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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input      Home login  
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 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 22
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some inputPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
OP, he has a home that is far away and he usually drives out there to tend to it.

Did it occur to you that when the weather prevented him from going, he had many other things he needed to tend to? By your own admission, he had spent a lot of time chatting with you and seeing you....Im sure he has responsibilities in town to tend to once in awhile. You assumed because he didnt make plans with you because the weather forced him to remain in town that he lost interest? Thats a pretty big leap.

You will assume yourself out of a lot of things if you keep going along that track.
 LCDizme12
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 23
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/12/2013 1:06:47 PM
^^^ No - I did not expect plans. I did expect a phone call just to say hi and because I was concerned about his driving in really bad weather - to let me know he ended up not going. That's all. Too much? Ok
Not to belabor this...but don't forget...he contacted me via text with a question during that same weekend and ignored my response for 2 days. That does not spell "interest" to me.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 24
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/12/2013 1:12:22 PM
OP, you're way too clingy for your age, you should know better than to encourage or allow daily phone calls and seeing each other that often after just meeting. Your red flags are completely silly and like those I might expect to hear from teenage girls not a grown woman. People and men, especially need space, and should have their boundaries respected. I agree with femaleconnection. Adults have affairs that need attention. You have to be more thoughtful next time and respectful of others. You're lonely and needy, we get that. But you need to exercise more self-control and patience. You need to be mindful of how your actions affect the lives of others. You need to put others first. When you do those things, you will not panic and jump to the wrong conclusions, you will be able to trust men and others. I wouldn't be surprised if you have abandonment issues in your past.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 25
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/12/2013 1:37:33 PM

^^^ No - I did not expect plans. I did expect a phone call just to say hi and because I was concerned about his driving in really bad weather - to let me know he ended up not going. That's all. Too much? Ok
Not to belabor this...but don't forget...he contacted me via text with a question during that same weekend and ignored my response for 2 days. That does not spell "interest" to me.


Again... You EXPECTED certain things and I dont see anywhere that you communicated those expectations. Kinda harsh that you feel all let down and the dude doesnt even know what you EXPECTED.

So, two days is the line for you, then that is the line. You will lose a lot of chances for fun with such a line...but it is your line to draw. At least make the rule clear for the men though is all I can say. Im sure had he known that not replying for two days would end the fun/dates, he may have taken that into consideration.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 26
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/12/2013 1:41:08 PM
Ya know, I think more than one person is giving you the same input here.
"Constant talking" and texting on the phone takes TIME. Something not all adults have a lot of in reserve.
Where is the mystery here? If you two have been carrying on like a couple of junior high kids for weeks on end with all this talking all night, texting, etc., I'll say it again for your benefit (not a hard concept:)
eventually life's duties return to the forefront and you realize you can't keep up this same level of contact. It lessens. No big mystery.

And I've said this to others:
nothing takes something from "fun and new" to "old and tired relationship status" as these vapid, annoying "how are you" and "good morning" and "good night" texts that require constant timeouts to respond to and aren't all that novel anyway. It could make anyone lose interest fast. Save some "mystery" and "getting to know you" to a new relationship.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 27
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/12/2013 2:28:30 PM

...nothing takes something from "fun and new" to "old and tired relationship status" as these vapid, annoying "how are you" and "good morning" and "good night" texts that require constant timeouts to respond to...


I fully agree. You've barely started dating this guy. Needing replies to bland conversation starters is a serious sign of insecurity. If you REALLY needed to talk, you should have said so in a voicemail. But, wait, that can come off as being needy, too - I guess it's good 'ol patience left to rely on... hmmm...

I've been seeing someone since October and WE don't need to text each other more than a couple times a day, tops. If it takes a few hours to reply, we know why. She's busy, I'm busy. We get that.

Just because he may have been home doesn't mean he doesn't have a life of his own. If my cell battery conked out and I needed to plug it into a charger in my bedroom, I wouldn't hear the thing ringing downstairs while I am cooking, doing laundry, OR working in the garage. I may go shopping for groceries and leave the thing at home, too - I'm not dependent on having that phone on my hip 24/7, and it really bugs me when people assume something's wrong EVERY time I don't reply instantaneously. Just because it's handy communication doesn't mean it HAS to be in our hand ALL the time.

Changes in communication patterns may change from time to time. All I'm reading from your descriptions is a lot of assuming and not a lot of evidence. The truth is you do not know what he may have been doing, and you started this whole thread just to convince yourself that HE lost interest and that it's not your fault. Sorry, ladies - I'm not going to give her a sympathetic 'hug' because some guy she liked seems to have flaked out - especially when she has no clue why and is still just GUESSING instead of TALKING TO HIM and finding out the truth.
 BrookeAda
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 28
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/12/2013 3:49:49 PM
I completely understand. I have had this happen a couple of times recently. If they had not been texting/emailing/messaging constantly in the beginning I would not be left pondering after going out things come to a halt with only sporadic contact. It appears once they meet you chase over . What should a lady think? The last guy messaged me every day on here. Once we went out he stopped but occasionally phones me. Not expecting anything after only one meeting however left wondering why the change in contact?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 29
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/12/2013 4:00:03 PM

Each and every one of them will tell you the same thing....

When a man likes a woman...he is present...period.


Sounds like your male family members I are kitty cat whipped and are saying all the right things when a pair of female ears are within range.

Take a look at the comments here. We are talking adults here. Yeah, isn't it cool we get jacked up initially when something is "new" but, then, here we go, that phucking reality comes sneaking back in. I would say the "texting" took it's course, and somewhere along the lines, that form of "communication" failed,one way or the other. Misinterpetation, timing, or whatever. Wouldn't a phone call be cool???? He could have lost interest, but I'm betting part the loss of interest was because of miscommunication.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 30
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/12/2013 6:01:00 PM
I agree with carolann, femaleconnection, pescando and Walts.

