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Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 49
Do you give second chances?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
A saying that should help....

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

I stick to that and have never given anyone a 2nd chance to hurt me in anyway.
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 50
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/1/2013 6:57:05 PM
If you are going to go on a date with this man, just make sure to verify the chances of him cancelling on you. If there is even a 10% chance that something else might come up where he has to cancel... then just say, "No. I'm not going to go out with you if there is a chance you will cancel" Sometimes it is easier to meet a very busy person for lunch for an hour than it is to schedule a date. And for sure... say NO to all offers to come over to your place after 9:00. Try to focus on dating until you build better trust or realize that he is NOT the one for you.

I have no problems with giving someone a second chance when it comes to going out on a date and doing something fun. However, the statement he made about liking you but not wanting to lead you on... that sounds a little like someone who isn't looking for a relationship... possibly with you. It probably would be wise to not take things too seriously and date others as well until you get a better read on this guy.
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 51
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Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/2/2013 12:03:45 AM
yep I agree. all my second chances were worse the 2nd time. THe signs are all up front. Listen to them. Redflags don't lie. I used to give everyone that second chance but it only made me the fool. Move on , life too short to be with a jerk.
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 52
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Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/2/2013 12:12:05 AM
this is an excellent response. Helped me . Thanks for your sensible input!
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 53
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Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/2/2013 12:22:07 AM
boy does this sound familiar.. We want answers. Not to be stonewalled and dumped!! that makes women crazy. that would make anyone crazy. whatever their reasons when they shine us on they need to be patient and explain to us anything that gives us closure . I ve been busy . I have work obligations when they couldnt wait to see you just makes u want to get to the bottom of it. Like some women turn to stalking... investigating to get the answer. Sorry guys , behind every stalker is a dude who let a chick on and abandoned her and she just needs to know why. The ugly truth will do. Just talk to her...she can accept most any excuse but the stonewall, disapearing act.
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 54
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/2/2013 5:59:28 AM
So, we had a conversation and a coffee. He was out of town for the month that we had no contact and the minute he got back he called. We've seen each other a few times since then and I'm glad I went against my natural response and gave him another chance! :-)
I was totally prepared after all this discussion for him to bail again, admit to having met someone else, ran away got married/had a sex change but guess what? HE WAS ACTUALLY TELLING THE TRUTH lol
Now I'm not picking out my china or anything but it was a good choice for me, we get along and it's safe to say that yes sometimes you can just try it again!
Thought I'd update.
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 55
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Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/2/2013 7:35:04 PM
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 56
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/2/2013 8:22:50 PM
I was going to say it wasn't so much of you giving a second chance as it was to have an open mind. Sh^t happens. You do know that right? Leave the door open and hear him out.

I say this after the fact I know. But that was what I was going to say.
Joined: 2/13/2013
Msg: 57
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Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/2/2013 8:51:37 PM
You know, none of us are perfect. I say even in a commited relationship one can "mess up". If they really care about you and your feelings, it won't happen again. There-by yes, a second chance is a warranted. If it happens again then the person is selfish and doesn't care enough about you. At that point- MOVE ON! It's not gonna stop.
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 58
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Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/2/2013 10:24:59 PM
Generally no, but it would depend on the circumstances. If I feel like I'm someone's second choice though, not a chance in h*ll.
Joined: 12/5/2010
Msg: 59
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/3/2013 6:44:42 AM
Simple answer. NO.
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 60
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/3/2013 2:51:59 PM
Have you even taken in consideration the possibility, that maybe, just maybe he has been dating other women, and doing the same thing ? Maybe he just ran out of options, and that's why he is crawling back to you. I'll give him another chance but this time, the ball would be in my corner.
Joined: 2/11/2013
Msg: 61
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/14/2013 10:05:36 AM
Excuse me, but he's the one wanting the second chance not her, so yes after giving him the first chance and him screwing it up it definitely should be on her terms…...
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 62
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/14/2013 10:26:48 AM
I wouldn't give him a second chance! Why? Because ppl only need one chance to make it work. So if u screwed up the first time, what makes u think u can do any better the second time around?

I don't believe in second chances. I did my ex a second chance, but well that didn't work out at all. So yeah I'm gonna stick with my rules as I always have and give no guys a second chance

U shouldn't either! Cuz he blew u off the first time and said he was BUSY and wouldn't explain. So what's new? some random death in the family excuse? oh please. Atleast be honest.

Him coming back and wanting to hook up with u, isn't that leading u on now? SO him saying he doesn't want to lead u on the first time wat does that make this?

He's a flake. U deserve better
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 63
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/14/2013 11:37:32 AM
For a less negative slant on this. it's simple, you can;t give him a chance in the first place, he doesn;t want to lead you on. as in, this path goes no where, any "chance" you give him, is you fooling yourself into believing this is a potential mate. he's a great person sure, but there's no chances here for anyone, he has made thig clear already, free yourself from the dream world.

if you want to chill with the guy, have fun, just don;t get attached to someone who does not want to lead you on, it's a no brainer. why do people insist on reading between the lines, read the fucking lines for pete sake, just do it.
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 64
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/14/2013 11:59:11 AM
I would probably give someone a second chance if they stood me up
and had a reason why it something came up, emergency,
work...blah blah blah.

