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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on      Home login  
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 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 126
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!Page 6 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

t of guys seem to treat this like a chat room or texting. One sentence at a time... sorry I don't have time or patience to send back and forth 100s of 1 sentence emails.


This is how natural conversation goes, though. If you're sitting in a bar, and I walked up to you, what would you rather have me do, say "hi", or tell you this long story about what seems like one of your hobbies, and tell you my goals in dating and all of that, all before even knowing your name? If you function socially, it's hard to break your habits of how conversations go in the real world.
 Goldfishxyz
Joined: 6/7/2014
Msg: 127
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 6/26/2014 1:45:12 PM

because they can? women have the luxury of picking & choosing in online dating, whereas the perception for men is that they take what they can get. lol



Lana Townsend, men can also have the luxury of picking and choosing. I got a message from an attractive woman and I didn't respond to it because she couldn't write anything more than "Hi, how are you?". If men just use this site as a supplement and put most of their effort into meeting women IRL then they can be as selective as women. Anyway, when you eliminate the guys just looking for a quite hookup online then women probably don't receive that many messages.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 128
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 6/26/2014 6:53:18 PM


t of guys seem to treat this like a chat room or texting. One sentence at a time... sorry I don't have time or patience to send back and forth 100s of 1 sentence emails.

This is how natural conversation goes, though. If you're sitting in a bar, and I walked up to you, what would you rather have me do, say "hi",

No, it isn't how natural conversation goes. The difference should be obvious but apparently it isn't. The difference is a conversation that goes 'Person A: one sentence', then 'Person B: one sentence', rinse repeat IRL happens in real time plus there's all the sensual queues. Online the conversation could take weeks that took 3 minutes IRL plus no sensual queues so neither knows if the other is going to respond, when they'll respond, or whether they're running the same patter on multiple people simultaneously.
Plus, if a guy walked up to me IRL and just said "hi" , or another variation we get in email - "hi" smile, or "you're cute" - and then just stood there I'd think he was slow-witted and wouldn't engage in conversation.
Third difference, conversations IRL are rarely 'Person A: one sentence', then 'Person B: one sentence'. They're more like 'Person A: a couple sentences', then 'Person B: a few sentences'. If a person gives 1-word, or 1-sentence responses it is generally an attempt at a brush-off, not a "natural conversation" of interest.

or tell you this long story about what seems like one of your hobbies, and tell you my goals in dating and all of that, all before even knowing your name?

If a guy came at me IRL with "Hi what's your name?" it would make me very uncomfortable. Rarely (like, never) does anyone (other than a service person) walk up and say "Hi, I'm so-and-so". So, basically, I often have conversations about things and ideas before I know the other person's name because the conversation starts from a queue in the environment. It often happens that exchanging names is the last thing we do (if we do at all) if for no other reason than I have a unique name and I don't give out my name to anyone I don't want to be able to look me up. Same with online. If someone wants my name before I'm ready to give it, then I give them the name Cynthia (which isn't my real name).
 SeekingmyForeverArms
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 129
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 6/26/2014 9:29:39 PM
^^^

Exactly.

Emails aren't chats, nor a traditional conversation. You can't treat them as such.
 sedonagirl1
Joined: 6/3/2014
Msg: 131
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/15/2014 7:31:43 AM
Its not that we are playing hard to get ,we do want to meet a nice guy ,its just after one,two,three, bad experiences we try to becareful even more so cause we thought we were being careful from beginning and after meeting in person sometimes after a few minutes sometimes a hour the person totally turns bi polar . This could be a guy or a girl actually . We are all taking chances that the person is honest n their profile . For some reason most aren't in one way or another. We all seem to be here for different reasons, some never intend to meet,some are married,some want to get married move in after one ,two , three dates yikes scarey. Good luck to all of you on your search and please be safe
 sedonagirl1
Joined: 6/3/2014
Msg: 132
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/15/2014 7:35:05 AM
Happy you met someone and have been with them for 4 years that's nice. My question is why are you still on here? It does seem different countries are very different but some are nto for me because man will treat me like he owns me not like American men don't do that already by thinking if they buy dnner drinks that means we owe them sex very sad society generation. Thankfully I dotn need a man I want a nice person to spend time with but need never
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 133
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/15/2014 8:49:30 AM
Women may be on here but that doesn't mean they'll take just any male that is breathing and has a pulse. Don't equate on the Internet to desperate and has no standards.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 134
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/15/2014 4:00:39 PM

LanaTownsend wrote:

because they can? women have the luxury of picking & choosing in online dating, whereas the perception for men is that they take what they can get. lol


FINALLY!!!! An honest woman. One who truly understands the plight of men online.

