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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30'      Home login  
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 hippy_dude
Joined: 2/26/2013
Msg: 101
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
as for myself im not interested in women with kids still living at home . i feel that i have to share her with her ex husband / boyfriend and wont have a full time relationship. plus kids are annoying
 ElChico77
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 102
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/8/2013 10:48:02 PM
I personally choose not to date single mothers too. It isn't because I don't like children. I think kids are awesome. I coach youth soccer and I'm a volunteer at my local Latino Center. I just don't want any children of my own. I have a full time career, am pursuing a second degree, am involved with my state's Democratic party, Dream Act legislation and work a part time job on top of all that. Travel is my passion and I want to be able to take off at the drop of a hat if the mood strikes me. I don't see how children fit into any of that.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 103
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/9/2013 7:57:39 PM
It's not wrong... but people get highly offended by the preference. My profile states I don't have kids or ex-spouses and I am looking for the same. I get blasted on a daily basis for it. It's not my fault that they chose to have kids and I don't want that... but to them I guess I look like the devil! Whatever!
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 104
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/9/2013 11:32:09 PM
I'm kinda in the same boat, but the options are very limited where I live.
 liftnw8z2
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 105
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/10/2013 3:35:09 PM
This is a tough preference to work with. I was married, but had no children - which was for the better in my situation given that my ex was deemed mentally unstable. I was hoping that I would be able to meet women after my divorce that would not have children as well, but found in order to do that I'd be dating in the 20's, which isn't feasible for me either (that age gap doesn't work for me...just, no good). So I've had to relent a little and accept that as a 40 yr old man, I'll be dating women with children. For the most part, that hasn't been bad, but my last meet was really awkward in how her child behaved and how she spoke to her child - which led me to walk away from the situation after the first date.
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 106
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/10/2013 5:30:39 PM
That last one example is one of many many reasons which I run when I say words I have kids. There is still some ppl without regardless of age I'm 33 n don't have any. Pool of those is limited but they are prop looking for same as u no kids so there is one out there for u. I a great catch consider if u do t have prior obligations n u can make that women numer 1 not 2,3,4 or 5 lol
 JenSnider
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 107
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/10/2013 6:16:14 PM
^I think that's probably my main issue with dating somebody with kids. Bottom line is, their kids should come first, and when you're starting a relationship with somebody (at least, in my opinion) you want to be number one in their life, especially if that relationship is going to become serious.

And then there's also the ex-factor. I don't want to have to deal with an ex-wife or any baby mama drama. I don't want there to be that kind of baggage in a new relationship. Ex-girlfriend? Ex-wife? fine, but not when there are children involved.

I am not opposed to dating a man with children, because if I meet somebody that I totally click with in every way, and he has kids, then I will work with that, but kids do complicate things.
 webmdtech
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 108
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/10/2013 11:02:24 PM
I agree with KatarzynaLuiza, its a lot easier to date ppl with no kids, you can go anywhere anytime, sleep until noon on weekends. I have dated both with and without kids and without def better. now i would go out with a girl if she had a kid but i expect her to understand and appriciate the fact that i am willing to do that, so she better be extra nice to me in bed :) haha
 Supreme_Heretic
Joined: 3/3/2013
Msg: 109
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/11/2013 9:46:00 PM
I don't think it's wrong to date a woman with children, and I'm open to it. That being said though, it can get complicated if the relationship doesn't end up working out down the road, and said children have become attached to and accustomed to the gentleman being around and then he's not.
 gunslingerpedro
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 110
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/14/2013 5:34:08 AM
It could also depend on how many kids she has.. many young single guys without kids, would want their own biological family one day, and meeting a single mother could potentially reduce the number of kids the guy could potentially have, and thats if she wants any more at all (providing the relationship moves to that stage).
 TheArtist1979
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 111
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/14/2013 8:17:51 AM
I don't like dating women with kids cause I've been there & it was the worst. They barely had any time to date we would make plans & more than half the time it had to be canceled cause they couldn't find a baby sitter or the baby's daddy didn't want to take care of them or they're kid got sick etc. Its too much of a headache as a matter of fact I was talking to a female on this site we were supposed to meet up twice but of coarse she was busy with her son. I don't mind dating a woman with kid's grown enough to stay home by themselves but a woman with children no way been there done that & I told myself never again.

