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 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 71
cant take rejection?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Like, are women supposed to 'give him another chance' based on pity after he's spazzed on her? That's almost what your arguments here sound like.


Seriously, do you EVER actually read the entire post, or do you just see a sentence and assume you understand what the whole thing is about? You seem like you're constantly just completely missing the point.

Where did I ever say that the women should give the guy another chance? This is about verbally rejecting someone vs saying nothing at all. Basically it's about HOW she rejects the person, not IF she rejects the person. Saying that all these external factors could be the reason that the guy flipped out, and because of those external factors that it's unfair to just assume that every guy is going to act like that, and just refuse to ever actually tell a guy you're not interested instead of hiding behind silence.

But clearly, from over a year of going through this with you, it was way too much to ask for you to actually read and comprehend the post before attacking something I said. Do you have any clue at all what is going on in this thread? Did you at least read the first post?

And yeah, golden rule.... SO I guess that means if you ever walk up to one of those guys in public and say hi, they should just turn around and walk away and start talking to someone else, right? Cuz, you know, treat them the way you want to be treated....
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 72
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 9:35:00 AM
^^ Well honestly, if not to give him another chance.. then why would the reasoning behind a man spazzing out over rejection even matter? As I said, who cares. It only reinforces the rejection in the first place.

And if anything it's further reasoning to just ignore/block a guy that you aren't interested in.

As for comprehending, this isn't real life.. it's online.. and if anything you are proving my whole point. Toodles
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 73
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 10:38:38 AM
Well to be fair, she is rejecting him before ever talking to him.

Also, this IS real life. These are REAL people on the other side of the email. This is why not every response is as perfect as you want it to be, because these are real, actual people that you're interacting with. Social etiquette doesn't just go away because it's the internet, maybe you treat it like that, but that's also why you get the response that you do.

If you reject someone without conversation, it's purely on looks (except of OCCASIONAL exceptions, like he lives to far, has bad habits you don't like, etc).

Honestly, you've never stopped and wondered why the women who don't think the way you do seem to be the ones happily married, while you're single and on a dating website. And by now you know my opinion of these sites, that we're the rejects of the world. Becuase we definitely didn't come here because there's just too many people offline that are interested in us. You ever think that maybe YOU are the one that's doing something wrong?
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 74
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 11:00:53 AM
Rockstar, online dating isn't the same as dating in the real world, online dating is just another avenue for people to meet, meeting people you wouldn't have the opportunity to meet in the first place where as dating in the real world the person is live in front of you.

Online dating you can say what ever you want, lie about height, weight etc etc, in the real world you meet face to face you cant lie about physical appearances .

Its still about attraction and that is what separates online vs the real world, online you might see a person who is attractive to you and you have the same interests and you attempt to talk to her only for her to shut you down, in real life depending where you're at , if you're at a bar or club and you attempt to talk to someone she may talk or walk away from you because she isn't interested in you, so lets say you're at a art gallery and the two of you are gazing at the same art portfolio there is a greater chance of conversation because she doesn't feel as threatened as compared to a bar/club because she is on the defensive because she knows guys will try and pick her up and if she walks away from you does she owe you a explanation?


If you reject someone without conversation, it's purely on looks (except of OCCASIONAL exceptions, like he lives to far, has bad habits you don't like, etc).
I dont see what the problem is , people are attracted to what they are attracted to real life or online , tell me this would you talk to a woman online who is over 300 lbs and average looking?
or would you talk to her for a bit and then turn her down?
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 75
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 11:11:47 AM
Rockstar, online dating isn't the same as dating in the real world, online dating is just another avenue for people to meet, meeting people you wouldn't have the opportunity to meet in the first place where as dating in the real world the person is live in front of you.

Online dating you can say what ever you want, lie about height, weight etc etc, in the real world you meet face to face you cant lie about physical appearances .


OK, I have a friend who's a professional fighter. His bicep is better than my head... How about I give you his facebook, and you can go talk down to him and see how that goes for you?

Just because you CAN act that way online, it doesn't mean you SHOULD. I can stalk you, figure out where you live, and shoot you, but that doesn't mean that I should do that.

No matter how you want to twist it, it's still another person on the other side of the profile. What if I start telling you off, telling you you're a terrible person, and just attack every little possible flaw about you? You're just gonna sit back and let me do it, right? Because it's the internet and I can say whatever I want.


I dont see what the problem is , people are attracted to what they are attracted to real life or online , tell me this would you talk to a woman online who is over 300 lbs and average looking?
or would you talk to her for a bit and then turn her down?


