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 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 491
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Does it matter if he lies about his agePage 19 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
A lie is a lie, now some lies might be a lot more innocent that others, but how is one to know that when they meet someone. To me, if they lie, there's no reason to believe much of anything they say. Besides, when you say you are younger than you are, that just makes you look older for your age, if you say you weigh less than you do, that just makes you look heavy for your said size. I don't see the advantage other than for liars to fool/play games with other liars.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 492
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Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 4/29/2015 5:28:56 PM

I used to have a friend who was 39 going on 40 and he was very aware of how a LOT of women's age restrictions only went to 39. So, when he turned 40 it didn't take long for him to notice the crickets increase in volume to the point of ringing in his ears 24/7.

So, he LIED , evil creature that he was, and changed his age back to 39. and PRESTO : back in biz.


So the point is it is okay to lie if it gets you what you want?
Oh please do share this wonderful story with all the young children in your life.....they must be taught this great lesson!!
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 493
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 4/29/2015 5:34:30 PM
It's not like it wasn't predicted, when POF set the site to only +-14 years.....
I've seen a few Women's Profiles where they added 10-15 years to their age.....
Then listed their correct age in the Body of their profile......

Guess They're looking for their Older Sugar Daddy..........
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 494
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Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 4/29/2015 8:28:50 PM
world of difference between 51 and 52 lol!!!
Most women lie about their age at some point or other even when they are not looking to date. I remember my mother being coy about her age when I asked her, as a child.
Some people do age better than others due to genes and lifestyle but the phrase "fifty five years young" always irritates me as well as "age is just a number." It is a well worn cliché that is not true.
 Freesimpleness
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 495
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 4/30/2015 7:39:15 AM
I can tell you why, I am honest about my age but unlike where I am from where 10 years difference between a men and a women is normal, here is more about same age. At younger age it can be ok but when we get close to 50, there is a certain incompatibilities. I am 48 and I am both physically and sexually more strong and healthy than I ever remember been as an always healthy person while women my age often are not fit, almost at the end of desires and more into cuddle partner. On top of that I get messages here from people who pass for my grand ma while I think I can be compatible with a 35 to 42years old woman. I know I can easily pass for 8 years younger and then that would solve my problem, that's what he has thought.
Now that he is being honest with you, I would say its ok.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 496
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 4/30/2015 7:20:21 PM

almost at the end of desires and more into cuddle partner.


Funny, I hear a lot of women my age say that sex is very important them.


while I think I can be compatible with a 35 to 42years old woman.


I am 49 and I think I would be compatible with a man 35-55, but he damn straight better tell the truth about how old he is!


I know I can easily pass for 8 years younger and then that would solve my problem, that's what he has thought.


Yes, but you don't need to lie, or even to pass for younger. Lots of 35-42 year old women would date 48 year old man.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 497
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 12:41:26 AM

Lying about your age is a lie at all times, regardless of by how much.

All lies are not the same, at all. Everybody lies all the time. That means little. What does matter is the degree of lie, what kind & it's effect. Again, someone saying "Oh, I'm busy..." and they say it again to the person, and then turn to their gal-pals saying "Gawd, why does this guy keep harping me?" when shortly after one of those "I'm busy" she took up a date with another (cuter) guy. She lied. It's "acceptable" to various degrees VS "Oh, Timmy I'd LOVE to go. So cool. But... shoot, I can't. I'm busy," and further leading him on because she doesn't like turning people down. Again, a lie.

"No honey, you don't look fat in those jeans," when he does think she is and knows she has no jeans that would be much better, so he says that. Again, a lie. A lie is a lie is a lie, right? :) All the same!

Whether it's about something objective or has subjective interpretation -- if it's a lie, yes, it is a lie. But there's nothing Necessarily that wrong with lying. It's when it's too much or not allowed. Cultures expect you to lie about this that and the other thing... and sometimes lie a smidge but not too much about one thing, etc.

You are back to the "amount' of the lie again. It doesn't matter, because AGE is objective.

Even about age there's an Amount, objective or even if it were subjective ("old, young, kinda old, kinda young, college-age-ish", etc VS numbers). If someone's way over weight, even though they're not asking for numbers -- no, Average is a LIE. Subjective body types Does give one leeway -- yes. But any moron knows that Average, in relation to A Few Extra -- although not limited to a literal Few (which is Objective; and is in relation to Weight) in its context -- means NOT carrying a "few" extra pounds, as Average is in between Thin or Athletic, and a Few Extra. Even though there is a subjective element to it (it's NOT purely subjective)-- and that leeway's given -- doesn't mean there's no such thing as a lie. There's many gals (and guys I'm sure) who put "Average" where, no, sorry -- you've got even more than a "few" extra pounds.

