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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???      Home login  
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 last chance creek
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 51
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Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I have worked in Sun City, Az for 28 years and have seen so much of this. One woman I knew had 3 people in her life and ended up taking care and burying them all. I remember her crying and asking who is going to take care of me. One thing I have learned from these seniors is enjoy your life while you live it.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 52
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:45:46 PM

But I do have 3 grown children who love me a lot and they'd step in and take over if I ever got dementia and couldn't deal with life alone as well as I am now.


My father died a long time ago and my mother eventually remarried. She married a widower who has 3 grown daughters who have their own families now-my mother was in her 60's and he was about 10 years older. Two of the daughter live about a 45 minute drive away and the third lives about 2 hours away. But they visited quite often for birthdays and holidays and sometimes just to visit. It seemed like a close loving family and they all seemed to love my mother and started calling her mom. After almost 10 years of being married, my stepfather got cancer and it quickly spread and he ended up dying after a short hospital stay. He was as stubborn as a mule and refused to go to the doctor when he started getting symptoms until it was too late.

My mother was in the hospital by his bed side when he died. She called me from the hospital about an hour before he died and said his time is almost up , so I immediately went down there-about a 1 1/2 hour drive for me and stayed there for a few days with her. When I got to the hospital, I asked if she called his daughters. She said yes, she called them right after calling me, and I asked "What did they say? Why aren't they here?" When my mother called and told them, each daughter said to my mother: "Let me know when the funeral is, so I can arrange to get the time off of work." At that point, he wasn't even dead yet. None of them took time off work to grieve or to help make funeral arrangements. My mother made the funeral arrangements and planned a dinner after the funeral at a local restaurant. The daughters and their families showed up for the funeral and dinner, then left and went home right after.

So thinking your kids will look after you when you're old and frail doesn't always go according to plan. I don't know what would've happened if my mother wasn't around and if he was still single and living on his own.
 awesomecatch2
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 53
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:16:56 PM
Malemann Your exactly right...

Sadly with as many people on here think that their children or friends will take.care.of them
it doesnt work.out that way more than you think:/
Ive seen many families start out as being supportive but you have no idea how hard.it actually is
taking care of someone.

I have two.patients both living with their.daughters. The one patients daughter is a nurse and is honestly
at her wits end taking care.of her mother because she is a harder patient...My other patient is a little
easier, but her daughter stilll have to keep up with her medical costs, finances, taking care.of her when Im.not there.

In both those cases its extremely hard...If anything MY ONE WORD.OF ADVICE EVERYONE IS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
SAVE NOW FOR YOUR FUTURE MEDICAL NEEDS BECAUSE MEDICARE DOESNT COVER BARELY ANYTHING...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 54
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:25:40 PM
Well, we'll never be alone so long as we have friends and family. Alone is isolated - few of us will be at least most of our lives. Having someone around to be sure someone's taking care of you seems like a bad reason to get involved. If it happens as a bonus, that's fine. Having an SO or spouse doesn't guarantee companionship or ensure you won't be lonely. If you're OK with growing old either way but open to someone coming along - that's the best mindset.

I agree with you on never being too prepared for retirement or medical expenses, though.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 55
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:36:30 PM
I'd rather die alone than with the wrong person
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 56
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:38:35 PM
JGirlSD---- I think the problem with this site is that it has alot of flakes on it! No screening process, any Tom,****or Harry can create a profile and well look for easy hookups.

If u really want to meet someone, ur gonna have to pay to meet nice guys. Try eharmony. A friend of myne met a guy on there and now are married with a kid! And they are perfect for each other.

Yes these dating sites cost money, but it's worth it in the end.

I was on it and I was a paid member too and honestly, my problem was that I wasn't getting enough matches cuz they weren't many brown guys on there. When in actuality I wasn't interested in brown guys to begin with and that's wat the site was matching me up with!

