Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > I can't cum with a guy      Home login  
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 26
view profile
I can't cum with a guyPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Well, here's an old mans trick that's worked for me over the years with three women that had the same problem. No doubt, success is going to depend very much on your lover. Currently your wired responce is to your method of stimulation getting yourself off, so a method has to be devised that doesn't stray too far from the same mechanics that you are accustomed to. If you enjoy deep passionate kissing...all the better. If you can get your lover to cooperate, this is a good method to try that's worked for me 100% so far. First requirement is that you are really into your man....something casual isn't going to trigger the emotions necessary to pull off a first time penetration climax. Second requirement is missionary position is used so that deep passionate kissing can be accomplished together and at the same time with penetration. It doesn't matter that much what is going on penetration wise for the first minutes, as long as it feels good and adds to the build up. The trick is in the last period of time required to push you over the edge with the right rhythm, sensual mouth contact, holding deep penetration for strong pelvic contact with a more gyrating motion against your mound for clitoral pressure than the typical in and out. If you can maintain the required contact and rhythm of your mound against his pelvic bone during deep pentration (bottomed out) have the needed control to make it happen. The passionate kissing at the same time should keep the heat turned up and keep you in the moment until the build up really starts....once it does, just get into it and phuck him back with all you've got with out stopping to THINK about what happens next.....just use your rhythm against his pelvic bone and let it happen. Once you pull this off the first time, the second time will be easier and faster......after that, you will find that you will be able to stray further away from the original regiment and still get the desired results. Don't distract yourself with other things like G spot orgasms until you've got this mastered.....other things can be ventured later.....I hope this works for should!

BTW, in case you may think age is a isn't. All three of the women I mentioned were married more than once and over 40... with one of them being 56. The 56 yr. old turned into a sex monster eventually having multiple G spot orgasms, squirting and full body spasms, and even passing out....I'm still hidding under an assumed name. LOL
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 27
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 6:12:58 PM
I could make you cum
Joined: 2/2/2011
Msg: 28
view profile
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 6:20:04 PM
^^ Before or after you take her out for 1hotmeal?
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 29
view profile
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 6:57:54 PM
I wouldn't say where she's comin' from,
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe-Hum!!!!
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 30
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/27/2013 3:25:20 AM

If you still can't reach orgasm with a partner, then yes, therapy is indicated.

If you can masturbate and cum in minutes, then there is nothing wrong with you (anatomically). You're problem is most likely psychological.


My concern is that based on the OP's language that she has set herself up with a self fulfilling prophecy in that she admits she now goes into a sexual relationship with no expectation of orgasm (through intercourse). If this is the case then perhaps some therapy to cross that threshold

OP, you're profile says "a few extra pounds" overweight. If you'll notice, most of the women posting here with the same inability to cum are also overweight. That's part of the problem. Try losing weight, you'll be amazed! I've found men don't like overweight women anyways, & the woman can sense that, & it affects her self-esteem & ability to relax.

I think the good thing is that you know you can orgasm ... that's half the battle.
I'll bet is something psychological ... the inability to give up control of your orgasm to someone else. Do you have problems with intimacy in general or is it just during sex?

You're masturbating way too often.

I think you can cum with a guy. You just need to find a man that can have sex for a long time. No sense in trying to cum as fast as a 2 pump chump, because it will never happen.

The only person you have to blame is yourself...period.
If you can't be open and tell the person EXACTLY what you need where, when, you don't show's he supposed to know???

Totally disagree with these points.

Don't feel bad, OP, I'm in the same boat, kind of although I can get off from manual done by him or oral. I don't think it really matters how you get off as long as you do.

Try rubbing your clit while having sex.

Most women are like this! Only 1 out of 10 women can achieve orgasm through intercourse!

The only way that I have been able to have an orgasm with a partner is by oral sex.

It is not a case of not telling my partner what I like -- I am very vocal in bed, and can talk openly about sex.
For some women, it is about anatomy -- not all clitoris are in the same position, and for some of us, orgasm is damned hard to achieve.

Stop trying. You're putting way too much pressure on yourself. Look up self-fulfilling prophecy. You're doing that to yourself. Stop thinking of an orgasm as being the end goal and focus on enjoying the sensations.
When you stop thinking "it's not going to happen" and start thinking "this is going to be good!!"... that's when things change. Trust me.

