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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on      Home login  
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 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 176
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!Page 8 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

Ratios don't matter, it's how a man treats a woman. There could be a million women and one man, but if he is a shitty guy, no one will want him.

'Treating' a woman implies some sort of interaction that simply does NOT exist online. You're putting the cart before the horse. Aside from a brief message to get one's attention (which is a totally a one-way interaction) - any other decisions and opinions on whether to respond or not come from a base attraction to a few pictures and words in a profile. That's it.

Engaging in conversations and exposing yourself to further 'treatment' can indeed bring out the rust in anyone's armor, but for the most part, that happens AFTER the online engagement has started.

Online communication is about as easy as a game of Shadow Tag on a cloudy day. We don't understand context of each other, because we don't know each other. We post from out own points of view, and assume the other side from the same perspective. Playing 'Hard to Get' is more about not understanding each other than it is about mistreating each other.

The most damage we do to ourselves, however, has nothing to do with 'treatment' -- it has to do with whom we ignore. We severely limit our own chances by NOT taking a chance in the first place. Logistics and numbers be damned - we all know there's a lot more fish in the sea than the trophies we want to land for ourselves. We don't need to change much to improve a lot; but fear and laziness and procrastination and million other tendencies we have - all prevent us from Carping that Diem. We stick to what we know, even if it's not remotely close to what could work.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 177
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/6/2017 11:37:20 PM
ActiveM, I agree, identify and emulate winners.

Dan, aren't we all creatures of habit! I see many here saying, if they can't have the exact person they seek, they'd rather be alone. It sounds self-defeating, and it is in a way, but depends if the dealbreakers are actually trivial or not.

I wish I could remember exactly what the guys I met online wrote to me, but do recall a nice message that also showed they read my profile. Personally, I don't believe in doing anything half @ss. I would cross every T and dot every I and write a good message. When I get a good message, I feed off that person's enthusiasm. That is not to be discounted.

I don't know why a person would not put their "all" into something they want. I've read the excuses, and they're just excuses for laziness or not really wanting what they say they do. The pessimism and bad attitude can turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. If someone said there's a million dollars up in a 60 ft tree, would you say the tree is too tall or you're not equipped to climb the tree or that you know people who could easily climb the tree, so why should you bother? I see a problem being whether guys think women are really worth the effort. Every person has to determine for themselves how important a relationship is to them and what effort they want to put forth.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 178
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/7/2017 4:41:50 AM
Newyorker

sad to say if a man has enough money and and acts like a shit, some woman will want him. I know plenty of women with shitty men who you figure could do much better.

Online dating allows only a very short opportunity to gain interest and if the pics dont appeal, nothing will happen and the click next happens..
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 179
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/7/2017 8:58:13 AM

I make the effort, hell I make a lot of effort... I dot the I's and cross the T's. I very very VERY rarely feel like its reciprocated online or in real life....

Not to pick directly on MsAlex, but being rarely reciprocated is a pattern of HERs, not ours. Who you pick in here - what patterns you use to choose - has a much to do with bad connections as the guy's bad behavior.

Sure, lots of efforts get made - but I wonder how much you're not accounting for how much of a fragile shell you may have built on your own. How much positivity is TRULY needed to maintain a relationship? Confident, independent people don't NEED constant positivity to realize something could work.
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I read constantly about how women want to avoid 'negativity' in online dating, but seriously - a few "can'ts" or "won'ts" or "don'ts" in a profile is enough to avoid them? How weak must your own ego be to ONLY wish for a profile loaded with positivity? That's not a real human being - it's a game show host. Never mind that female profiles are LOADED with restrictions and deal breakers - think - why it seems necessary to avoid them? Why is it necessary to advertise them?

If you find that the person you connect with isn't what they advertised themselves to be, consider this - guys advertise themselves as the dating market DEMANDS it - they sell themselves as what women want - being authentic or real takes a back seat to a facade of shiny and confident. Pickup artists and players have proved that again and again a million times over. 1/3 of the guys in here are probably lying or exaggerating some statistic because women TOTALLY IGNORE men that fall below that phony idea of what they consider an 'average' number. Selling up positivity is totally part of the game!

If you refuse to deal with anyone you consider inferior from the superficial standpoint of an online personals ad, and driven the market pressure to be above-average or 'die'; I don't think you can complain too much when you find out their personality is not the same as what you think it should've been. It won't be. Guys aren't stupid - at least not as stupid as you want them to be.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 180
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/7/2017 9:05:26 AM
^^^^
I think that was a lot of words that equals out to: people are going to lie to you because we have been told it works so deal with it.

A lot of the OLD lies don't happen in real life. We can see one another. We can hear one another. We can judge one another's body language. That is reality. If someone expects everything they see and read online to be 100% they are in for a rude awakening.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 181
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/7/2017 11:43:08 AM
Dan, simply put, a woman who has anything going on wants a guy that is similar. A guy that wants to sit at home making sandwiches and watching cable is not going to attract the women he wants. It's unrealistic, and a man would have to have mental problems to think otherwise. That is what porn is for, these men. Hold a sandwich in one hand, and something else in the other. For some men, this really is the perfect pairing.