So the guy was "home" instead of 5 hours away. Does that mean he has to be in communication with the OP whenever she wishes? I know that for me, if somebody expects me to return their text right away, they'd better understand that I'll return it on my own timetable, and not jump to conclusions about what I'm doing if I don't immediately respond.
 moonchildMN
Joined: 9/28/2012
Msg: 31
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/12/2013 6:46:39 PM
The problem OP, is that you let him control the pace of the relationship from the start and you got all excited by the constant attention, then it stopped.

You need to learn control the pace of it next time you start talking with someone, don't just go along for the ride.... slow and steady is the answer.

I don't want to talk so someone on the phone every day, I don't want to go out 3 days a week and I don't want to text boring, silly little messages like good morning and good night. Ugh, how dreadful, I'm exhausted hearing about this and now I'm exhausted by the mental energy you've spent trying to figure out *what happened*.

I can't tell if you blew it or not with this guy yet, if you haven't yet, you should back way off, let him contact you. If he doesn't, there's you're answer.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 32
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/12/2013 6:47:35 PM
I think all this sending text messages instead of real communication is part of the problem. I enjoy talking to people in person as well as the phone. I think there are fewer misunderstandings that way. i do think if a man is really into you, he does call and does want contact. Sure people get busy and have lives but it does not take much effort to call someone and say so.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 33
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/13/2013 5:47:20 AM

If he was interested he'd be texting you.


I see this over and over with the teens and 20's. It seems to be a definite cultural shift.

For me, texting is fine, but not something I would want to invest more than a half hour a day TOTAL in, with all people, not even just one. It's fast and easy to get a message to someone, but for conversation, naw, not that interested in doing all that finger work. Call me lazy :) My phone is sometimes turned off for 4-5 hours at a time. I turn it on when I need to use it or need to have it on for work/family.

My 1 year old nephew can now pick up his mom's cell phone and take a picture. Soon they will be in the hospital gift baskets ... lol. Imagine that. Pink and blue ... oh, and for all Leo's, crystal studded :)
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 34
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History
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/13/2013 5:54:29 AM
So, what's happening, OP? Did you hear from him again?
 LCDizme12
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 35
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/13/2013 7:09:50 AM
^^^^ No, lol. Although I could tell the last phone call was a "courtesy call", I acted like nothing was different. We do live in the same town so I guess he figured he would not be a jerk. But no, and I don't expect to hear from him. A girl can tell...who knows why this happens.
 mornar1
Joined: 8/4/2010
Msg: 36
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/13/2013 7:17:52 AM
cant believe no one said so:
I am sure hes never been interested. You got it wrong.
Nowadays people like to exercise flirting, dating. Even sex doesnt mean anything. You did nothing wrong, although you think too much and dont communicate effectively. You are too much into guessing and reading his mind (mind of person you dont know).
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 37
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/13/2013 8:24:43 AM

cant believe no one said so:
I am sure hes never been interested. You got it wrong.
Nowadays people like to exercise flirting, dating.

Don't be paranoid, mornar. That's really a little crazy.

Things are usually what they look like. It looks like he was interested and changed his mind at some point. Why, we don't know, nor does it particularly matter. It's what the available evidence supports.

LCDizme's instincts are fine. She knew right away when he dropped out, and just wanted a little validation here.
 LCDizme12
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 38
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/13/2013 12:01:30 PM
Update: just made plans with an old boyfriend...nothing like spending V-day having a rollicking, mindless good time after being dumped. LOL
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 39
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/13/2013 12:28:29 PM

I guess he figured he would not be a jerk. But no, and I don't expect to hear from him. A girl can tell...who knows why this happens.


Point of order...
If someone doesn't reply back to your replies/texts/calls...

Is it...
...being 'dumped'?
...them 'flaking out'?
...getting the 'silent treatment'?

I consider being 'dumped' when someone actually TELLS you they don't want to see you anymore, and the urban dictionary definition of 'Flaking Out' is To cancel previously agreed upon plans last minute, or simply not show up.

I'm not picking specifically on LCD here, because it happens a LOT online... people tend to use 'offensive' verbs for their relationship breakdowns - that make it sound like it's always the other person's fault - like it was a conscious choice on THEIR part to make your life miserable. I don't like it.

First, your relationship hasn't really been established yet -
A few great dates over a few weeks is NOT enough for me to start changing my Christmas Card mailing list. You don't really know everything about the guy yet.

Second, this appears to be the FIRST time you had a gap in communication
- and judging by the replies in here it's not just me who thinks you over-reacted a bit. Instead of exercising patience, people (Not just LCD) go on the offensive and start name-calling and judging the other party for not living up to expectations. By labeling someone too quickly and acting accordingly, you CAN be just as guilty about messing up your communication/relationship with this person.

I think you need to change your verbs from being 'dumped' to being 'disconnected' or something less offensive. It will make you a better person in the long run to know you are durable enough to handle an unfortunate situation without needing to attack/blame the other side, which in the context of these forums, is defenseless.

Have fun on V-Day! I hear lots of bars are having women's specials all night long, so enjoy yourself!
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 40
What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input
Posted: 2/13/2013 12:32:20 PM

Update: just made plans with an old boyfriend...nothing like spending V-day having a rollicking, mindless good time after being dumped. LOL

Ha, excellent. I hope you have a blast!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What just happened? I think I know...but would like some input