Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > cant take rejection?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 26
cant take rejection?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
You're missing the point of the thread Outmind, its not about owing a response to a message, my question was and its to those who face rejection
Why do you want someone to respond to you regarding why they rejected you in the first place? It wasn't about ME complaining about rejection because I dont give a rats ass about it, 2) Im seeing someone so its doesn't apply to me, I was asking a question


My apologies to you, I can clearly see your original point to be about the other angle on this overdone argument. I understand your point.

My response above is not about you, but to Rockstar. However, as you have seen others have taken it as a pulpit to call those that do not respond cowards and so forth.
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 27
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/14/2013 7:08:33 PM

And yet, you hear the stories over and over again of women that started by sending the "no thanks" message, and the guy took it as a permission to keep trying until things escalated to a "You b it ch!" type of message. And the woman learned that "no response, IS a response."


Oh, I don't want to hear that one anymore. 9/10 times the girl was just as responsible for that reaction as the guy was. If it was THAT common, you'd see it all over the place out in person. The problem is people are on the internet, hiding behind a computer, and just lack that "off switch"... yeah, the girls included.

Also, we're not a match, or I'm not interested, without some form of back and forth communication, it's all looks. Just like a woman is free to flip out on me for only talking to her because I want to get her naked, then guys should be allowed to flip out when he was too ugly for her to talk to.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 28
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/14/2013 7:14:28 PM
I do try to respond to the messages I receive unless they are crude or offensive. That is just me. I also try to give a respectful response saying I dont think we are a good match. I dont no think being rude and saying anything personal about another would be helpful and I also personally believe if someone takes the time to write me, its my polite way of saying thanks, but no thanks. The only thing I find offensive and rude is after meeting someone, just flaking and not at least sending a thank you note. I find that plain rude, but I know I can not change anyone and I have to accept the fact others do not necessarily believe the same as I do.
 Divine-Diamond
Joined: 2/11/2013
Msg: 29
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/14/2013 7:56:44 PM
I personally don't see anything at all strange about being rejected here. Firstly, it isn't rejection at all...it's called filtering. We all are selective. But just because someone seems like someone we want very much to get to know, that person may have a completely different idea.

That said, could you imagine, in the real world...actually walking around having so many people coming at you saying, "well? are you interested? or not?" and having to respond to every single one? Exhausting and highly unrealistic.

There is something very odd about having so many people's attention online. It is impossible to respond to all of them. It is NO way diminishes the quality of a person for needing to "filter."

I fear approval seekers are doing themselves a disservice by putting so much stock into one person's lack of response, or many for that matter. The odds are no better here than bumping into the proverbial love of your life at the mall on any given day.

Fearing rejection in this arena? Positively self-sabotage.
 Deepseaceecee
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 30
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/14/2013 9:26:52 PM
They have problems so just delete them and ignore them.All sorts on here and not every one is stable or normal. Men are just the same but I agree no response means not interested.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 31
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/14/2013 9:58:32 PM
I really have no problem getting rejected from people I don't even know. They didn't like my profile, my pictures..blah blah..I move on. I don't like being rejected from people who do show an interest with me at first, and then dissapear into thin air.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 32
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/15/2013 7:10:32 AM
I don't need to know the exact reason why a woman wasn't interested after the initial email or even after a few dates. A simple "we are not a match" or "there was no connection" is okay. Even I did ask for the exact reason, chances are she won't respond or she will say something that is not the honest reason why.


And yet, you hear the stories over and over again of women that started by sending the "no thanks" message, and the guy took it as a permission to keep trying until things escalated to a "You b it ch!" type of message. And the woman learned that "no response, IS a response."


I don't care if a woman says "no thanks" or doesn't respond to the initial email when she's not interested. However not replying doesn't always prevent rude messages. Some women told me they got messages such as "You think you are too good to respond me....you ugly stuck up b!tch" when they didn't reply. A woman could reply, then unread / delete any future emails or block a man to prevent nasty arguments.
 MrFlirt101
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 33
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/15/2013 3:58:34 PM
I think it may be fairly obvious that people do not like to experience rejection....period.
The feeling of rejection can be gotten over however the option of"no response" may be interpreted differently.