300 lbs is a little too much for me for dating, because I like doing things that are just either unsafe or physically impossible for someone that size. You ever go running with someone that's 300 lbs? The running part doesn't exactly happen... And sometimes the walking part doesn't last too long either. I don't just want a girl to have a girl, I want someone that we can actually share our everyday lives with each other. But I'd still talk to her, I'd still be her friend. I'm not too shallow to talk to people. I'm actually actively talking to one that looks maybe around 170-180, about going and getting drinks some night. It's not a date, because she lives way too far for that, but she's big, and I'm not embarassed to be seen in public with someone that size.

Funny though... You treat the internet like it's a different world with different rules than offline... But then I treat it the same, and at least once a week, a girl sends me the first message, in only a month of having this profile, I have more conversations going than most guys have had verbal rejections... It's crazy how much treating the other person like an actual person does for your success on this site.

Also, there's more to dating than just physical attraction. Without that emotional bond, you have nothing. Say what you want about guys, but women think with their vag. You don't want a BOYFRIEND, you want a guy that gets you wet when you look at him. When you're looking for something serious, that's when you tend to become more lenient on looks, and focus more on the type of person you can share your life with.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 76
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 11:34:04 AM

OK, I have a friend who's a professional fighter. His bicep is better than my head... How about I give you his facebook, and you can go talk down to him and see how that goes for you?
well the fact that Im a guy that likes women and is currently dating a woman not sure why you want me to meet your male friend?


Just because you CAN act that way online, it doesn't mean you SHOULD. I can stalk you, figure out where you live, and shoot you, but that doesn't mean that I should do that.
what does that have to do with rejection? I mean what you describe sounds like a whack job that should be committed



No matter how you want to twist it, it's still another person on the other side of the profile. What if I start telling you off, telling you you're a terrible person, and just attack every little possible flaw about you? You're just gonna sit back and let me do it, right? Because it's the internet and I can say whatever I want.
Personally I could care less if you did those things because 1) my self esteem is too high and 2) If you email me those things it gets deleted and you are forgotten, Ive had nasty emails and those women I ended up blocking them.


300 lbs is a little too much for me for dating, because I like doing things that are just either unsafe or physically impossible for someone that size. You ever go running with someone that's 300 lbs? The running part doesn't exactly happen... And sometimes the walking part doesn't last too long either. I don't just want a girl to have a girl, I want someone that we can actually share our everyday lives with each other. But I'd still talk to her, I'd still be her friend. I'm not too shallow to talk to people. I'm actually actively talking to one that looks maybe around 170-180, about going and getting drinks some night. It's not a date, because she lives way too far for that, but she's big, and I'm not embarassed to be seen in public with someone that size.
oh really 300 lbs is too much, but you're judging her on her looks and weight bud, isn't that the same thing, what if that 300 pounder is a intelligent woman with a PHD? or she is as funny as the late Chris Farley? see how you quickly dismiss the lady .


Also, there's more to dating than just physical attraction. Without that emotional bond, you have nothing. Say what you want about guys, but women think with their vag. You don't want a BOYFRIEND, you want a guy that gets you wet when you look at him. When you're looking for something serious, that's when you tend to become more lenient on looks, and focus more on the type of person you can share your life with.
women think with their vaginas? really Ive never heard that one before and since Im not a woman I cant say but I highly doubt that.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 77
view profile
History
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 11:57:40 AM
Actually, online etiquette is different from "real life" etiquette in the same way that in "real life," work etiquette is different from bar etiquette which is different than church etiquette, etc. Not to mention etiquette changes according to whatever country or region you're in. You act according to your situation.

There's no surprise that there's a learning curve when entering the online dating world, as there's a bit of learning period with any type of new situation.

Also, I don't get the extended explanation about people with mental illnesses contacting people and then flipping out. Yes, I feel sorry for them, in the same way I feel sorry for the person screaming and ranting at people on the street corner, but that doesn't mean that the people he does that to shouldn't ignore him. What's your point, exactly?
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 78
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 12:06:29 PM
It was just one of the MANY things that would be causing it. It doesn't change the fact that if that type of response is THAT common, that something is wrong.

It could be depression after a whole life of rejection, but it could also be how the woman delivers it. I've personally had responses to "hi" that said "No, you ugly".

Etiquette doesn't change because you're online. Again, that's another actual human being on the other side of the profile. It's easier to get away with acting differently since they're not right in front of you to slap you, but again, it doesn't mean that you should. You gotta accept that if you do ANYTHING that you wouldn't do offline, that there can be consequences to that and you're just going to have to deal with it.

