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 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 22
Single ParentsPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)

stay clear of single parent women, just too much baggage for most men to deal with. Plus, as their profiles usually state, you'll never be #1 in their life, and most likely 2nd/3rd and so forth. Plus, you have to date around her schedule....who wants to deal with all that, Ill pass.

Since we live in (theoretically,anyway)an age of equality, then it ought to be perfectly OK for a woman to take that same position regarding dating single(custodial)dads.
Unerstand that the preceding statement was a "Devils' Advocate" comment.

As for me, I wouldn't want to date a man who DIDN'T put his kids first. When you are a parent, that's how it works.

Not to put aside situations where an adult man and woman could have a legitimate difference of opinion about some of the peripheral things,regardless of which one of them is the single parent.
But I simply wanted to point out that if men get to make unfavorable generalizations about single mothers, then women should get to do the exact same thing. I'd like to think that most women DON'T make such overarching generalizations...but they certainly should be afforded the right to match any generalization made by men.

Look, if you are the custodial parent of minor children, regardless of your gender-the care and supervision of your children is going to be way up at the top of your "must do" list. I can tell you that even mature adults whose kids are no longer at home,can run into significant logistical and scheduling problems sometimes.

I'm not suggesting that single custodial parents of minor children GIVE UP on an adult social life, but you are going to have to recognize the inherent limitations.
Cindy O
 Football11234
Joined: 2/24/2013
Msg: 23
Single Parents
Posted: 2/28/2013 3:10:03 PM
LadyC men don't get it.
 hey_yall_watch_this
Joined: 2/15/2013
Msg: 24
"I just want you to understand where I'm coming from".
Posted: 2/28/2013 5:07:12 PM
He wants to hit it, but not to commit. Using children as an excuse to play around but not get serious.

I just done understand why a single parent cant incorporate someone else into their lives who is equally important as their kids. I dont mean just any ol body out there, but someone special. I would think that the right person could be a valuable part in the lives of a parent and their kids, and they in turn could be a valuable part of the other person's life as well.
 ineedfun2010
Joined: 4/3/2010
Msg: 25
I just want you to understand where I'm coming from.
Posted: 2/28/2013 6:35:47 PM
Because I don't have the time to find out if someone is truly special. If I knew for sure they were & it was going to work out, I'd introduce them to my kids immediately & I WOULD have the time. They could come over for dinner, they could go to ball games with us, hang out at the pool on the weekends.
I did meet someone who was patient & I found out he was special & it was going to last but he started to have kids at 19, I started at 33. He was 10 years older than me. That made his grand kids older than my kids. He's been there done that. He was up front about that in the beginning. I never pushed my kids on, him & as a result we grew apart & he met someone else.
 DORA1966
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 26
Single Parents
Posted: 2/28/2013 7:11:01 PM
I know that feeling so....ugghh...I sometimes ask myself why single dads (I'm sure there's single moms that do this, too), "WHY DO YOU GET ON DATING WEBSITES...when all you do is tell the woman how busy you are with your kids?" Ok, so go be busy with your kids then. LOL What and when do you have anything to offer?
 hey_yall_watch_this
Joined: 2/15/2013
Msg: 27
Because I don't have the time to find out if someone is truly special.
Posted: 2/28/2013 7:11:20 PM
I think someone who was truley special and thought you were worth it, would move at whatever pace you were able and they were able. It doesnt take 24/7 to see if there's a connection worth putting in the effort. Being a parent doesnt mean your life has ended. If you were still with the other parent of the kids, you could make time for them I'm sure. It's doable.
 ineedfun2010
Joined: 4/3/2010
Msg: 28
Because I don't have the time to find out if someone is truly special.
Posted: 3/1/2013 10:02:53 AM
One date nite every other weekend is great for a married couple because they see each other every day anyway. Trying to DATE like that is difficult. It takes a long time to get to know someone that way. Most men want more of my time. My kids play sports 3 seasons. If I don't have them on game day I am still at the game.
If I had 50/50 custody I would have much more free time but I don't. It isn't going to change. I've decided dating just isn't going to happen for me. I'll revisit it when my kids are teens.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 29
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Single Parents
Posted: 3/1/2013 10:22:34 AM
I tend to shy away from single dads as well, single moms not so much. I actually enjoy single moms, kids keep them young at heart and active, plus it give me time to do my own things when they are busy being moms. There is always plenty of time for "us" and enuf time for "me" as well.
 hey_yall_watch_this
Joined: 2/15/2013
Msg: 30
Trying to DATE like that is difficult
Posted: 3/2/2013 4:16:09 AM
I'm sure it is difficult to try to date like that. Maybe some of the guys in the single parents forums (if you can find any close enough) would understand. I bet some of them would be willing to date once a month. lol. Shucks, to hear them tell it, once a year would be a huge improvement.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 31
Single Parents
Posted: 3/2/2013 5:06:52 AM
The best thing would be to find a woman in the same situation as you're in.
Not that I've checked but I'm sure there are dating sites especially for single parents around, as there are some for each and every fancy by now.

