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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on      Home login  
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 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 76
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!Page 4 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
NDTfan,

I could make a similar list from a man's point of view. But, since I am a man, I would be accused of being bitter, a whiner, etc., etc.
 SimpleCltMan
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 77
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/19/2013 9:10:19 AM


1. Should be open to "him" or you shouldn't be on the site at all.
2. Shouldn't have anything in the profile that pertains to "him" even if in the next paragraph there's something that disqualifies him, because he'll assume the "looking for male" part is enough for you to have made an unspoken promise to "him".
3. Should message "him" the minute you log on, or you're being a message s***, which makes you the same as a real life s***
4. Should talk to "him" and not the guy with more going for him or you're shallow.
5. Should either pick "him" or you're holding out for perfection
6. Shouldn't ignore "him" or he's going to think you're playing hard to get.

Ha.. loved this...
In short if you don't think you are compatible, don't email and you won't think she is playing hard to get. This goes back to being self aware and understand you are not some gift to the dating world. I know my limitations and have accepted them. Do I get a lot of messages? Nope, but the ones I do get are good decent women and even if we don't date, I have made a good friend. So I don't think women are being hard to get. They just want to be got by someone worthy of getting them.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 78
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/19/2013 10:09:27 AM
I dont know if they want to be chased or if they simply lost interest.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 79
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/19/2013 6:52:26 PM

NDTfan,

I could make a similar list from a man's point of view. But, since I am a man, I would be accused of being bitter, a whiner, etc., etc.


Do tell how could you make a similar list using the female responses from this thread like NDTfan did? If it makes you feel better since she's a gal she'll likely be accused of being bitter, a whiner, a b*tch, a sl*t, etc.
 WHITEROSEFOREVER
Joined: 3/18/2013
Msg: 80
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/19/2013 10:14:07 PM
NDTfan makes great points...i can not understand why some people think that since you are on a dating site you obviously must want to date anybody that responds to the profile.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 81
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/19/2013 11:35:16 PM
NDTfan wrote:


This is all true no matter how many "hims" there are interested in you at the same time. It's IMPOSSIBLE to keep that many "hims" happy.


This just goes to show how absurdly outnumbered women are on dating sites.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 82
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/20/2013 7:24:14 AM

This just goes to show how absurdly outnumbered women are on dating sites.


Or not. If you get two "hims" on your tail (pun intended) and they both insist that you speak to him and only him and ignore everyone else, and that you look for an answer his message the moment you log on ( and so on and so on )
one is always going to be disappointed. The only thing the number of men on dating sites has to do with it is increasing your chance of getting a him.

These guys are the same ones spewing all over these forums, and they're the same ones irl who would get angry if you don't answer your phone or texts right away when he calls, or be unavoidably late for plans with him etc.

The very same kind of man who would jump to conclusions like those in the OP. That if you're not giving him what he wants, then it's for some nefarious selfish reason on the part of the woman.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 83
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/20/2013 8:00:40 AM
^^^^

So you base a theory on the actions of one shallow (and weird) woman, the make up percentages that you somehow believe "prove" your theory, and you think anyone will take you seriously?

Just like the OP, you've made a decision about other people without their input or knowing anything about them and expect everyone to fall all over your for imparting this "wisdom". Amirite?
 Lighthousebright
Joined: 3/16/2013
Msg: 84
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/20/2013 9:48:38 AM
On the internet I don't believe they play hard to get. I believe they are not interested in the man. In person I do believe they play hard to get some times. I like the challenge of it all.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 85
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/20/2013 1:06:56 PM
You are mistaken, OP... they aren't playing "hard to get", they simply aren't all that interested in dating you.
Trust me, if you were "all that", charming and well dressed with six pack abs and she wanted you - there would be no "hard to get".
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 86
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/20/2013 1:59:49 PM
I agree with all who pointed out disinterest doesn't equal "hard to get".

It's more like men or women would rather like to believe someone is playing hard to get because it hurts less. It's finger pointing in place of accepting an unpleasant experience and moving on.