But regardless, how is a girl ignoring a guy who wants to hear the word "no" any better than a guy who flips out on her?
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 79
view profile
History
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 12:42:10 PM
Because flipping out is not an appropriate response to anything and shows mental instability in character. Comparatively, like it or not, ignoring is an understandable and acceptable part of online dating.

With admin access, I could see that new highly rated guys were getting messaged around ~10 times per week. Highly rated women ~100-200. No one expects someone to respond to 99 emails with "no." That's silly. So, right off the bat, a lack of response with a lack of interest is expected.

If you add that a ridiculously large percentage of "no thanks" emails from women were met with angry, insulting responses from men, then you add an INCENTIVE not to answer emails, on top of the time consumption that already exists.

Even with the lesser numbers, "highly rated" guys ignore a lot of emails as well - mostly from overweight women or women with children. They get less angry emails, but it still happens.

You wrote earlier that you get 10 emails a week or something - if you were getting 10X that at all times of the day, and the same guys emailing you over and over before you could even respond (lots of "you didn't email me back in 5 minutes, I'm going to send you another right away!" happening too), your reply percentage would drop a great deal as well.

The male online dating experience is completely different than the female. To put it bluntly, successful, attractive men's experiences are equal to overweight women's, and unattractive men to an inactive profile with no profile text or picture. The biggest problem is both sides extrapolating their experience onto the other, when it's completely different.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 80
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 5:49:11 PM

Etiquette doesn't change because you're online. Again, that's another actual human being on the other side of the profile. It's easier to get away with acting differently since they're not right in front of you to slap you, but again, it doesn't mean that you should. You gotta accept that if you do ANYTHING that you wouldn't do offline, that there can be consequences to that and you're just going to have to deal with it.
You have a myopic view on how the world works, Etiquette you say? tell me where the etiquette is when you politely turn someone down and they send you a nasty email calling you all sorts of names? Ive had happen at least 3 times .

Sometimes Its just easier to say nothing and ignore , most normal people pick up on the clue and move on , its the desperate ones that likes to break them on you.

Plus why would any guy or girl want to read negative response in your inbox?
" hi I dont want to correspond with you because your bathroom pics are disgusting and at least clean the bathroom before you take that pic, or that pic of you with your buddies with the hootchies beside isnt appealing" would that suffice?
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 81
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 6:22:37 PM
You have a myopic view on how the world works, Etiquette you say? tell me where the etiquette is when you politely turn someone down and they send you a nasty email calling you all sorts of names? Ive had happen at least 3 times .

Sometimes Its just easier to say nothing and ignore , most normal people pick up on the clue and move on , its the desperate ones that likes to break them on you.


That's when you put your big girl panties on, and push the block button, and report him. You're an adult, act like it. When he starts calling you names, STOP READING!!!!!!!!! Just close the email. Problem solved. Nobody is holding a gun to your head forcing you to open that email, and then if you do, keep reading. You have the power to just delete the message without ever reading it. Take responsibility for your personal experience on here, and stop blaming the world for it. Sorry, some guys were jerks and yelled at you, but guys who aren't jerks don't deserve to be treated like they are.

With how fast you women are to act on your past and push it onto future people, no wonder you get the reaction you do.

My question, which none of you seem to grasp: How does projecting that onto every future guy who messages you, and just blatantly ignoring him because some guy in the past yelled at you, make you any better than the guy who flipped out? You were yelled at in the past is NO excuse for ignoring someone. A gf I had in the past wasted all her money, we were about to get a house, and all the money would have been on me... So does that mean that it's OK to demand that every girl I date hand her entire paycheck to me?

Also, how about some screenshots of those flip-outs ? Funny how so many of you claim this happens all the time, yet not a single one of you ever have proof, or never report these people?
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 82
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 6:43:00 PM
Rockstar, Ive told already Im not a female , Im a male understand this time?
Im supposed to save a screenshot of these flips outs for what purpose? to show you?
and what makes you think I haven't blocked them?
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 83
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 6:51:47 PM
I say people don't get too upset about rejection. Its the being ignored and not knowing why that pisses people off.
Its a part of this crazy thing called online dating. You get used to it. results may vary
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 84
cant take rejection?
Posted: 2/19/2013 7:14:49 PM

I say people don't get too upset about rejection. Its the being ignored and not knowing why that pisses people off.


Yeah, people need to remember... People are coming here that have done all their interaction offline. When you go from a world where the fattest, ugliest guy in exisence can easily start a conversation with a supermodel, to being lucky if the manliest looking woman actually responds to you, that's going to bring up some questions...

I think too many people are just so used to the internet that they lost grasp with the fact that it's another person, not a computer.
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