U'll have a better luck than me for sure!
 a_lonewolf
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 57
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:42:43 PM
^^^** we interupt this commercial for our regularily scheduled forum**^^^
 JGirlSD
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 58
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:43:43 PM
Thank you for the advice...I tried eharmony..they told me I was 'unmatchable' and gave me my money back! It seems that I was weird because I wanted to meet men in my own state. They wanted me to match with men in New York or the mid-west.

Im not sure..internet dating seems to not be a good thing for me.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 59
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:50:02 PM
^^ Haha no way! I had a similar experience with Eharmony, I had like 2 matches in the whole province, but a friend who joined at the same time was totally inundated with matches, lol..
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 60
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:53:33 PM
eHarmony - completed the questionnaire and six years later still no matches. Glad I wasn't holding my breath.

As for the OP's question, as you can see from my first paragraph (and this is not the only case), I have a valid concern.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 61
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 11:14:28 PM
I dont worry about it.I expect it.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 62
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 2:29:55 AM
Oh heck no--I worry about LIVING alone--I worry about not having someone NOW to experience life while I am able to go out and do things--

I never really got that whole OLD thing together cause if you ask any one who lost a spouse--they are now alone--so only one gets cared for--I would much rather find someone now who is healthy that we can LIVE--not grow old--not that I don't want a long lasting relationship--I figure one day we would just wake up and be old but we would have had so much fun getting there that being old would just be another fun adventure
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 63
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Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 3:37:33 AM
So, is there really NO lady on here who would consider living out her old age with another woman (not necessarily in a physically lesbian way)?

Seems like a good idea to me, cannot believe only one woman on here even addressed the question.
 awesomecatch2
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 64
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 4:10:12 AM
GIGGLES:

Oh heck no--I worry about LIVING alone--I worry about not having someone NOW to experience life while I am able to go out and do things



THIS was PERFECTLY said!!!! Im still hopeful for finding someone now, its just being able to have them stand by my side for the rest of my life or theres....seems to be an absolute rareity now..



We live in a VERY ME society. When things get hard in relationships, people rarely stay :/
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 65
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 4:27:50 AM

The reason I was thinking about this is because Im 38 now and have worked with elderly
patients for years. Most have been widowed or alone..but I have also had the happiness of
seeing people with caring supportive spouses who took care of them until their dying day..

Since I have never been married and have an everyday reminder of how precious life is..I do think.of
things like this.
As Im sure everyone else can agree....theres so many people saying they d rather be alone...well thats not me. I want marriage and hopefully
a lifelong happiness and love..


It's likely that most of us will die without a spouse or an SO around since one of us n the relationship will go first.
Having said that, it would be good to have a spouse or an SO until that happens.

My parents and grandparents etc have been my best examples. My parents are showing me by example what comes with aging and caring for one another. They have an agreement that one will take care of the other at home as long as they can when the time comes. They've had illnesses and a couple of health hiccups and are fully aware that at any time life can change things. So they have a big time NOW with each day that they've been given.
They're well aware that one will die before the other and have planned for it. But they live for today and have gratitude for one another. They have more appreciation for having one another in their lives each day and get more sappy with time ;)
I want the same thing, but I'm good to go if I don't have it if I live to be old.
I was on my own a long time before I found my current SO. It's likely that most people will be alone ( again) even if they marry or they are in a LTR, but great to be in a relationship unless and until that happens.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 66
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:02:23 AM

So, is there really NO lady on here who would consider living out her old age with another woman (not necessarily in a physically lesbian way)?

Seems like a good idea to me, cannot believe only one woman on here even addressed the question.

Totally...I'd absolutely consider the Golden Girls thing. Might be fun!
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 67
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:23:51 AM
Even if you are in a LTR with the love of your life right on up into old age, one of you is going to go first. My parenets were in their early 20's when they got married.
My dad died in '06.......my mom is now 85 and with the except of family and church, she is "alone" now....and still driving and living on her own!
I mow her lawn and take care of snow removal.......my sister visits with her the most... does errands for her when the weather gets bad.....my brother always has Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner for everyone to be together for her.

