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 Green_MK2
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 26
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Pursue or not pursuePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Words of wisdom my friend.

I like the poker analogy a lot, especially since that's where I met her ( Liars and cheats all of us, I know.)

Not intending to play dirty, and put my rep at risk. I'm know as a kind, sociable and reliable gentleman and will act accordingly.
 The_Curvy_Doll
Joined: 12/14/2012
Msg: 27
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 9:51:11 AM
She has a boyfriend. How would you like it if someone was plotting to steal YOUR girlfriend? Don't be a douche. Walk away from her and find someone single. If she dumps her boyfriend and comes after you, well then that's another story.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 28
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 12:39:22 PM
Most people are either getting into a relationship or getting out of a relationship. This applies to people that ARE still in the relationship, to people that are out of it and are GETTING over a relationship.

Even when someone is in a relationship, if the relationship is not advancing, it is decaying. Even Static, means decaying.

So if this girl is flirting with you even though she is in a relationship, it means that may be going south. Personally, I would not pursue her while she has a boyfriend for the simple reason that let's say I get lucky and she sleeps with me. The way our relationship started, it is the same way it's going to end. That means, that she will cheat on me at some point. But, while she still has a boyfriend, you may want to simply keep taps with her and just be a friend. Then when it goes south, you should then be able to pursue.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 29
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 1:27:54 PM
Just remember this if she cheats with you, she will cheat on you. How will you ever trust her knowing she was flirting with you while dating someone else? My guess, every time she goes out without you, you will wonder... Not a healthy way to start any relationship IMHO
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 30
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 1:33:00 PM

So, let's assume I'm handsome, charming, funny, successful, confident... or any and all the adjectives that get you girls going. If you can recall anytime you where in a 'go-nowhere' relationship that still was a relationship.
Then someone like that came along?

Would you still have such a black and white conception of the matter.

A good character is one of the things that gets me going - so yes. And so would the guy who was not my boyfriend. (Not to mention, what makes you so sure her current relationship is a "go-nowhere"?)

You're obviously going to go for it no matter what anyone here says, though, so what I wonder is, why'd you even ask for opinions? Might as well get outta here and go on your low-life way... and if she gives you the green light, also get your low-life girl.
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 31
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 2:46:20 PM
I say just talk to her about it. Ask her how serious they are, how long they have dated etc. Let her know you like her, and would like to persue something with her. The worst she can say is 'NO, I am very serious w/ my BF". What do you have to lose?
 SuperFunGuy
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 32
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 3:11:03 PM
Any guy who goes after a girl who's got a bf seriously is a loser. Get a life. Ya and 30 yr old guys shouldn't date 22-23 olds. Pretty pathetic really.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 33
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Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 3:43:04 PM
I have found from experience - ALL women have boyfriends. As a guy, if you aren't in a permanent relationship with a girl by the time she's graduating middle school, you will never have a girlfriend.
 roadrunner2525
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 34
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:18:19 PM
Lol, there is such a thing as a Friend but possibly interesting as a back-up plan zone. She obviously likes to flirt with men so you will be faced with the same dilema that he is faced with. Did you see the show Runaway bride. The guy already knew that the woman had commitment issues and he fell for her deep. He was totally distroyed but the good news is that he won in the end. Keep in mind that 99.9 percent of the time this only happens in movies. As an avid gambler I could adjust the odds but that would include a rather huge investment that makes the woman want to think twice about how nice being stable could be. She already knows that she can get what she wants out of any man so I hope you are prepared for the challenge.
 ivegotitgoingon
Joined: 1/20/2013
Msg: 35
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:23:06 PM
I personally don't see a problem with letting her know you would be interested in dating her if she was single.

As long as you are respectful and tactful, I can't see anything wrong with putting it out there.

Maybe she is really into you and doesn't know if you are into her?

If you don't you might kick yourself later and always wonder..what if..
 Green_MK2
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 36
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Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:26:16 PM
@outmind: Very insightful comment thanks.

Sometimes the better part of debating is that you can find out what you really want, simple enough.
I do consider all input and like a dood debate.
I am however inclined to consider the arguments from the side that involves the least name-calling more. I'm just biased like that. In OP I didn't exactly say 'Hey folks, I got this hot chick waiting for me in a hotel-room, but she's engaged to some stupid loser. Should I go f*ck her or not ? ' yet, in most against comments it reads kind of like I did.
I don't plan on asking her out or seducing her anytime next week either.

