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Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 51
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Cheating...forgive?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Forgive ? maybe, forget NEVER If it happened once
the odds of it happening again are pretty good IMO
Joined: 2/16/2013
Msg: 52
Posted: 2/19/2013 6:47:47 PM
I had to learn the hard way that if someone cheats with you they will cheat on you. Forgive,but don't forget.
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 53
Posted: 2/19/2013 7:06:24 PM
This man is supposedly a "great" man but from the rest of what you said about him I heard nothing
about any of his "great" qualities only about his bad ones. It just seems odd to me that you would
want to stay with someone that seems to be hell bent on hurting you and only thinks about his self
and his own needs.
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 54
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Posted: 2/19/2013 7:10:13 PM
Yes, forgive.

Now as for should you still be with him (because 'forgiving' is different than 'should I still be with him/her'), well that depends.

Did he cheat because he's missing something in the relationship (intimacy, emotional support, conversation)?

Or did he cheat because he's not very adept at practicing monogamy?

The first can be saved if you all talk it out and understand what the problems were with your relationship that caused the infidelity. It's not about blame. Once you understand what the problems were, hopefully you can correct so they don't continue to be a source of tension and cause infidelity. If you can't speak and have a open discussion without blame, insult, and feeling defensive - it won't work. If the relationship was long term, try a professional mediator. If short term dating, let it go.

On the latter... assuming you want a mutually monogamous relationship (there are other types but most people want this one), it's not going to work. He may TRY to be monogamous and tell you that, but if attracted to other women and open to sex with them, you'll just continually be hurt in the long and short term until he's ready for monogamy. Remember, monogamy is a PRACTICE and not all people do it well and perfect.
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 55
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Posted: 2/19/2013 8:07:03 PM
I'd forgive the guy, but no way in hell do I suggest that the OP reexamine any sort of immediate future relationship with him. Also, I think the OP should definitely explore her options with local guys. I can't see how this angry drunk cheater has got some sort of rare quality that is better than all the singles in her surburban neighborhood. If that's the case, her standards are too restrictive. Yes, we all have standards and preferences, but often one can be pleasantly surprised if they exercise an open mind on occasion with their restrictions.
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 56
Posted: 2/19/2013 8:41:08 PM
Figure out YOU, first.
Why would you allow what you have, from him, and then question rather you should forgive him, let alone consider going back to him.
It was a learning 6 months for you - stow that learning away and move forward towards a life that doesn't include a man like this.
You're so young.
Good Luck ...
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 57
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Posted: 2/20/2013 8:32:57 AM

Why are you even thinking about it? You've got literally everything going for you - you're beautiful, smart and have a steady job... Find someone who isn't a recovering alcoholic and cheater, someone who actually appreciates everything you are.

Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 58
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Posted: 2/20/2013 9:06:37 AM
Damn, I don't drink, never have but hell if I knew I could get a free pass to sleep around I may have considered taking it up.

Wait...he had to sleep around, you have too much crap on your bed ;)
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 59
Posted: 2/20/2013 10:08:59 AM
Cheating is a definite deal breaker for second chances
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 60
Posted: 2/20/2013 1:08:20 PM
Never listen to a single chick. his problem is not cheating, there is no such thing. His problem is himself. You just cant help him
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 61
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Posted: 2/20/2013 2:24:24 PM
Move On Girlfriend .
Once he cheats on you he will do it again . If he started drinking again he will want to drink again .

My last GF when back to her abusive Boyfriend after we were together for 4 months . She went running back On one phone call . She move out while I was at work . All he had to say to her is he will change. Once a abuser he will do it again.
Soory just the way I feel .
And the question Your going to ask me is do I love her . { I did } will I take her back if she called me and wanted to come back ? NO . Or should I say Hell no .
She broke a trust Issue with me and lied to my face .
Joined: 2/15/2013
Msg: 62
Posted: 2/21/2013 8:18:47 AM
No...dont...but forgive &move on....should you need more info...shout at me
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 63
Posted: 2/21/2013 8:34:33 AM
i am surprised you even had to ask run away!!
Joined: 2/17/2013
Msg: 64
Posted: 2/24/2013 5:44:19 PM
Sorry, but you just made me spit my soda out my nose with the kiwi comment. Thanks! Lol!
Joined: 2/17/2013
Msg: 65
Posted: 2/24/2013 5:46:40 PM
Oh wow, I didn't know my post would end up way down here...
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 66
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Posted: 2/24/2013 6:21:50 PM
spacecakes113 wrote:

Should I try with him again or move on?

Since you are on here "Actively seeking a relationship", I would say this question is a rhetorical one. You've obviously moved on. If you want my advise? Keep moving, and don't look back.
Joined: 4/13/2012
Msg: 67
Posted: 2/24/2013 8:51:41 PM
You must Thank him for revealing his true nature so early on,.... Also forgive him (for the sake of ur own emotional release) and completely and calmly Break up with him permanently.
When U break up with him... do it smiling compassionately , not angrily ... Do it as an act of genuine gratitude (for him sparing u a future filled with constant hurt & pain) and politely decline any further attempts of contact or communication, with a simple "Thanks but No Thanks"
Find a nice guy ! Have a great life !
Best of luck !
---- Hank
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 68
He is remorseful...
Posted: 2/24/2013 9:37:05 PM
We are all remorseful when we harm another that we love with no one else to blame.. I tried to forgive my last 3 partners that were admitted cheats, you might save yourself some TIME and Don't... Trust is something earned not given, and when it is broken there isn't enough tape.. Even if he doesn't step out of line again, your mind will poison the relationship when the next situation were nothing but trust remains! Just ask yourself who needs to learn from his mistake?
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 69
Posted: 2/25/2013 8:35:30 PM
Never forgive a cheater.
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 70
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Posted: 2/26/2013 5:36:24 PM
I have to agree, I think if a guy is gona cheet on you he does it in life with everything he does,, first time they cheat run... cause it wont stop unless you like to be cheated on. theres too many guys that arent cheeters just keep looking there out there. nobody wants to be with a cheater ,yuck!
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 71
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Posted: 2/27/2013 3:28:57 PM

I can forgive just about anyone for just about any transgression, however, I do not forget. That is, while I may forgive, I will not allow myself to be put back in the same situation with the same person again, making myself vulnerable to the same offense.
Joined: 2/6/2012
Msg: 72
Posted: 2/27/2013 3:54:27 PM
Detach, Detach, Detach. Let him own his recovery. Guilting you into staying says alot about his state of mind. He's a big boy, he put your health at risk. Besides, doing some work on yourself may help you end a run of bad relationships. Good luck. Save yourself. Don't let the drowning man take you down with him.
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 73
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Posted: 3/3/2013 7:42:31 PM
NO! They will do it again! If some one loves you and cares about you they will not cheat.
Joined: 2/28/2013
Msg: 74
Posted: 3/4/2013 3:44:57 AM
Forgive, yes.

But stay with him only if you want to risk a repeat of what previously occurred. 30 days is not very long to be sober for a person who has this illness.
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 75
Posted: 3/4/2013 7:54:20 AM
Uh You are justifying...enabling him!

Not everyone with a drinking problem cheats! This issue comes with its own set of problems - either your down for the long life-time ride or your out. He not only has a drinking problem, he has a cheating problem and the cheating my be independent of his drinking...

You are a better person than that and you DO deserve to be treated better than that.
Feel sorry for him from afar.
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