Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 101
view profile
History
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!Page 5 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
so many reason's, so little time.
The submissives trainer who "loved" my glasses.
The nudist looking for the same.
The one who wanted me to drive to his town to spend the night with him..as our first meet.
The one I didnt know hardly at all who called me late at night wanting to come over and accused me of being a lesbian when I said no
The one who wanted to know what I was wearing..in our first conversation
The one who wanted my phone number..right away
The one who positively adored me after one conversation
The "daddy" looking for a young girl
and on and on and on..

i know the men have the same type of problem
 SunForSome2
Joined: 11/11/2013
Msg: 102
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/12/2013 9:01:50 PM
Playing hard to get "online" seems to suggest that you would get some sort of response from a lady or a man and that a conversation would be started... you at least become aware of each other... some interest is shown. However, when it comes to actually meeting there is a certain amount of evaisivness. Grand plans get made... then they get cancelled. This happens more than once. You have three weeks of good conversations... flirtations are made...attraction appears to be mutual and all of a sudden they stop responding to you. You go days without hearing from them. It looks like they aren't interested. And, then out of the blue they contact you again. You finally meet. And, the pattern continues of attention followed by withdrawal of attention.

Three of the last five guys I have dated have played this intriguing hard to get game with me. I prefer to be straight-forward and I don't mind initiating plans. However, I think that some people think that to keep someone interested that this dancing around is necessary.

I don't get hundreds of new people contacting me every day like these younger girls do. However, if I try to be nice and respond to everyone, it is a difficult task to keep up. It's easier to focus on just one or two people at a time. Not responding to your initial message is not the same as playing hard to get.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 103
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/13/2013 6:12:59 AM
(Men with anything to offer, are successful in real life and only players, losers and others with some kind of agenda are in this big pond, in the main.... )

Wouldn't that also apply to women online as well? Women with anything to offer are successful in real life and only players, losers and others with some kind of agenda are in this big pond, in the main....

And if it doesn't, why don't every woman delete their ads and go meet successful men in real life? Unless every successful woman just signs up for a online dating site is "just here for the forums".
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 104
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/13/2013 10:16:12 AM
Context is EVERYthing in a dating conversation. Understanding what they are feeling, doing, wanting during that conversation - and understanding what signals YOU are sending - is how that valued connection gets made.

The problem online, is that context is COMPLETELY lost. E-mails, and even phone text messages - with an internet stranger with whom you have never had actual real-life contact - you have NO IDEA what the reception is like on the other side. Some people (depending on their confidence or naivete) think they have a pretty good idea, but they are STILL just guessing.

Patience has a lot to do with those text conversations as well. Even though they may have the POF phone app and could reply to an email instantly, it doesn't mean they HAVE to. You have no idea if their network got interrupted or something and didn't send the message until 20 minutes later. It happens. Anyone who sends me a text message when I'm driving is damn lucky to get a one-word reply if there's a long stoplight, yet people freak out ALL THE TIME because they EXPECT people to comply with their own schedules. My GF answers her phone when she's on the toilet, and that bugs the crap outta me (pardon the pun). There's a time and a place for conversations, but it's not ALWAYS going to be when and how YOU want it. You are STILL an internet stranger if you haven't met yet, so just respect people for treating you AS such and don't expect them to instantly treat you like the love of their life, because it won't happen.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 105
view profile
History
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/13/2013 2:32:20 PM
Well at least the women in the forums admit to playing mind games. Now I wonder how they would feel about a man playing a few mind games on them?
 aanarchist
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 106
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/13/2013 2:55:58 PM
They're waiting for someone "man enough" to chase them to their heart's content. They are the same ones complaining about the lack of good men because only players go hoe chasing. Don't even worry about those girls dawg, better to find out about their lack of character sooner than later.
 rosewood_girl
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 107
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/13/2013 11:10:59 PM
Some people on here are too quick to meet, and some drag it on for several months, or just stop talking. I personally will stop talking to someone if they ask me to hang out with them on the first day they message me. But also, I will stop talking to someone if they drag it on for a month or more without seeing me. There needs to be a balance. Not sure if thats what you mean, but some guys like to be chased too. Or better yet, some guys like to chase women. If she is too easy, they lose interest. a perfect example was a man that I liked. It definately wasnt the sex, cause we did have sex but I was losing interest, and dated other men as well. He would text me every morning and always wanted to see me. The minute I showed interest back, he suddenly lost interest.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 10/8/2013
Msg: 108
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/14/2013 9:58:41 AM
Personally, I have had to learn how to "play" hard to get, after many disappointing experiences with men. I'm a very upfront, sincere and non-game playing woman. When I like someone, I show it, I don't beat around the bush, but in 100% of times, my openly showing interest in a man has backfired and led to them disappearing. However, when I'm not responding to messages right away, when I force myself to hold back and let them "sweat", when I pretend I'm not all that into them, they stick around. I don't like it that it has to be like that at all, but don't blame women (or me) for doing it. We have learned the hard way.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 109
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/14/2013 2:14:52 PM
Or better yet, some guys like to chase women. If she is too easy, they lose interest.