And sometimes when talking with or around people irl, you can pick-up information that can let you infer details about stuff like, a relationship... I believe it's called conversation... or would you call that spying? I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.

Maybe I will, maybe I won't. If I do, I surely will keep it low-key and wait to see how she reacts to it, and if she offers me a better timing, I guess I will rise to the occasion ( No pun intended.)

 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 37
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Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:34:20 PM
Op.... I suggest you move in a little closer to her , then gauge her reaction
before deciding what your next move is.
 hotmerlot
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 38
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:51:30 PM
Your posts indicate that her friend told you about this relationship (bf), she hasn't really told you anything about him. So just ask her if she has a boyfriend.

If she does have a boyfriend and she is a decent person she will tell you about him.
 newgirl4468
Joined: 2/9/2013
Msg: 39
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 7:24:01 PM
From the impression I get, you already like this girl and realize that you can't just 'go find a single one'. She's on your mind, you are attracted to her already, so.....
1. Yes, you are in the 'friend zone'....because she currently has a boyfriend, maybe she DOES like you but is waiting until the current relationship fizzles out and she is officially available.
2. IMO, if you say anything directly to her about liking her, this has the potential to make things awkward and could make her change her mind. There's something to be said for mystery.
3. Next time you are around her, watch her body language again as to how she interacts with OTHERS. See if she interacts, touches their arms, laughs at their jokes too. This is going to be your best indicator. Some girls are naturally outgoing and friendly and it is easily misconstrued as flirting, especially if they are attractive.
Definitely wait this one out, let her end this thing with her boyfriend ON HER OWN without any interference from you. Trust me, if she is truly interested in you, she won't let you get away.
 Lone_wolf1972
Joined: 2/15/2013
Msg: 40
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 9:53:05 PM
stop talking to this girl period, if she seeks you out then you can tell her you're interested but tell her nothing is going to happen while she has a bf. then it's up to her to decide.
 TheFuryan
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 41
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/27/2013 10:10:58 PM
Subject is not someone I met on POF, met her in some social activity I partake in.
She's great, very atractive, cool, a bit flirtacious (We me anyway.), in a nutshell, I like her.
Of course, she as a BF, obviously, and she's a bit younger ( 22-23, I'm 30.)

I would guess most people would say the BF thing is no no no, and I would normally agree, but then there is all kind of people, all kind of relationship, and this doesn't seem of the very serious type. I would never get in the way of something if I couldn't top it, and I think I could.
Age thing is not a big deal for me, I usually aim for 26-30 but, it depends on how mature she is etc...
They always have a boyfriend anyway, maybe it's time for me to take a stand.

So I'm trying to find the right approach. I wouldn't want her to play behind anyones back... but maybe let her know there might be interest here and maybe I can offer more? Then what? Wait and see? Should I go full throttle and whatever happens, happens ? Or give up entirely ?

I'm not afraid to hurt myself in the process... It might be more of a moral dilemma I guess.



Would you be ok if she left you for another guy that was pursuing her? Surely you would be fine with it.
 Green_MK2
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 42
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Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/28/2013 7:33:44 AM
There is ALWAYS someone plotting to steal your girl, especially if she's attractive; it's up to you to not let that happen.
If claiming she's your PROPERTY the only way you can defend a relationship, that's not good enough.

If I was with a girl and she left me for another man, I would assume I was doing something wrong to start with.
Unless we're engaged, have kids or we're living together the damage done is limited and life goes on.

@Newgirl: Makes a lot of sense thanks.

@ Outmind: I agree, I meant like it's up to you to not let the relationship decay... or something like that. I don't believe in jealousy, if things are going well it doesn't need to exist, if not, it's really not the answer.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 43
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/28/2013 7:57:54 AM

There is ALWAYS someone plotting to steal your girl, especially if she's attractive; it's up to you to not let that happen.


Not really. I've dated incredibly hot women. The type of women that men are always pursuing no matter where they are. If you feel insecure that someone is hitting on your girl. Then you can't date women like this. Also, to be jealous, or to feel like you have to do something to keep her is wrong and stupid. The woman that loves you, will look at the advances of other men simply as flattery and will ignore them. What will keep her with you, depends more on how solid is the relationship. When a woman loves you, she can get hit by 100 men and it will mean nothing to her.
 awesomeo4000
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 44
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:32:55 AM

There is ALWAYS someone plotting to steal your girl, especially if she's attractive; it's up to you to not let that happen.


