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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on      Home login  
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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 251
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!Page 11 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
hmm, i'm trying to think of what celebration dinner I want when i'm done with this Lyme disease drug and can actually eat dairy...and tacos sound good. now I have to find a restaurant a step over Taco Hell to make this dream come true. maybe i'll make it a lunch and not wait for 24 hrs. Thanks Ouija.

as for when people leave, its nice to think its b/c they met someone, like the movie The Island--they're going to a better place. But according to what they say, they leave out of boredom. but some of them come back, and if we mention Charmin's name enough, does she return like that horror movie where you mention the name? :)

I agree with the notion, if a guy is overspending for a date, he might just be playing outside his league. hopefully his goal on a date is to get to know the lady better and let her get to know him, not impress her out of her panties. No matter how much a woman is in key with me or how well she plays my organ, if she only goes to restaurants where I need a dinner jacket before we go to the opera and has totally different interest in hobbies...we ain't a match. close, but no cigar.

"In the arena of life honors and rewards go to those who show their good qualities in action." Aristotle

>>>Aristotle obviously never had the pleasure of meeting an ass-kissing bullshitter.

Q: how do you get 20 businessmen into a Smart Car?
A: promote one to the board, and watch the other 19 climb up his butt.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 252
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/10/2017 7:15:09 PM

What I mean is the numbers are against men in all dating spheres. Unless it's men looking for men. Women are a limited resource in all hetero dating spheres. In general, women call the shots. If, as a population, they feel men should shoulder more of the financial burden in dating, that will most likely happen. It's a market. Men trying to dictate, or otherwise bellyache about the rules of the game...especially those who obsess over it....need to get a better job, or find another way to attract women.


I think many men want to pay for majority of the dates. Many men don't like it when a woman has an expectation that a man should pay for all or most dates. There's a difference. Fortunately not all women agree with NY58. There are plenty of women ( in particular younger women ) that are willing to take a larger role in paying for dates.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 253
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/10/2017 8:47:43 PM

Last date I went on that was dinner, I don't need to see the final bill, I know what my dinner cost. The total cost, meal, tax and tip was approx $15.50. That's if he tipped 15%, could have been less, he was pretty cheap.

Standard tipping is 20% for decent service, unless you're at a not-fully-served dining place (like a buffet). And just because the last place you went to had, without exaggeration, pretty much McDonald's prices -- doesn't mean that's what cost of going out is, nor the expectation at all for people in general. A guy's going to get hosed for being a cheapskate sticking to your example -- Much much more in society than him wanting a self-sufficient gal to contribute some when going out. Again, what you're missing is that the world doesn't revolve around your situations. As you said, you have little dating experience. You should be more in the learning phase.

Going to Applebees in the 2 for $20 deal, is a modest outing. It's not expensive. Neither is one or both getting a couple drinks on the weekend, or occasionally during the week. Yes, an outing for dinner can be a little cheaper, but what you point out in your example is Far from the norm of expectations for "going out" on the weekends for an actual Date. Hey, could happen for An outing where the final bill's around what you point out -- like going to Fazolis or something for a self-served dining place that may or may not have food runners -- but much more easily than that too, is Also ones which are much more than $30 as the final bill (but not outrageous), while still being someone who watches their wallet. The *normal* dating scene is more expensive than you think. :)

I don't get it. Don't people who are dating just hangout at each other's place?

No. Although us guys would love it if it was society's standard operating procedure for our 1st dates from Match/POF/OKC to just come over to our place to watch Netflix & chill. :)

You only go out and spend $$$ on weekends?

A better amount. Buying drinks, to one degree or another, is expected on the weekends. Certainly happens during the week when you're scouring the dating Scene. But when settled in some and datING a gal, less. But yes, regardless, more $$ tends to be spent on the weekends because there's also more time To spend, as opposed to a meetup after work to get some food (and maybe a few drinks once in a while).

We're all adults and if a man wants to take a woman out and pay for it, there's nothing wrong with that.

Nobody ever said it was.

If women want to pay, go right ahead. I think it's sad that their reasoning can be so that the guy can't "ask" for anything sexually?

Yeah, that (not so common but existent) thought is a WTF. I think it stems from, understandably, a guy paying for a vast majority of outings makes her feel like she "owes" him something, which, sure, going back to his place (thus sexual potential) comes to mind. A gal contributing within her means should be good enough to be void of feeling like she "owes" him any hassle-included help or favors of any kind.

Women are a limited resource in all hetero dating spheres. In general, women call the shots. If, as a population, they feel men should shoulder more of the financial burden in dating, that will most likely happen. It's a market.