THANK-YOU!!
 Friendsfirst58
Joined: 6/29/2013
Msg: 135
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/15/2014 6:16:08 PM
I think this is the real reason...

many of them think men like to chase.

And there are still many men who are willing to play cat and mouse. Some people think this increased excitement/desire, that it applies to everyone. Not me. I pursue and leave the chasing to those who prefer sport over practicality.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 136
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/16/2014 10:07:31 AM
I seriously wonder if people think about BOTH sides of the 'pursuit'. Some Men like the 'chase', while others come in here complaining about it. What about the women wanting to BE 'pursued'?

Now, I'm not talking about badgering a woman repeatedly until they cave in for a date - that can be harassment.

What I'm talking about is how the one who is being pursued wants to FEEL like they are 'wanted'. Darn near every single lady in here wants that special someone to make THEM feel special, needed, wanted - like they are the only person that guys has 'eyes' for. We know in a great deal of circumstances that's total BS, because many people in here are messaging multiple people at the same time - but people STILL insist/need/demand to feel 'special' nonetheless. Even some guys insist on the same idea of feeling 'special' before they act.

Where I think people get confused - is knowing the difference between two familiar, smitten people playing 'hard to get' and an internet stranger who is genuinely disinterested. For the most part, flirting online with an un-met stranger over texts and e-mails is about as healthy and predictable as jugging chainsaws, yet people do it waaaay too often and just assume this stranger 'knows' the context from which they speak. This isn't tilted toward one gender more than another - because misunderstanding context is a flaw on BOTH sides of the internet conversation. Admitting MAKING a mistake in context is another huge flaw that many in here absolutely refuse to do - to their own detriment. Nobody in here is perfect - including yourself.

This gets back to the online dating mantra; You've all said or heard of it before - let's all say it again...
Nothing in here is Real until you meet.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 137
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/16/2014 11:33:44 AM

Man "I'm thinking we could meet at ***** for a drink on Friday"
Women "Awww I'm sorry I can't do Fri, I'm meeting up with the girls for a night out"


Give people a choice, and if they still come up with more condition, you put your conditions.

GUY
"How would you like to get together? Would Friday work for you, or perhaps Saturday?"

SHE
"Oh, I am sorry, I have other plans both days, how about Monday?"

GUY
"Monday? Nah. Sorry, I get together with my Budds on Monday. Maybe some other time. It's no big deal."

***

At this point you can tell if you are a small part of her big agenda, or if she is really interested in you. I'd rather not sound too interested and almost like I don't give a fvck if we meet if she can't make the time.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 138
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/16/2014 12:38:22 PM

Give people a choice, and if they still come up with more condition, you put your conditions.

GUY
"How would you like to get together? Would Friday work for you, or perhaps Saturday?"

SHE
"Oh, I am sorry, I have other plans both days, how about Monday?"

GUY
"Monday? Nah. Sorry, I get together with my Budds on Monday. Maybe some other time. It's no big deal."


I think you are right, and it works OK the way you laid it out.

But I would have said, I am busy Monday, open for a (date, bike ride, walk in the park,etc) on Friday - Sunday, or a for a quick meet on the weekdays after 4:00, what works for you?

Quick meet or longer meet/date, depends on the vibe I got up to that point.

If I wanted a quick meet, I would tend to do it early Sat – Sun or later during the weekdays. I wouldn't want to blow mine or her prime time.