Having a significant other for all of the right reasons would be great........but there are many ways to have an enjoyable life if you should never make a connection. For me, "alone" and happy is MUCH better than being in a miserable relationship ...been there...done that! lol
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 68
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Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:48:24 AM
Thank you W-I-P for replying to my point.

You see, many older women (in their 50s, 60s) worry about being not having companionship and someone to love/look after/care for them and keep them company, share living expenses - and all those things vice versa, of course. Getting a penis inside them isn't at the top of the list of priorities, maybe not anywhere on that list. In which case, why does it HAVE to be a man?

Women live longer and are more nurturing, seem to give and love and care for people more than men. So, taking sex out of the equation, a female partner may well be a better prospect than a male one.
 THEMEPACK
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 69
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:49:23 AM
My best friend and I will probably end up cohabitating on my Hobby Farm, we have had many discussions on the matter....she doesn't mind getting up early and shoveling horse shit....we have known each other forever and I want to leave my estate to someone. We are like a married couple we just don't sleep together, never have never will. The trust and companionship is unrivaled.
 awesomecatch2
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 70
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:55:05 AM
CURVIEST:

I think.its a BRILLIANT idea!!!! My thing is, how would you even go about doing something like that
Itd be a great way to buy a house and rent it to a few Older gals and keep eachother company and play card games lol.
 JGirlSD
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 71
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:57:28 AM
It's funny, my girlfriends and I thought about buying a big house and living together like the Golden Girls..! But then one by one they all met guys..and here I am! I do think that's a great idea though.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 72
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Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:22:35 AM
OMG card games! I would LOVE that! I'd love to live by the sea with three or four other ladies, and a few cats and a dog or two... playing card games, wow.. and chess, backgammon, and some would knit and crochet, and we'd each wear a handknitted woolly hat in the winter. And some would paint, and others would mend old motorbikes. We'd all be nurturing and caring because nature made us that way, and cos most would have raised families and knew how to love, and many would have put many decades of love into men without getting much back.

And those who still want "sex" can retreat to their rooms and play with their toys and look at photos of George Clooney or Mick Jagger lol.

Sod the men. Let's go for it, girls! Where do we start? I'd even move to the USA if I could secure this wonderful lifestyle.
 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 73
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 8:57:56 AM
I just heard about this book on the John Tesh radio program this morning... "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" by Lori Gottlieb. It is not a recent book. In terms of this thread, it might be worth checking out.

As far as being alone, each person comes in to this world alone, and exits the world alone. It is the interval in between that we are discussing. Each individual will have to decide what is needed in order to get through this life (i.e. do you need someone to hold your hand) and then make sacrifices to make it happen (e.g. perhaps settling for Mr. Good Enough). Everyone has to make decisions, but many of us like to live in a dream world (like the world of POF forums). I say this because I find it hard to believe that the OP has trouble meeting eligible guys (but then, I am not a good looking woman that has to fight off the viking hordes). The bottom line... one is only as alone as he/she wants to be.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 74
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 9:06:05 AM


Oh heck no--I worry about LIVING alone--I worry about not having someone NOW to experience life while I am able to go out and do things

THIS was PERFECTLY said!!!!

Agreed, that's what it's really about. Then later, if we're not the first to pop our clogs, we have the comfort of having had that.

Totally...I'd absolutely consider the Golden Girls thing. Might be fun!

So would I. One of the first people I met in my new area is a woman my age who lives with her adult sisters, all of them single. It's like something out of an Austen tale... and it's lovely. They're all very happy together.
 lowmiles2
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 75
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/12/2013 9:19:37 AM
Abbeygirl58.... I assure you that growing old alone is not in your future. Let me know when you decide to settle down.
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