Yeah, but Not being too easy isn't playing hard-to-get. There's a huge gap (of normalcy) in between...

He would text me every morning and always wanted to see me. The minute I showed interest back, he suddenly lost interest.

A good reason why not to play hard to get... whether it's without thinking about it as you're just not-that-into-him, or whether it's purposely done to conjure up interest from him by making him chase you.

If you do the carrot-and-the-stick approach to make him "earn" something, he's just going to be consumed with "it" -- whether it be sex, or in this case, your interest. Once he gets That, his emotions will think/feel "Got her interest. Why was I so into her? Oh yeah, because she didn't seem that interested (and I don't like even passive rejection)." It's all they end up emotionally knowing you by -- you being the carrot.

when I force myself to hold back and let them "sweat", when I pretend I'm not all that into them, they stick around. I don't like it that it has to be like that at all, but don't blame women (or me) for doing it. We have learned the hard way.

Played right, that can work. But maybe it isn't all that hard to get, but to you it is, since you may be used to throwing it all out there with what many see as A Lot and wanting to talk every day and see them every mutual chance ya have (ie easy to get).

"Too Easy To Get" = The guy/girl is fawning for you right off the bat. Ever hear "going too fast"? It's not just about sex, but about going from 0->couplehood real quick. Unless there was longterm crush had or you two were close friends with sexual tension finally breaking the platonic mold or you're out of their league -- this will often backfire.

"Hard to Get" = Being the same as if you're not that interested, whether you are or not. You're "busy" a lot, you keep communication to a small amount -- you'll see him/her only at your optimal convenience. This is not the same as not easy to get. You're hard to land a date with... things come up, you many times cancel or postpone, but you keep Just Enough thrown in there so he feels there is a Chance and he's semi-confident he can squeeze that 2nd or 3rd date out of ya.
 SuzieQForForums
Joined: 8/5/2013
Msg: 110
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/14/2013 4:54:12 PM
I had an online chat with a guy twice, both chats lasted about 3 to 5 minutes. Part of the conversation was, "Don't you live too far away?", and "No, it's possible, not too far" After the second chat, he wanted to come and spend the weekend "getting to know each other". I asked him to send me an email if he was serious. No email received. Was I playing hard to get?
 ae86drift
Joined: 10/21/2013
Msg: 111
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/14/2013 5:02:10 PM
Because she probably ugh ugh with some guy while you message her.
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 112
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/14/2013 5:06:34 PM
I had an online chat with a guy twice, both chats lasted about 3 to 5 minutes. Part of the conversation was, "Don't you live too far away?", and "No, it's possible, not too far" After the second chat, he wanted to come and spend the weekend "getting to know each other". I asked him to send me an email if he was serious. No email received. Was I playing hard to get?


No, not at that point.
HE was playing games. How long could it take to send an email?
Long on talk, short on action.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 113
view profile
History
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/14/2013 9:59:49 PM
^^^^A man playing games?????? Say it isn't so!!!! Nevertheless........ Since women seem to love playing games, I suppose they'd go for that sort of thing............
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 114
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/16/2013 10:54:29 AM
So who is "playing"?
I AM hard to get.
Seriously. While it's not perfect, I happen to really like my life as it is, so it needs to be an exceptional quality of connection. Note carefully that I said "quality of connection"-and that is not just about looks,or money or status-all the things men accuse women of looking for. BTW, is there ANYBODY here actually looking for a butt-ugly, ill-tempered. teetering-on-the-brink-of -socioeconomic-disaster,liar and thief for a romantic partner? Doesn anybody here actually WANT to do another real-life remake of "Bonnie and Clyde"?
There reason most PEOPLE "play" hard-to-get, is that it ISN'T Play, they just don't want to buy what another particular individual is selling.
Cindy O
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 115
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/17/2013 4:43:43 AM

BTW, is there ANYBODY here actually looking for a butt-ugly, ill-tempered. teetering-on-the-brink-of -socioeconomic-disaster,liar and thief for a romantic partner?


Of course not, but you just described fully 80 percent of the hopeful men who used to message me.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 116
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/17/2013 5:27:10 AM

Women play hard to get because men like the chase, simple ad that. The second you show interest, or God forbid actually have sex, you aren't interesting anymore.


Oh, thanks for reminding me that I thoroughly enjoy running around after pieces of tail for my entertainment purposes.

