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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Can you really stay friends with an ex?      Home login  
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 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 26
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

I know there are still feelings there (how could there not be)

How could there not be?? I don't understand..There are many reason..
Anyway..
I am best friends with my ex, so it is quite possible.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 27
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/9/2013 11:28:06 AM
I have done so successfully. It all depends on the people involved. If she's tagging you in old pics on your Facebook, She's trying to play some games. I wouldn't allow it. Just restrict her from tagging you and that problem is solved. Her liking your posts will fade when it doesn't really stir up the crap that she's probably hoping it will. Facebook is great for telling you what women are interested in you. Without fail, it'll be the ones liking and commenting on all your stupid posts.
 PonderOne
Joined: 2/23/2013
Msg: 28
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 10:08:23 AM
It's preferable, but not easy for allot of people. Depends on what the relationship was based on in the first place.
 Jesselia
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 29
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 10:13:09 AM
No not unless a considerable amount of time has passed since the break up and both of you are over the relationship completely. If one of you still has romantic/sexual feelings towards the other, it is simply not possible to be friends with an ex.
 royc323
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 30
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 10:56:14 AM
Going strictly by what you've posted... no. Its too soon for her. Your best bet would be to remain friendly but at a distance. Maybe once some time passes this will change. Maybe it wont. I think you two need to work out your demons and find out whats really going on.
 Bubbly_Sunshine
Joined: 2/28/2013
Msg: 31
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 11:08:27 AM
I think it depends on a lot of factors. The people, the type of relationship it was... that is... was it a kind and healthy relationship or was it a relationship for wrong reasons? Do both sides want to remain friends? Sometimes the feelings are too deep on one side to every feel anything less than love and passion for the other. Some relationships based on sex or other addictions cannot continue as friends because it leaves a door open that should have been permanently closed for a reason.

I think if you and your ex want to be friends, you need to lay down some ground rules of what is permissible and what is not. I have one friend who is a really great friend but every once in a while, he will get depressed and tell me I was the one he let get away. I have moved on, and have to remind him that he was the one who wanted to just be friends.
 bangkokianj
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 32
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 11:17:39 AM
I don't keep my exes around. i have my friends, my best friends. They are the past, the history so I have them there.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 33
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 12:16:04 PM
No. Typically one still has feelings. This is why someone new in your life would view the friendship with skepticism & feel threatened by it.
 LongHairedLass
Joined: 8/7/2010
Msg: 34
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 1:08:21 PM
I maintained a friendship with a man I lived with for 11 years. We treated each other horribly, had a painful breakup, and never had the "I forgive you talk", just never stopped talking. Went from long time lovers to long time friends. I comforted him when his new girlfriend got an abortion against his wishes. He used to come over and visit me and our cat. Lost touch when he moved out of state.

Then I was married for 4 years, got divorced, and stayed friends with him. I could call him when I needed something, but he was only good for one thing, LOL. Sadly he passed away.

So in my experience, it is possible, but it depends on the people involved.
 yourheartsdesire1234
Joined: 2/16/2013
Msg: 35
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 4:24:58 PM
If you broke up with her,and she is doing all that,its because she still wants you. Most likely anger will come next,then acceptance.It takes time for someone to get over a breakup. Yes you can be friends,eventually.
 meggss2006
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 36
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 5:28:20 PM
I am experiencing a similar situation, but the best answer is give it TIME. As much as you want the answers now, this question about being friends should only be asked once a considerable amount of time has passed. You may think it is possible and may still be holding onto just being friends to keep that person in your life, but you must wait and cut off ALL contact. As time goes on, your thoughts and feelings will definitely change. Re-visit this question you are asking yourself in a few months or years. Only then will you really know. Good luck! I know it is hard but give it time.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 37
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 6:10:53 PM
My experience has been, no, we can't be friends. My ex's seem to misinterpret, simple politeness or being friendly, as showing a renewed interest. This has happened repeatedly.
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 38
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 7:01:57 PM
U know it's so funnny. I've read some of the posts on here and I have to say it all depends on how long u haven't talked to the person.

If u trying to be friends with someone immediately after breaking up with them, then NO it won't work. There will be nothing but resentment from someone and alot of hatred.

It's been a year now since me and my ex broke up. I re-installed whatsapp on my phone again and I entered in my ex's number and he had a new picture next to his name.

I looked at that picture for a few minutes and honestly, I had no feelings for him as my ex lover. But instead, I missed the friendship that we used to have. I wanted to message him but had to hold myself back cuz it was me who told him that I didn't want to talk to him ever cuz he was the one who broke up with me and wanted to be friends with me right afterwards. And I wasn't having none of that.

And now that a year has passed, which I can't even believe that it's been a year now, i wouldn't mind being friends with him.

I think trying to be friends with ur ex right away is not a good idea. Lot of hurt is still there. Give it some perhaps a year and see what comes out of it!
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 39
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 7:43:44 PM
Sure you can. I'm friends with most of my ex's including my ex husband and a BF of 9 years. If your feelings are gone for them, it's quite possible..but that's the deal..you have to be sure your feelings are dead and that both of you have moved on emotionally.

What concerns me in your case is that she is questioning you about who you are dating, essentially spying on your FB page (FB makes it almost impossible to move on from anyone these days). You should not have to explain yourself or your social life to her. If you feel you both need some time and space apart so she can digest what is going on, accept it and move on then by all means do so.