Yeah, it is a market. It's the reason why the 'rule' hasn't changed -- because it doesn't Have to. But that doesn't mean it's kosher. Just because the market Allows something to be there, doesn't mean it should be looked upon as a-okay or that it's even deserving. And going to something like a forum and shaking your head about it doesn't imply in any way you can't afford it. Say Bob has a medical condition that's not all that rare. A place finds a cure for it, and sets the price to what it Can. Not just to cover costs of research and among other things, but they're maximizing profits altogether. Say they set it to Insanely expensive, because again, they Can during the current time period. Bob has to sell his house and can't help his kids thru college. Jim, on the other hand, can afford it (among many other things). Is Jim in no position to b!tch in a comments section on a news article that their prices are too outrageous? No. Even THEN, it doesn't mean he can't afford it -- it's that the prices are *Unnecessarily* too high. Why? There's no competition, which makes a market work. Hence, things like -that- Can happen. And just because one rolls their eyes about it or complains about it in a forum or comments section, doesn't mean it's because they can't afford it at the end of the day.

Men trying to dictate, or otherwise bellyache about the rules of the game...especially those who obsess over it....need to get a better job, or find another way to attract women.

It's not about being a cheapskate though, when stepping back and talking about it in something like a forum (but never to a Date! GF sure, a Date, no!). We can razz the rules/ways of the game about all sorts of stuff... stuff that people take for granted or never really thought about, etc. Just because Bob can afford to pay his neighbor's kid's private schooling -- while the kid merely mows his lawn every Saturday in the summer when off school... doesn't mean he shouldn't b!tch about said "deal". :) Meaning, it doesn't mean he's cheap if there's an Unfair Slant. As I stated above -- the market price does Not Necessarily set the fair price. And complaining about an unfair price when there's no other options -- doesn't mean one can't afford it. It means there's (possibly) something worth b!tching about. But again, one should Never do it to a Date that he wants to go well or a Date that potentially could ever know someone he knows.

Say we go into an alternate Universe (like "Sliders" tv show) -- and everything's almost the Same, except guys & gals on dates pay on and off if both working people for just intro dates, as the way things roll (ideal). Great. But then, we realize that when going down dating alley with a gal, it's expected that he has to wash her car, clothes, & clean her house/apartment, etc. just to have another date -- and to do this until they're going steady, which, he doesn't have to do it So much. Okay. So if I go WTF -- am I just a lazy SOB? :) Hey, it's the market trends! That must mean it's OK, right? Who am I to complain? ;)
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 254
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/11/2017 12:01:21 PM
NG, I'm talking about my experiences. I don't go looking for expensive dinners. Two previous outings were a burger joint where I just had chili cheese fries, no burger, so about $7 or so, w/tax and tip for me. No drink, just water. Other dinner date w/a different guy, I just had an app that was about $7, nachos at a Mexican place. I chose the Mexican place when he asked where I wanted to go. I look for inexpensive places if I'm asked to choose a place.

A cheap guy doesn't care if his date pays for half the bill wherever they go, he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything. Many cheap guys have no interests, because doing things costs money. They're rather stay home and watch tv. If they want to do that, it's their choice, but then good luck finding a woman that only wants to sit and watch tv for the rest of her life. I won't have a relationship past a few dates if I see that going on.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 255
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/11/2017 12:03:54 PM
Advertise your seeking an entertainment director.

Easy peasy
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 256
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/11/2017 2:42:34 PM
Not going out that often doesn't necessarily mean that someone is cheap. Some men and women prefer to relax at home with a significant other, order take out food, watch movies etc. After a committed relationship has been established. These men just need to find women with the same viewpoint.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 257
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/11/2017 3:08:01 PM
South, I get that. I would consider myself a homebody. I enjoy my home and hanging out here and entertaining here. Watching tv, cooking, takeout, renting movies, it all sounds good to me. I'm not always on the go and really dislike that, but there are men that don't want to do anything, as in nothing. All they can think of is dinner and then going to your home and never doing anything ever again. It's a bonding thing to get out and do something together, whatever it is.

A bad aspect to all of this is no exercise. I'm fit and want to stay that way doing outdoor things. I've targeted those kinds of guys all my life that wanted to be relatively active. I'm lucky that I live in a state where there are a lot of active men, because there is so much outdoor stuff to do here. Everyone here likes to list hiking and camping on their profiles, but I'm seeing that it's just to fill it out so they list something instead of nothing. I'm going to be asking guys where exactly do you hike, go for walks, kayak to check out if those interests are true.

