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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30'      Home login  
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 Simifan1
Joined: 8/17/2012
Msg: 51
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

What's creepy about lets say a 37 year old going out with someone whose like 25-29 ?


I should have said verging on creepy.... I tend to see 39-early 40's guys saying they want kids...which by necessity puts them with women 10 years younger or more. Sorry, I just think thats kinda perving on children. The maturity levels are so vastly different. For some reason I have to fend off 23-27 year olds on a regular basis both here and when I go out. And when I explain that they are FAR too young and that we have different life goals (such as kids for them later on that I cant provide) they have continued to message with justifications and that I need to loosen up, age is just a number... My point is always that in 5 years when they decide they want kids and then dump me for the younger hotter model who CAN provide them, then I am left old, broken hearted and having wasted my time. Some take it eventually and give up, others I have had to block.

I am not saying younger is bad...I actually do tend to date younger men than me, ALWAYS have. But for me at 42, 34 is pretty much my lower limit. And conversely I dont usually like men older than me, even by a couple years. They rarely want anything more than casual relationships since they are exiting marriages and sowing oats again. Or we have almost nothing in common as to interests.
 rgvmale
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 52
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 8:51:09 PM
I don't even see it as verging on creepy O.o..29-30 year old's ARE NOT CHILDREN!!, The maturity level of a 30 year old is not vastly or much if at all different from a 39 year old. I don't get how you see a 29-30 year as being children to someone who is lets say 38-39. I just think your being paranoid or something ? Creepy would be me standing in front of a high school asking the girls that come out if they are 18 or not lol, that's creepy.
Also what your describing in your second paragraph is not so much the age of those men that are older than you, but more their lifestyle (I mean seriously how much can a 40's year old man change in lets say 4-5 years), interest, etc..ie..them as a person not their age..

P.S I do agree with you that if the OP would at least maybe give some women with just one kid a chance (also chances would be higher of her wanting another kid) his dating pool would grow a lot, and the funny part is that if he were to do this he could maybe even go younger easier as lots of single mom's I've seen tend to date older.
 JenSnider
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 53
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:09:40 PM
An issue that I've seen my friends have is them staying in the relationship even when it should have been over just because they didn't want to leave the kids. You're not dating the children, you're dating the parent. Of course, at the same time, if you are in a relationship with a single parent, their children are going to play a part in your relationship. But they shouldn't determine if you're in a relationship at all.

And I can imagine that if I were a man and I had a younger, single mother who wanted to date me I would be suspicious of her intentions. That's not fair, of course, but the thought would cross my mind that she might be using me.
 Single_Dad_Dave
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 54
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:13:21 PM

They are a time drain a money drain and an interference with life. It's hard to put up with if they aren't your kids.


First of all, date who you want to date. If you don't want to date women with children, it's not big deal. Everyone has preferences and that's fine. Preferences run on weight, physical attractiveness, personality, ethnicity, religion, intelligence, smoking, drinking, activity levels and many other issues. If your preference is women without children, that's fine. Don't make a big deal about it and don't listen to anyone giving you grief about it.

I used to think the same way about children. Boy, they would be a hassle. You can't go out as often. When you go on vacation, you have to do 'family things' and the kids will be there, so you can't go out clubbing, drinking and carousing...

I have two wonderful daughters. I had my first daughter at the age of 39. Children *are* a lot of work. They're time consuming and expensive. They've also been the greatest joy of my life. Watching them grow up, learn, develop into good people, introducing them to things that interest you, watching your life being reflected back to you (and not always in the way you would want or expect it) and watching them develop their own way of the world. Kids are wicked funny. If you give them attention and show interest in them, kids will love you so much. It's an unconditional love that's like nothing else.

All these superlatives are coming from a somewhat reformed geek. I had stratopheric test scores in high school and zero social skills. I took a programming class and it was like second nature to me. Logic comes easy. Love, empathy, social skills and normal human emotions, I had to learn. But not with my daughters. They've taught me so much about life and loving. There's a good chance, one or both aren't my biological daughters. There's no way on earth that I would ever do a paternity test and I have full custody of them after the divorce.

