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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Can you really stay friends with an ex?      Home login  
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 REDDDRAGON
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 51
Can you really stay friends with an ex?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Yeah its just hard to completely cut off contact with her for a while because we dated for over 5 years so we do have a lot of common friends now. But that also gets me into trouble. Like for example I went out with some friends on the weekend and was dancing with a girl and somehow it got back to her. So I had to shut my phone off because she was calling and texting me while I was there. And then when I shut my phone off she started calling my best friends phone trying to get me to talk to her.
So its hard to know what to do. I can't completely stop talking to her because that could make things extremely awkward when we see eachother with our friends. (Well I guess I could just ignore her the whole time so that is one option). I just don't know what to do.


never thought i'd do this but her it goes.....


JERRY.........JERRY...........JERRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 KaderGater
Joined: 3/5/2013
Msg: 52
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/13/2013 5:07:57 PM

Besides....the question I have for you is if she is SUCH a great person, why did you dump her????


I just wasn't happy anymore.
 Anywherbuthere
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 53
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/13/2013 5:34:14 PM
The answer is no.
 shine1274
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 54
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/13/2013 8:20:10 PM
I agree it all depends on the people and circumstances. One that was a LTR pleaded with me to stay in her life as a friend. She would call and keep me up on her family and such. Then when she started seeing this other guy and her conversations became how much better he was than me. That lasted maybe 2 days and I told her to discard all my contact info and never call again. She finally listened to me.

There are some that hurt in the early days when we are learning about life. Now that 15-20 years has passed, I have mended a couple fences. One from my teen years thought we could get back together, and kind of faded away when I made it clear that would not happen. But overall, I have little issue with the ones from long ago and far away.
 purfectblonde169
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 55
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/14/2013 4:41:17 PM
I think you can be friends with your exes . Why be enemies? I have lots of exes that are still friends because there good people. I had fun with them, maybe we didnt work as boy frind and girl friend but too dislike them, no unless they are abusive ordo something horrible . then why not.
 paula.s
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 56
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/14/2013 7:52:36 PM
No I don't think you can be friends...anymore...they might try, but it will never be the same.....some peolpe don't like to disrupt anyting, they can't do a break up......people have exceptance issues.....or they like to have their cake & eat it too!! ..... so security issues........it's best to move on......they know they are not happy where ever they are- presently.......whatever you decide.....but it sounds like you decided...even if you had another girl, it's not right to keep in touch with the old girlfriend...strength is yours to encompass---extremely! of course with kindness---always to those people that truy care about you!...strength be with you.....the best!
Paula
 paula.s
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 57
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/14/2013 7:54:23 PM
Hi THAT AGE IS WRONG JUST TO LET YOU KNOW...IAM NOT THAT AGE!
 Moon_Rocket
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 58
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/14/2013 9:05:47 PM
Hahaha, hilarious Paula!

Anyhow why should we believe you?
 TiffLS
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 59
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:34:57 PM
Sure, it's possible. I'm friends with most of my exes, including my ex-husband and a man I was engaged to in the early 90s. The real question is whether or not you can be friends with an ex under the circumstances you describe. I'd say probably not, since it doesn't sound like your ex's affection for you is entirely platonic (at least at this point).
 TiffLS
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 60
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:40:27 PM
Sure, it's possible. I'm friends with most of my exes, including my ex-husband and a man I was engaged to in the early 90s. The real question is whether or not you can be friends with an ex under the circumstances you describe. I'd say probably not, since it doesn't sound like your ex's affection for you is entirely platonic (at least at this point).
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 61
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/24/2013 7:09:23 PM
short answer? NO

long answer.....after years pass, maybe but still probably NO

I'm not even FB friends with my ex. don't need to know what he's doing and he doesnt need to know what I'm doing.
 Darkhawk36
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 62
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/24/2013 7:17:43 PM
Absolutely not. Anybody that tells you otherwise is just plain lying to you.
 TiffLS
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 63
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:47:24 PM

Absolutely not. Anybody that tells you otherwise is just plain lying to you.


It says a lot about a person when he assumes that if something doesn't work for him, anyone in the world with a different experience must be lying.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 64
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/25/2013 1:57:28 AM
It's always easier for me to move forward if I cut an ex out of my life completely.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 65
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/25/2013 4:02:05 AM
Unless she's my children's mother. I would keep it civil with her. I have to put my feelings a side and respect that she is the mother of my children. Even tho she was once an wife, for me there's gotta at least be some common ground respect for both ex partners.