But we're okay with not scoffing at someone who's noticeably carrying more than what can be burned off by a mild diet and Spring season's worth of moderate jogging, who put Average. It's accepted. Like a lot of falsehoods-but-just-deal-with-it-for-PC-sake.

If you want to be stringent on lying at all and lash out at any type of lie as the same -- a Lie -- OK. But we all lie. We just try to rationalize it away as OK. Go off on those who don't answer a fair & understandable, But awkward question truthfully... whether it's to avoid confrontation or to just not hurt the other's feelings... or to avoid drama... or to maximize their social opportunities ('everyone does it').

Go off on women who Act like they want to pay the bill, but underneath it all they don't, and expected a standard "No, I got it." Or a gal to say "I want to be Friends First", when by basic human language, it means Just friends (first before being more than just friends), yet not Truly mean that to set the tone to their comfort-zone (as opposed to the FEW who actually DO mean it literally).

We all lie. We just don't call them lies when they're acceptable. The argument comes in where it's which are OK, can be ok/depends, usually not ok, not okay but not a big deal, definitely not ok, WTF, etc.

Is someone saying they're 39 when they're 40 or barely more than 40 a travesty? They're not telling YOU, they're telling a computer profile. I think it begins to carry more weight in the negative when they act like they're 39 and don't say "I actually just turned 41, for the record..." when a lot of convo ended up occurring, on their 1st date, etc.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 498
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 3:48:08 AM

On top of that I get messages here from people who pass for my grand ma while I think I can be compatible with a 35 to 42years old woman. I know I can easily pass for 8 years younger and then that would solve my problem, that's what he has thought.
Now that he is being honest with you, I would say its ok.


A woman of 90 would pass for your grandmother. Are you suggesting that 50 year old women who contact you resemble such a character? Come on! (You look like you're in mid-forties.)

I DO understand that sexual compatibility is important in a relationship if it's something you seek. There isn;t anything wrong with this. However, if you think that a woman of 42 suddenly becomes a morose homebody at 45 -- that there's such a dramatic change from a sex pot to an old hag -- let me tell you about some of the semi-impotent 50 year old men, with old photos and age discrepancies on their profiles, trying to pass themselves off as supermen...talk about delusional.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 499
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 10:15:56 AM

So the point is it is okay to lie if it gets you what you want?
Oh please do share this wonderful story with all the young children in your life.....they must be taught this great lesson!!

Haven't you seen those old 'Candid Camera' videos (or 20/20 I can't recall) where they showed kids as small as THREE years old taking a toy or a cookie on a hidden camera video and lying about how they got it?

Lying happens. So does bad breath, speeding tickets and falling down stairs.

Treating every episode like it's a life-or-death situation is what creates the 'Drama' that people preach so endlessly about NOT wanting. Throwing the book at everyone who is 'dishonest' will only get you a REALLY sore shoulder. Most of the Drama people have in their lives comes from between their own two ears, not anywhere else. Getting along with someone in a relationship is about rolling with the punches, dealing with problems and realizing that NOTHING in life is absolute. Trying to pretend we're perfect, or at least perfectly honest when starting a relationship is a LIE in and of itself.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 500
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 10:33:33 AM

Haven't you seen those old 'Candid Camera' videos (or 20/20 I can't recall) where they showed kids as small as THREE years old taking a toy or a cookie on a hidden camera video and lying about how they got it?


Kids at the age of three years old don't understand the concept yet of what a lie is, so it's n/a.

I believe the only time a lie is warranted is to spare someone's hurt feelings when the truth wouldn't make a difference. For instance, I can't imagine some unattractive man or woman getting themselves all done up for an occasion of some kind, asking you how you thought they look and you say, "Nope, you still looking pretty damned bad, just better." I don't see the point in an adult lying about their age - your "best before date" is your best before date, no matter how you like to slice and dice it. If your exterior looks younger, it doesn't mean your interior is holding up as well. I knew a guy who said he was 5 years younger, could get away with it externally, but had all kinds of age related physical issues.

I suppose what bothers me most about it is if stupid little stuff like age is lied about with no qualms, I would wonder if anything else that's of a more important nature would have lies falling off their tongue just as easily.
 Eckhartwarmingtolle
Joined: 4/26/2015
Msg: 501
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 10:46:25 AM

I suppose what bothers me most about it is if stupid little stuff like age is lied about with no qualms, I would wonder if anything else that's of a more important nature would have lies falling off their tongue just as easily.


To me this is backwards.

If a woman lies about cheating or killing someone then I'm concerned.