Check into that, you may have more luck there.
 nocatchyname
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 32
Single Parents
Posted: 3/2/2013 5:28:28 AM
I don't completely understand the whole single parent stigma. If you don't have the time or capacity to date, don't. I understand the need for adult companionship, someone to talk to, adults to converse with, but isn't this why we have friends? My kids (ages 8 and 9) have grown up knowing that I am a social person, whether it be my friends on the internet or in real life, my friends are important to me but will never be more important than them.

I suppose I am more lucky than some as I have a lot of family support to be in a position to have more time to date than some, but a large portion of that has to do with time management. That comes back to time/capacity to date though. I happen to have that, if you are a single parent and you don't then, unfortunately, you are not ready to date because the children should always be the most important aspect to your life.

I also wonder about people who worry about introducing their children to potential dating partners. This also stems from me being a social person though. Although I do not have friends over often, my kids know that I have a lot of friends of both sexes. For me to have a female friend over or picking them up for an outing or whatever is equal opportunity to doing the same with a male friend. My kids realize that just because I am friends with a female does not mean we are automatically in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. They have been through a relationship that ended up not working out (outside of their mother) and have learned that sometimes relationships don't work out, even if they can't fully comprehend the concept. I don't understand why people are seem so scared to introduce their children to new people in their lives - of course it does explain why many kids grow up with poor social skills. I understand the protection factor, both psychological and physical, but I don't mean dragging them along on a first meeting or date.

Dating is all about attitude and being open to failure. Dating with children adds an extra level of difficulty as you have to be careful as they may attach more quickly and it is also harder for them to detach. A lot of single parents treat their kids as something that others will find as a burden. I realize that this isn't done purposefully, but it is the way they talk about them. I am proud to be a father, my kids are the most important part of my life but they cannot and will never be able to fill that one part of my life - adult companionship. Everybody needs to make time for themselves based on the time they have available.

OP - while you may feel ' ladies are reluctant to talk, meet or get to know (you) for that reason alone', I'd suggest it is more about your attitude than the fact you have kids. If it is because you have kids, be grateful they are not wasting your time.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 33
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Single Parents
Posted: 3/2/2013 7:20:00 AM

I am not looking for a mother for my kids, I do just fine without a lady in the house. But I miss the companionship and adult interaction (not talking sexually either)... I am just curious if there are others like me or any suggestions out there to be given?

I am a same way. Suggestion? Keep trying..
Every now and than I got lucky, no not like that..lol. I mean I met someone who said kids are OK, she loves kids.
But unfortunately she lied, she wanted to do something just the two of us on the weekend, and that is when I have my daughter, so I refused.
Or, and I am sorry to say that, she had baby daddy drama, or the kid was just out of control.
Keep trying..In the main time, do what you been doing.


Look, if you are the custodial parent of minor children, regardless of your gender-the care and supervision of your children is going to be way up at the top of your "must do" list. I can tell you that even mature adults whose kids are no longer at home,can run into significant logistical and scheduling problems sometimes.

I'm not suggesting that single custodial parents of minor children GIVE UP on an adult social life, but you are going to have to recognize the inherent limitations.

+1.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 34
Single Parents
Posted: 3/2/2013 10:09:20 AM

Not that I've checked but I'm sure there are dating sites especially for single parents around, as there are some for each and every fancy by now.

At least one, yes, SingleParentMeet. It's getting positive reviews.

I see something like this, I'm compelled to Google it...

