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 AUTHOR
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 48
I miss him so much it hurts.....Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I think it was said really good earlier in a post about he/she was the person you used to think you knew. If there is a breakup, normally it is because one or both are not what we envisioned them being. We see what we want to see and then if it ends, we are sad and live in a fantasy like state. Easier said then done?....Yes. But maybe the best thing to do when a relationship ends is to say in your head that the relationship wasn't exactly what you used to think it was. We remember all the happiness someone brought us, the memories etc etc but we leave out the blunt truth of the matter that it ended not because of all those great memories, but of things that one or both people were not happy with. Now that is a wide range of things: I was in a relationship where it ended and she was never over the issues she had with men, she was over the men but the mental abuse that was put on her left her very much not able to be in a loving relationship. Yes, it hurt but again, she was not "all I thought she was" and even though there were great memories, I faced the whole picture and I am at peace with it. If anything, it is great when a person has feelings that make them hurt sometimes but along with being able to care, don't lose sight of yourself and the whole picture. It really does allow you to heal and move on!
 shine1274
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 49
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 3/22/2013 9:57:57 AM
I am a member of this club. There is something I realized maybe 5 years ago. Never approach new relationships looking for one that meets or exceeds the feelings you had with that one. Each relationship is as unique as the people involved in them. Let them blossom into the flower they are intended to be, rather than force it into something it isn't. It just leads to disappointment. Embrace it for what it is and the happiness it brings you today.
 ARadicalPunk
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 50
view profile
History
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 3/23/2013 2:12:10 PM
Time to grow up sister. If you can't afford therapy, take the advice of your friends or family, and just need a healthy escape, I would suggest the following: yoga and meditation.
 bluefish7070
Joined: 11/28/2012
Msg: 53
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 3/27/2013 3:03:32 AM
so......he's a criminal, he lied to you, cheated on you and now he's in jail and he wants you to wait for him.
....which it sounds like you are.
you are only on a dating site to pass some time with some virtual aquaintances.

my advice:
you are doing the right thing.
wait for him
you 2 deserve one another.
 Jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 54
view profile
History
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 3/27/2013 1:03:40 PM
While i feel bad that this happened to you, i feel MUCH worse for your current husband.
 BOBY-14
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 55
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 4/1/2013 12:30:02 PM
is no therapy for this solution only loves one oder then that in just sex sorry
 Quest_1492
Joined: 3/7/2013
Msg: 56
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 4/1/2013 4:21:53 PM
Only an open heart can find love again.
 nikkisenko
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 57
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 4/2/2013 5:07:56 AM

I have since loved other women. Some with great intensity, others, lightly, like a whisper. You will love again. But feel not the pain, but the idea that you have loved with severe intensity, and are willing to do it again, with the right person.


Outmind - I love the way you worded this!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 58
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 4/2/2013 6:42:14 AM

I feel numb and scared that I will never feel that way again.


And your husband doesn't do it for you?
 gogogo66
Joined: 2/4/2013
Msg: 59
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 4/2/2013 8:02:54 AM
Get another to meet your needs!
^You miss him yes,but scared of being alone?
try being alone b/4 you get scared again,thats the only way .
hope you have friends etc to talk to its better than paid advice.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 60
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 4/5/2013 10:25:46 AM
Here’s my take on it. It’s frequently said one is supposed to “heal” after a breakup. As can be seen from numerous posts people always remember past relationships. They may be over them but I’m sure thoughts arise, now and then. In your case, thoughts arise more often. That’s the only difference.

One’s partner becomes like an addiction. We get used to a way of life with the person. It could be something as simple as having Saturday morning breakfast/brunch together. Every Saturday morning one will think of their partner because every Saturday morning they will be hungry and want to eat. The memories are triggered. So, the only solution is to find another person. It doesn’t have to be a grand love. People date and check each other out. This idea one isn’t ready to date because they’re “broken” is, in my opinion, utter nonsense. If thinking about past relationships means one is broken then we’re all broken to some degree. Until you make memories with another person the memories of your last relationship will stay strong. There’s nothing to replace them.