If she lies about her age by a year or two because she doesn't want to be stereotyped or whatever THAT is just a teensy weensy bit more forgiveable and I don't have the mindset of " a lie is a lie and now go to hell scumbag "
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 502
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 10:55:11 AM

If she lies about her age by a year or two because she doesn't want to be stereotyped or whatever THAT is just a teensy weensy bit more forgiveable and I don't have the mindset of " a lie is a lie and now go to hell scumbag "


I don't have a go to hell scumbag attitude about the lie is a lie thing when it comes to age...to start with. But I definitely have found that those who do it tend to lie about the more important things even more...as per the guy I knew who was five years older. Lying simply came easy to him and the first lie was about his age. It seems to be an easy pattern and with the lie about age, then they wind up having to lie about other things as well to keep the lie going, so it feeds off itself and doesn't usually stop until they are confronted with the inconsistencies caused by it. I can do without all the pretence and prefer to deal with reality.
 Eckhartwarmingtolle
Joined: 4/26/2015
Msg: 503
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 11:10:03 AM
I don't think it's a good plan to paint everyone with the same brush no matter what the category, it's too much like assuming/jumping to the wrong conclusions.

Nobody is perfect.

I prefer to understand WHY the person lied rather than just label someone a liar.

We all lie at some point or another , whether it's a white lie , fudging a job resume, lying to avoid an argument, so our parents won't worry, etc.

People need to relax.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 504
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 11:10:16 AM
Who really lies about their age by a year or two?
And if you're just lying about that number, why
bother?

I've met men that lied about their ages by
7-13 years.

And those men did lie about other things as
well. (number of marriages, jobs, or lack of
one, whether they were a widower or not)

And yeah, I think people who lie about little
things, find it easy to lie in general...it does
become a pattern.

My roommate lies like the proverbial rug...
about unimportant things...it's just natural
to him I think.

VVVV
Well that makes sense for online dating. I think
that's why most people do it...to fit into someone
else's criteria. But why is that different than lying
about your weight so someone will contact you who
normally wouldn't?
 Eckhartwarmingtolle
Joined: 4/26/2015
Msg: 505
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 11:13:35 AM

Who really lies about their age by a year or two?


A friend of mine did when he turned 40 so he could fit into a lot of women's age limit of whatever to 39... and then again when he turned 41.

I doubt he was the only one to ever do this.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 506
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 11:45:34 AM
Part of the reason why people stick so religiously to, "A lie is a Lie, no matter what" attitude is because it is 'safe'. If people keep finding reasons to turn down a date or potential relationship, then they can't hurt you. Refusing the opportunity to try something or someone new - prevents the chance of a 'bad' choice ever being made.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. A truly 'honest' person is one who hasn't yet been caught in a lie. You may be turned on by the fact they are indeed so clever and dazzling with their avoidance techniques, but every single person in here WILL get burned by the Truth sooner or later. People can pretend they're above such nonsense, but I think it's even more devastating when they realize THAT is a lie they are telling themselves.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 507
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 12:05:11 PM

Part of the reason why people stick so religiously to, "A lie is a Lie, no matter what" attitude is because it is 'safe'. If people keep finding reasons to turn down a date or potential relationship, then they can't hurt you. Refusing the opportunity to try something or someone new - prevents the chance of a 'bad' choice ever being made.

Holy cow--if a train is barreling down the track I am NOT going to chance the crossing just to try something new. Common sense here, there is NO gain to be had by lying--a person who can bring themselves to mislead another is doing it because they are morally wired in a way as to see nothing wrong with lying. Lies never stand on their own--they need other lies to back them--that tangled web thingie is very true.


I've said it before and I'll say it again. A truly 'honest' person is one who hasn't yet been caught in a lie. You may be turned on by the fact they are indeed so clever and dazzling with their avoidance techniques, but every single person in here WILL get burned by the Truth sooner or later. People can pretend they're above such nonsense, but I think it's even more devastating when they realize THAT is a lie they are telling themselves.

Rubbish. You're trying to justify the unjustifiable.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 508
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 12:10:01 PM

I've said it before and I'll say it again. A truly 'honest' person is one who hasn't yet been caught in a lie. You may be turned on by the fact they are indeed so clever and dazzling with their avoidance techniques, but every single person in here WILL get burned by the Truth sooner or later. People can pretend they're above such nonsense, but I think it's even more devastating when they realize THAT is a lie they are telling themselves.


Why "lies" are you talking about?
Just interested to know what you think "honest" people might be deceiving themselves with?
I'm sitting here right now and I can't think of anything that's coming back to "burn" me because I
lied about it.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 509
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 12:15:08 PM

Refusing the opportunity to try something or someone new - prevents the chance of a 'bad' choice ever being made.


I dunno, but I believe at my age that experience tells me that, human nature being what it is, if I have the choice between someone who starts out with a lie that's insignificant and unnecessary that the chances are far greater that bigger issues will be lied about. Why would I want to waste my time, knowing how the odds are stacked?