Good idea!
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 35
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Single Parents
Posted: 3/2/2013 12:16:06 PM
^^^I went there to check it out..First it isn't free, so that was a deal breaker right there.
I just don't believe I would have more lack than on here.
But I did some search anyway, and decided not to waste my money.
 ChrystieM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Msg: 36
Single Parents
Posted: 3/2/2013 8:13:14 PM
Take time to get to know a women by asking her questions and telling her about yourself. Once a woman has an interest(which comes from conversation), she will be open to the logistics of a date with you!
 Beckyml27
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 37
Single Parents
Posted: 3/2/2013 9:58:49 PM

I stay clear of single parent women, just too much baggage for most men to deal with. Plus, as their profiles usually state, you'll never be #1 in their life, and most likely 2nd/3rd and so forth. Plus, you have to date around her schedule....who wants to deal with all that, Ill pass


How sad that you are so insecure that you can't be 2nd to someone for awhile.

To the OP, I actually look for men that have children, if you are in your late 30's or 40's and you don't have kids? I wonder why.
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 38
Single Parents
Posted: 3/3/2013 6:57:52 AM
Mostly, the advice for single parents of younger kids is to focus on dating others in the same situation. This makes sense from the "I understand" and "I've sympathy" perspective....being in the same boat, so to speak. However, it does not make sense from the "time" perspective.

Two people juggling life, jobs, and the demands of single parenthood are the least likely to find enough free time to see each other. Your best bet is to be fortunate enough to run into someone who is NOT in the same situation, but wants you/cares about you enough to show the flexibility and accommodation required to date you.

At least, that's how *I* (after 2 yrs of not dating, post divorce) was able to form a relationship. Unlike me, he had no kids, and no other "serious" demands upon his free time, beyond his work. Thus, he had much leeway to work around MY limited "free" time, to be able to be "spontaneous" vs planned so as to maximize when I unexpectedly had time on my hands, etc, etc. It helped much that, once we knew each other well enough to include the kids in activities, he liked them tremendously, and enjoyed their company. This was a man who'd not become a parent by accident, not choice, so he enjoyed the vicarious feeling of "family" through me and mine.

My 2 cents :)
 francine_grace
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 39
Single Parents
Posted: 3/3/2013 9:53:14 PM
because alot of those who make a point to say my kids come first is because their parents didnt put them first n they r making it a point to do otherwise
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 40
Single Parents
Posted: 1/25/2017 5:14:48 AM
"But I miss the companionship and adult interaction (not talking sexually either)"

>>>well, if there is inter action, not merely action, then he's sharing something, right? he says something, she reacts, and on and on? I mean, what else should a lady offer, besides whatever is offered when there's "a lady in the house"? I'm guessing what you mean is, he isn't looking for a renter, nor a mother of his kids. Is that a bad thing?

if he finds the right lady, he might change that, too.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 41
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Single Parents
Posted: 1/25/2017 8:29:38 PM

So for selfish reasons i see as per usual. Not what you can offer but what you can take from another.

if your perfectly fine without a woman then dont waste peoples time.

Gee Scorp, ouch! Would you have responded the same way if a Single Mother of 3 wrote that? All he was saying is that women are reluctant to talk, date, etc., because he's a single father of 3. And he didn't say he's perfectly fine without a woman -- he said he's perfectly fine without one in the house -- meaning he's Not asking to "take" much (like to be a mother of his kids). So he's not being selfish -- he's making the point he isn't asking for much, yet, he thinks others do think he is -- thus, he's looking for suggestions.

I would say to the OP: It'll be a roadblock, especially for gals without kids... or ones with kids that are grown up if yours aren't. A timing & situation mismatch. You let it be casually known that you're not looking for a house mom or anything -- just to go out there and date, and maybe meet a great gal along the way... and not to fret it, because even without kids, a vast majority of gals aren't going to be wanting to chat with ya when you do etc anyway. It's just part of the game.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 42
Single Parents
Posted: 1/25/2017 9:12:09 PM
ivegotitgoingon- What she said (post #2), times 1,000!
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 43
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Single Parents
Posted: 1/25/2017 11:37:29 PM
I dont know how young your kids are or h ow old you are, but having two at home can be a real handful for any woman wanting to have a relationship with you. The kids often resent the presence of another woman in their lives and all in all most women would just click next for a man who is more free to have a relationship. I dont know what suggestions could be made other than go for other single mothers who understand your situation.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 44
Single Parents
Posted: 1/28/2017 3:51:35 PM

You will find that ladies are reluctant to talk, meet or get to know a guy
for TONS of reasons.
Having three kids is only one.


Having NO kids is another.

Gung Hay Fat Choy !
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