With an ex, I would not stay friends with an ex. I'm friends with only 1 of my ex's, and we both broke up mutually. Both of us keep things civil and we're still good friends to this day but VERY DISTANT. ( The way I like it ) I prefer cutting out an Ex out of my life first before working things out with them as friends after, I need time to heal. And I would look at how they treated me in the past to decide whether or not that I should remain friends with them. God says to forgive but forgiveness doesn't always necessary mean a restored relationship.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 66
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 10/10/2013 12:46:37 PM
Sure you can, when both are over the relationship.

You can say to her that you promise to try to be friends with her as soon as SHE has a new boyfriend or is completely over you because until then, her attraction to you and her keeping a check up on you, is making things difficult for you to act naturally around her and your shared friends.

Tell her you need to be yourself without worrying about her, and until she can keep her comments and accusations and "looks" to herself, you doubt it will be possible. You need to act naturally to be friends with someone.
 rissignol
Joined: 9/5/2013
Msg: 67
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 10/10/2013 1:58:36 PM
I think it depends on the person. Both people have to be very mature, because otherwise it will just be drama.

I'm friends with a lot of women I went on dates with, but it just felt more like a friend relationship than a romantic one, so not really an ex.

I think a lot of people stay friends with an ex because they harbor some sort of fantasy about reconciliation. Which can be dangerous territory if they are in a relationship with someone else.

Sounds to me like she still has a thing for you. If you become friends, keep in mind this could throw a wrench in things when you pursue other women. And also, it's kinda cruel to allow her to think you may get back together, so if you're going to be friends, you should definitely clarify your intentions.
 sandytm
Joined: 9/25/2013
Msg: 68
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 10/10/2013 2:27:46 PM
We'll be signing divorce papers on the 23rd. I would choose to be single for the rest of my life, than go back to him. But, we are friends.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 69
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 10/10/2013 3:12:41 PM
@ KaderGater

I'm thinking that either she wants to get back together, or she wants you as a backup in case her current interest(s) don't pan out. Either way, you need to learn the rules:

Rule number 1: There is no such thing as "just friends" between a man and a woman where at least one is sexually attracted to the other.

Rule number 2: First learn rule number 1.
 pamioakley
Joined: 5/26/2013
Msg: 70
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 10/10/2013 7:11:42 PM
I don't think there is an easy answer to that. I remained friends with several men I've dated and I value their opinions to this day. Perhaps it was the dating experience with them that pointed us in the direction of friendship. I'll never be friends with my last b/f, however. I lost respect for him during our relationship and respect is necessary in friendship IMHO. Sometimes, when it is over it is over is absolutely true. Other times, when it is over a better thing can happen.
 jweaze
Joined: 10/1/2013
Msg: 71
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 10/11/2013 12:38:20 AM
Depending on the circumstance I would say yes. Heck I have.
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 72
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 10/11/2013 1:06:31 AM
I do like the idea of being as warm towards them as the beginning because you didn't do something egregious to each other, but that usually isn't the case.
Imagine though if one was kind and honorable and sweet through the end..then yes, it would be nice, but I don't have civilized, otherworldly entanglements. Disappointing. One can dream.
 robertr499
Joined: 7/29/2013
Msg: 73
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Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 10/11/2013 3:52:02 AM
I'll tell you a story about when I broke up with my first love.

It was really amicable, we decided to remain friends (we had mutual friends through uni and were gunna run in to each other at mutual events) and wished each other well. I spoke to my stepdad about how happy I was about how clean the break up was and that we were staying friends. I was met with the response "nope, can't be friends with an ex. trust me". I gave a reason why this was different and "nope, can't be friends with an ex. trust me" was the reply. I gave other reasons and got the same response. I was young and naive and disliked his response.
Things were great and we saw each other a month later at a friends birthday and everything seemed fine. Then the inevitable happened and things started to fall apart.
In summary, trust my old man's advice of it being absolutely impossible to be friends with an ex and both of you remain emotionally fine. Trust me ;)
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 74
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 10/11/2013 5:47:39 AM
This is up to you. But if you've broken up it's not her place to question what you do and with whom. This seems to me that she doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to want you either.
You CAN be friends with an ex (I am with an ex after a 30 year relationship) but it didn't/doesn't happen overnight. It took years so the feelings that led to the break up can dissipate and you have reclaimed your life. Maybe you can let her know that right now you should completely break up (NO FB/texting/calls) and maybe later...maybe.
 mtarrant50
Joined: 7/26/2013
Msg: 75
Can you really stay friends with an ex?
Posted: 10/11/2013 6:47:29 AM
I agree no one should be considered a backup plan
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