Actually, this is 100% true. The way to not let it happen is to keep her interest level up and build a strong relationship. Of course, I'm the type that WANTS them coming after my girl. I want her to go out looking as hot as possible and have men constantly hitting on her as she turns them all down. There are some very loyal beautiful women out there.


I've dated incredibly hot women. The type of women that men are always pursuing no matter where they are. If you feel insecure that someone is hitting on your girl. Then you can't date women like this.


Absolutely true.


The woman that loves you, will look at the advances of other men simply as flattery and will ignore them. What will keep her with you, depends more on how solid is the relationship. When a woman loves you, she can get hit by 100 men and it will mean nothing to her.


Again, right on.

As far as OP's dilemna - dude, it's a war out there. There's nothing wrong with building a friendship with her. It's find to use your charm and build attraction. If she see's you as a higher value man, and she doesn't love the other guy, she'll want to come to you. That's all perfectly fine. Why shouldn't it be? Isn't that our goal? To find the best person we can to be with? Just don't put her in a situation to cheat on the guy and you're good.
 differentcloth
Joined: 12/13/2012
Msg: 45
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/28/2013 9:04:12 AM
Well my boi, I'm going to have to say, don't take it serious! You might want to quit the nice gut thing if that's what you're doing. Trust and believe she knows you're interested in her; which is probably why she does all the flirting to test herself with older men. What do y'all do when you're hanging out together? Are you taking her out? Things that are nothing to you can be just enough for her! Remember, regardless of what anyone says, she's only 22! There's alot she has to learn, and will try to learn. I mean, I can't say she's like the rest, but you have to thnink about it. At that age, what we're trying to do is have a good time. If she has a man, and she's chillin with you, it's safe to say you're not the only one whom she's chillin with. Do you know for sure if she has a man? What if she's telling you this to keep you in that certain place which you're placing yourself as? But, honestly, I don't think you're really that interested in her, you just want to get wet yourself. Stick to the truth(and that's from EVERY aspect.) Besides, you can always slide it in as a joke to help you save face!!!!
 Green_MK2
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 46
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Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/28/2013 10:00:07 AM
It's a lot earlier than you all think... met her a couple times, know I will see her again.
If I took her out already, would mean the pursue is already under way. Wouldn't be much point in this thread then.

Anyway about taking this seriously. I don't.
I AM a good looking guy, but I don't have the right attitude to get girls, so I don't.
But I just like to think 'What if ?'
What if I done it right this time... what if I gave the right first impression and then carried on correctly?
I like to think she might actually like me. As far as I know, she can be ALL THAT for me, it's too early to tell of course...
I know from the first looks she at least thinks I'm handsome... but I also know this is not enough.
What do I have to do to not screw this up then ?

I also thought it would be a good subject to carry a debate here, it worked in that sense.
 MuscularVampire
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 47
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/28/2013 11:41:36 AM
I just love the politically correct responses from the high and mighty. lol I say go for it. The boyfriend is obviously not making her happy otherwise she wouldn't be talking to you. I say talk her into breaking up with the boyfriend and move in. Take over. and make it known to her, you will not tolerate her talking to any other guys. Put your foot down.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 48
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/28/2013 11:43:24 AM

you will not tolerate her talking to any other guys.


And how do you propose to do that?
 MuscularVampire
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 49
Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/28/2013 11:45:55 AM
Easy. Its alot easier than you think. Make it known to her, that you will not tolerate her doing to you, what she just did to her now boyfriend. Trust me when I tell you, there are ways. I have done it. Just make it known to her, it will not be tolerated. simple. Draw your own conclusions.
 Green_MK2
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 50
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Pursue or not pursue
Posted: 2/28/2013 12:34:19 PM

and make it known to her, you will not tolerate her talking to any other guys

I guess it's true some girl love a man who's assertive, but that's a bit too much imo.
I'd rather find other ways to keep my girl than to forbid her to do anything. So long as I'm the one she runs home to, I don't mind who she talks to.
To each is own.
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