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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova      Home login  
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 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 26
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Oh boy just found out he is a JehovaPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
^^^

Make sure you ask him why he is risking reproof by dating you, and if he worries about being disfellowshipped for having sex pre-marriage if it gets there.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 27
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Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/18/2013 2:07:02 PM
I am a spiritual person, but I would not date a Jehovah, never would I date a typical Christian or and atheist or an agnostic.

People's belief systems run part of their lives, everything they do is consider within their belief system before they act upon whatever they will consider or do.

Good Luck,
Jan
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 28
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/18/2013 2:31:45 PM

Make sure you ask him why he is risking reproof by dating you, and if he worries about being disfellowshipped for having sex pre-marriage if it gets there.


No I don't think so. If there is this risk like you say there is then I am sure he knows of it. I am not his mommy. He knows how to run his own life I guess. That's just none of my business.
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 29
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/18/2013 2:47:41 PM


One part I found confusing is that the wife always took the daughter to Kingdom Hall for "church" service. The father had no problem with that. His view was being exposed to that or any other religion was a learning experience in life styles and she could decide later on if that's for her or not. It sounds fine in theory, but in real life, it could very confusing to a child when one parent follows a certain life style and other parent is silently against it and follows a totally different life style. Like almost all religions, I think that once you start following in a certain belief system, especially a child being led by a parent, it's hard for the person to look at the pros and cons objectively when it becomes part of your life. My view is all religions practice a certain amount of brain washing by the use of fear and saying if you don't their brand of religion for the rest of your life, you won't get to heaven-or whatever other religions call it. I can't see an atheist father being OK with that. But somehow it worked for them. The daughter is an adult now and it would be interesting to see which route she took.


That's not true. Growing up my parents didn't practice the same religion. The problem is that you're basing all on the fact that, unfortunately, your disdain for religion wasn't the argument that was accepted by your children.

Yes, it does become much more complicated when children are involved. But, if you handle it like mature adults, it shouldn't cause a problem in the marriage. The problem only comes about when folks like yourself throw a tantrum because your side "didn't win." It's best to EXPLAIN both traditions to the child. Let them experience religion "A" in moderation and religion "B" (or non-religion "B"). It's a decision they have to make for themselves and YOU will have to accept it as a grown adult. When you have enough emotional maturity to accept things for what they are knowing you've done the best you can, the less problems you'll have regarding this issue in your marriage.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 30
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Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/18/2013 2:53:50 PM
If he's dating someone who's not a JW (you), he's not all that serious about being one himself. Even if he says he is serious about it. That's a discussion you need to have with him.
 safebetinvegas
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 31
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Oh boy just found out he is a Jehovah
Posted: 2/18/2013 3:13:27 PM

I am not his mommy. He knows how to run his own life I guess. That's just none of my business.


Umm, the writings been on the wall before Jesus' bald lil baby butt graced this Earth.

If it wasn't HIS business there would be no resurrection, no grace, no love...only Satan left as your daddy.

So, it IS your business since time and time again we see that many people can't even "run" their own lives successfully much less keep that garbage out of the lives of everyone they come in contact with.

Kinda fitting, don't you think, since Satan is the worst master "screw-up" ever known.

Like they say, misery loves company so the more souls he can steal under the guise of fooling you into "hiding" your sinful life (ie, "it's no ones business") leads you right where he wants you.

What a pity, humans are soooooo predictable and Satan would have it no other way.

That being the case, daddy Satan already has you half tied up and you don't even realize it. Not believing he exists doesn't make him just go away in case you didn't get the memo.

Good luck with the "none of your business" plan. After all, it worked so well for good 'ol Satan....didnt' it ?!?

Concerning the OP's dilemma:

History proves "Christians" even have trouble with other "Christians" of other denominations within Christianity.

Both of you are not even in the same ball park in this area of life (you are not "religious", he apparently is). In other words, you are either an evolutionist or "spiritual".

So, you're one LARGE step removed from even agreeing where humans even came from. This WILL ultimately cause friction between the two of you as the years go by.

The way you live your life reveals your "world view". Your world view includes what you think is right and wrong, moral and immoral, acceptable and deplorable, etc...

Very few of us would be successful making such a large change in our lives.

And, no one can deny that even "pure" Christian-to-Christian marriages end matching the US average of non-believers divorce rate.

People who want to "see where it goes" are usually disappointed in the end even if one of you "converts."

Another poster gave a good example of a JW and non-believer who eventually split after she "converted" to his side.

