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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Fear of getting naked?      Home login  
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 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 76
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Fear of getting naked?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
My favorite quote on this subject, and yes, I have posted this before:

Robert Heinlein
A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his morale. After a while he realizes that she is beautiful--he just hadn’t noticed it at first.



Sciencetreker
97% of men are attracted to attractive women. Another other 2% are gay. The other 1% are the exception. We all admire other traits in a woman but we have no desire to pair up with Mother Theresa or Barbara Bush or Oprah Winfrey. Fit women are way more attractive to most men than overweight women.

Bullsh1t. Oprah is cute, I’d do her in an instant. In reality, I would never get along with her personality, but she is definitely cute.


ReadBeforeWriting
I think the OP's concern that the man shall not be turned on or even turned off by the sight of her nude, is valid.

If males were in a bar with their pals, and a female who had sagging breasts, rolls of fat and a double chin walked by I doubt they'd be saying to each other how they'd want to hit that. I doubt many males fantasize about sex with a female who has many figure flaws.

Very few of us older men are ever again going to be with a woman who inspires lusty comments from men in a bar. When I was young, I dated some beautiful women. The kind of women that did inspire envy amongst my male friends. But those days are long gone. That does not mean that I cannot enjoy time spent, in and out of bed, with a woman that inspires lust IN ME. Not strangers in a bar, just me.

Some of the people posting in this thread are downright mean and nasty.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 77
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/28/2013 10:19:37 AM
It doesn't appear that our OPie is asking, or needing, opinions on how to get a fella: she appears to be doing just fine on that account. I believe her question was on how to still her own fears to keep from driving them off. Hence, advice from the self satisfied is really unwarranted. But I do need to observe that snotty women with tatts are prolly going to have some longterm difficulty attracting a certain class of men. Here's a primer on tatts: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1133546.aspx
 liloleme53
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 78
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/28/2013 10:42:40 AM

I think the OP's concern that the man shall not be turned on or even turned off by the sight of her nude, is valid. If I were that heavy, I too would be concerned.


Oh, dear. Really really catty. And you too are on a dating website. Imagine that.

Go forth and grow a soul.
 liloleme53
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 79
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/28/2013 10:49:08 AM

It doesn't appear that our OPie is asking, or needing, opinions on how to get a fella: she appears to be doing just fine on that account.


Yup. Just fine. Thank you.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 80
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/28/2013 10:49:21 AM
liloleme......if a man is contacting you with the pictures you have posted......he already knows your body type.
if he wasn't attracted to your "type"......he wouldn't have contacted you!!

So you need to realize these concerns are your....and yours alone.
What do you do about them?
Well you do the same thing with them as you do with any other fears one faces.......straight on!

You know that the reality is "body type" is not reflective of sexual abilities.
You know you can rock his world.....so quit focusing on what has happened to our bodies with age...
and focus on the experience you have gained with age.
Let your confidence stem from inside you....not what's on the outside of you.
 swm69
Joined: 2/7/2013
Msg: 81
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/28/2013 11:30:40 AM
I've not had this experience. However, I can safely tell all women here that men look at women differently to the way you look at yourselves. Most men I know prefer a woman with curves - sign of fertility they say.
In my experience, sex with skinny women is not that pleasant - bones pressing into me, lessening the experience.
 lostsoultoo
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 82
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/28/2013 11:49:03 AM
ohenryx- thank you for clarifying that not all men our age need to have the "model" in the crowd on or in their arms. I was getting really discouraged about being on a dating site( very few messages!! These guys don't know what they're missing, lol). I expect that men and women both have some concerns about being naked the first time in front of each other. It can be a catastrophe or something to laugh about. We need to just do it , have a good laugh and then make love like it's the last time you'll get a chance to do it!
 LongHairedLass
Joined: 8/7/2010
Msg: 83
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/28/2013 12:58:36 PM
Turn the lights down low and take your clothes off, or let him take them off for you.
Just do it.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 84
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/28/2013 2:32:00 PM
^^^ one thing to tell a girlfriend "truths"
quite another to throw out unnecessary, demeaning comments to a woman asking for advice on sexuality.