I told my 9 year old daughter that if I knew that having children were so much fun, I would have done it years ago. She responded 'But Daddy, then you wouldn't have had us!'. You're right, it wouldn't have been nearly as good without you.

My only point is, have your preferences, but don't be too quick to discount the joy of parenting and being around extraordinary children. I know many people that have become step-parents. In the right situation, after a prieod of time, it really isn't any different than being a parent. Until you've lived it, you really don't know how wonderful kids can be. I know that I sure didn't.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 55
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:20:41 PM
A good rule of thumb for me is to not date women under 25 that have children . They are still trying to figure out not only how to be young mothers, but also they are still growing as adults themselves. I am willing to make exceptions, but most often this loose guideline has proven to hold true based on my experienced and many others.

I am not picky if a woman is in her 30's and has kids. More than likely the kids are more grown at this age, so dating isn't as restrictive (eg needing to find a babysitter).

I think the underlying sentiment is maturity level, because if a single woman has kids and isn't self sufficient I can see why so many guys would prefer the single, independent, woman instead.
 Simifan1
Joined: 8/17/2012
Msg: 56
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:20:55 PM
Sorry, I am not being clear I guess...a 39 year old and a 30 year old isnt too bad in number of years, but there are still a lot of life changes in that time that might make it odd still. I am talking about certain specific profiles where men 39+ put their desired "looking for" age range as low as 23. This squicks me out. I got messaged once on another site by a guy who was 50...his age range was 25-49. Seriously?? Looking for children and not even willing to give women HIS OWN AGE a chance? Its stuff like this that I think about. Also, like I said, since most women are done having kids by 35 (or should be!), its not much of a range to look for in finding and establishing a relationship and getting to the having kids part if they are 30 as in your 39/30 example.

Sometimes love happens no matter what the age, but I just find it truly difficult to believe that there is anything really in common enough for TRUE love to happen with gaps that are significant when the younger party is very young. I was a mature 18 year old and my life experience and maturity changed drastically from the time I was 18 to even 25, and again in a huge way from 30 to 40!
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 57
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:24:23 PM
The gap of 39 and 30 isn't large. I would argue that it would be creepy for a 30 year old to be dating a 19 year old. It isn't gap necessarily but also maturity and most adults should be mature by 30. If the 30 year old was dating a 50 year old then the gap may be too much to overcome.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 58
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:27:27 PM

I have two wonderful daughters. I had my first daughter at the age of 39. Children *are* a lot of work. They're time consuming and expensive
key point here is they are YOUR children.

I have no problems with having my own kids, they are a drain i made happen and are rewarding. someone elses kids just arent.
 rgvmale
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 59
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:36:57 PM
No, it not really odd or possibly odd. When the age question comes up on dating boards (it has been done to death..) most if not all people wouldn't blink and eye to see a 30 and 39 together, or describe it as odd. Odd would be someone like me dating a 19 year old and me expecting it to go anywhere other than sex.
I think a man would just put something like as his age setting to maybe/possibly have a chance of hooking up with someone that young? Yeah I guess it's kinda weird, unless he is looking just for sex.
Your making it seem like a woman vagina falls off after 35 lol, yeah there is a higher chance of it going wrong but not dramatically , for example I think the rate of having down syndromes at 40 is 1 in 100, still a really really small chance. Look I'm not saying it's the best thing to do but the odds of having a healthy baby are still high. Obviously they would have to start baby making sooner lol if lets say a 39 year old male is able to get a 30 year old..Again honestly I think your making a mountain out of a ant hill lol.

I guess we will just have to agree to disagree lol..boring night for me O.o
 brian0417
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 60
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:43:25 PM
Damn, that jennuh girl has some issues. I don't know how your looks are relevant in a topic when it comes to wanting to date someone without kids. To me, that's like saying you can't date girls over 6' tall because you have a beard. They aren't even related.

