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 CasOliii
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 18
It makes sense to me, but then so did “The Matrix” ‘till the end …Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Found the wording to be a little arrogant and snobbish. Delete the second photo,its blurry, can't make much out. Maybe try and "dumb it down" a little.
 CasOliii
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 20
It makes sense to me, but then so did “The Matrix” ‘till the end …
Posted: 3/6/2013 11:07:56 AM
Are you serious!? A LOT of people find above average intelligence to be intimidating
 FunAndCoolGirl
Joined: 8/14/2012
Msg: 21
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History
It makes sense to me, but then so did “The Matrix” ‘till the end …
Posted: 3/6/2013 11:49:24 AM
Honestly? You need to ditch the entire profile and start over.

I wouldn't read past the first few sentences before I'd click through and delete. And I LOVE intelligent men. But this reads as an arrogant man who, if he mentions NASA one more time, I'm going to scream.

I couldn't even get through it, so I have no line-by-line constructive criticism.
 ImReadyForUnow
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 26
It makes sense to me, but then so did “The Matrix” ‘till the end …
Posted: 5/1/2013 7:53:15 AM
I am not sure what version you are on at this point but I suggest erasing the whole thing and starting again!


You'll rarely find me listening to the telly but you’ll frequently see me splashing through the water chasing after an escaped canoe; leading a walk at the coast or hunting dinosaurs with a ten-year-old.

* see notes for a more practical location for this information.


I like to get out and do “stuff” … The annual Land Rover safari in the Western Desert or swimming in a rainforest is heaps of fun but the best adventures of all are the ones you make every day: “will the ice support my weight?”, vain attempts to make sand angels in shingle, making a swing in the woods, pic-nicks in deserted castles with the gate-keys in your pocket …
I love kids: lying stretched-out on the sofa peeling the salt dough from my fingers, the sun peeking through the thinning smoke from the rock cakes in the oven, as we talk through his science homework. Once in a lifetime things.

Remove all of this, it has no practical reference to this profile or the real world. Your purpose in a profile is to draw the reader into your life and show her a place where she can see herself through common interests and shared experience. This does the opposite.


I have an awesome career in technology where I’ve been lucky enough not only to do my own thing but also to get paid for it - it gives me a work-life balance that will make you insanely jealous.
This statement sounds like you are saying "My life is better than yours na, na, na,na,na!" (childish and distancing).

I’m completely refurbishing my 1973-vintage castle.
I'm guessing this is an attempt a humor, it doesn't work.


I’m serious about finding a good match, someone who compliments me well, someone who's bright; confident; outdoorsy; has a lot of get-up-and go and is looking for a serious relationship.
This is the first direct sentence in the whole profile!

If you actually wrote a profile with her in mind then you might get her attention.

So here are my suggestions.

Write a 1st paragraph about who you are, your qualities as a man, your job, your son and volunteering.
Then write one paragraph about your hobbies including why Italy is referenced 3 times! in your interests list. Go on to share your interest in * canoeing, and leading walks. On the later give locations and include the reader into the situation. Add one more interest from your list into this section which shows balance, for example cooking, movies, music. Note: showing balance is stronger than proclaiming it. Adding the *"hunting for dinosaurs" part from above to this paragraph would add softness and humor to close.
End the profile with the current descriptive sentence of the woman you would like to meet.

Good luck!
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