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 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 43
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Exclusitivity before sex?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Fair enough.. now you've had sex .. it was great. Now what? You aren't exclusive so you are perfectly ok with him giving others a "test drive" as well? I've never met such a woman IRL


Maybe you have, but just didn't know it!!

For me, being exclusive isn't just about sex.
For me to want and agree to being exclusive, we have to "click" on many different levels, sexual compatibility being only one of them. Being "exclusive" equates to a committment in my eyes.
Until we both agree to that ....... We are both free to do whom/whatever we please.

To be completely honest, I haven't been intimate with a man that didn't lead to "exclusivitity" since my post-divorce playing around days.....and that was MY choice.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 44
Exclusitivity before sex?
Posted: 3/12/2013 9:06:11 PM
I think it is a must.

A -must-? Not just a comfort-zone? I can understand how one isn't comfortable having sex unless they feel/have a sense of exclusivity to some solid degree, and also one isn't comfortable jumping into exclusivity just because they have sex "early on". But to say that's a must for all? That's a bold statement....

Anyone who is not totally exclusive with one woman from the first date on is not worth your time.

Okay, now that is way out in left field. You realize that not only many common folk but most professionals in the arena are Not on that bandwagon, right? Exclusivity from the 1st date forward? The only way I could see that happening is if the two knew each other really well (no, pen paling online doesn't count) and sexual/romantic tension was knowingly between them for a long time. Situations like a close co-worker, someone in a social group, etc. But besides situations like that, you're saying that people Should Officially move Really Fast. Not wise.

If you can't be committed to starting a relationship than how can you expect to be committed to a relationship after it starts.

Here's the thing: Most first dates are not starting a Relationship. It's starting to get to know them (on a more-than-friends-level). It's a pre-season of sorts before an actual Relationship's clock would begin. Situations' mileage will vary some, but basically it's once you get past those initial dates/outings -- that getting-to-know-you phase, have you actually started datING them. Many people don't like to move too fast -- like counting the 1st date, at that time right then, as the beginning of a Relationship (being gf/bf).

Not wanting to jump into exclusivity on the 1st date isn't a sign of not taking exclusivity seriously. For many, it's an indicator of taking exclusivity seriously and not applying it to anyone you like just because you fear them not being that into you.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 45
Exclusitivity before sex?
Posted: 3/12/2013 9:40:15 PM
If I really liked the girl....
and we get along well...
yes.

Cus for me...exclusivity is the purpose of dating.
The endgame rather.
Not just sex.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 46
Exclusitivity before sex?
Posted: 3/12/2013 11:53:08 PM
yes, for me exclusivity comes before sex.
and I have no trouble talking about it with the man.
I once made the mistake of thinking or assuming everyone was exlusive afer sex.
thats why I believe in open communication so no one assumes anything.
if a man does not want to wait until we care enough about each other and are comfortable together
then we are not right for each other.
and thats not going to happen after only a few dates because....
I need to get to know if the man follows his words with his actions.
and I would expect him to want the same from me.
since I am looking for a ltr I think that is a normal thing to want exclusivity.
I so want the desire from both of us to be there, but just not to act upon it so soon.
 lowmiles2
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 47
Exclusitivity before sex?
Posted: 3/13/2013 1:56:25 PM
Della... you din't say that! I'll never wait 6 months to a year before having sex. Heck, I don't even buy green bananas at my age.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 48
Exclusitivity before sex?
Posted: 3/13/2013 2:13:42 PM
I've never met such a woman IRL


Maybe you have, but just didn't know it!!

Unless she was a great actress with some odd motives, I don't think so. I've yet to meet a woman who was fine with the man she was having sex with having sex with other women. Most women make this point abundantly clear and even if not said outright, they assume you are exclusive once sex enters the picture. If you tell the woman you are sleeping with that you are seeing other women, be prepared to duck and run.

I'm certain there are many exceptions and women who are very open minded and cavalier about sex in a relationship. I'm just saying, I've never met her.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 49
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Exclusitivity before sex?
Posted: 3/13/2013 3:33:44 PM

I'm certain there are many exceptions and women who are very open minded and cavalier about sex in a relationship. I'm just saying, I've never met her.


But we're not talking about "relationships".......we're talking about dating.


even if not said outright, they assume

You might be the one "assuming" things if it's not discussed outright!!
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 50
Exclusitivity before sex?
Posted: 3/13/2013 4:06:00 PM

But we're not talking about "relationships".......we're talking about dating

We can split hairs all day but it's not going to change the fact that as far as the women I have been dating goes .. once sex enters the picture, you are exclusive and no longer free to do what you like. No longer free = in a relationship.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 51
Exclusitivity before sex?
Posted: 3/14/2013 3:29:30 AM

Stubidooo
We can split hairs all day but it's not going to change the fact that as far as the women I have been dating goes .. once sex enters the picture, you are exclusive and no longer free to do what you like. No longer free = in a relationship.


Yeah, cause you know everything and are never wrong.... Why did your marriage fail again?
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 52
Exclusitivity before sex?
Posted: 3/14/2013 3:48:53 AM

Doesn't that depend upon the definition of the word "is"?............



Alrighty then 'Bill Clinton'! :)
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 53
Exclusitivity before sex?
Posted: 3/15/2013 9:41:00 PM
I can become exclusively dating someone after we have a few dates and know that we like one another. I cant see becoming exclusive on the first date....you dont even know one another. Unless you were already freinds, or co workers, or something were you already know one another.

I have dated someone exclusivly before we had sex. But we talked about it first.
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 54
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Exclusitivity before sex?
Posted: 4/10/2018 3:31:33 AM
You can ask alright but in your age bracket its highly unlikely you will get some kind of HONEST answer unless he might be a true Christian.....in saying that again in your age group they are sewing their oats and in saying that IF you proced with the physical use protection and good luck!
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 55
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Exclusitivity before sex?
Posted: 4/17/2018 8:14:35 PM
I would not be having sex unless exclusive.
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