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 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 101
I can't cum with a guyPage 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)


I'm 40 and have never been able to achieve orgasm with a guy.


What you posted is exactly what a long time friend of mine (20+ years back then) of your age (42 then), married twice (and divorced twice), told me about 12 years ago. She no longer has that problem (solved about 12 years ago and no, I never slept with her.)



I can masterbate and cum in minutes if I want, but can't seem to get over the edge with a partner.


She said exactly the same thing and, I'll tell you what I told her. No man, no matter how gifted he may be, both mentally and physically, can possibly know what your little finger knows. That is, exactly what should be done, how it should be done, and exactly at the right time when it should be done. No man knows as much as your little finger does (though, with a lot of practice, a man can get to know more - very, very rare.)



I get really close most of the time, then nothing. Talk about frustrating.


If you're like my friend, you've probably even cried about it.



I usually go into sex assuming I won't cum so I don't get too bummed out.


That's what you tell yourself but, deep inside, you go hoping that "this" time will be the time when the "spell" is broken.



I haven't established a gyn in my new town yet, but have been considering a sex therapist.


They might be able to help you if they are truly honest with you. Odds are they won't. My friend tried it to no avail, additionally, she is a brilliant MD.



And guys always think that they'll be "the one" but I think they overestimate their skills...or patience.


They'll change water into pina coladas before they make it happen for you.



I fall back on the idea that maybe when I meet my love, he'll take the time to get to know my body and find the magic.


He can take all the time he or you want. He'll get old, you'll get old and still won't get an orgasm. Once he gets too old, neither one of you will get an orgasm.



Fairytales. I know. lol


You got that part right.

Anyway, I was going to message you and tell you how she solved her problem. Not something I will share in public. If you remove the 75 mile restriction _and reply to this post_ (so I know you are interested), I'll let you know how she solved it.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 102
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/17/2013 7:02:22 AM

i think your trying too hard to orgasm and not concentrating on
whats important. relax and enjoy the whole act and orgasm will come naturally


No it doesn't and the advice from men shows alot of ignorance and blame by men's towards women.

How about we call it like it is,If MEN had a clue how to do it,we women wouldn't have to go without or fake it.
 Mortimer53
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 103
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/17/2013 7:33:42 AM
I believe it is the man's job to find a way to make a woman cum.
 Mitchmn50
Joined: 1/8/2013
Msg: 104
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History
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/17/2013 8:28:07 AM
I can make you cum!
Infact I bet I can make you
have a squirting orgasm.
wanna try?
 Countryboy_4u
Joined: 3/26/2012
Msg: 105
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/17/2013 9:41:20 AM
Reading all these posts about women masturbating in order to cumm.......is givin me ** Ideas.....BRB!!
 harleymec
Joined: 3/18/2010
Msg: 106
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/17/2013 4:10:33 PM
well I make sure they cum before I go down on them then make them come then then we work until they cum, I had a GF she was not able to cum we went all night and she was able to have mutable orgasms. so have your partner get you off then go down on you and get you off then you should cum several times.I had a GF that used beads to tighten the vagina muscles she was awesome we had a blast all night and she had several orgasm.
 scubas64
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 107
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/18/2013 6:13:48 AM
Clearly you haven't been with the right man! You need to find a guy that puts his partner first and thoughly enjoys a women's body. Takes the time to find her errogeneous zones and doesn't just dive in thinking he's enough. Some women need more stimulation to build them up to orgasm. A patient man will make the effort to build a women's desire and passion so that she relaxes and can let herself go. If the women truly desires her man, she is comfortable enough to orgasm in his presence.
 scubas64
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 108
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/18/2013 6:24:08 AM
Women should not worry about holding their guy off. Men are easy but a considerate man will put their women first. I can only speak for myself but my orgasm is the last thing on my mind during sex. It is more satisfying to me to leave a women completely breathless, thighs quivering, begging you to stop or to take her right NOW! That in itself is a huge turn on.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 109
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/18/2013 9:09:09 AM

I can masterbate and cum in minutes if I want, but can't seem to get over the edge with a partner.


I bet that once it happens once, it will start coming easily, and then be possible in different positions. It seems to have happened that way with me with 'different' types of orgasms. Once it's happened once, you've opened a whole box of fun experiences, or mixing the experiences, etc.

I'm still waiting on the oral orgasm, though. Like you, I get "right there" and can't go over that edge. I'm sure when I do, it's going to add a wealth of new experiences and sensations. I can only have the big one from penetration, but I enjoy all the sensations of the different types and multiples along the way.