Women are not barracudas, only attracted to shiny things. They're attracted to men with engaging personalities. You don't need money to have a good personality and that's the problem here. Guys who are fun loving, that's not a facade. They go out and do things. Women are attracted to happy men who are out there having fun. No woman wants to have to pick up a rock to find a guy under it.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 182
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/7/2017 12:21:19 PM
LOL. If men feel they have to lie because on line dating " demands " it
Must be a puzzy of a guy.
It is as I've said, ppl make excuses why someone doesn't like them ( too short, too poor. too smart. skin tone ) But why worry if it is a stranger you'll never meet? Bet no one really wants the painful truth of why they are getting msgs replied to or dates.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 183
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/7/2017 12:24:35 PM

No woman wants to have to pick up a rock to find a guy under it.


Then why do so many of the guys I see women with, look like they DID come out from under a rock?
 pofman666
Joined: 10/5/2016
Msg: 184
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/7/2017 12:29:13 PM
OP - Because they're nuts?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 185
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/7/2017 2:19:16 PM
Fullmoon, it's about having a good personality to be able to date a woman, and then knowing how to be a good partner to keep that person. It's not rocket science.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 186
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 7:21:00 AM
Of course personality is important to many people. However there is clearly more to dating in general and OLD in particular than just having a good personality. Person A may not be interested in person B because person A doesn't like person B's pictures. Or person B isn't tall enough or doesn't have a college degree among other possible reasons.

If it gets to a first date / meeting, there may not be instant chemistry because 2 people are virtual strangers. Or at least 1 person might be a little bit nervous or shy at first. Thus there often isn't mutual interest for a second date even though both people may have a good overall personality.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 187
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 10:34:36 AM

It's not rocket science.


Rocket science is easier.

Rocket science follows logical formulas.



Fullmoon, it's about having a good personality to be able to date a woman, and then knowing how to be a good partner to keep that person.


Really.
So all the following had good personalities and knew how to be a good partner?:
(and all this time, we thought they were lunatics)

Charles Manson
Joseph Stalin
Adolf Hitler
Benito Mussolini
Saddam Hussein
Idi Amin
Pol Pot
Ted Bundy

All had women/wives.

"More wine, dear? So, how was your day, dear? What kind of mayhem did you stir up?"
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 188
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 12:12:18 PM

Fullmoon, it's about having a good personality to be able to date a woman

I disagree. A blatantly bad persona that bleeds out of someone will prevent them from getting a date, sure. But to merely get a date? Dates are where your true personality is evaluated. A personality that adequately meshes with hers and/or her taste -- that's for Continuing to date the same gal. It doesn't have to be "good", but yeah, that's where good-to-her counts (even if it's a love/hate persona that she's not proud to say [or realize] that keeps her going/chasing).
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 189
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 12:44:34 PM
Fullmoonguy, I bet these guys would write a damn good message if they did OLD, LOL:) See, there's an @ss for every seat. There's someone out there for everyone. These guys are dictators, were they charming too, not sure, I don't know my history well enough. I know it wouldn't be healthy for women to say no to them. Charles Manson had brainwashed women. A guy could target mindless women. Ted Bundy, most of his "dates" were prostitutes, but the guys here don't want to put their hand in their pocket.

What do younger women want a guy for, to create a home with a family and to grow together in life, someone to do things with. A lot of that motivation is gone with older ladies like myself. We have homes, we have kids if we wanted them, and we have friends to do things with. What's left? A guy's manliness, but the men commenting here want to claim they don't need to treat a woman like a woman anymore because of equal rights. A man can treat a woman as an equal and still hold open a door, offer her his hand when she needs it and even if she doesn't, offer his strength, be a gentleman, a protector. If a guy wants to treat a woman like he's one of her girlfriends, he's not making himself appear special when she's full up on girlfriends. The most independent women can fall victim to a guy who is charming, a guy who helps her on with her coat. If a guy doesn't want to show he's different than her women friends, then why exactly would a woman be attracted to him or want to date him?

What I do see women say of my age range when they find a permanent s/o, they say he's sweet, he's kind, he's supportive making life easier for them, does nice gestures. Absolutely nothing said about money, height, education, all about personality. Of course there's that hurdle to first meet in person, but a good profile, writing a good message followed by a great phone call, and a guy is on his way. A guy could be aesthetically pleasing to me, but with no personality, I'm not interested. A good personality is part of the package and a very big part of it as far as I'm concerned.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 190
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 1:30:16 PM

but the men commenting here want to claim they don't need to treat a woman like a woman anymore because of equal rights. A man can treat a woman as an equal and still hold open a door, offer her his hand when she needs it and even if she doesn't, offer his strength, be a gentleman, a protector.


A man can also choose how he defines equality.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 191
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 2:02:02 PM
"when it comes to height , nothing gets a vajayjay wetter faster than el numero 6 !"