In real life when we interact with people we have a number of cues that guide us as whether the person is in to us or not and the feedback is immediate however these websites create a "lag" and that creates a problem for the brain because it doesn't really know how to react.

If you study some neuro-psychology and social psychology you might get a better perspective on why people act they way they do.


Cheers,

Paradox
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 34
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/15/2013 4:59:36 PM
You all gotta remember, the people on this sites aren't ONLY the anti-social anymore. You gotta realize people come here from the offline world. Out in person, not responding, ignoring the fact that someone is talking to, avoiding a yes or no on someone asking you out, is considered rude.

It shouldn't be a surprise that when the people who are used to that world come here, that they'd expect people to actually turn them down through a response, not silence. That's probably the first thing most people notice when they come here... That they don't get responses. There's not exactly a warning about how these sites work.

We're conditioned into this idea of I say something to you, you say something back. Silence just isn't how interaction naturally works for us offline.

And the psychotic responses... Has anyone taken the time to stop and think why the stories about that are so widespread? Why are people flipping out so common? There's more to the story, there's something we're missing.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 35
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/15/2013 5:09:39 PM
^^ Have you never been given the fade?

You know, where the person no longer wants to date you, but they don't have the guts to tell you.. so they just fade into oblivion and never talk to you again?

Many people have.

And they survived too.

I have had men not answer my message.. who cares? I've never even laid eyes on them before.. I can't imagine my ego being so weak that something so utterly minuscule would actually matter in the grand scheme of things.
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 36
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/15/2013 5:13:11 PM
That fade is one person, and it typically ends with being told off by the other one.

That's an entirely different world than everyone you try to talk to just ignoring you... 1 person vs 50 is kind of a little culture shock.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 37
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/15/2013 5:30:57 PM
No kidding its an entirely different world, its someone you actually dated!! Not a stranger you've never even laid eyes on, lol..

If you routinely get no response, there's clearly something lacking in your bait. Don't blame the fish for not biting, lol..
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 38
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/15/2013 6:10:50 PM
I agree, why would you be offended that someone you never met didn't reply to your email? You don't even know the person..lol. I do get offended if I have been dating the person, or slept with them and they suddenly fade away. It's like thanks for wasting my time.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 39
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/16/2013 10:56:00 AM

It shouldn't be a surprise that when the people who are used to that world come here, that they'd expect people to actually turn them down through a response, not silence. That's probably the first thing most people notice when they come here... That they don't get responses. There's not exactly a warning about how these sites work.

We're conditioned into this idea of I say something to you, you say something back. Silence just isn't how interaction naturally works for us offline.
Yeah but Online and Offline are two different animals one set of rules do not fit all, I run a successful business that doesnt mean I can run a Professional Baseball club, one has nothing to do with the other.

Ive had psycho responses for simply not responding or politely declining their request to get to know them and its wasnt anything rude I said, there are people out there that cannot take rejection and lashes out.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 40
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/16/2013 11:45:12 AM

If you routinely get no response, there's clearly something lacking in your bait. Don't blame the fish for not biting, lol..


Many men get a low percentage of positive replies to their initial emails. Doesn't always mean they are doing something wrong. That is often the nature of online dating.
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 41
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/16/2013 12:56:39 PM
I'm not sure why people would want to wake up to an inbox full of "no thanks" emails. I think if someone waved a magic wand and everyone replied with "no thanks, not my type" etc. all the people who complain about no response would realize they were lucky.
 roadrunner2525
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 42
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/16/2013 4:22:53 PM
I wouldn't say I can't take it because I eventually just move on but the problem isn't really rejection it's the whole idea that you don't even know if the person is around. You start thinking how busy could they possibly be. Now it's different if you pay for pof service that allows you to see if someone read your message, that use to be free. Anyway I do think if someone was not interested they could eliminate all other possibilities by simply saying sorry not interested. They wouldn't get any hate mail from me. If anything they would get ok, thanks for replying.I know that means one more message they have to delete. I hate making anyone work that hard.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 43
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/16/2013 4:25:05 PM

