDICE, she began to subconsciously resent you for not being man enough to assert yourself.

I think that's great you say that to motivate guys to not be a p*ssy, and to do the wise thing. However, I don't think it was necessarily that situation at all. A lot of times, guys sense she's not into him as she just wanted a guy-friend, which is why they don't make a move. From the sounds of it as he described, it was that type of situation -- and when it was too obvious for too long he liked her a lot, she had to make it clear she just liked him as a friend.

BUT YES, he missed his opportunity, albeit small, to have her look at him in another way, before the friend-zone tone was set. He should have made a move early to avoid that. Small chance when more or less a friend-zone is what the gal had in mind.... but the guy needs to ask himself this: "Do you really want to hang out with her all the time, being in the friend zone? No?" Then stop making excuses about Exact timing. If there's any interest had on her part, no perfect timing or magical, wondrous phrase to captivate her required -- don't be scared of rejection. Holding out won't increase your chances -- that's an illusion masterminded by fear. Make the "move" which doesn't require much at all except for some guts, before things between you and she can be defined as just-friends.

I think the OP needs to realize that establishing yourself in the friend-zone is no bronze medal and is not "partially" getting the woman at all. Quite the contrary, and it's never worth it when you dig them. You can't be 1-on-1 platonic friends with a gal you're into and be happy, you're just torturing yourself.
 rosewood_girl
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 44
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/10/2013 5:50:21 PM
Have you slept with her? If she hasn't even slept with you, I can pretty much tell you right now that nothing you do will make her change her mind. She isn't attracted to you, simple as that. I have been friendzoned before, but I actually slept with the guy numerous times until he told me we were nothing but friends. I decided to keep the friendship cause I enjoyed his company and still was sexually attracted to him. I have also put guys in the friendzone, but when I do, I don't sleep with them. There is a connection, but just a friendly one. If she isn't attracted to you, there is nothing you can do. You can either keep and enjoy the friendship and learn to accept the fact that she will date other men, or you can move on and find someone that will like you for who you are.
 Elektrified
Joined: 10/28/2013
Msg: 45
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/14/2013 2:02:45 PM
You'll get over it. Maybe not right away. You may need to vent your frustrations out, whether it be to her or to us. You have your answer though. At least she didn't beat around the bush. She doesn't deserve your effort. Just take the time you need to get over her and move on.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/14/2013 3:06:47 PM
OP, if you keep hanging on to this delusion that she will ever let you out of the "friend zone", her friendship will likely turn to irritation. Best to just move on.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 47
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/15/2013 6:18:24 AM
I've had female friends who told me, "I don't sleep w/ friends" who ended up getting me into their bed, so I can tell you, the "Friendzone" is as much myth as the idea we only use 6% of our minds (our heads wouldn't give off so much heat if that was the case). If a woman's hot for you, she'll chase you as much as you are chasing her. If she's lukewarm about you and feelin' lonely at a particular time, she'll chase you then but stop when she finds someone she isn't lukewarm about.

and if she never had more than a platonic interest? then there's nothing you can do to make her think otherwise. she took the initiative to put you in your place. normally, i'd point out she can't miss you if you never disappear. but in this case, i'd say disappear just so you can get her out of your head. YOU think the two of you would be perfect (maybe b/c of how you'd feel about yourself if she found y0u attractive), but she doesn't agree with you. she knows what would be perfect for HER.

time to move on. you won't find a better fit for you, until you begin looking for one. the sooner you start, the sooner you find her, and get over this one.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 48
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/15/2013 9:09:59 AM
I've had female friends who told me, "I don't sleep w/ friends" who ended up getting me into their bed

Yes, but did they Friend Zone you? Merely not wanting to get involved doesn't necessarily mean they're Friend-Zoning you. Merely pointing out they don't want to dip their pen in company ink or social-group ink doesn't mean they Friend Zoned ya either.

the "Friendzone" is as much myth as the idea we only use 6% of our minds (our heads wouldn't give off so much heat if that was the case)

What you're pointing out is saying one thing, but feeling another. When a girl friend-zones you, it's how she feels about you. She can have the hots for a guy who's a social/group friend, but has a BF. She hasn't "friend-zoned" the guy... she just can't cross the boundaries. Or she has another rule in her own life due to past drama -- don't hook up with someone who's in your social group (ie friend) -- but hey, she likes him, and gives in at some point.

I agree don't purely go by what they tell you. From what you said, I'll take something a bit more relevant: "Words are only 7% of communication." Hence, it's very easy to say one thing but feel/want another underneath it all. Which people can many times read.

if she never had more than a platonic interest? then there's nothing you can do to make her think otherwise.

That's a Friend-Zone. It's an emotional thing, how they feel about ya, not a mere "this would be the right thing to be" position.
 ae86drift
Joined: 10/21/2013
Msg: 49
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/23/2013 1:24:23 PM
Friend zone sucks, you should just tell her wussup baby? let's get it on.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/23/2013 1:54:21 PM

I agree don't purely go by what they tell you. From what you said, I'll take something a bit more relevant: "Words are only 7% of communication." Hence, it's very easy to say one thing but feel/want another underneath it all. Which people can many times read.


That's true. I think a lot of people forget that people also change their minds like the mind. One day, a person is obsessed with working out and wants to be a personal trainer, and next week they want to get into banking. The same goes for dating. That's why you can have a good first date but a cancellation on the second date.
 DomLS1
Joined: 12/18/2009
Msg: 51
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/27/2013 12:13:00 PM
Sorry bud, there's pretty much nothing you can do. Once a girl has friend zoned you, it doesn't matter if you show up to her doorstep every single night with flowers and a serenade by Brian McKnight himself.. she's going to say "Aww thats so sweet thank you" then shut the door and completely forget it ever happened. You've basically become a complete non sexual entity to her... much like her own brother.. or a lamp. The other problem with being in the friend zone is that when you're showing affection to them, it disgusts them, because they are not attracted to you. Don't listen to these idiots who say "Be a man and go get it," because it's not going to happen. Save yourself the agonizing shot to your pride and let it go. The best thing you can do is move on, and one day in 15 years and has been treated bad enough, she might give you a chance.
 nanshe
Joined: 10/27/2013
Msg: 52
Friend zoned
Posted: 11/27/2013 5:53:30 PM
As a woman, I can tell in the first few minutes if I like a guy or not. If I don't like him, chances are I will never like him no matter what he does and everything he will do to try to get me to like him will just disgust me. I have 3 female siblings and all of them have the same opinion. I am harsher because I will tell the guy straight out that there is no chance. But some women are like my sisters and would try to gently break their heart. She's one of those. Walk away now, believe me it's not worth it.
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