The majority of common rape assaults (besides other exceptions) is the outcome of the "hard to get" mentality which is something invented by insecure men and women who are in denial. No means no. Disinterest means disinterest. Nothing else. It is not anybody's business to psycho analyze what it could mean. Not believing someone doesn't give anyone the right to ignore what is being said. If you don't believe someone, stop trusting them and don't get involved.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 87
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/20/2013 3:05:42 PM
Well, if someone's disinterested, they likely won't converse "informatively and encouragingly", as the OP mentioned, unless perhaps one is good looking. A disinterested person just fails to email back...unless your photo looks pretty good. Then they may talk to you, and decide there isn't enough personality there to make the drive worth it.

yes, some women do play a game....they've posted here enough times about how they can't get a guy to commit, and the response of course was, "wait, you played a game, and now you're upset he's playing a game with you?" or "if you weren't part of the drama, you wouldn't be involved with the drama" or something along those lines. the best way to avoid game players...is to avoid playing games. playing games is how you scare off the straight-forward guys who just figure a woman's not interested when she acts not interested.

why do these women play the game? to know they are wanted by the guy willing to play. sex isn't a real proof of interest, so something else is needed.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 88
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/20/2013 3:31:48 PM

Well, if someone's disinterested, they likely won't converse "informatively and encouragingly", as the OP mentioned,
Exactly. If someone appears to play games, to me that's not a sincere interest. It's manipulation, insecurity, need, and many things I don't understand and don't have to understand but in no way would I think they are interested in me. If someone converses "informatively and encouragingly" I don't see what the problem is. If someone is not consistent in sincerity the normal response would be not to trust this person. People don't walk around "playing games" just to play games. They do it because there is something wrong with them.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 89
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/20/2013 11:59:16 PM
NDTfan wrote:


Or not. If you get two "hims" on your tail (pun intended) and they both insist that you speak to him and only him and ignore everyone else, and that you look for an answer his message the moment you log on ( and so on and so on )
one is always going to be disappointed. The only thing the number of men on dating sites has to do with it is increasing your chance of getting a him.

These guys are the same ones spewing all over these forums, and they're the same ones irl who would get angry if you don't answer your phone or texts right away when he calls, or be unavoidably late for plans with him etc.

The very same kind of man who would jump to conclusions like those in the OP. That if you're not giving him what he wants, then it's for some nefarious selfish reason on the part of the woman.


OK, just a quick question, and a bit off the subject, but since you are a woman, I'd like your opinion. What possesses a girl to approach a guy, and give him her phone number (without him even asking for it) then completely ghosts him thereafter?
WTF is up with that?
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 90
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/21/2013 11:19:30 AM
It seems like women play hard to get more offline than on. Though they're not the only ones, men are also told to play hard to get too by not replying to text messages or not giving full attention during a meetup. I've been told by countless friends not to seem to eager to meetup with a girl or even ignore their phone calls from time to time. The thing is though I'm not the kind of person who plays this stupid game. IDK why it is so widely used in dating, I guess people just like playing games over actually building a meaningful relationship? I suppose people like to be a challenge too and make other people "earn" their attraction.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 91
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/21/2013 3:48:28 PM
More so the fear of getting burned. Women figure if they string along a guy long enough he'll trip himself up with contradictions & get caught lying outright. It's a challenge to figure out someones intentions when it comes to online dating. Even those with the best intentions don't really seem to know exactly what they're looking for. I have my limitations when it comes to virtual pursuit though. I move on to other fish if within a week we have yet to meet.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 92
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 4/22/2013 3:46:43 AM

OK, just a quick question, and a bit off the subject, but since you are a woman, I'd like your opinion. What possesses a girl to approach a guy, and give him her phone number (without him even asking for it) then completely ghosts him thereafter?


It depends on if they had contact after the number drop. It's possible he said something during a conversation that turned her off.