Using the above quoted example, would you buy a model of car over and over again if it had a "minor" problem to start with that consistently turned into major problems? It's not trying something new if you're making the same bad choice based on past experiences with that type of car. It may well be a new car but the performance winds up being consistently the same. Or, would you be pleased about buying a vehicle if the odometer was turned back 500,000 kilometers/miles? The vehicle may seem alright on site but it would soon start showing costly inconsistencies because of it's true mileage.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 510
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 12:30:44 PM


You may be turned on by the fact they are indeed so clever and dazzling with their avoidance techniques, but every single person in here WILL get burned by the Truth sooner or later.


I suspect he's referring to issues that crop up once the 'relationship' has started. Addictions, finances, medications, etc. etc.

Now, if women were turned on by my avoidance techniques? I'd be happier then a pig in sh!t when they asked about my past :)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 511
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 12:36:27 PM

I suspect he's referring to issues that crop up once the 'relationship' has started. Addictions, finances, medications, etc. etc.

Zactly. Lies of omission. Burying hindrances to a relationship under the guise of, "Well, they didn't ask - so I didn't lie about it."


Using the above quoted example, would you buy a model of car over and over again if it had a "minor" problem to start with that consistently turned into major problems? It's not trying something new if you're making the same bad choice based on past experiences with that type of car.

Minor problems on vehicles that turn into major ones happen because of ignoring the problem and NOT dealing with the issue when it's not so 'significant'. Used vehicles always have a myriad of things 'wrong' with them, but if a dealer advertised it as a 2007 model instead of 2005, how significant is that compared to the true condition of the car?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 512
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 12:45:42 PM

I suspect he's referring to issues that crop up once the 'relationship' has started. Addictions, finances, medications, etc. etc.

Zactly. Lies of omission. Burying hindrances to a relationship under the guise of, "Well, they didn't ask - so I didn't lie about it."


But why assume everyone is guilty of this?
I'm still sitting here knowing I'm not getting burned later on.
I suspect there are lots of people out there not getting burned as well.

This "everyone lies" business is crazy talk.

Now "lies of omission" regarding the past...I'm pretty much an open book, but there is just some stuff people
don't need to know.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 513
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 12:54:59 PM

I suspect he's referring to issues that crop up once the 'relationship' has started. Addictions, finances, medications, etc. etc.


Zactly. Lies of omission. Burying hindrances to a relationship under the guise of, "Well, they didn't ask - so I didn't lie about it."

Whoa, Zorro! That is waaaay different than flat out lying in a profile. If I thought there were things in my past that another should know, of course I would tell them if I saw the relationship starting to flower or if such fact might in anyway endanger the progress of that intimacy.

Unless you are saying that everyone should just list every "undesirable" characteristic they have and send the list with the initial greeting to a new prospect? (How the devil would you even define "undesirable"?)

I have noticed here though, the more open and naive you are, the more likely you will be cut down by prospects because they do not believe you are what you say. Seriously, the environ here in PoF is getting pretty toxic and I am wondering if it is because so many have lied that it is now accepted that nothing here is real and if it seems like someone might be then they are even more suspect.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 514
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 1:03:07 PM
I could be wrong Deb, but I think Danimal is not so much opposed to lies of omission, but only pointing out that people want to appear their best.

Now, use of the terms dazzling and avoidance techniques?

Maybe he was dazzled by a still married gal with a low fico score?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 515
Does it matter if he lies about his age
Posted: 5/1/2015 1:08:48 PM

Zactly. Lies of omission. Burying hindrances to a relationship under the guise of, "Well, they didn't ask - so I didn't lie about it."


I don't go into relationships all batty eyed and innocent and do broach such things as any addictions, finances, medications and such - and "little" lies like age. It's deliberate deception. If you ask the questions and observe things that don't add up, you don't even have to ask direct questions. Maybe I'm just observant and don't wind up getting "burned" as easy as some who believe they can "fix" the person along the way.


Minor problems on vehicles that turn into major ones happen because of ignoring the problem and NOT dealing with the issue when it's not so 'significant'.


In other words, you'll buy absolutely ANY vehicle on the market, even though some makes and models are known for their inherent problems and believe you can keep "fixing" them along the way, knowing ahead of time they will likely develop those problems and you'll wind up getting rid of it? I don't buy things that way.


Used vehicles always have a myriad of things 'wrong' with them, but if a dealer advertised it as a 2007 model instead of 2005, how significant is that compared to the true condition of the car?


Hey, who am I to argue if you will buy a vehicle that's listed as a 2007 but you later find out it's actually a 2005 and you are paying the added price both at the beginning and during the time you own the vehicle because of the deception. I wouldn't continue owning a vehicle under those conditions. It's called truth in advertising, and isn't revealing your age when looking for a relationship the same thing? If you have no problem with it, all the power to you, but don't complain about the problems that arise because it started out as no big deal to you.
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