Relax, enjoy, and just allow yourself to feel the sensations. I think what a lot of the men are trying to say when they say "they can do it" is that they understand the value of having YOU be the receiver of pleasure. Knowing they are trying, though, is not going to get you there and probably will make it worse. My advice, be selfish. Stop thinking about him while having sex, close your eyes, and go somewhere where all you feel are the sensations you are feeling, then let whatever comes naturally occur, whether that be continuing, stopping, or brushing him out of the way and finishing. The key is to turn your focus inward.

Have you tried this: woman on top, legs closed, vibrating****ring.

You only need to get that first orgasm, then your body will know and it gets better from there, IMO.


I happen to think many men who think all the women they've been with are getting an orgasm by penetration have probably been duped at times.


I agree, and would add that women have lots of different types of 'orgasms'. That doesn't mean they had the big one. Men can't distinguish that easily. Women know what I'm talking about. It's all good, but only the big "one" or "ones" are what women are generally referring to in posts like these.
 Karismaticappeal
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 110
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/18/2013 9:20:10 AM
I can make you come for sure.This takes skill and experience,infact I make woman come quicker than expected.I can't advise on this matter.
 StiffUpperLipp
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 111
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/18/2013 9:39:32 AM
I recently met a beautiful lady - we developed a close relationship - on our first sexual experience after I came, she told me to hold still - and she masturbated on top of me. I enjoyed it, and told her that next time, I wanted her to show me what made her feel good enough to cum. On our next encounter - we prolonged foreplay and I provided oral stimulation for a while - when she wanted me to enter - she laid on her back and I slid sideways under her legs and entered behind her legs - this allowed her to relax while my weight was off of her but still able to enter her. This also allowed me to use my hands to provide a gentle massage in several places. I asked her to take my hand and move it to the right location with the right pressure and right speed to help her cum. It wasn't long and she exploded. We both laughed and continue to share this kind of mutual masturbation approach.
 Brenton2012
Joined: 6/13/2010
Msg: 112
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/18/2013 11:08:42 AM
I don't understand why you wouldn't be able to cum... I can understand it if you were always using a vibrator , however, it still doesn't make sense to me... I have never left the room after sex without giving the woman an orgasm... I am a very intense lover with some experience, but if you want an internal orgasm, there is certainly a way it can be done... I'm not hinting at anything, but all woman are different and the g-spot just needs that right touch, sometimes hard, sometimes soft, sometimes only from a certain angle... I believe you can find a way if you really want to.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 113
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/18/2013 11:32:37 AM
Neither can I, thank gods!
 holly.dyan333
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 114
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/19/2013 11:03:42 AM
Hey hun...alot of women have this problem. I'm 27 and I finally had an orgasm during sex when I was about 22. We did doggy style and I rubbed my clit the whole time. I started to feel it in the bottom of my torso and I remembered back to when I was at a sexy toy party where the host had said that it would feel like u have to pee but to just let it go. So I did...It was amazing! I can make myself cum on my own as well but during sex is so much better!! Good Luck!
 Rapunzel1964
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 115
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/19/2013 1:30:44 PM
Article excerpts:
"About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone -- that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances."

"Just as there are physical attributes that would prevent some people from ever becoming a concert violinist, or run the 100 meters in 10 seconds, there are attributes that make it unlikely that some women will ever experience orgasm from intercourse alone,"

Study scientist Lloyd agrees that too much emphasis is placed on models of female sexuality that are created by Hollywood and the pornography industry.

But efforts to change attitudes and tell women "just to relax," alone may not help them to achieve orgasm.

"Those things are worthwhile," she said. "But to sort of act as if that's all that needs to be done for women is just silly. This is a total denial of the facts."


http://abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/sex-study-female-orgasm-eludes-majority-women/story?id=8485289
 dcbighead
Joined: 3/16/2013
Msg: 116
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/20/2013 3:30:19 AM
I'm not reading all theses other posts. Orgasm is very Mental and NOT physical. You need a guy to do some mental stimulating. I would suggest more foreplay, teasing, touching, talking, exploring before the actual intercourse. You and you partner should really take time to know your body and what takes you there. there is something there mentally there when you fly solo verses with a partner.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 117
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/20/2013 4:10:31 AM
"About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone -- that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances."


I find it so interesting that some of the men in this thread just can't comprehend this reality.
Almost as if it's too insulting to thier ego's or something to admit that it's not just in our heads.