Is it fair to the new guy you meet? Sure it is. If he is the right one he will take your mind off your past relationship. At the very least he will lessen the memories of your past love.

I started dating two weeks after my 13 year marriage ended. I was dragging myself around like a dead cat. (That’s probably not a nice description as I like cats.) The dating quickly changed my outlook on life and I carried on.

It is natural for (most) people to want a partner. Why would anyone want to get used to not having a partner and then when they finally do meet someone they, again, have to get used to having a partner? I never understood that.

If you’re waiting for your man in prison, great. You have two years to see if any other guy can step up to the plate. After all, it shouldn’t be too difficult for a guy as the competition is in prison. If he can’t win your heart under those circumstances he definitely isn’t the guy for you.

Go get ‘em!
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 61
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 8/6/2015 10:08:04 PM
I resurrected this thread, because it's 1:00 am, quiet, and I miss him.
 StarClassic
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 62
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 8/7/2015 7:18:35 AM
NJ, it's been 31 years and I still miss her.
Sometimes, when my mind is truly at rest I will catch the scent of her hair. Here lately I often feel her hand on my arm as I drift off to sleep.
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 63
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 8/7/2015 7:42:26 AM
Thinking why it ended gets me back to reality easier:)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 64
view profile
History
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 8/7/2015 6:14:14 PM
StarClassic

She is with you and you will be reunited one day. But really I would not want to be the woman you are dating when you are still hung up on a young love from so long ago. The departed so often sprout wings and a halo and a ghost is hard to compete with.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 65
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 8/7/2015 7:02:52 PM
gaile79- I went through the same thing when my 21 year marriage ended and I'm the one who left.
It's not easy.
I felt awful and sad, mad, you name it.
I was stuck for a good year after.
Then, I realized, with time and distance, that he was NEVER who I thought he was.
The person I fell in love with was not real, the person I fell out of love with was.
Slow, but sure, over the past (almost) five years, my heart has healed.
I'm am much happier now.
It can happen.
The fact you re stuck after four years worry's me.
You are still in the fantasy of what was, not what is.
I know I repeated myself, but it's important that you understand this point.
Like Carolann suggested, try therapy, I did and I'm not ashamed to admit it and it helped.
As much pain as you are still in, I think that's where you need to go next, otherwise you will stay stuck.
Happiness IS possible and so is moving on, but you HAVE to move from where you are now to move on.
Do it, please.
 impossible51
Joined: 7/5/2015
Msg: 66
view profile
History
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 8/14/2015 6:48:18 PM
Try when it is due to an unexpected death.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 67
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 8/14/2015 8:36:04 PM

We speak still.



he still has a major pull on my heart.



I just had so much passion for him that I haven't ever felt with anyone still.


I'm sure this new guy would be thrilled to know all that:


I am in a new relationship now but it's not the same as how I felt with him.



He has 2 years left in. He wants me to be with him when he gets out


The 2 years was up a few months ago.

Wouldn't you just love to know how this all turned out?


.. I wasn't blind I knew he was doing some things behind my back but I didn't know the half of it. He did some illegal things months prior to me meeting him.........He had different names, women and drug dealings all while playing house with me.


And some women actually say the "bad boy syndrome" is a myth.
 ElectricFish67
Joined: 7/21/2015
Msg: 68
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 8/15/2015 9:11:08 AM
I can't help but wonder what those choices were that could break apart a mutual love so deep. The only thing I can think of is cheating, and if that happened then one of you weren't as much in love as you thought.

Someone should message gaile (her photo is still up so her account is still active) and see if she's over him yet. This thread is over 2 years old.


Impossible51 wrote:

Try when it is due to an unexpected death.


Been there. Never will get over that. There's no way to get closure. But I have loved passionately since then.
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 69
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 8/15/2015 9:16:12 AM


And some women actually say the "bad boy syndrome" is a myth.


