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 Moon_Rocket
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 59
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Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Well you wanted a guys view but just wait a sec will you?.....

Just wanted to get into my full metal jacket flack suit. There much better!

So now I'm ready for all the ordinance that will be thrown at me, let me say you are all wrong, why?.....

Except for the start of their relationship this dude has been completely and brutally honest with the OP. She knows exactly where she stands and can make a choice either way. How many people carry on "other" relationships in complete secrecy, sometimes multiple relationships, and the only one in the loop is the perpetrator?

I think he's a gem. If it were me though, the girlfriend would be in the know as well (but who's to say she isn't?)

To me the kicker is, all is fair as long as everyone knows the score and everyone keeps comin' back for more.

C'mon people, most of you have been in periods of your life when you had multiple partners and didn't want to commit to any one of them. That's one of the reasons some of us prefer to stay single. Before you start calling in the coordinates though...

Indeed whilst I have been there, been the player and made sure all my partners knew the score and were happy with the situation, (or as happy as they could be) there comes a time when the shallowness really starts to affect your head, when your affection can only be split in so many directions, when your emotions crave to be directed at only one person. (mind you this can take some years!) When you want to be with someone you don't want to play games with.

When this happens you hang up your jockstrap (or crotchless knickers depending on your gender) and try to live a 'normal' one on one relationship.

Having lived in both situations, can I tell you...I would rather one on one. More satisfying, knowing that your investment in time is resulting in a stronger relationship where two people can enrich each others lives and confide in each other as true partners. BUT, I would never regret the time I spent as a player as it has really helped me with maintaining a normal relationship.

So OP can I suggest this to you?

Take some advice from an old hand. You know the score, don't take things so seriously, you still have plenty of time and if you are getting what you want out of what you are doing....keep doing it! However, treat it as what it is, a game!

What you need is awareness. If you are fully aware of the dynamics of the situation you cannot be hurt. If you know you are just one on his list that's ok, so long as you don't become a martyr and 'save' yourself for him. That ain't smart.

Treat this as a learning curve, have fun, be brutally honest with your partners but....make sure you are on the lookout for someone else who may be closer to making an emotional commitment to one person, because deep down I think that's what you want.

The End.

Ok I'm climbing down into my shelter now....bombs away!
 syndicate-killah
Joined: 3/15/2013
Msg: 60
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 4/1/2013 10:43:25 PM
Speaking from experience, I would have to say yeah, he's definitely an emotional affair with you. How far you wanna deal with this and take it is totally up to you.
 nikkisenko
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 61
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 4/2/2013 4:51:42 AM

If anybody ever asks me why I love the forums I only need direct them to shit like this to make them understand


Lol, I know!
 marilynh77
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 62
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 4/2/2013 9:39:10 PM
Take everyone advices!!!
Love it!
Yep you are being used, and don't feel bad because I got stuck in similar situation.
Omg! I didn't know the fool have a girlfriend until she messages me on fb!
We are too valuable and worthy! Let his head hits the door on his way out, maybe it hits some sense into him!!!
Good bye and good ridden!!
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 63
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 4/2/2013 9:45:02 PM

You DROP HIM OFF there!?!?! Wtf!!

Well, he does pay her. I guess it's sort of like being an informal taxi.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 64
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 4/3/2013 8:58:37 PM

Take some advice from an old hand. You know the score, don't take things so seriously, you still have plenty of time and if you are getting what you want out of what you are doing....keep doing it! However, treat it as what it is, a game!

What you need is awareness. If you are fully aware of the dynamics of the situation you cannot be hurt. If you know you are just one on his list that's ok, so long as you don't become a martyr and 'save' yourself for him. That ain't smart.

Treat this as a learning curve, have fun, be brutally honest with your partners but....make sure you are on the lookout for someone else who may be closer to making an emotional commitment to one person, because deep down I think that's what you want.


Best advice so far!
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 66
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Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/20/2013 6:32:55 PM
"We have cut out the physical aspect of our interactions" So...while you were having your physical interactions he already had a girlfriend. Seriously? So either he cheated on her with you or on her with you...does it matter? He's a cheater! He had a girlfriend yet had such little respect for both of you that he still had "physical interaction" with both? Why don't you just say sex, it's fewer letters to type.

