did not speak Hebrew if it lived in Rift Valley Africa
I'm sure you are attempting to make humor yet there is an interesting observation to be noted, Amharic, Tigre and Tigrinya and some other East African languages such as Ge'ez are very much related to Hebrew. They are all Afro-Asiatic languages. According renowned linguist Joseph H. Greenburgh, the Hebrew language is an off shoot of the afro asiatic branch of African languages, to be more specific it is a part of the Canaanite sub group of the Afro Asiatic branch of African languages.
On topic, the OP has made many valid points and a sound argument.