In a perfect world, I would want to date a girl with no children because many single moms out there can't effectively date while being a mom. They are awful at it. I need more of your time than 1 hour every 2 weeks to build a relationship with you. But, I've met just enough really amazing single moms out there over the years that balance life / kids / dating very well and it hasn't been an hindrance at all. So, with that in mind, I don't limit myself, since the girl of my dreams just might be a single mom. I try to be as open as possible with dating and don't list a giant list of restrictions like some of the women on this site put out there *cough* jennuh *cough*.

Of course, I'll be waiting for her to come back and say that I'm single because of my less than stellar appearance and how I should really lower my standards. :)
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 61
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:47:06 PM
i just think its funny that she is even talking about looks, shes not exactly a model.
 Simifan1
Joined: 8/17/2012
Msg: 62
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:50:59 PM

Your making it seem like a woman vagina falls off after 35 lol, yeah there is a higher chance of it going wrong but not dramatically , for example I think the rate of having down syndromes at 40 is 1 in 100, still a really really small chance. Look I'm not saying it's the best thing to do but the odds of having a healthy baby are still high.


I am a labor and delivery nurse, I will keep this as short as possible but downs is only one worry. And 1/100 is a HUGE number statistically speaking(I am pretty sure its less than that by a lot)!!! NO, there are no problems with vaginas falling off but there are a huge amount of health risks that occur for the pregnant woman. After the age of 35 you are at a very large increased risk of preeclampsia, high blood pressure, diabetes, preterm labor and delivery, abruptions, blood clots etc. ALL of these can lead to severe illness and even death for both mother and baby. Do you really want to take the "odds chance" when it could mean death?

And yeah...its been a boring night or I wouldn't have even bothered responding to any of these posts LOL
 JenSnider
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 63
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 10:05:25 PM
^Since I am going to be 30 this year, and don't even have somebody that I date on occasion, I'm going to respond to your question.

No, I don't want to "risk" it, but at the same time I'm not going to attempt to have a child as quickly as possible just because there are problems associated with having children at a later age. And if I happen to be 35, 36 or older when I have children I'm going to be just as thrilled to have them as I would have been if I were 25.

Sometimes women don't have a choice for how old they are when they have children. I know a woman who's sister-in-law has been trying for 14 years to get pregnant, and they finally tested her, and found out that she has a condition that could have been easily fixed, but they didn't test her for it until she was a certain age. So she could have had children 14 years ago. Is that her fault? Did she "wait" too long?
 _BeachGoddess_
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 64
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 10:13:05 PM
rvgmale has stated many things that are completely accurate. I know SO many women that had their first babies after 35 and they had healthy babies with no problems whatsoever, lol. If a woman is healthy, chances are everything will be just fine :) RELAX.

That's all, good night! Lol.
 rgvmale
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 65
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 10:13:38 PM
Point taken, but at the same time there are a lot of health babies born to mothers after 35, and correct me if I'm wrong but your actual health/lifestyle plays a big role as well. I guess my point was that it's not the end all be all, passing the magic age of 35. Obviously the closer you get to 40 the worse off. From what I read the hardest part about getting pregnant after 35 is the actual getting pregnant part? lol. Personally the biggest reason I date younger and close to my own age is because of this so in the end I'm probably agreeing with you more than you think..
Yeah I guess it is a boring night :)
 Simifan1
Joined: 8/17/2012
Msg: 66
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 10:22:17 PM
Since I am going to be 30 this year, and don't even have somebody that I date on occasion, I'm going to respond to your question.

No, I don't want to "risk" it, but at the same time I'm not going to attempt to have a child as quickly as possible just because there are problems associated with having children at a later age. And if I happen to be 35, 36 or older when I have children I'm going to be just as thrilled to have them as I would have been if I were 25.

Sometimes women don't have a choice for how old they are when they have children. I know a woman who's sister-in-law has been trying for 14 years to get pregnant, and they finally tested her, and found out that she has a condition that could have been easily fixed, but they didn't test her for it until she was a certain age. So she could have had children 14 years ago. Is that her fault? Did she "wait" too long?