why is it important to you that the person you send a email to and isn't interested in you and you want them to send you email back saying why they are not interested in you?
I don't see it that way. I reply to all messages because it's the polite thing to do and because my father raised me to be a gentleman by setting an example I could follow. I think if someone shows an interest in your profile you should send a "thank you" note and wish them well in their search. It doesn't take much time to be polite. Just like it doesn't take much effort to smile instead of frown in your profiel photos. I think there would be a lot fewer complaints in the forums if people would be more considerate of each other. OP, why not start by setting an example?
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 44
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/16/2013 6:16:40 PM

I don't see it that way. I reply to all messages because it's the polite thing to do and because my father raised me to be a gentleman by setting an example I could follow. I think if someone shows an interest in your profile you should send a "thank you" note and wish them well in their search. It doesn't take much time to be polite. Just like it doesn't take much effort to smile instead of frown in your profiel photos. I think there would be a lot fewer complaints in the forums if people would be more considerate of each other. OP, why not start by setting an example?
I used to be polite and send messages when I first joined, I even posted my pics and received lots of messages, but it wasn't from quality people and I used to send out polite declines until some got real nasty and was wasting my time, then I blocked a few only to have them re appear under another name and start with the same crap.

So now I dont bother sending a message if im not interested but now Im seeing someone and the profile is hidden.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 45
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/17/2013 6:49:14 AM
Personally, I don't see a "no response" in response to initial messages as rejection, whether I do it or somebody else does it to me.

Nobody owes anybody anything on here, especially when there is no relation that has occurred, none what-so-ever. In real life, I don't always offer a hello if one is given to me, if I don't feel comfortable in doing so, nor am I obliged to do so, nor do I have to explain my method of reasoning in doing so. I will never explain my reasons (if any) for a no response, nor do I owe them, nor do I command them.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 46
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/17/2013 10:36:35 AM

Nobody owes anybody anything on here, especially when there is no relation that has occurred, none what-so-ever. In real life, I don't always offer a hello if one is given to me, if I don't feel comfortable in doing so, nor am I obliged to do so, nor do I have to explain my method of reasoning in doing so. I will never explain my reasons (if any) for a no response, nor do I owe them, nor do I command them.


I have seen some women with this type of attitude in the "real world". I would say hi to them and sometimes they would give me a dirty look. Unless a person did something bad to me or my friends or family, I would say "hi" in response to their "hi". I would keep walking or move along if I didn't want a long conversation with them.
 SuperFunGuy
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 47
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/17/2013 11:19:13 AM
Simply put, if anyone is on a dating site and can't take rejection. They shouldn't be on one or any in the first place.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 48
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/17/2013 1:17:41 PM
Sometimes it takes some people several days to reply back, even if they show as being online. So instead of jumping on someone for not replying back, wait it out. If they never do reply back, then their loss.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 49
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/17/2013 1:25:03 PM

Sometimes it takes some people several days to reply back, even if they show as being online. So instead of jumping on someone for not replying back, wait it out. If they never do reply back, then their loss.
coderedjulia again this isnt about jumping on peoples back for not answering the question is " If you are being rejected why do you want the person to email you back on why they rejected you in the first place?"
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 50
view profile
History
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/17/2013 3:16:50 PM

Oh, I don't want to hear that one anymore. 9/10 times the girl was just as responsible for that reaction as the guy was. If it was THAT common, you'd see it all over the place out in person. The problem is people are on the internet, hiding behind a computer, and just lack that "off switch"... yeah, the girls included.


Bull hockey. I do some "modding" in another site, and I see sets of conversations every day, in which a guy makes an attempt, the gal POLITELY says no thanks, and the heretofor "nice" guy comes back with vile accusations and vindictive, slanderous obscenities. The "nine times out of ten" goes the other way.

As to why you don't see it as much in person, that's due to the very different dynamic of in-person situations, not to "real life" being a better measure of online behavior than actual online behavior.

You just don't know whereof you speak, lad.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > cant take rejection?