My opinion, mixed with some of the facts above, is to find someone "evenly yoked" with your core world view belief system or be prepared for one of you to say years down the road "I can do anything for love, but I won't do THAT!"
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 32
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehovah
Posted: 2/18/2013 3:47:00 PM
Lol! safebetinvegas I don't know where humans came from,or how they came about. No one really knows. There are theories but no one has any hard cold facts. The whole thing with being agnostic is we are not anything. That's the whole point. We have no set beliefs one way or the other. An agnostic is someone who doesn't believe or disbelieve in god.

Anyway that's really irrelevant. I'm just dating this guy not marrying him,and I am not even sure If I ever want marriage. I can't have kids so what's the point of that? Like I said in the opening post I am not looking for opinions on whether or not I should date him,but asking for other peoples experiences,if they have had similar experiences,and how their situations turned out.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 33
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehovah
Posted: 2/19/2013 7:06:15 AM
In my experience dating someone with a radically different world view, set of values, philosophy, etc. is a problem. Striving to be a rational science-based kinda guy myself, if my partner considers the cards, the stars, the scriptures and deities, etc to be the final authority in their life, then discussion and decision-making in the relationship is going to run into that wall time and time again. There is no reasoning with a closed system of belief.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 34
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehovah
Posted: 2/19/2013 7:55:19 AM

Haven't you ever heard of a Hanukkah bush?!


What does the movie The Three Amigos have to do with the topic on hand? (lol)
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 35
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehovah
Posted: 2/19/2013 10:58:14 AM
I wouldnt run away, but I also would not date a JW.

I dont date men who follow any religion, but JW is in a special camp to myself. Had bad first hand accoount/experience with that one when my step fathers first wife took it up. Made all of our lives a special kind of hell for roughly 5 years. Just my opinion and no one is going to change it. They always try to convert. And f he isnt trying to convert, he is using you t be a hidden bit of fun that he will never allow to be seen by his fellow JW's. Either way, no way for me!
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 36
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Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 12:03:55 PM

If he's dating someone who's not a JW (you), he's not all that serious about being one himself. Even if he says he is serious about it. That's a discussion you need to have with him.


Exactly. That's why I said you should have this discussion, OP, because saying you're a JW isn't like saying that you're a Catholic. There are very strict conduct - based rules that include dating non-JWs built into the rule-book of the religion that you don't know about (or else you wouldn't have posted this thread), that can affect your judgment. You're treating it as meeting any other religious person, when it's not, by definition.

Either he:

a) Sees you as a secret fun fling to sin for a while with, that he won't tell anyone about,
b) Plans on dating you in secret, converting you, THEN introducing you to friends/family,
c) isn't really a JW but is just "studying" or a child of one.

This isn't a, "oh he's religious and I'm not" thing, it's "he is breaking rules by dating me, what does this mean?"
 OhSix
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 37
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Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 12:36:46 PM
If he was born into the situation there is a slim chance he is non practising or just doesn't believe the bull but usually JW men are quite happy with the way the world works around them so they continue the tradition. . If he took it up on his own accord or shows signs of being a practising, active member (honestly if he had turned away from it then he would have not made mention of being one) Run don't walk away from the situation. Everyone saying oh just give it a chance is totally clueless as to the dangers of what JW's represent and their experiences with the religion stop at some annoying door knockers on a saturday morning. The only example of a more cult-ish and controlling religion that I can think of would be the polygamist Mormon sects. Followers I am sure will deny the next part but the truth is it is a religion that makes the woman subservient to the man. Do not drink the kool-aid... They specialize in the soft approach when it comes to recruiting. I watched growing up as my aunt was involved with a JW and how the faith led to her being controlled. Watched her relationship with the rest of her family be actively blocked and denied as they where not members of the faith. Also witnessed 3 of her 4 female children run away from home as teens unwilling to be limited by a religion that does not encourage women to pursue higher education. RUN. It is also a religion with no middle ground, you can't kinda be a Joho, by it's very nature it requires the members to be extremists with their viewpoint. The above poster is right their doctrine doesn't allow moderation. You are being recruited with every conversation and smile. RUN.
 StrykinOut
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 38
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 1:10:18 PM
The Jehovah's Witnesses have members that are strict adherents and members who are JW's in name only. If he will date you and not try to convert you, he falls much closer to the latter than to the former.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 39
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 2:00:52 PM
OP: Have you asked this guy if he has ever done the Saturday morning (or any other time) door-to-door recruiting? I don't know if they all have to take turns doing it or if it's just certain members that do it. If he has done any public recruiting, what makes you think he won't do it with you? Maybe that's the reason he's on a dating web site-to recruit single non-believers. Maybe he even got the blessing of the higher-ups to pose as a regular guy looking for internet love, and once he gets women interested in him, the sales pitch shortly follows. He won't try it until you have completely fallen for him and think he's the One you have been waiting for your whole life. It's easier to convert someone when the woman's heart clouds her mind and blocks her ability to reason and think clearly.
 freshfishfreshfish
Joined: 2/6/2013
Msg: 40
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 2:12:43 PM
Personally, if I were an agnostic considering becoming religious ... I wouldn't pick the religions that say I could only have sex if I was trying to procreate ... and I most certainly would not pick a religion that said I wasn't allowed a blood transfusion if I needed blood after an accident OR that I would have to disown my own family forever if they chose not to have the same beliefs as me !