I already felt seriously bad about hijacking the OP's post but I will reply once more...


Of course if its something like the condition you listed above, and you feel like you still want to take the increased risk, with proper prenatal care and monitoring of course, then go for it. And you should definitely not rush into having children with someone inappropriate just due to your age but it does need to be part of your decision process eventually... the disabled child you possibly could have, the health risks to both all should be weighed carefully. I have seen 40 year old women have healthy babies of course...its just a higher risk, not an absolute. I have also seen teen agers (almost the same health risks as those over 35 minus downs BTW), smokers, and people with chronic medical conditions that shouldnt have children do it anyway for selfish reasons with disastrous results... Your joy over their birth isnt the issue at all.

And most of my talk on this matter is related to MEN who wait until they are older to have children then resulting in them either having younger partners by necessity or inducing their older partner to have kids when it is inappropriate or harmful. If the woman wants to do it that is entirely different. Informed choices are different.

Just saying there is a reason the medical community overall does not recommend it. Why every prenatal record on women 35 and older has a large red AMA printed on it (advance maternal age)...
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 67
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 10:31:43 PM
Are you the same person who posted about 'sluts and numbers'? You really want it all don't you?
I don't date single Dad's out of respect for the kids. I have nothing to offer the children.
Neither have I bought a relationship into my childrens lives. That's just how I roll. It's not for others to judge. It's the way I am.
 Single_Dad_Dave
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 68
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 11:17:11 PM

I have no problems with having my own kids, they are a drain i made happen and are rewarding. someone elses kids just arent.


You must have missed the part of my post that's there's a very strong chance that one or both are not my children.

Children don't change based on genetics. Good kids are good kids. If you can't enjoy a kid unless you 'created' that child, I feel sorry for you.

If you don't want to hang around kids, that's your right and you don't have to. But saying that your kids would be great, 'someone else's kids just aren't', is very shortsighted. I know a *lot* of step parents that would laugh in your face at that statement.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 69
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/27/2013 7:10:40 AM
dave feel sorry for me all you want- im more concerned with my genetic legacy than having kids just for the hell of it. id rather not have kids than have kids that were not my own
 Single_Dad_Dave
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 70
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:06:40 AM

dave feel sorry for me all you want- im more concerned with my genetic legacy than having kids just for the hell of it. id rather not have kids than have kids that were not my own


So, you're more concerned with passing your genetic material into the world, than interacting with people, making a difference in people's life and raising children to be a good person. Wow.

Somewhere out there, there's a lucky woman waiting for your genetic contribution to the world.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 71
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:56:10 AM
Dave you are being glib for no reason, you and i disagree on the value of having children, thats fine but dont get condescending with me. If you are so high and mighty about kids, go adopt 5 more and raise them to be wonderful little white knights, until then you have no room to criticize.
you made your choice, but dont act like you have the moral high ground because you really don't.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 72
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 6:22:08 AM
In your age range I don't think it is a major issue with most men. But if you are a single man or woman under the age of 25 with children your dating life will suck lol.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 73
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 6:26:23 AM
Spot on, penscando. And not only for the reasons you pointed out, but also he's not in a position to be that picky. Speaking from a physical attractiveness standpoint.


I find it interesting that this poster is talking about the OP's looks and him being picky when she has a long list of requirements.

Personally I still a prefer a woman without kids. ( Although having kids is not an automatic dealbreaker for me. ) Many women in their mid/late 20s and early 30s tend to date older men that are around my age. These women are less likely to have kids.
 groovygirlio
Joined: 10/20/2011
Msg: 74
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 12:18:16 PM
agreed. hypersensitive. It's a dating site for a reason, to be able to screen through people that match your wants/needs easily. I assume these single parents that are complaining have preferences as to what they want in a partner...I would hope.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 75
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 1:02:58 PM

I find it interesting that this poster is talking about the OP's looks and him being picky when she has a long list of requirements.

Its like i said she was personally offended that being a single parent was a detriment at all, so being the logical intelligent person that she is, she instead chose to deflect and make personal attacks.
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