Also.. you know like 85% of women don't orgasm from PIV sex, right?

Totally agree with these points and wanted to point out that even if you stop trying,if like 85% of women don't come thru penetration alone,it's not going to happen unless there is clitoral stimulation and I really don't get how men don't understand that this is about a woman's ANATOMY,not her PSYCHOLOGY.
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 31
view profile
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/27/2013 3:43:15 AM
^^^^I have no idea where either of you get your statistics from on that 85% of women don't orgasm through penetration alone....but I assure you that's very inaccurate, unless I've been the luckiest man on earth.....and for Gods sake don't come at me with that lame fake orgasm bit that's so popular on POF.....I've been around long enough to know the difference.
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 32
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:02:43 AM

About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone -- that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances.

Only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse.

This bears repeating: Only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse-no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man's penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship.

This statistic comes not from just one study, but from a comprehensive analysis of 33 studies over the past 80 years by Elisabeth Lloyd in her fascinating book The Case of the Female Orgasm (Harvard University Press).

Rounding things out: About half of women sometimes have orgasms during intercourse. About 20 percent seldom or ever have orgasms during intercourse. And about 5 percent never have orgasms, period.

In other words, intercourse is not the key to most women's sexual satisfaction.

This statistic has several important implications:

* It's perfectly normal for women not to have orgasms during intercourse. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. They don't get it during intercourse because the clitoris is located outside the vagina and a few inches above it under the top junction of the vaginal lips. Intercourse simply does not provide enough direct clitoral stimulation to allow most women to become aroused enough to have orgasms. "Intercourse is okay," says New York City sex educator Betty Dodson, Ph.D. "But I much prefer a talented tongue on my clitoris."

* Penis size doesn't matter to most women's sexual satisfaction. If only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during intercourse, then for most women, penis size doesn't matter. The fact is, any size penis can provide great pleasure to the man it's attached to. But they key to most women's erotic pleasure comes not from the penis and intercourse, but from direct clitoral stimulation, using the fingers, palm, tongue, or sex toys.

* Lasting a long time during intercourse may not matter as much as many (most?) men think it does. Why do men want to last all night? In part because they believe it's more pleasurable for women. Many women do, indeed, enjoy extended intercourse, whether or not they experience orgasm. But only one-quarter are consistently orgasmic during it no matter how long the man lasts. (For men who want to learn better ejaculatory control, a chapter in my book, Great Sex: A Man's Guide to the Secrets of Whole-Body Sensuality, teaches it.)

* Finally, because so few women are consistently orgasmic during intercourse, it's fine to have sex without intercourse. This is especially true for couples over 40. With age, men's erection capacity declines, and menopausal changes often make intercourse uncomfortable for women, even with a lubricant. Many older couples decide they prefer sex without intercourse. Younger lovers might also consider this erotic alternative

Anatomy does play a role when it comes to having orgasms during intercourse alone, however. Minkin says she sees a huge number of women who think there's something wrong with them because they don't have an orgasm during sex. In fact, few women do. About 75 percent of women don't experience orgasm through penetration alone. "Many women do not achieve orgasm just by vaginal stimulation," she says. "A significant number need direct clitoral stimulation."

Is there something wrong with me?


There is nothing wrong with you. The vast majority of women don't orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Like 70%.

As for your other question about whether a majority of heterosexual women cannot reach orgasm through “penetration alone,” there is probably a bit more truth to that one. Let me first clarify that when we’re talking about “penetration alone,” we are referring to a woman’s ability to climax solely on the basis of penile movements inside the vagina during intercourse without providing any type of direct clitoral stimulation with a hand, vibrator, etc.
Now, as for that 75% statistic, I have seen it on a lot of news and advice websites (see here for an example from ABC News). However, all of these websites cite it as a statement of fact and do not back it up with a scientific source. So, let’s see what the research says. For instance, if we consider the Hite Report from the 1970s (a North American study that sampled approximately 2,000 women) results indicated that among those women who reported having had at least one orgasm before and who indicated being sexually active, 30% reported regularly reaching orgasm during intercourse, 12% rarely reached orgasm, 19% only reached orgasm if their clitoris was simultaneously stimulated, and 29% reported never orgasming during intercourse under any circumstances.