There are a lot of religions out there and lots of eligible bachelors that belong to them that are more "rational "/ don't make you feel like you're now in a jail / insane asylum ... just sayin
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 41
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehovah
Posted: 2/19/2013 3:04:59 PM

Umm, the writings been on the wall before Jesus' bald lil baby butt graced this Earth.

If it wasn't HIS business there would be no resurrection, no grace, no love...only Satan left as your daddy.

So, it IS your business since time and time again we see that many people can't even "run" their own lives successfully much less keep that garbage out of the lives of everyone they come in contact with.

Kinda fitting, don't you think, since Satan is the worst master "screw-up" ever known.

Like they say, misery loves company so the more souls he can steal under the guise of fooling you into "hiding" your sinful life (ie, "it's no ones business") leads you right where he wants you.

What a pity, humans are soooooo predictable and Satan would have it no other way.

That being the case, daddy Satan already has you half tied up and you don't even realize it. Not believing he exists doesn't make him just go away in case you didn't get the memo.

Good luck with the "none of your business" plan. After all, it worked so well for good 'ol Satan....didnt' it ?!?

People who want to "see where it goes" are usually disappointed in the end even if one of you "converts."

Another poster gave a good example of a JW and non-believer who eventually split after she "converted" to his side.

And this right here is why I have a hard time being around the religious types. Good grief take a chill pill man. Your world is terrifying. Good luck with that.
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 42
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 3:11:53 PM

Personally, if I were an agnostic considering becoming religious ... I wouldn't pick the religions that say I could only have sex if I was trying to procreate ... and I most certainly would not pick a religion that said I wasn't allowed a blood transfusion if I needed blood after an accident OR that I would have to disown my own family forever if they chose not to have the same beliefs as me !

There are a lot of religions out there and lots of eligible bachelors that belong to them that are more "rational "/ don't make you feel like you're now in a jail / insane asylum ... just sayin

I have no interest in becoming a part of any organized religion at all. I certainly would not pick one where a fellow poster just told me that satan is my father. I guess since I don't believe as they do I am doomed to hell. Wow! Nice god you got there. Not one I am interested in believing in.

The guy is nice. We have a fun time together. I don't really care about anything else. I have no desire to get married or move in with anyone and I can't have children so I'm just looking for someone to have fun with and nothing else. If he starts with the religious bull crap of "satan is your daddy",or,"you're going to hell",then I will kick him to the curb.
 geawar
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 43
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 3:12:32 PM
do you eat beef, pork, fish etc or is it only hunters that eat meat and the rest of the world is vegans?
 geawar
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 44
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 3:13:41 PM
what is a xtian?
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 45
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 3:16:02 PM

do you eat beef, pork, fish etc or is it only hunters that eat meat and the rest of the world is vegans?

Pardon? Did you get lost on the way to another thread?
 geawar
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 46
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehovah
Posted: 2/19/2013 3:23:45 PM
being agnostic might make you not anything now, but when you die you will be in hell then. i know for a fact i was created. do you believe Nero was a Romanor even existed? can you prove. it is all theory no proven fact.
 geawar
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 47
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 3:24:58 PM
no i know exactly where i am. answer my question.
 lostinalostworld
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 48
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 3:56:57 PM
Okay, a JW that you KNOW won't try to convert you? Then why do I have total strangers that are JW tapping on my door all the time trying to convert me? Run!!!
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 49
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 4:44:27 PM

being agnostic might make you not anything now, but when you die you will be in hell then.

Ok then.


no i know exactly where i am. answer my question.

I have no idea what your question is and I take orders from no one.
 nikkisenko
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 50
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehova
Posted: 2/19/2013 5:11:13 PM
I have a JW in the family and this has been my personal experience with them.

*They do not out & out try to convert family and friends. But, there are subtle digs if the conversation ever strays that direction. (I suppose that could be said of any religion.)

*There does seem to be a cultish-like feel to the whole thing. If the member misses services, the fellow worshippers will descend. Literally, they will call & visit trying to determine why the member was absent. On the surface, it is supposed to be caring friends. But, something really doesn't feel right.

*Although they will respect our right to celebrate Christmas, birthdays, etc, this person never actually participates themselves. So, if you were looking at dating them, you would have to understand these kinds of celebrations would never be a shared experience.

These are just the things I have experienced.
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