I've never had anyone cling or keep bugging me after a break up, so that has made it easier for both of us, and especially once the ex has transitioned on to a new person, ALOT of tension eases up and it's so much easier to be friends...or at the very least remain friendly.

There are no hard and set rules, it's all about what your comfort levels are and how you both feel. But don't let her keep questioning and poking around in your personal life..if anything that is going to kill the friends thing.

Not every relationship crashes and burns like an airshow disaster. Not everything ends in tears and emotional destruction..some things sort of roll to their own stop, and it's time to "get out." I don't have any animosity towards anyone I used to date.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 40
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/10/2013 7:56:26 PM
I don't really stay friends or associate with any ex GF or ex wife, it would be too easy to drift back into a romantic relationship. I like to put a state or two between us, if not a whole ocean.

I still like all my EX whatevers, but I don't want to try and be involved in their lives.

I have helped out my ex-wife if she needed something that I could do for he, so in that sense we stayed friends. But she lives 1000 miles away. But we had no children together, children would mean we would have to stay in closer touch.

There is usually too many emotions involved in old relationships, I am sure no ex really want to see who I am dating, meet my new wife, get involved in my future plans. Nor do I want to get to know their future BF.

My first GF we were monogamous for 5 years, saw each other every weekend and for 5 years after that we kept dating even after we were seeing other people. I don't think it was a good thing for either of us to have done.
 prettyboyricky
Joined: 8/25/2012
Msg: 41
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/11/2013 8:37:05 AM
ohhhh no . i mean you could be friends ..just dont tell her about your next partner . cause they gona always tell you how better they are. and some how you gona feel stupid . when your having fun and she's see you happy
 KaderGater
Joined: 3/5/2013
Msg: 42
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/11/2013 2:12:53 PM
Yeah its just hard to completely cut off contact with her for a while because we dated for over 5 years so we do have a lot of common friends now. But that also gets me into trouble. Like for example I went out with some friends on the weekend and was dancing with a girl and somehow it got back to her. So I had to shut my phone off because she was calling and texting me while I was there. And then when I shut my phone off she started calling my best friends phone trying to get me to talk to her.
So its hard to know what to do. I can't completely stop talking to her because that could make things extremely awkward when we see eachother with our friends. (Well I guess I could just ignore her the whole time so that is one option). I just don't know what to do.
 spirited-won
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 43
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/11/2013 5:33:45 PM
For the most part I just prefer not to be friends with an ex. I find at times it seems to bother the current partner. But I am friends with an ex from over a year ago because we accepted we wouldn't ever work but forgave each other for the mistakes made along the way. We have a respect for one another and it continues to this day.

He is the only ex that I am friends with and it is strictly a friendship. He doesn't care who I am with, just if I am happy. He remembers every holiday and birthday. I even heard from him this past Valentine's Day but again, it's strictly as friends so in my case, yes you can still be friends with an ex.
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 44
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/11/2013 5:49:51 PM
OP - see message 48......yes you DO need to complete cut off contact with her. What you do, where you go, and who you associate with is NONE of her business - you need to make that very crystal clear under no uncertain terms with her.......

......and you also need to set some boundaries with your "mutual friends" - or better yet.....seek out new friends if they can't seem to be respect of of your boundaries.

Besides....the question I have for you is if she is SUCH a great person, why did you dump her????
 ZombiezRock
Joined: 10/17/2012
Msg: 45
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/11/2013 7:00:23 PM
NOPE! ....................................................
 Jonnyrocknroll
Joined: 12/15/2012
Msg: 46
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/12/2013 7:13:52 AM
Most ppl toss out that "friend card" and have no intentions of backing it up.. Or it's a very lop sided friendship at best.. Cut your losses and walk.. 99% of the time.
 gofurguy
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 47
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/12/2013 7:59:32 AM
i agree with you fully there, my daughter is still close to her ex and my grandsons benefits nicely by it, he has handled the divorce with very little problems and i feel its all in your nature. too many people say because its there ex they feel angry or hurt towards them for looks, i hate harboring alot of animosity toward people i once was close to
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 48
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/12/2013 1:50:30 PM
IMO, it depends on how the relationship unfolded & ended. If she's still asking about girls you are "friends" with, etc... yeah, you can't blame her for wanting to know when she still likes you.

Being facebook friends? That's fine if you guys parted ways amiably and you both don't have much feelings for EACH other. But after a 5yr relationship that isn't the case usually. It's best to part ways, even as friends, altogether for a while. Sure, maybe keep in touch via facebook messages once in a while for full resolution/closure... but when one or both have feelings for the other still, no, not a good idea to be more than non-invasive FB friends. Just keeping-in-touch-if-need-be, and that's about it.

Otherwise you're just going thru a temporary break-up. :)
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 49
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/12/2013 2:12:11 PM
I suppose some can and some can't. My loyalty is 100% to my current partner and I wouldn't want her to feel uncomfortable in any way. I'd never put her in a position where she felt the slightest insecure. even if she never expressed it.

For this reason I don't maintain any contact with an ex.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 50
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/12/2013 3:11:39 PM
If she want's to stay friends , then she probably thinks you will be of some use to her down the road somewhere . From what I have seen the only reason a woman wants to be friends with a man is if she thinks he will be of use . Best not to have any more contact than absolutely necessary . Looking at the post below mine , LOLZ
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