Especially when you cannot speak as a man......or for any man!!
And to top it off.....it's not even a complete truth!! There are many men that are sexually attracted to full figured women, and even some that are sexually atrracted to over-weight women.

and for someone that is in the healthcare profession..you of all people should know that "put downs" are the last thing someone struggling with their weight needs.
Your "advice" comes off as condenscending......and nowhere near helpful.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 85
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/28/2013 2:35:13 PM
The truth about most of these threads is like a book.

Most posters only know one chapter. The Chapter is their truth.
 Life1001
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 86
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/28/2013 3:29:15 PM
Well, I looked at your profile and you have nice pictures but u can tell your no Ms. Skinny....meaning don't think the guys u met here will be disappointed in your body. Don't feel bad..I use to b a Ms. Skinny but now 170lbs @ 5'2.

One thing u can do....I have a little teddy with spaggetti straps ...its lavender. They also come is black. It has a printed pattern but see thur. It has low clevage and goes below your bottom. You can leave it on during the ACT....so u feel more comfortable. I got mine at Ross for 4 $10 but stores like JC Penny or Victoria Secret will have them. I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. I think u should callone of the guys u dump on this site and just go for it with the one u like the most......Remember it will be pretty dark it u do the deed at nite so that can work 4 u.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 87
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/1/2013 1:10:57 AM
Jeeze some people. I'll take a Lady with an imperfect body and friendly eyes and a inviting smile over some hard body with dead lizard eyes and no or a fake smile.
The eyes are the window to their soul and I've spent a lot of time looking at pictures since '09. First I lost both my parents, then my MIL, and finally my wife. One thing that happened was I spent lots of time going through picture albums picking out ones to use for the memorial services.

I also spent time thinking about my life and how I got to where I am today. Then I've had women from different times of my life contacting me. So I've looked at my old school yearbooks and now I see things I didn't notice at the time. Like a yearbook picture of someone who has a nice smile on her face, but her eyes are so sad, like she wants to cry. I asked one schoolmate about her Senior year picture with a nice smile but sad almost crying eyes. Her story of what was going on at home, an abusive father, and a abusive BF wasn't pretty.



Look around in magazines, on here, and out in real life. People learn how to put a fake smile on their face, but their eyes contradict everything their smile is saying
 bovier59
Joined: 6/24/2012
Msg: 88
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/1/2013 5:52:45 AM
Dear,

Listen, and this may be just me, but that is not the mind-set that is true yours. You've inherited that from "everywhere" else. A man, that is of any age (mentally and worldly wise) will know that you are that/the picture on the sports illustated, or playboy, but he's going out with "you". That deserves some consideration and credit. If he has an issue with you he will decline the opportunity to see you naked.

I am a lover, in the real and healthy sense, of women. I know that they are different in literally every form, fashion, color, and texture. I love that fact. I love how they laugh, how they cry, and primp and and joy, all of it.

Point being, there are other men that feel and think the same. Please do not lessen your value and beauty thinking those thoughts, they are not the truth, and they certainly don't have to be your truth.

bovier59
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 89
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/1/2013 10:06:49 AM

I am a lover, in the real and healthy sense, of women. I know that they are different in literally every form, fashion, color, and texture. I love that fact. I love how they laugh, how they cry, and primp and and joy, all of it.

Point being, there are other men that feel and think the same. Please do not lessen your value and beauty thinking those thoughts, they are not the truth, and they certainly don't have to be your truth.

How very beautifully said.
 Just___Jim
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 90
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/1/2013 1:30:25 PM
Message:
such disdain for our bodies- especially women

Hola, yes you guys[women] take it a lot more then men in looks and confidence among your piers.


i am thin- but how many times i have heard - men like curves only dogs like bones- and women as much, if not more than men- have pointed out how less than curvy and endowed i am- don't i wish i had more curves- NO, sorry i don't- i am happy with myself-


Well ns, you just tell those men down there who don't like tall,short, lithe, slim, or slender women, that sweeter the meat,closer to the bone. :)

Bottom line, to each their own in the size and shape you come in. cheers.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 91
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/1/2013 2:00:53 PM
Sometimes the answer can be found in a Country Song and here's one.

