Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30'      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 126
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?Page 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I've actually never dated a guy with kids. Well, one, but she was 1500 km away. I don't know how I'd do in that situation, a p-t custody dad.
But I really never get messages from men with kids, maybe just a few. I think they prefer someone who understands them better as a parent. I don't.
But you never know who you meet in real life and click with..like that one guy with the daughter. But she wasn't a part of my life being so far.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 127
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/2/2015 4:53:39 PM
I don't judge guys who don't want to date women with children. I have my own preferences and I stick to them too, so it's all good. I would actually prefer to meet another single parent, but it seems I mainly get the childless guys anyways. I don't really want to get too involved with them because if things work out and they want kids at some point, it won;t be with me, because I'm done, don't want to go down that road again.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 128
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/3/2015 7:51:07 AM
It's not wrong. But as others pointed it does narrow your potential dating pool. While I would prefer to date women without children, having kids is not a dealbreaker.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 129
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/4/2015 9:33:17 AM
There goes your false stereotype of women wanting children. Not all who are married or single want them. Society tells women they want to be married, procreate and be in relationships. The patriarchal wants to control women and treat them like children. So far most women are good little girls and do as they are told.
 superking82
Joined: 11/27/2014
Msg: 130
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/4/2015 4:10:42 PM

There goes your false stereotype of women wanting children. Not all who are married or single want them. Society tells women they want to be married, procreate and be in relationships. The patriarchal wants to control women and treat them like children. So far most women are good little girls and do as they are told.


It's not a false stereotype it's true in most cases. The vast majority of women do want children. That is not a result of "society" or "patriarchal" (you are truly delusional or ignorant if you believe that this society caters to men). It's a result of biology and nature. I also feel I should point out your irony by having a problem with one stereotype while perpetuating another.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone with children. I for one do not want to deal with a woman's ex, kids from another father, etc. I would rather have my own when I choose.

To the OP don't fall for this liberal garbage out there. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
 Pirate_Peat
Joined: 5/10/2012
Msg: 131
view profile
History
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/4/2015 4:23:50 PM
My thoughts exactly ( I only read the subject lol)

A girl can live a life of crime/drugs and scandal, be 30 with 4 kids to 5 diff dads (Scotland) .. yet if I'm not interested I'm the bad guy?
 superking82
Joined: 11/27/2014
Msg: 132
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/4/2015 4:35:25 PM
Exactly. That's the problem these days. It's not necessarily the woman's fault bc there are plenty of deadbeat dads out there, but it seriously messes with a child's development to grow up without a mother and father who are together. It's also hard on kids when their mom is dating someone (esp with younger kids), they get attached emotionally, then they break up--that can cause major abandonment issues among other things.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 133
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/4/2015 4:59:12 PM
I remember when I was a teenager and throughout my 20s, I never wanted to have kids. Found them annoying and just wans't interested AT ALL. Then, at 29, the baby fever started. It was like some force took over my brain and all I could think about was having babies. It was really crazy. All my friends and family were shocked that the biggest anti-child person they knew wanted to have kids all of a sudden. I remember my husband and I "tried" for 3 months before I got pregnant, and I was soooo upset that it didn't work the first time after I stopped using the pill. After I had my son, I was pretty much cured and done having kids. Had my daughter totally unexpectedly seven years later, partially because I believed the crap that "at my age" getting pregnant without help was like hitting the lottery.

I do think that most women have the urge at some point in their lives to have kids. It's nature's way I guess to ensure the human race goes on. Considering what a number pregnancy and birth can do on a woman's body and how stressful it is to take care of kids, you have to be temporarily insane (aka baby fever) to want to sign up for that.

Also, I would NEVER expect another man to take care of my kids, in fact, I would be very hesitant if someone offered to step in as replacement dad. They have a father, and I can take care of them myself, financially and emotionally. I have introduced them to a few men I've dated, and they are just fine. They got more upset when a female friend and I had a falling out years ago and stopped socializing. They loved her and her kids, and it was hard for me to do, but the friendship was beyond repair.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 134
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/5/2015 6:53:39 AM
Most likely a baby fever had societal norms stamped onto it along with being in a relationship or married. Most everything we do in life is triggered by what society wants us to do. Some must have been asleep during or never taken sociology classes in high school and college.