It's a shame too many people, both men and women, have done nothing fun during their lifetime, no activities, no traveling, because they are waiting for retirement. Retirement can come and they don't know what to do and may not be in shape to do many things, and may not be healthy anymore to do anything. A person has to also get used to spending money on themselves to enjoy life. I think it's easier if people start before they retire when their income is larger. I've been traveling since I was 19. I got married and took the hubby on trips. When we die, we're going to be in that box a long time, no reason to live like we're in one already.

***I just saw your comment about men paying for dates. I do pay for dates. I may have a guy in my car and take him to parks where I already have a paid card for entrance and parking. Of course I'm also paying for gas if I drive. Then there are dinners I may do and food they consume while hanging out at my place. It all balances out, except I may end up putting out more money, but I'm not counting pennies like some cheap people here do:) When guys do that, they don't have a relationship, that person is just their friend, and if they do that when they live together, they're roommates. I treat a guy like a boyfriend when he comes to my place, I take care of him and he does the same for me if he takes me someplace. It works out really well for both of us. I never had a complaint.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 258
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/11/2017 5:49:33 PM

NG, I'm talking about my experiences.

Yeah, I know. I'm saying your experiences shouldn't base on what's kosher & what's not out in the dating world, when your (limited) experiences are different than most, is all.

I don't go looking for expensive dinners.

Yes, but non-expensive ones are still more costly than McDonalds prices or even double-McD's prices. Again, in the context of what people go out to do.

A cheap guy doesn't care if his date pays for half the bill wherever they go, he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything.

Yeah, that's true. A cheap guy may not care so much about the who-pays thing that much -- but he'll want to stick as close to McDonald's prices as he can, when going out. Or make it a rarity that it's a standard dinner outing ($40 for two; pre-drink at home!).

But a cheap guy will also be willing to go out to not just a non-expensive place, but a Cheap place as you point out, once in a while -- when piling on the "dates" at the gal's place where she's cooking for him. :)

But staying in, in and of itself isn't necessarily being cheap. Depends on his income, tastes, and/or existing social life "out on the town", so to speak. If he's wanting to stay at her place almost all the time for her to cook -- yeah, he is. But usually for said guys, they'll get the take out, they'll get food items to cook too, they'll be at his place just as much, etc... he just likes staying in... and maybe once in a while grabbing a drink or some not-so-restaurantish-grub out.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 259
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/11/2017 9:22:47 PM
I never dated a lot. I seem to date people who I'm compatible with to get into LTRs.

I have been home with my dog that is recovering from surgery, and a friend said why don't you get out for a while and take one of the guys up on their offer of dinner or drinks. I explained that it wouldn't be right to do even though I have told the men that I need to stay close to home for my dog, so it is not a good time to date right now. I don't "DFD", date for dinner.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 260
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/11/2017 10:45:42 PM
NewYorker58:

I just saw your comment about men paying for dates. I do pay for dates.


That's funny, because you admitted in your first thread that you don't contribute to dates because you're the lady, and the man should pay.


but I'm not counting pennies like some cheap people here do:) When guys do that, they don't have a relationship, that person is just their friend, and if they do that when they live together, they're roommates.


I don't know about you, but I don't fcuk my roommates. If the man and woman living together both watch their spending habits, what's the problem? You really should consider taking the word, "cheap" out of your vocabulary. "Cheap" is just as subjective as "gold-digger", and it's equally as offensive.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 261
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/12/2017 1:00:56 AM
That is correct, I do not contribute to a date a man takes me on. I do pay for dates when I have someone come over my house for dinner and for incidentals when they are hanging out at my house and consuming things and watching rented movies. I do plan dates all the time that do not involve the man spending money most times as we are going to parks where I have paid for a pass and parking for the year to get into them, so there is no outlay of cash on his part and sometimes I am doing the driving.

As an example, my girlfriend and her boyfriend split expenses 50/50 with them living together. Should it really be 50/50, because does she really consume half the groceries? She also makes a lot less than him, so should she really be paying half of all the bills? When you spend a lot of your relationship doing math, it more sounds like roommates that are friends with benefits. It sounds like a relationship of convenience and something that is really not steeped in love and without romance. When I was married to a student, I brought in the income, so I paid the bills for us living and for entertainment and didn't look to take anything from his small stipend.

Cheap is a good word as is the word user. I am neither, and I am not accepting of people who are like that.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 262
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/12/2017 4:02:37 AM
"I don't know about you, but I don't fcuk my roommates. If the man and woman living together both watch their spending habits, what's the problem?"

>>>I've known couples who after years, commented the love or whatever else brought them together, is gone and now they're just roomates. I'll guess that's the reference she meant. Still, its amazing how important money is in our lives, there are people who can overlook so many other things to focus on it. I remember taking a married couple to dinner decades ago, and the husband asked for a doggie bag so he could raid the salad bar..and then refused to tip since he had used the salad bar, thus "did all the work". I was willing to cover his tip just to not let him make himself look low class.
 Manofsubstance1970
Joined: 7/8/2017
Msg: 263
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/12/2017 5:42:06 AM

why do women play hard to get in online dating?