T.G. Sheppard
I Loved 'Em Every One

I've known some painted ladies that sparkled in the light
Country girls that loved a lover's moon
Some I never really knew though I always wanted to
Some I only met once in a room

Some said they liked my smile others of them stayed a while
While others left me on the run
This is the only way only way I have to say
Mmm, I loved them everyone

Big, little, short or tall wish I had kept them all
Mmm I loved them everyone
Like to thank them for their charms and holding me in their arms
And I hope they had some fun

Here's to the ladies in saloons and living rooms
Summer nights that lasted until dawn
Here's to the memories everyone's a part of me
Oh I loved them everyone

Big, little, short or tall wish I had kept them all
Mmm I loved them everyone
Like to thank them for their charms and holding me in their arms
And I hope they had some fun

Big, little, short or tall wish I had kept them all
Mmm I loved them everyone
Like to thank them for their charms and holding me in their arms
And I hope they had some fun
 jimbob777777
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 92
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/1/2013 4:35:25 PM
Beauty, my dear, is in the eye of the beholder...just sayin
 jimbob777777
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 93
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/1/2013 4:38:41 PM
I like your attitude!
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 94
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/1/2013 10:40:05 PM
She simply had (past tense) a body issue problem that was subverting her self confidence. It wasn't that she thought the guy was leading her on or lying, she just had a problem she was avoiding dealing with.

And, since you actually read the thread, you can see that it really wasn't a problem to him, it was her problem. That's where the confusion came in.
 paulsinaz
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 95
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/1/2013 10:52:11 PM
Ok....of course I can only speak for myself..a guy...and I find most women think they need to be perfect...nobody is perfect..actually good enuf is good enuf, but.....beauty isn't a point at the top of a scale...beauty is a range....give us guys some credit for accepting you as you are..sheesh.
 Lemmonia
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 96
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/2/2013 7:26:39 AM
Message 108.

Your comment "beauty isn't a point at the top of the scale... beauty is a range...is very insightful, and it gives me the warm fuzzies to hear it, coming from a cool, attractive young male.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 97
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/2/2013 7:28:14 AM
IBreakForAnimals, it is so strange how people do that. I'm almost the same way you are. For the entire 39+ years we were married, we carried a different image in our heads than was apparent visually. With or without makeup; fat, skinny, perfect; young, middle aged; dressed up or cleaning the septic tank; we saw each other as mates, not objects.

I guess the problems exist when we're shopping. Pull one off the shelf, look it over, put it back.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 98
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/2/2013 9:07:01 AM

Ok....of course I can only speak for myself..a guy...and I find most women think they need to be perfect...nobody is perfect..actually good enuf is good enuf, but.....beauty isn't a point at the top of a scale...beauty is a range....give us guys some credit for accepting you as you are..sheesh.

Along with Lemmonia, I liked this one a lot, too. Well put! And terribly sweet.

What I didn't, and don't, understand is if they have been going out for 4-5 dates and he 'wanted' her and she him, then where was the error in the equation?
Didn't the OP realize that he was at that point genuine and sincere?

It isn't about him. It affected him, poor fellow, but it wasn't because of him. His sincerity in his attraction was external to her fear, which she fully owns as her own and wishes to overcome. That's what the opening post asks, how others have gotten past it.

What worked for me, after a very long hiatus from the same kind of festivities, during which my body had changed quite a bit, was to just go ahead and do it anyway. So that's all I had to offer... I don't know if that'll work for everyone though.

So, maybe the naked part needs to happen further down the line, then? Not to trick him or put off your embarassment, but, perhaps to prove to one another that the attraction is more than just a physical one?

There's a thought!
 doesntmatter2me
Joined: 2/16/2013
Msg: 99
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/2/2013 11:32:38 AM

If he cares about you, a few bulges here and there aren't going to make a damn bit of difference...trust me.


Exactly!
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 100
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 3/2/2013 1:01:34 PM
Ok, first off, once the clothes came off, most men are really not as critical towards the female physique as most women think, and as these same guys like to talk, smile.

Sorry, I can not talk from personal experience. As a confessed nudist I've always lived by "no body is perfect and who does not like what they see can look the other way".

But OP, you seem to have a serious problem with your body image and are obviously allowing it to undermine your dating life. Therefore, maybe you want to think about getting professional help?

Good luck to you.
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