Is that enough information to make the point?

but I assure you that's very inaccurate, unless I've been the luckiest man on earth.

Or just aware that penetration alone doesn't do it for the women you are with and you in some way or another stimulate thier clits or they do during penetration.

.....and for Gods sake don't come at me with that lame fake orgasm bit that's so popular on POF.....I've been around long enough to know the difference.

If women didn't think it would blow men's ego outta bed when we don't "feel it",women wouldn't bother to reward bad sex with moans and groans for men's ego's sake.

I don't waste my breathe faking it.But I also don't rely 100% on a man for my orgasm.
Joined: 10/22/2012
Msg: 33
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:08:52 AM
hmmmm...well at 40 yrs old I would think you could help him get to your been with some who havnt ever had a true orgasm because their previous partner hasnt given them it....its sad that a woman can go thru the pain of child birth and raising a family and still not enjoy her physic.....YOU know your body.....and as many say it is up to the guy to be sensitive to what makes her feel good.....Ive been with woman who didnt climax with intercourse but shur did with oral.....which in my opinion is a stronger climax....course thats my what you need...and good luck!
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 34
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:47:13 AM
" wink558 on 2/26/2013 953 AM
Subject: I can't cum with a guy
Message: Sigmund Freud claimed the female orgasm was a myth and I tend to agree with him. Most men dont really care if a woman orgasms or not as it is not our responsibility. These forums are a really good place for men to make themselves sound like they give a rat's arse or are great in bed, reality hits hard in the real world. They are also a wonderful place for women to whine and moan about how bad men are, how they are selfish lovers. You know what, it is what it not gonna change things so instead of constantly complaining, accept it and make your man happy. That way at least he is a happy camper and will then want to make you happy buy doing special things just for you like buying you a new blender or ironing board, bringing home a bucket of chicken to give you a night off in the kitchen etc. Is an orgasm that really doesnt exist worth all the energy and discontent you women put into it? Be happy. "

Are you serious?? OMG. No way you believe this. Really?

I never read Sigmund(reminds me of Sigmund and the seamonsters). Kinda scary.

On topic,
OP, hopefully one day, somehow, you will. I think, like I know a damn thing...., that it may be because of control issues, of losing (or giving over) control. For some, it really is a matter of vulnerability. They just can't do it. I think, (there I go again!), that ALL women can, somehow and eventually, cum with a man. It may not be through intercourse, (yay porn and mainstream movies to tell us if we are normal or not!)

But, if you can accept using toys in front of a man, and then proceed to him using the toys on you, while you TRUST him and let go, and then allow him to "take over" with his own caresses and kisses and oral stimutaltion. It will happen. Not all at once, not all in one attempt. But it will happen. And maybe even it could happen during intercourse. It does depend on what type of contact, obviously. Position, "technique", etc.

Stop saying you can't, for starters. Start thinking "when" you do.
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 35
view profile
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/27/2013 3:48:37 PM
I think I see where some of these outrageous 9 out of 10 statistics come from now, that make women sound as though they are basically sexually incompetent by natural design. I sounds like most of the female population has slept with "wink558"......and that explains alot! Pull this sexual looser, and the few like him out of the sex pool, and these statistics should reverse overnight. LOL
Joined: 2/24/2013
Msg: 36
view profile
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:03:08 PM
its a mental thing,i have to get use to someone before i get a full hard on,maybe u should masterbate during sex,that turns me on,i could make u cum,dont play with urself to much,it makes it harder to cum
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 37
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:13:35 PM

Once I made a woman cum just by saying "hi".....

In my case saying that usually makes them go.
Joined: 6/3/2012
Msg: 38
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/27/2013 7:09:05 PM
Introduce the "V" into the mix....Most women (this is a statistical fact) have orgasms with clitoral stimulation. Alot of people lie and say they came, just to get it over with...Kinda tells you about the guys I have been with...although it has been a very long time for me...........My advice...The "V" and KY..........Mind blowing... :)
Joined: 8/25/2012
Msg: 39
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/28/2013 6:05:04 PM
I have sex and don't always cum all the time and I'm fine with that. I can finish off oral most of the time. It's not that bad..
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 40
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/1/2013 4:45:38 PM
Find someone who you feel comfortable being with and everything will work out fine.
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 41
view profile
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/2/2013 12:54:09 PM
I have had a similar situation wit a partner and i quickly figured out using some kind of toy during oral really drove her nuts and worked to perfection
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 42
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/2/2013 1:06:58 PM

And have sex in a full bladder. Yes, this sounds crazy but it actually works.
I achieve the best G-spot orgasms with this technique.