That is SO true - they once conducted a test where they had to use bigger and bigger barrels because they kept OVERFLOWING

Nuff said
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 192
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 5:14:25 PM

: Ratios don't matter, it's how a man treats a woman.


Oh.

Why don't I see it that way?


I see a huge amount of attractive women available in my state that have jobs and no children.


But you're looking at them from a woman's point of view. Most of the time, I couldn't tell one man from another, in an attractive point of view. Tell me, why should I believe you?


What men should do is step up their game and stop whining.


If I did, then at some point, I'm going drop my guard, and resume being me. Most women do that quite well. Usually happens just after she says I do. That's when the man feels like he got the dirty end of the stick. When he starts getting nagged about something. Been there, done that.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 193
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 6:56:57 PM
One gal got into a pissing contest with me via email

Says her daddy told her that the man should pursue

I told her that daddy didn't date with OLD where 10 guys are pursuing buttercup

Fvck dat sh!t

She can chase me..,
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 194
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 7:29:24 PM
Purple guy, I'm not saying a guy should pretend to be something he's not. I'm just saying why a guy may be striking out. A guy could bump up his courting skills. You make it sound like all women want is to be married, like we are all getting some kind of prize by marrying you guys. Life is not Cracker Jacks and you guys are not a prize in it, LOL:)

I never changed during my marriage. I believe in live and let live, the guy should do what he wants. When my ex cheated, then he had to go, because that was my one firm requirement, don't cheat. Men cheat. So many of them do. I'm not looking to get married again. A LTR is fine with me. I don't see women of my age range that want to get married again, they barely want to date. Life isn't bad without a guy, that's why they have to be good for us to give them a shot.

I got out of a 15 year marriage. A LTR is good for me if it happens. If it was 40 years ago when you didn't see AIDS and other social diseases being rampant, I may have considered just dating. Herpes is real and guys are stating in their profiles that they have it. They wear it proudly too, LOL. Look at me, I've got herpes, but it's okay since a lot of the population has it. That is what they say. And that they don't get outbreaks often. Wow, sign me UP!!!!:) Talk about the dirty end of the stick, LOL!
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 195
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 7:50:41 PM
^^^
Entitlement on steroids

Everyready is healthy thanks to you.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 196
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 8:00:40 PM
NewYorker58- Courting? Nah.
The world may be ending, because purplerider isn't that far off from how I feel.
When some people date, they go into full on fake it to make it mode. Then, the other person, somewhere down the road, is left thinking "What happened to the guy/girl I met?"
Be polite, dress decent, make an effort, but I think it's a HUGE mistake to be insincere, for either gender.
Unless a man is the type that loves "courting" and will continue it, then he shouldn't act that way if he is NOT that way.
When I go out with someone, they may get a version of me that's a bit more "dolled up" than usual, I do hold back some at first, but mostly, I act the same as I always do.
I want them to do the same thing.
That way they can TRULY know if they like me and I will know if I truly like them.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 197
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why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 9:34:33 PM
I do agree with you. The thing is these guys here seem to say they have scaled back because of it's not working, but I don't think any of us should let a bad experience change who we are and the effort we want to put forward because the people we are interested in don't deserve to be treated less than they should because of any prior bad experiences we may have had.

I do think most of us try to put our good foot forward and may tend to look a little better than we are, but not with the intention to fool someone. It's just natural to do that.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 198
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/8/2017 10:15:27 PM

A guy could bump up his courting skills.


The very definition of "courting" is a special effort to win someone over. Again, this places the woman in the role of "the prize". When you stack words like "prize" and "win" up, it all starts to sound like a game, doesn't it??

However, I'm curious. If a woman finds herself not doing so well in the dating world, what skills might you suggest she "bump up"?
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 199
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here!
Posted: 7/9/2017 4:46:54 AM
^^^the deception skill.
Lie about age, weight, income etc........WAIT a minute!?!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 200
why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason you're on here!
Posted: 7/9/2017 4:58:33 AM
"courting" if I remember correctly, comes from the days of knights, when they were barely above teen age, chasing fair maidens of the same age around the court who didn't have the benefit of The Pill and probably were worried about getting knocked up. In an age of Instant Gratification, texting, and coffee any foolish way you want it...how many take the time for courting? Even in movies the romantic leads head to bed quickly. Love is at first sight. Of course, there are also the guys who say, "I did court her! I blew $100 each date, and then she decided the hot sleazy biker was her type!"

if men "Court" women, what do we call the procedure women use to get a man? There must be an equivalent to "courting", isn't there?

Do many men cheat? Or are they driven to it? :) Or maybe the cheated-on have poor abilities to spot the disrespect that precedes the cheating. I've heard plenty of stories where the teller was an innocent angel and the other person was such a bastard...until I heard the other person's side.

" but I don't think any of us should let a bad experience change who we are and the effort we want to put forward because the people we are interested in don't deserve to be treated less than they should because of any prior bad experiences we may have had."

>>>indeed :) its on us to learn how to choose wisely. Extra-ordinary people are, by definition, rare, b/c ordinary is common.
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