Again...........men,could I get you off rubbing your balls alone? HELL NO!

It wouldn't matter HOW turned on you were during foreplay if we never touched your D*CK!

You would not orgasm.

Our CLITS are akin to your D*CKS.What's not to get about that? And in my specific case,I feel NOTHING but some pressure,not even any G-spot stimulation, during penetration and there isn't an angle that doesn't HURT when your pelvis is grinding near my clit that get's me there.Without my hand,your hand or your tongue...I ain't comin'.Period.

So don't insinuate that if you are pumping away and not hitting a single nerve during penetration that if we just "relax" it will spontaneously happen.


Orgasm is very Mental and NOT physical.


BULLSH*T!

If that was true,women could just stand there looking sexy and you'd spontaneously come without ANY stimulation to your d*ck.


You and you partner should really take time to know your body and what takes you there.


That statement comes across as presumptuous in that we don't somehow already know our bodies if we can't come via penetration alone.After many sex partners,a 24 year marriage,and a 4 year relationship,not a single man has gotten me off via penetration alone.

WE DO KNOW OUR BODIES and that's how we can be assured that we can NOT come via penetration alone.
 *Dr_Hugnkiss*
Joined: 8/6/2009
Msg: 118
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/20/2013 5:37:42 AM
@hearton You may know your own body but everyone (men, women...and other women) is different.

Orgasms are mental (both men and women have wet dreams with no other stimulation, men have premature ejaculation too)

People should communicate and share their own feelings and bodies imo.

Some men share fantastic orgasms with women through penetration alone. These people are more likely to post on a thread to help other people don't you think?

Do a search for 11 kinds of female orgasm for more on this.

Sometimes there is more in the world than you have already experienced...a mind is like a parachute...works best when open ;o)
 andy1961
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 119
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/20/2013 5:48:49 AM

Again...........men,could I get you off rubbing your balls alone? HELL NO!


Silly generalisation and absolute nonsense.


WE DO KNOW OUR BODIES and that's how we can be assured that we can NOT come via penetration alone.


Now THAT REALLY IS complete and utter nonsense.
 house_full_of_bullets
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 120
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/20/2013 5:59:34 AM
After reading this thread, I've discovered I'm the only man on POF who can't guarantee an orgasm for any female, and that makes me sad. I've been with women who are easily orgasmic and others who can't have one without the use of a vibrator - and I'm good with that. It doesn't mean sex wasn't enjoyable for them - they just needed a little help getting home.

But then again, I don't let my ego get in the way of sex.
 *Dr_Hugnkiss*
Joined: 8/6/2009
Msg: 121
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/20/2013 8:19:20 AM
@house

The information is here so use it for your...and her benefit. Aspire to be the best you can be ;o)
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 122
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/20/2013 10:09:19 AM
Andy....go rub your balls and see if it's utter nonsense that you can't come!
 Sublime_Kisses
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 123
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/20/2013 4:13:34 PM
Oral Sex as foreplay will almost always lead to a greater experience for both a man and a woman. Personally, I love to bring my lady to one or 2 orgasms before we unite and I love it when she stimulates me with her mouth and tongue. And yes, every once in a while, if she wants to complete me orally, I will usually have an intense and deeply satisfying orgasm. Surprise BJ's are nice, too! Of course, good hygiene is a must for both, don't you think?
 Rapunzel1964
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 124
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/20/2013 11:35:50 PM
Aren't some of the guys on this thread sooo fortunate that every woman they have ever been with is one of the 5% who can climax by intercourse alone?

"It's perfectly normal for women not to have orgasms during intercourse. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. They don't get it during intercourse because the clitoris is located outside the vagina and a few inches above it under the top junction of the vaginal lips. Intercourse simply does not provide enough direct clitoral stimulation to allow most women to become aroused enough to have orgasms. "

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic


http://www.nbcnews.com/id/38006774/ns/health-sexual_health/t/sorry-guys-percent-women-admit-faking-it/
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 125
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 3/21/2013 3:11:57 AM

Aren't some of the guys on this thread sooo fortunate that every woman they have ever been with is one of the 5% who can climax by intercourse alone?


That's just because they have "magic dycks"! lol

Those men are why I started another thread.But thank you for your validation.It's bad enough to not be able to orgasm via penetration alone,but all the worse to read this sort of judgement about our truths and be compared to other women as though there is something wrong with "us".
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