Now if a woman has kids from different men thats a turn off too cause I have no kids so if you have 2 kids from 2 different men & we decide to have a kid I become the 3rd baby daddy??? no way I'm good. If this means I have to date women in they're 20's who have not had any kids yet never been married or engaged so be it I'd rather take my chances with a younger woman than a woman my age with kids #justmy2cents.
 gunslingerpedro
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 112
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/14/2013 1:56:49 PM
I see where ya coming from about the multiple kids by multiple fathers thing. You'd have to question how stable their relationships were with the fathers. They are less likely to be married/divorced women. At least they made a go of the relationship.

There are some (though not saying all) women who fall pregnant quickly in a new relationship, then break up soon afterwards, Bringing a new life into the world is a big commitment, why do it if the relationship is not stable or long term?
 TrinityNZ
Joined: 2/6/2013
Msg: 114
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/16/2013 9:36:25 PM
I find this is tricky one....I feel personally that excluding people based on whether they have children or not now that I am in my 30's would potentially be limiting a whole range of great people. I would definitely be open to dating soneone who has children if I felt the situation was right. I don't want to limit my options for dating based on that field. Of course each to his own. I just think that the older you get, there less likely you will find someone who hasn't already had a family.
 cramer78
Joined: 2/16/2013
Msg: 115
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/16/2013 11:02:27 PM
you are correct it's not wrong but trying to find a woman these days in your own age bracket with NO kids is near impossible. especially in my area...women start having kids in their early twenties and everytime I would like to get involved with a woman the children thing pops up. kids is not a deal breaker with me but it is definately not a pref.
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 116
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/17/2013 12:22:45 AM
It's not wrong to not want to date someone with kids. .it's just one's preferences. The majority of my relationships have been with men without kids, although I dated one who had custody of his son every weekend and holiday. I don't know. .maybe it's because I don't have kids, but he seemed really overprotective of his son, to the point where he couldn't be more than a mile away on his son's play dates . His son is a sweet kid, and I've never minded being around kids. .it's just that I always felt that we never had enough "us" time. .that is . .the man I was dating.
As one poster put it, if you date someone with kids, you have to accept the fact you will never be the priority. Would I date someone with kids? Maybe, but it wouldn't be my first choice. I realize that as I get older, excluding someone who has kids, well, that might mean missing out on someone great.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 117
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 10/11/2014 1:16:27 PM
I, personally, don't want to date anybody with children or whose children are grown and living independently. I do take exception to people with adolescent children, because I have an adolescent child who might like to have another child his age to hang out with. It would be nice if not only we could have dates, but family outings together. As it is, the men my age and older have babies, toddlers, and children under 13 and those with whom I made contact complained about their ex, so enough is enough.

I don't blame you at all for your preferences. It's your right, so long as you understand that it narrows your dating pool a little....
 lynguistik
Joined: 5/10/2011
Msg: 118
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 11/11/2014 12:13:25 PM
I strongly prefer to avoid writing anything negative on my profile.

"No people with X quality, please. "

It just sounds mean, and it's unnecessary. Why not just refrain from messaging/responding to people with X quality? Your profile is your only chance to make a good first impression. It's going to determine the kind of people that write to you. Why would you fill the only space given with stuff you *don't* like?
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 119
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 11/14/2014 3:09:24 PM

I strongly prefer to avoid writing anything negative on my profile.

"No people with X quality, please. "


I usually stop reading at that point. A lot of women around here do that. I hardly ever pay attention to what "x" is and that's why I don't put it on my profile.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 120
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 11/14/2014 6:13:19 PM

I strongly prefer to avoid writing anything negative on my profile.

"No people with X quality, please. "

It just sounds mean, and it's unnecessary

i actually welcome boundary setting and statements of things not wanted, to a point. they can be stated respectfully or harshly, like any other expression of preference, and the style of presentation says a lot about a person's attitude. and attitude is what profiles transmit best.

if i were a parent, i would want to know right away whether kids were a dealbreaker for someone. then no guesswork, no time squandered in discovery - i'd know we weren't a match.
 hazardous_smoker
Joined: 11/15/2014
Msg: 121
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 11/21/2014 9:36:03 PM
Nothing wrong with not wanting kids. I do not have any, do not want any, and live my life quite happily without them.