You can't be that ignorant, you're only fooling yourself. The only reason you'd even think about continuing to have any type of contact with him is if you have little to no self respect. At least have enough to go get yourself tested, while he may have used protection with you he may not have with her or others, if there were. He is selfish and doesn't care about you OR his girlfriend or anyone else but himself. You won't be able to fix him, care enough about yourself to cut off all contact.
 NtvNtv
Joined: 5/15/2013
Msg: 67
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/20/2013 7:03:48 PM
Yes. He needs his ego stroked and you are meeting his needs.
Don't question his behavior...you failed to look at yours. You need your ego stroked too...you are getting something out of this as well.

: (

In the end, three people are going to get hurt : (

 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 68
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Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/20/2013 7:55:43 PM
"In the end, three people are going to get hurt : (" I have a feeling there's more than 3, however, being hurt emotionally would be the least damage. An unwanted pregnacy or worse...I just conversed with a Dr. on here who runs an HIV clinic and told me that it is surprising how many more HIV patients are coming in for treatment. Getting your feelings hurt isn't that much to get over.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 69
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/20/2013 7:57:31 PM
the fact that (unless I missed it somewhere and the op explained it)
the OP is dropping him off down the street from his gf is showing that he is a dis honest man.
If he considers her a friend why is he hiding her from his gf?
OP...you are going to have hurt feelings,..
so will his gf,..
he is not an honest person.
(Unless I missed it and the gf knows)
if the gf doesnt know about their "freindship" , he and the OP are cheating...emotionally.
seems like he already slept with both of them.
and both women loose out. (but he isnt much to loose.....better off without someone who is dishonest)

I think that the longer you let this go on, OP,....the harder it will be to move on..
and the worse it will hurt. Did you tell the whole story here?
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 70
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Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/20/2013 8:11:37 PM
Let's rephrase a sentence here, shall we?

I kinda-sorta cut him off when I found out, but he kept finding reasons to stay in my life that I agreed with. I don't try very hard to push him away, so I always let him come back.

Any questions?
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 71
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Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/20/2013 8:26:08 PM
"Let's rephrase a sentence here, shall we?


I kinda-sorta cut him off when I found out, but he kept finding reasons to stay in my life that I agreed with. I don't try very hard to push him away, so I always let him come back.

Any questions?"

Nope, push, away but always let him come back, kinda sorta cut him off. Really? I'm so glad this isn't my daughter, Nuff said. I think many of us know self destructive behavior when we see it.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 72
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/20/2013 11:35:26 PM
that kinda sorta sounds like someone I know kinda sorta used to think...
its called kinda sorta thinking....
everyone has to wake up sometime...
maybe this will be her wake up call to get into straight and honest thinking and behavior.
 Space_Weaver
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 73
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/21/2013 1:43:44 AM
OMG! But he's so hot. Keep sticking that finger in the old light socket.
 ladymercury
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 74
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/21/2013 7:15:09 AM
Eeep, sounds like a sticky situation.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 75
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/21/2013 8:48:23 AM
Your on the losing end of this relationship & always will be or you'd be the GF by now. Still starry eyed over a guy that was boinking his GF for a year, as he was boinking you, makes you seem the fool.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 76
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/22/2013 8:28:45 AM
OP, by your post -- yes, he was cheating on his GF. You don't need to be making out to cheat on your significant other. Cheating on them "emotionally" is not a mild or watered-down version of cheating. It is cheating. It's just usually expressed, given enough time, through physical engagement. Physically cheating is cheating too. More foolish people only call that cheating because one can't argue their way out of it.

But if you're connecting with someone you have feelings for while purposely trying to spend time with them -- you're cheating. Saying "I didn't kiss him/her!" doesn't make it not cheating or only a parking-ticket level.

And you knowing he's taken but still bringing him in your life -- you're responsible, too. He's responsible for cheating, you're responsible for accepting it and being the one he cheats on his GF with.

Would you want a BF doing all that with some other girl? Would that be "okay"? No.

The difference between "just dating" and being GF/BF (a couple), is that when you're a couple -- you don't reach over to bond with someone who you're attractive to or who finds you attractive.... where if you're "just dating" one can make the case that although the person they're "just dating" very well isn't going to like it, they may not be crossing the boundaries since they're both not "taken".