Really when I was dating I wasn't all that busy, so whatever works for me. I don't like to pick a date, get a no, pick a date, get a no, rather just say what my schedule is and what's a good time for her?
 SeekingmyForeverArms
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 139
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/17/2014 1:12:17 PM
Yea.. i am often booked days in advance. I don't want to sit home, so I make plans. And i'm not going to break them for a meet. I'm not spontaneous. I'm also not going to change my plans because a guy asks me out. An answer of i'm busy those days, how about this day, is the girl attempting to do the meet another day. Responding with maybe another time no big deal, is dismissive and means you really aren't interested in meeting her. Or that would be my read on it. If she had said, no sorry busy! Then i'd consider that her dismissing you and she's not really interested.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 140
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 11/4/2014 12:56:42 PM
You are right to be nervous. With online dating you don't know the guy's background, friends or family. He could be any kind of nut. If they are not willing to conduct a conversation with you to make you feel more comfortable before meeting, then no loss. I personally would never risk meeting a guy this way unless I had all the safety measures in place. .
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 141
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 11/4/2014 3:53:14 PM

gaile79 wrote:

Well let me tell you my experience. I don't know how it is for all women on here but it can be very overwhelming for me. We get multiple messages daily. I have over 200 messages in my inbox right now and I just can't go through all of them or look at all those profiles. I don't think it's about the chase, I think it's not knowing who to keep talking to and who to let go.


This proves my point about women being treated like Hollywood stars on dating sites. And it holds true to the numbers I got when I set up a fake female profile just to see what it's like for the other half.

I rest my case.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 142
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 11/4/2014 5:24:13 PM
Only a small percentage of women or men for that matter are picking and choosing anything on here....everybody's a star on the internet and has tons of messages in their inbox of life.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 143
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 11/4/2014 6:45:00 PM
I love that poem!!!

The trouble is women may get loads of messages in their inbox but the majority of the guys they would not be interested in either online or in real life. The men often don't even real the profile and contact a woman either way out of their league or the criteria doesn't match in any way shape or form. They are random hitting and playing the percentages game. This can be tiresome for a woman to have to wade through.
 dinno76
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 144
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 1/1/2015 10:03:31 AM
Because they can . All women should play hard to get because they are more in demand than men.
 dinno76
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 145
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 1/1/2015 6:22:13 PM
More men than women on here that is why women get more messages than men. Inflates their ego.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 146
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 1/1/2015 7:54:59 PM
The thrill of the hunt?
Here's the scenario- Hunter walks along, see's one rabbit, he shoots and misses. Oh well. Continues on looking for another. Sees and shoots, Misses. Oh nuts, moves on. Another pops up and he gets it. He has his dinner, and leaves. Any smart hunter does not run himself into exhaustion chasing after the first lousy rabbit. The same hunter also knows that the particular area he hunted in the day before, will not be the same. Why? Because the rabbits are now wise to strange noises, and will not show themselves.

Apply that to dating. Chances are, the prospective man will take one try, at you. If he gets nowhere, then why should he waste his time? The more you drag it out, the less he will be patient with you. Or he just might forget you and move on. If he manages to leave with a lady, then he's gotten what he wanted. If it doesn't work out, then he will go back out looking, but not at the same place. Why fool around with hard to get women?
 CowboyLooking4CountryGirl
Joined: 6/15/2017
Msg: 147
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/3/2017 2:00:53 PM
Its because the online dating world has become a circus.You have a 10-1 ratio,which means there are about 10 guys to one girl.All messaging her and talking to her at the same time you are. It makes women become picky even if they aren't.When you message a girl.Odds are she is also talking to between 8 and 10 other guys too.If they say they oo
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 148
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you are on here!
Posted: 7/3/2017 2:56:44 PM
OLD should be a back up plan to otherwise meeting people in real life. unfortunately, its what many people turn to as a last resort after everything else has a failed...a medium where no one can hear your voice, see your body language, see your confidence projected, but only looks at a photo of you. What are the odds of that working for the majority? someone attracted to personality, is barely going to see it in your profile unless you are good at writing and let it out.

certain people here, can afford to be picky, and should be. They offer more.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 149
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/3/2017 4:19:13 PM

You have a 10-1 ratio,which means there are about 10 guys to one girl.All messaging her and talking to her at the same time you are.

Maybe in a bigger city if the woman is younger and very attractive this is the case. I have never been talking to even a quarter that many men at the same time.

Now in real life? That is different. I can't recommend real life enough. OLD should be just another iron in the fire. There is no smile and eye contact online.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 150
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/3/2017 5:14:59 PM
Some guys are mind bogglingly out of touch.

Talking to 10 guys? Not me or any of my friends who tried OLD. We discuss these things.

I had communication with a total of 4 and only 2 of them at the same time. I may have rec'd a maximum of 10 'literate' messages....I answered 4.

I checked the demographics in my age group in my city. 689 women. 743 males.
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