Women want kids... They are biologically wired to have them. They NEED to have them... With pretty much anyone.

The first wave hits them when they are in their teens or twenties. They'll pop out kids with ANYONE!

The second wave hits the childless women in her 30's. 'cause biological clocks tick. These women will take any****to procreate before it's too late!

So, as you see... Men not wanting kids is not congruent with their "needs."
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 122
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 11/22/2014 1:42:23 PM
A lot of parents-probably most (particularly women)-who dip their toes into the dating pool use the philosophy "No one is ever going to meet my kids until we date for quite a while and I know for sure that the relationship will lead to something permanent" (usually meaning marriage). That's fine to have that rule, but what happens if Mr./Miss Could-Be-The-One meets your kids and is not thrilled with them, or even doesn't like them? Every parent thinks they have the most perfect kids ever created on the planet. But other people might not share that view. So that's a lot of hopes and dreams and time down the toilet.

But even if the kids are accepted by the parent's new love interest, dating takes a whole new twist that may or may not be acceptable to the new partner-especially with very young kids. In many cases, every date becomes a "family"/kid friendly date, with the whole clan taking part, and every subsequent date has to be something the kids will enjoy first. And it means watching the same crappy kiddie video a hundred times, and nothing else. Forever gone are the days of going dolled up to a fancy place for a romantic dinner and evening out, having a few drinks somewhere, and/or dancing and having a good time. It's replaced daily with "I'm so tired. Taking care of the kids has totally worn me out." I'll stick to dates where the planning involves two people-me and the date.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 123
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 11/25/2014 8:17:46 AM
I gotta admit I've watched 'Happy Feet' with my nieces and nephews so much the movie nauseates me now.

Parents with kids have several different standards - some are OK with meeting sooner rather than later, some have the kids tag along everywhere, some keep the kids so far out of the picture on 'Date Night' you'd never even know they were a parent.

What blows my mind - is how single-minded a lot of parents get over time. I realize it's a full time job and requires a TON of focus, but that focus also tends to create tunnel vision. Some parents tend to think they way THEY parent is the same way everyone else does, or at least the way they do it is the 'only' way that is effective. Several don't even realize how their parenting style changes over time with the age and growth of the kids, because they don't / can't see the forest because of the trees. God help anyone who gives them 'advice' that isn't in the same EXACT situation they are in - because they will not have the capacity to comprehend anything abstract. I'm not trying to be snarky about the situation - both of my brothers are raising several small kids right now, and it's a zoo - nobody has any time to think, just react.

But at the same time, when I or Gramma and Grandpa take care of the kids for an afternoon and they get a chance to 'unplug' - there are times when they can see the 'forest', and it helps them immensely to look at the situation through different eyes, at least momentarily.

I've met some single Moms where it's abundantly clear they have NEVER 'unplugged' from their kids, or are extremely stubborn and refuse to do so. It's no fun being around those types of people. I don't require them to agree with my points of view by any means - but when you can envision that school bus screaming towards the cliff with Ms. Stubborn refusing to let off the gas, even for a second - well, I'm not going to ride that off the cliff with them.
 ajp3
Joined: 9/30/2012
Msg: 124
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/2/2015 10:52:13 AM
Nothing is wrong with not wanting to date someone who has kids. Yes I'm 43, so not really posting in the over 45 forum, so sorry! lol.

I have 2 kids, they are adults. Youngest is 22. I don't want to date anyone that has young kids. I've raised mine, don't want to help out raising theirs, thanks anyway (talking under 10 yrs old). I don't want anymore kids.

I prefer to date men that have shared custody and they aren't there all the time, kids are grown, or has never had them.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 125
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/2/2015 11:01:00 AM
Amen to that ajp3, I agree...and I've been ripped for it by quite a few women who were upset that I wasn't interested in starting over with their toddlers, that's why our kids were planned early, I don't have the patience anymore, just a few hours at Christmas with my great nieces and nephew was enough too make me need a stiff drink when I got home to peace and quiet.
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