Building a life-boat or potential "catch", plotted out or Not plotted out, while being in a Relationship is 100% cheating.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 77
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/22/2013 11:46:40 AM
Can i, if you will, offer a different solution?
There is opportunity in every tragedy. Its rough having your feelings hurt, but it showed you something important---- you're sharing, and its not just him.. there isnt nowadays such thing as a single lonely guy... you're in competition with other women. This man has a number 1 woman, and hes making sure he secures his number 2, which is you.

The opportunity lies in gaining perspective and understanding on how guys work. His wife may be the vice president to his company, but the secretary knows all... and thats what you are, and its not such a bad position. You care about him, he cares about you, and your someone that reminds him that he has still "got it", and not lost in the identity and life created with his wife. Its risky and exciting. Im sure every woman and to a lesser extent, men says to leave.

Id say, use this experience as a means to understanding what men are. We want love sure, but like is better than love.. the man LIKES you, hence why he hangs out with you, etc... he loves his girlfriend/wife. Now that you know the order of things... get what you want out of this, and look elsewhere for a guy who wants to put you as a number one, and just chill being this guys number 2. It would be considered in your language as affair/cheating sure. For him, its finding happiness, which it looks like you are a part of.

Just another perspective.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 78
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Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/22/2013 3:39:18 PM
He does not want love, he wants a roof over his head.
Oh and someone to drive him around when his GF#1 has her car.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 79
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/25/2013 7:33:55 AM

I found out over a year into it that he was already taken. It hurt. A lot. I cut him off when I found out, but he kept finding reasons to stay in my life. Whenever I try to push him away, he always comes back...

You say you found out over a year into "it" that he was taken. When you say "it," do you mean you were in a full blown relationship with this lying sack of shit for a YEAR before you found out what a scum he is?

What woman, after finding out she's been SCAMMED and CONNED and LIED TO for a solid year, made a fool of and completely DISRESPECTED for an entire year doesn't tell the creep's girlfriend AND continues to give the loser the time of day?

My head is going to explode.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 80
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Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/25/2013 7:49:12 AM
This thread is old but....

Sometimes we catch each other's eyes and he looks deeply into them like he's looking into my soul (I know it sounds weird)

If he was your soul mate then he wouldn't be mating other souls


I don't mind being his friend, but I feel as though there are tons of mixed signals going on with him

There's nothing mixed about it here. He has a girlfriend and has apparently for a very long time with no intention of changing that situation (atleast in the year plus you've known him). So let me spell it out for you. His girlfriend is the wife the star and your just a the extra in this movie. Clear now?


Is he confused? Is he having an emotional affair with me? What is going on?


He's not confused. He knows exactly what's going on and I told you what that is right above this quote. Her: the star You: the extra.
Your confused. Your so thirsty that your willing to accept someones bones they throw at you instead of leaving them for the dogs!
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 81
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/25/2013 11:29:26 AM




If he was your soul mate then he wouldn't be mating other souls


^^^ that's a good one!... LOL... he isn't a soulmate, he is a polymate ;-) (a sex polymer) ;-)

 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 82
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Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/25/2013 2:08:01 PM
Yes, he is having an emotional affair with you. No, he is not confused. He knows exactly what he is doing. He's holding on to you as a backup in case his relationship goes bad. The best way to deal with it? Depends on what you want. Are you holding on to hope that his relationship will fail and you can be right there to "catch" him? Then, keep on doing what you are doing. But, he won't have any respect for you. Why is it that you didnt find out until over a year in to it that he was already taken? That in itself should have told you all you needed to know. If you don't want to be his safety net, the only thing you can do is totally get him out of your life. No contact whatsoever because if there's the least contact, he will weasel his way back to where he is playing this game again.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 83
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Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/26/2013 4:10:13 AM
He's manipulating you out the butt but I suspect you've known it for the vast majority of the duration of your relationship.

When you decide you're worth better you'll cut contact. This is not a relationship that'll settle down into a normal friendship if you are involved with someone because he doesn't want that so muster up some respect for yourself and cut him out of your life, period. Get a girlfriend to run around with and get a boyfriend so you aren't tempted to go back to the douchebag.
 Bellacate
Joined: 9/26/2012
Msg: 84
Guys especially: is he having an emotional affair with me?
Posted: 7/27/2013 11:22:29 PM
An interesting read: http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/beloved-infidel-20130723-2qh5h.html
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