Maybe he had a heart of gold? Rolling my eyes...

For every gal swooning over a bad boy, there's a guy infatuated with a b!tch.
 MillaKitten92
Joined: 9/23/2015
Msg: 70
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 10/14/2015 7:39:28 AM
Since it has been so long you've been having issues with this it is probably a good idea to see a psychologist and also work on some kind of self help. I think it's important to try to figure out why you're feeling such intense feelings of loss. Do you still love him and thats why or do you feel like you are just having some kind of attachment issues or something else?
I know I was missing this guy for ages, almost a whole year and he actually hated me. Then we kind of made up but now turns out he seems to of lied to me and yet again abandoned me. Yeah I pretty much saw that coming but I think it was important for me to acknowledge and accept that I was having really strong emotions I didn't quite understand or know how to manage. It helped me finally move on from him now, rather than being emotionally devastated from being abandoned yet again. I think it's also important to think sometimes it's best that what happened happened and that you can see the true nature of people. I mean I now know what he is like and he wasn't treating me right obviously so I realized that I don't want to be with someone that would treat me like that. So basically realizing and accepting that you don't want that person. You kind of have to stop loving them/fall out of love and realize you don't want to be with them to move on. That or just becoming really good at accepting and understanding your own feelings and emotions
 Looking_4_her_still
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 71
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 11/16/2015 6:51:11 PM
Question is: dont you care enough about those other women who also want to be with that guy?

Life is not fare to most and they say it is best to have loved than to never. Every woman should be happy for some duration in their lives.

You need to learn to share things that make us feel good. Thats a problem with this world, nobody wants to share.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/29/2015
Msg: 72
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 11/22/2015 7:39:34 PM
I know many people who have fallen hard for someone, only to find someone later in life, and fell harder.

I think the key to you, is learning to let the past go. You can't move forward if you stay stuck on that part of your life, that is no longer.

You're stuck on what you did wrong. Focus on what you learned. A failed relationship, is an immaculate opportunity to grow as a person, as you're forced to humble yourself to it.

You're focusing on the setbacks, but through it, there is a part of you that became stronger, and better.

Nothing wrong with seeing a counselor, to learn to let go if you're struggling to find ways. You're through holding onto him, keeping your heart closed, for any potential others who may be able to give you theirs.
 Long_Shot_Kick_D_Bucket
Joined: 11/15/2015
Msg: 73
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 11/23/2015 2:33:36 PM
The love that I had thought would be the one broke up with me a few months back. It hurt to hear her say that she genuinely loves me, but didn't see me as her life partner. We had never had an argument, nor was there ever a need to; just out of the blue she broke it. I sat and reflected and thought:

1. If the love was lost then it may never be there again, so why try and get back with someone who doesn't see you the way as you do them.

2. Love is not just once in a lifetime. Imagine; at the same time and a different location and you found love; the person you fell for would still be out there not knowing who you are.

3. Swing the bat again. My ex and I broke on good terms, and as much as it may hurt seeing her with another, she would want me to be in a happy relationship as I would her. What would hurt is seeing her with someone that doesn't treat her like the special woman she is.

4. What were the consequences and how did the breakup happen? If they were disrespectful to you, then why try and get back together??
 LoveEverafter1
Joined: 11/11/2015
Msg: 74
I miss him so much it hurts.....
Posted: 11/25/2015 12:57:14 PM
I was in my early 30s when me and my ex fiancée broke up. I truly loved him and it took 15 years for me to absolutely get over him. One reason is he would pop on FB...contacting my oldest daughter etc. And would say all kinds of crazy things while he was drunk. So made it harder to move on since he tried to maintain contact. But I did love him. I think people that get over people fast and easily were not ever really in love in the first place. It takes time. As much time as you need. But trust me when I tell you this...I wasted 15 years of my life being in love with a ghost. Please don't waste precious time. Try to date and get out there and let him go the best you can. We only live once-don't waste it.
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