That may well be true,but I can't STAND the feeling of needing to pee during sex!
I don't want to pee on my guy when I orgasm! lol
Joined: 2/11/2013
Msg: 43
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/4/2013 3:13:51 PM
You obviously havent been with a man that knows how to give extremely good oral sex
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 44
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/5/2013 3:29:25 AM
Hi how r u I never done this before so wot u do for fun
Joined: 1/21/2013
Msg: 45
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/5/2013 4:11:44 AM
Have you ever showed your man how to get you off?
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 46
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/5/2013 1:20:15 PM
That article was written by a man which stands to reason that laying off the weener would help him.And as a woman,I don't lay around all day getting myself off.If anything it's like once or twice a month.And If I stopped doing it while having sex...I'd NEVER come.

Though we often hear that masturbation is healthy, on this occasion, I'm afraid to say it ought to be seen as unhealthy because it has led to a problem.

My guess is that you have consistently programmed your mind to respond to self stimulation and therefore inadvertently trained it to reject stimulation coming from a man. This is what I would advice:

- Do away with all manner of masturbation, no matter how hard it will be initially.
- Abstain from sex and masturbation for a short while, to help build up your desire.
- Start having sex with your partner only. Even if you don't climax, keep doing it.
- I bet after a short while you will start becoming eager to be aroused by your partner and this is when you'll begin to sexually appreciate him fully.
- From this point an orgasm is imminent.
- If it happens, keep doing it until he becomes the primary source of your orgasms.
- If you must masturbate again, do it sparingly. Otherwise you deprogram yourself again.

Not a sex therapist but in my head I'm convinced this will work.

You are a man and have no idea what it feels like to have a body part so far away from anything during penetration
that there's no way in HELL you are going to come without your clit being stimulated during sex.

Imagine this. I rub your balls every time we have sex and for some reason,you don't orgasm.Hmmm.
I tell you to just relax,it will come if you stop over thinking it,it's all in your head and you say,no it's not,you aren't rubbing the right place in order to induce an orgasm.And then I say,stop rubbing your balls.Rely on a woman to rub them for you and an orgasm is imminent.If I rub your balls you will come!Just let me rub your balls so I can become the primary source of your orgasm.You say..BUT I CAN'T COME IF YOU ONLY RUB MY BALLS.GRAB MY D*CK BI*CH!

I hate to tell you,but without clitoral stimulation DURING sex,masterbation or not,75% of women don't orgasm from penetration alone.There's no point in "de-programming" ourselves when it's ANATOMICAL,not psychological.

I'm not only orgasmically frustrated,now I'm intellectually frustrated that men just don't seem to get it.

Thankfully my S/O get's it and that's all that matters...but damn.If our clits were inside of us or we had more sensitive g-spots,'75%' of us would be faking it or going without orgasms during penetration.

What's not to get about that?
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 47
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/5/2013 3:30:41 PM
jewels try using "Spot-On" g-spot stimulating gel and you won't need to rub your clit during intercourse to orgasm. I would also suggest a position in which he comes in contact with your g-spot as well.
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 48
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/5/2013 3:35:53 PM
You probably cant achieve an orgasm, because you set your mind to the negative before the sex begins. Don't think about anything before, just go with the flow, you will orgasm. Maybe you dont have the right lover in your bed, try new things, you will get off. Have him explore every inch of you, from head to toe, dont rush anything, take your time, enjoy all the feelings and sensations that go along with sex. Talk to him, tell him what you like, what you desire, don't forget about the g spot. Don't settle for anything less, than a bed soaker..
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 49
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/5/2013 11:25:34 PM
I love to sit across from the female and masterbate together. It tends to loosen up the sex part
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 50
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/5/2013 11:27:01 PM
Thats a 100% fact.. lol
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > I can't cum with a guy