But not if that same person stopped communication, was friendly and
then got cold, said he was really busy and didn't want to lead me on.

If they came back after that, I'd assume they had made me a back up
plan and only came around again because the original plan fell through.

I don't really believe there are tons of fish in the sea and we can just
keep tossing them back because another will be right along, but I also
don't want to (knowingly) be someone elses second prize.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 65
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 3/14/2013 10:35:25 PM
If it was just a date? Well, if there was a good reason I would... if I thought they were off dating someone else then probably not, as BEB said, I don't want to knowingly be someones 'second place'. Of course, getting to a 'reason' requires having a conversation and being 'open minded' to at least hearing their reason(s).

A real "relationship", eh, first, second, third, it all depends on the circumstances - cheating definitely not (tried that once in my 20's, never again), but there's varying dynamics in any human relationship (not necessarily romantic) that come up... I mean, how many chances would you give a family member or spouse? I'm betting more than just a "2nd". That assumes way more there than just 'a date or two' though. Of course, if you're bailing your alcoholic spouse out of jail for the 5th time, or taking them back after the 8th time they abused you, maybe you should stop that, that's not healthy... but if everyone bailed on their relationships, friends, family, etc, without a 2nd chance here and there I'd bet the world would be a far worse place.
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 66
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 4/16/2018 7:58:34 PM
I was looking for a thread regarding second chances, because I've encountered it a few times where someone that I've either talked to, gone out or once dated tries to make another attempt.

Dating for since I moved to the south. If and when I get approached - they're either too young, too old, too married (I'm joking about that, because I don't deal with married or involved men, but that does not stop them from their pursuit) or overall not my type.

So I'm still on here, not putting my all into OLD, but I try to remain optimistic and try to engage those that I want to get to know. A guy that I previously had spoken to reached out. He and I connected the first time I was on here. There was mutual attraction, but I got turned off by him asking if I'd come to his house on a first date and when I declined - he tried to say that I assumed he wanted sex.

After that he threw out somewhere as a last resort and I declined. He literally thought I would not remember, but I indulged him for all of two minutes. His recollection isn't as vivid as mine and he says he wasn't trying to get sexual, but we all know just how things come across going to anyone's home as a first date and when I let him know that my safety is paramount. Based on that situation, I don't get why a guy would even attempt to double back?

Like do some guys see that as an incomplete attempt? I know if I were a guy and a girl exposed my hand, I would never try to double back and try again, but this bs keeps happening with different guys, so I figured I'd ask and maybe someone would shed some insight on why some do this.
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 67
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Do you give second chances?
Posted: 4/16/2018 8:51:08 PM
nope he blew it.
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 68
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 4/16/2018 8:53:25 PM
^ ^ ^ ^ LOL Well they do it because they can. You know the old saying, "Women don't really mean what they say?"
That maaaaayyy be true of some women. However there are other women, myself included, we mean every word spoken.
If a man thought to sweet talk me and convince me to change my mind, about anything? Just p***ed me off!
Nope no 2nd chance.
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 69
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 4/17/2018 7:21:43 AM
Agreed! @ Texaschick and Ladyinred

That's what I don't get, how I don't come across as someone that's too nice, but some will try their hand and then I have to show them that I'm serious.

In the instance that I mentioned, in his mind he truly believes he did nothing wrong and he does not recollect trying to be overly familiar and press sex. I let him know exactly what and why he should never try to contact me, but it's amazing at how entitled those with that mentality are.
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 70
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 4/17/2018 3:34:37 PM
Should you give someone a second chance? The answer is easy. Yes IF you want to. If you genuinely like the person and would like to see where it goes then go ahead. Just be willing face disappointment and heartache. Bravery sometimes earns rewards. And keep the legs closed for a while cause once they open it's hard to tell someone's true colours.
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 71
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 4/17/2018 3:59:08 PM
I usually just stick it out to the bitter end, if I'm the one who did the choosing. Try to figure out how to end it on my own terms though. Make it right in my own head. Their narrative of the affair, if they even have one---is most likely totally different than mine~

Do you give second chances?
Posted: 4/17/2018 5:36:31 PM

Do I give him another chance and just go with it or carry on with what I've been doing?

I usually give people one opportunity to screw me around, then they are toast. That has always served me well. The one time I did give someone the opportunity to screw me over a second time, of course, they took it.
Joined: 3/17/2018
Msg: 73
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 4/19/2018 3:38:21 AM
Sometimes i do, sometimes it costs me emotionally some times it dont.

I have a guy in my life atm and complicated but basically i went on 5 dates with him in November last year. As i was slightly emotionally unavailable then (temporary unavailable) i didt express how i felt and yea it dropped. But now we are going on a date sunday this week. and i guess be like 6th date so i think this is classed as second chance. At one point he said hed delete me and did. Never slept with him in case anyone is thinking that. So in a way we both giving each other the same chance here

i say go for it :D
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