"Answer - They can afford to - The ratio is at least 5 to 1 in their favour"
"Don't play their games - be a man and treat them accordingly - respect vs respect"
"Interest level is the main factor and game playing is a non starter"
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 264
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/12/2017 7:40:34 AM

Cheap is a good word as is the word user. I am neither, and I am not accepting of people who are like that.


"Cheap" is not a good word, because it's subjective. One man's "cheap" is another man's "frugal". "User" is also subjective. You might think certain men take advantage of you, while other women might not feel the same way. Some men might think that you are using them, too.

Rather than calling people names because they don't share your same spending habits or values, you should focus more on finding a man who is compatible with you personally, and leave what other couples do out of the equation.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 265
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/12/2017 7:55:32 AM

I just saw your comment about men paying for dates. I do pay for dates. I may have a guy in my car and take him to parks where I already have a paid card for entrance and parking. Of course I'm also paying for gas if I drive. Then there are dinners I may do and food they consume while hanging out at my place. It all balances out, except I may end up putting out more money, but I'm not counting pennies like some cheap people here do:) When guys do that, they don't have a relationship, that person is just their friend,


Many women might invite a man to their place after several dates when they are in a committed relationship. The first X amount of dates are often at restaurants, movie cinemas, museums, sporting events etc and other public places where neither person may have a pass or coupons for. In that situation, a woman can contribute to the cost of some dates. Again, it doesn't have to be exactly 50-50.

When 2 people are a committed relationship, a man can often still contribute when he goes to her place or vice versa. He can bring take out food, buy groceries, appetizers, desserts, beverages etc.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 266
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/12/2017 7:58:32 AM
What I have learned from this thread and a few others is:

Not all dates are created equal.

We don't all date the same way.

One person's idea of a date is another person's nightmare.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 267
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/12/2017 9:46:09 AM
and that ^^^ kiddies, is the whole goal of the first date. to see if someone is your type of date material. blow a wad of cash hoping to blow her skirt off, and do so at your own wallet's peril. a gamble, is a gamble, whether you throw your cash on a green felt table or on a restaurant table.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 268
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/12/2017 10:28:34 AM
Just the word "date/dating" makes me think of the "courting" crap NewYorker has talked about, and that's just not a part of my world. Dating to me is more like "hanging out" or "getting together".

Manofsubstance - what the f*ck is up with the quotation marks around every sentence you type?
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 269
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/12/2017 10:42:08 AM

Dating to me is more like "hanging out" or "getting together".

If I have put on a little black dress and everything that goes with it we aren't "hanging out" or "getting together". We are on a date.

Maybe it is an age diff thing. Maybe it's Maybelline.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 270
Maybe it is an age diff thing. Maybe it's Vaseline
Posted: 7/12/2017 12:34:31 PM
Hanging out doesn't require a wallet.

A condom is required regardless...
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 271
Is that gasoline I smell?
Posted: 7/12/2017 1:24:52 PM
^ depends what your hanging out.
Dating is a word like BF or GF, after a certain age sounds strange.
I like being called " Reason for Living"
I hang out with my friends
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 272
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/12/2017 5:23:26 PM
Pig, I guess you took umbrage with "The Courtship of Eddie's Father", but that show was probably before your time. It's just a word, an old fashioned word.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 273
women don't like the smell of high octane? no wonder i don't get dates at the cruise nights
Posted: 7/12/2017 6:04:08 PM
I've had female friends dress up when we go out, b/c they want to look good. If a lady who puts on a little black dress plans to be taking it off soon...then we're dating :)

A rose by any other name, is still a pretty pricker. This is probably one of the landmines of couples, trying to label what it is "we have".

hey, courtship of eddie's pops is still on youtube.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 274
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/12/2017 6:07:12 PM

If I have put on a little black dress and everything that goes with it we aren't "hanging out" or "getting together". We are on a date.
Maybe it is an age diff thing. Maybe it's Maybelline.


I only put my black dress on for the Crossdresser's Gothic Masquerade Ball out in Ybor City. I kid.

Age difference?? There are only four years between us, so it just might be Maybelline after all.



but that show was probably before your time.


I am familiar with it. I was 2 when the show ended.
 Kj521
Joined: 11/16/2016
Msg: 275
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/12/2017 7:27:22 PM
"Dating to me is more like "hanging out" or "getting together"."

What can I say, Mr. Pig?

Except....you haven't been doing it right. :)
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