Secondly the birth rate has dropped and 1 in 4 households have children. The other 3/4 don't. There goes your theory that ALL women want children. A false assumption.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 135
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/5/2015 12:41:54 PM
I never wanted kids. There isn't one iota of my being that relates to wanting to get pregnant, experience childbirth, and adding to the over 7 billion people crawling around on this planet.

I've never dated anyone with kids, but I wouldn't be against it, provided the kid was well behaved and pleasant to be around.

I agree with one poster that said that everything offends SOMEONE and if you list a preference you're going to be labeled selfish, intolerant, wah wah whatever. Online dating is pretty in yer face blunt, it makes you lay the cards on the table in a very cut and dry way. "I like tall men. I want young women. I'm looking for someone stable. I have kids, they come first", etc etc.

People get weirded out when confronted with blunt honesty and label it as selfishness, etc. Mostly because oftentimes the "list" does not include them. People have a meltdown over it. MY GOD! He wants younger women and I am not young! She wants a guy in shape and I'm a flabster!!!"

A@@hole!!!!! B@tch!!!
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 136
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/5/2015 4:38:13 PM

I also feel I should point out your irony by having a problem with one stereotype while perpetuating another.


???

You’re a dude thinking you can not only speak for what the “vast majority of women” presumably want, you’re gonna tell us why we want it? LOL

No…the real irony is your ignorance of the definition of the word “patriarchal.”
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 137
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/5/2015 4:56:34 PM
You are entitled to your preferences and yes other people's kids can be a real pain and a burden. It is hard enough to rear your own but some people do take on other people's children as well as their own. That is their choice. Some of us get flack or are seen as strange or selfish if we choose not to have children of our own either. There are so many abused children and stepdads, stepmums, de facto partners etc., seem to be the worst perpetrators.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 138
view profile
History
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 1/5/2015 5:53:56 PM
South_city posted...

It's not wrong. But as others pointed it does narrow your potential dating pool. While I would prefer to date women without children, having kids is not a dealbreaker.


This best sums up my point of view. The one who can switch hats (from mom to sexy babe) and keep a reasonable balance between the two works for me.

Also, the number of kids and their ages can factor in too.

Another factor is the custodial relationship with the other parent (amount of drama).
 WillyT990
Joined: 7/11/2015
Msg: 139
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 7/16/2015 8:30:04 PM
I'm 41, and given my "druthers," I'd rather date someone who was child-free in part because I never had any of my own. Enjoyed being married in that season, but never felt this huge desire to be a parent. I've been out with a couple of women who had grown or almost grown children and that was mostly ok. But one of them still had a bunch of parent/child drama with her daughter, and I sometimes got tired of hearing it.

The problem is that if a man says too much about that on his profile, he's gonna get a few negative messages about how he's a selfish, immature cad, or why he doesn't want to be someone's hero etc. I've had only one conversation one time where the woman said she perfectly understood why I wouldn't be interested in dating her because she had kids. I've also seen only one profile on a dating website where the woman pretty well under no uncertain terms made it clear that not only did she not want kids, but she wasn't interested in dating a man who had any. I remember thinking that what's sauce for the gander might also be sauce for the goose and thought about changing my own profile to remove any ambiguity in that area, but decided it wouldn't be worth dealing with the negative emails.

Trouble is, down here in the South, the opinion seems to be that if she ain't married and having her third or forth child by age 22 that there's something wrong with her. Finding someone over the age of 26 who's child-free is almost a challenge.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 140
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 7/27/2015 12:34:02 PM
A lot of women will state in their profiles "if you don't like kids you should move on." Not wanting to date somebody with kids doesn't necessarily mean you don't like children. Some people recognize that children are a big responsibility and they don't want that responsibility in their lives at present. What's wrong with that?
 sweettea091
Joined: 7/31/2015
Msg: 141
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 8/9/2015 10:47:29 AM
Only men seem to have this mentality. I, personally, love kids! I don't see what the big deal is unless the kid hated you lol.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 142
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 8/9/2015 5:21:46 PM
Sweettea091- Not true.
I know two childless couples and one of the things that brought them together was that neither wanted children.
I always wanted children, so I had them, but not everyone does.
Since I am a mother, men who don't want children are a no go for me, but I don't consider them wrong for it.
It's one of the biggest choices a person can make in life and if someone doesn't want children, they shouldn't have them.
I don't stress if a man tells me it's a deal breaker, nor do I think less of him, if anything he gets points for honesty.
I just think, oh well, we aren't compatible, and move on.
Just a different perspective to think about with this issue.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 143
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 8/10/2015 3:50:03 PM

Only men seem to have this mentality. I, personally, love kids! I don't see what the big deal is unless the kid hated you lol.