What kind of guys do you girls hang around with anyways????? Honest to phuck, I've never read such silliness. Start figuring out how to attract men.

And OP, I do believe you have good start on answering your so-called big "problem".

Boy, people are weird.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 117
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/17/2013 5:41:11 AM

So who is "playing"?
I AM hard to get.
Seriously. While it's not perfect, I happen to really like my life as it is, so it needs to be an exceptional quality of connection. Note carefully that I said "quality of connection"-and that is not just about looks,or money or status-all the things men accuse women of looking for. BTW, is there ANYBODY here actually looking for a butt-ugly, ill-tempered. teetering-on-the-brink-of -socioeconomic-disaster,liar and thief for a romantic partner? Doesn anybody here actually WANT to do another real-life remake of "Bonnie and Clyde"?
There reason most PEOPLE "play" hard-to-get, is that it ISN'T Play, they just don't want to buy what another particular individual is selling.

This.
At least for me personally.
I don't speak for other women and certainly don't speak for any men.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 118
view profile
History
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/17/2013 5:52:06 AM
I'm easy to get, if I want to get got.

Otherwise, what she said. ^^^^^^^^^^^^
 sweetpe4u
Joined: 11/4/2013
Msg: 119
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/17/2013 9:00:45 AM
This post makes me laugh. What makes you think they are "playing hard to get" with you??

Do they:
Not respond or ignore you?
Not follow through with plans?
Act generally flaky?

If you answered YES to any of the above, this indicates lack of interest more so than anything else. They aren't "playing" with you; you are esentially "playing" with yourself. Idealizing an online persona is mental masturbation.

If she were interested she would make herself available.


Because there are not interested in you. Because they are not sure of your tactics, because they think that you are a player, and idiot, an nice guy, a pushy guy, a great guy that will not give them the time of day. Does it matter?


Love this. Summed up quite nicely.
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 120
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/17/2013 9:08:24 AM
A few are playing hard to get. And a few are newbies and want to test the water and just dip their toes in it. And a few are crazy or have other problems.

But if you looked like Brad Pitt, you would not be complaining... there would be too many women chasing you for you to notice. My point is, most of the women just don't like your picture very much. Women are into attraction almost as much as men, it's very close (women look at the personality, what's on the inside a tad more than men do). It's a number's game for men, you just have to keep contacting and making dates. You only need one good one.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 121
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 12/24/2013 10:05:03 PM
Single Mothers left and right
ladies with baggage in plain sight
Holding out for the perfect guy
Can't find him and don't know why!
inbox full everyday
why pick 1 guy when you have so many to play
then still on POF a year later
looking for Love or just a Serial Dater?
 Mofa71
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 122
view profile
History
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 6/22/2014 4:43:23 AM
Bullshit whoever you are saying that is not true. I've been on this dating website for almost 4yrs and not one women shown there interest. Sometime it get to the point of a small portion of conversation than what happen next nothing at all.. These women are looking for a ****ing fantasy of a man. This is a reality for all Y'll women chasing money, car, the best look and The position.. I have to go out of my country to search for a women. And I did find one, we been together for almost 5 years. And she truly accept who I am...
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 123
view profile
History
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 6/22/2014 6:16:51 AM
I could ask this very same question about men......

As far as chasing.....I thought men liked the thrill of the "hunt" and "chase".

What happened to that?
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 124
view profile
History
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 6/22/2014 6:40:24 AM

I have to go out of my country to search for a women. And I did find one, we been together for almost 5 years. And she truly accept who I am...

Yet you are still here looking for one...or is it another one?
 SeekingmyForeverArms
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 125
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 6/22/2014 6:52:11 AM
Well.. a lot of guys send "hi how are you" or "Hi you're pretty" or just "hi" what am I supposed to say to that? I besides thank you or hello?

A lot of guys seem to treat this like a chat room or texting. One sentence at a time... sorry I don't have time or patience to send back and forth 100s of 1 sentence emails. I don't care if you're Shemar moore with a PHD and a fat bank account. If you can't write something more then "hi how are you" we aren't going to get very far. I understand that guys *don't want to write the 1st email to be longer if they don't get an initial response" but then the second email is "i'm great, so what's up". Or the best is when they do get a phone number from me.. and then I get a text.. not a call.. that says "hi" and when i say hello back.. nothing no follow up. Besides that fact that I don't like texting. Which even after I tell a guy, they still insist on texting me.

Despite it being 2014, actual conversation skills are still necessary.. and i can't have a 1 sided conversation


Well at least the women in the forums admit to playing mind games. Now I wonder how they would feel about a man playing a few mind games on them?


What? You don't think men play mind games??
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!