If it was just a number drop with no contact and she just didn't answer, it was either a bet or she's a certified whack job.
 phillywhite12
Joined: 12/1/2013
Msg: 93
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/12/2013 1:13:56 PM
^ This is the problem..why is it that guys have to get women interested? This is the common mindset of most women on dating sites and in the world...A conversation is a two way thing which can be started by any party.I think women forget this or simply dont care because rather than risking approaching someone they might be interested in and possibly getting rejected..They sit and choose from ppl who approach them. Which is a big ego boost..and rightfully so..but it still is common in our world today....Conditioned arrogance
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 94
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/12/2013 2:30:55 PM
Playing "hard-to-get" is playing mind games. I love the way women SAY they don't want any games, but tend to play them themselves.
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 95
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/12/2013 2:31:37 PM
Women play hard to get because men like the chase, simple ad that. The second you show interest, or God forbid actually have sex, you aren't interesting anymore.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 10/8/2013
Msg: 96
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/12/2013 8:37:31 PM

Women play hard to get because men like the chase, simple ad that. The second you show interest, or God forbid actually have sex, you aren't interesting anymore.


Yup, that is correct. A lot of men are total hypocrites when it comes to that.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 97
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/12/2013 8:45:24 PM
so many reason's, so little time.
The submissives trainer who "loved" my glasses.
The nudist looking for the same.
The one who wanted me to drive to his town to spend the night with him..as our first meet.
The one I didnt know hardly at all who called me late at night wanting to come over and accused me of being a lesbian when I said no
The one who wanted to know what I was wearing..in our first conversation
The one who wanted my phone number..right away
The one who positively adored me after one conversation
The "daddy" looking for a young girl
and on and on and on..

i know the men have the same type of problem
 SunForSome2
Joined: 11/11/2013
Msg: 98
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/12/2013 9:01:50 PM
Playing hard to get "online" seems to suggest that you would get some sort of response from a lady or a man and that a conversation would be started... you at least become aware of each other... some interest is shown. However, when it comes to actually meeting there is a certain amount of evaisivness. Grand plans get made... then they get cancelled. This happens more than once. You have three weeks of good conversations... flirtations are made...attraction appears to be mutual and all of a sudden they stop responding to you. You go days without hearing from them. It looks like they aren't interested. And, then out of the blue they contact you again. You finally meet. And, the pattern continues of attention followed by withdrawal of attention.

Three of the last five guys I have dated have played this intriguing hard to get game with me. I prefer to be straight-forward and I don't mind initiating plans. However, I think that some people think that to keep someone interested that this dancing around is necessary.

I don't get hundreds of new people contacting me every day like these younger girls do. However, if I try to be nice and respond to everyone, it is a difficult task to keep up. It's easier to focus on just one or two people at a time. Not responding to your initial message is not the same as playing hard to get.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 99
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/13/2013 6:12:59 AM
(Men with anything to offer, are successful in real life and only players, losers and others with some kind of agenda are in this big pond, in the main.... )

Wouldn't that also apply to women online as well? Women with anything to offer are successful in real life and only players, losers and others with some kind of agenda are in this big pond, in the main....

And if it doesn't, why don't every woman delete their ads and go meet successful men in real life? Unless every successful woman just signs up for a online dating site is "just here for the forums".
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 100
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/13/2013 10:16:12 AM
Context is EVERYthing in a dating conversation. Understanding what they are feeling, doing, wanting during that conversation - and understanding what signals YOU are sending - is how that valued connection gets made.

The problem online, is that context is COMPLETELY lost. E-mails, and even phone text messages - with an internet stranger with whom you have never had actual real-life contact - you have NO IDEA what the reception is like on the other side. Some people (depending on their confidence or naivete) think they have a pretty good idea, but they are STILL just guessing.

Patience has a lot to do with those text conversations as well. Even though they may have the POF phone app and could reply to an email instantly, it doesn't mean they HAVE to. You have no idea if their network got interrupted or something and didn't send the message until 20 minutes later. It happens. Anyone who sends me a text message when I'm driving is damn lucky to get a one-word reply if there's a long stoplight, yet people freak out ALL THE TIME because they EXPECT people to comply with their own schedules. My GF answers her phone when she's on the toilet, and that bugs the crap outta me (pardon the pun). There's a time and a place for conversations, but it's not ALWAYS going to be when and how YOU want it. You are STILL an internet stranger if you haven't met yet, so just respect people for treating you AS such and don't expect them to instantly treat you like the love of their life, because it won't happen.
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