Not wanting to date a woman with kids doesn't mean that you don't like kids. Children are a big responsibility and not everybody wants that responsibility in their life. It's just a preference like any other preference. And yes, believe it or not there are women who are not interested in having their own children own dating a man with kids.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 144
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 8/11/2015 5:42:24 PM

Not wanting to date a woman with kids doesn't mean that you don't like kids. Children are a big responsibility and not everybody wants that responsibility in their life. It's just a preference like any other preference. And yes, believe it or not there are women who are not interested in having their own children own dating a man with kids.


Totally. I like kids just find, and I'm super sad I don't have a sibling so I can be the aunt. (my best friend lives in winnipeg and I only get to be aunty alli way way way not enough).
I just know I'd not be suitable to raise my own, nor do I want them in my life permanently. I feel better recognizing that than if I were to lie to myself and put a child in an unfair environment.
As for men, if the kids are in their later teens or over 18 then thats cool. So I'm generally looking at men in their mid to later 40s and hope they got it on with their ex early in life :)
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 145
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 8/12/2015 2:33:25 PM

she is a she. A non-male.


Are you sure about that. Could she be a un-male instead? Kind of like the Un-cola. Right.

Sorry BDJ, just having some fun and I found the statement, and your emphatic approach quite interesting.
 ThePigIsHereForEternity
Joined: 7/19/2015
Msg: 146
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 8/12/2015 9:10:12 PM

Only men seem to have this mentality. I, personally, love kids! I don't see what the big deal is unless the kid hated you lol.


Damn. I hate having to disagree with a hottie, but if there's one thing I am, it's objective. You are wrong about this, I'm afraid. In fact, I do recall several posts from women in this very forum who have said they are looking for men who don't have young children.

I love kids, too. Most of time, I would rather be around them than most adults. I generally don't hear children bellyaching about how miserable their lives are. I have no problem with women with children, either. I had a very good relationship with my last girlfriend's sons, and really hate that it had to end as a result of our break up.

However, I don't want children of my own. I can't for the life of me imagine trying to raise children in today's world. F*ck that. I also can't fault anyone who has already raised children not wanting to repeat the process with someone else.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 147
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 8/13/2015 12:08:24 AM
I am one such, child free, woman who is not interested in a man with young children.
Any children must be adult and completely independent.

Have I tried it... YES.
Did the kids ALWAYS come first and me a long way back.. YES

No thank you.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 148
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 8/13/2015 12:56:03 AM

Most of time, I would rather be around them than most adults. I generally don't hear children bellyaching about how miserable their lives are.


You're quite right. There's some evidence that children actually have a higher self-esteem than adults- they think a lot of themselves. Except for the one's that are bullied, but that's a different story.

I like kids, but I just don't think that I have time for them right now. It wouldn't be fair for me to date a woman with children when I can't take on that responsibility.
 Witnesstomythoughts
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 149
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 8/13/2015 8:18:51 AM

We live in a time in which Political Correctness has run amok, and so practically any and all dating "preferences" a person might have are bound to "offend"....SOMEONE.





Yes, here's an updated list of what WAS ok and is NOW ok :




obese = people of size




senior citizen = person of advanced years




poverty stricken = experiencing poverty




rich = person of material wealth




tomboy = gender non conforming




foreigner = international people




homosexual = same gender loving
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 150
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 8/13/2015 10:35:20 AM

Msg 161: I can't for the life of me imagine trying to raise children in today's world. F*ck that.


What's funny is I heard this same line in the 70's, 80's, 90's, 2000's. People were probably saying that in the early 1900's. Will there ever be a time when people will say: "This is a perfect era for raising kids"?
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?