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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dating today... coffee dates and text messages      Home login  
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 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 76
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donutsPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I'm not a fan of the "coffee date". I know some people will say venue won't matter. But sometimes a more fun activity can help someone that is a little bit shy or nervous become more relaxed. Some of my first dates / meetings have been watching a part of a game at a sports bar, festivals, mini golf, Dave & Busters etc. Even if there wasn't enough attraction / interest for another date, I usually had a better time doing these things instead going to Starbucks.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 77
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 5/31/2018 7:20:42 AM
People go on coffee dates because they have been stung - they've met really undesirable people in the past. Maybe they've met some that don't resemble their pictures.

The coffee dates are really lame though - kind of like a drive-by date, lol! I prefer to go to dinner.

You know, even if you go to dinner, you can walk away at anytime, you are not in handcuffs.......put some money on the table, and tell them you have to go, and tell them it was nice meeting - no excuse necessary, you don't know them.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 78
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/1/2018 10:10:28 AM
I've been on coffee dates before but they are lame even if they are just a meet to see if there is chemistry and if we'd want to go on a proper date.

I learned at some point, that I would rather go to a pub or a pool hall and have a drink and or a game of pool , chat and see if there is chemistry.

Sitting down with a stranger and trying to make conversation over a coffee cant be the most awkward thing ever.
With some alcohol you can loosen up a bit quicker (and i mean ONE drink not enough to get drunk and be an idiot)

Even though a pub is similar, its usually a bit louder and the lighting is softer so you have to get closer to chat and the alcohol helps you loosen up and maybe be a bit funnier . I have found its always been a much better spot than going for coffee.

As for asking someone out over a text....no, never. Call them and ask if you cant do it in person .

Its really sad that today people use texting for everything. They cant call each other .
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 79
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/1/2018 9:39:15 PM
I'm not completely against having a coffee date. But I'm not married to the idea either. I'm open to other suggestions if someone doesn't want to go a coffee shop.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 80
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/2/2018 12:51:54 AM
Coffee dates are for people that didn't take the time to communicate a little in advance, then won't commit to a first date. I would never meet someone based on a pic and nothing else. It's no wonder coffee dates go no place. That, and like tech said, they can be awkward. A date should be somewhat fun and memorable. If it doesn't work out, at least everyone had a good time. Men complain about coffee dates, but keep doing them. If you met someone in a bar, would your first date be coffee? You probably know less about them than someone online that you had time to get to know first.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 81
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/2/2018 6:49:28 AM
I met my girlfriend on a coffee date,lol.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 82
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/2/2018 7:33:54 AM
If two people meet and hit it off/have that instant chemistry, then the venue won't matter-whether it's a coffee meet or some world class event. People are setting themselves up for failure if they're more concerned about being entertained at a first meet than who they are meeting, or more concerned about how much money a guy will dish out at a first meet.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 83
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/2/2018 8:43:57 AM

If two people meet and hit it off/have that instant chemistry, then the venue won't matter-whether it's a coffee meet or some world class event....


There are some things I wouldn't like even if I was with close friends or relatives. Going to a coffee date at Starbucks is one of them. If a woman doesn't want a bar on a first date / meeting, I wouldn't claim the venue doesn't matter and insist on going there. I would simply suggest another place.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 84
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/2/2018 9:14:38 AM

Going to a coffee date at Starbucks is one of them.


I'd rather go someplace a bit quieter and less pretentious than Starbucks.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 85
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/2/2018 11:28:09 AM

Posted By: cooldog65 on 6/2/2018 1138 AM
Subject: Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Message:
Going to a coffee date at Starbucks is one of them.

I'd rather go someplace a bit quieter and less pretentious than Starbucks


My first date with my girlfriend was at Starbucks
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 86
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/2/2018 3:02:14 PM

I'd rather go someplace a bit quieter and less pretentious than Starbucks


There's another option available. It's discussing where to meet with the other person, and deciding on a place both are comfortable with.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 87
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/3/2018 3:48:08 PM

cooldog65
I'd rather go someplace a bit quieter and less pretentious than Starbucks.


Huh? Say what? What are the Starbucks like in your part of the world? The ones I have been to tend to be fairly quiet, full of people who are either alone and engaged in working on a computer, or couples engaged in conversation.

It’s a funny thing. I take a woman out on a date to a nice, fairly expensive restaurant (white table cloth, etc), and most of the couples are more engaged with their cell phones than with their dinner companion. But at a Starbucks, the couples seem to be much more engaged with each other. This is of course discounting the people who are there by themselves.


from_site_to_sight
There's another option available. It's discussing where to meet with the other person, and deciding on a place both are comfortable with.

+1
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 88
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/3/2018 5:16:50 PM
There is always going to be people in life that equate their self worth to the amount of cost and energy it takes to merely grab their attention. Even the most miserable and terrible people in this world can still save a life as an organ donor. At the end of it all, what matters is what you have done for other people, not what they have to do for you.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 89
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/3/2018 9:56:50 PM

Huh? Say what? What are the Starbucks like in your part of the world? The ones I have been to tend to be fairly quiet, full of people who are either alone and engaged in working on a computer, or couples engaged in conversation.


In the Pacific Northwest where the whole Starbucks phenomenon started in the early 70s, they're usually pretty crowded. It's too bad the bikini stands are only drive thru...

It'll be interesting to see the general atmosphere in Starbucks after the latest sensitivity training they had last week. Loitering will now be welcome.

As for working on a computer in a Starbucks, those people are space hogs and attention whores. There's plenty of room in the library and it's much quieter.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 90
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/3/2018 10:17:08 PM
Yeah, you can't have a private conversation in Starbucks. I'd rather go to Panera's.

No one ever said if those black guys were really loitering or not. Still, calling the police sounds excessive. There isn't a lot of space in Starbucks, so it will be interesting to see how much dead wood will be hanging around there now, and maybe junkies and homeless people just found their new place to be
 sussex11
Joined: 12/24/2017
Msg: 91
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 6/13/2018 7:19:20 PM
Dating Today....coffee meet, then sex. This has been the hardest thing for me to understand. Why anyone would be on a dating site and only want hookups. What ever happened to dating and getting to know each other?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 92
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 6/14/2018 11:26:40 AM

What ever happened to dating and getting to know each other?

It disappeared with the beginning of the video game culture and the 30-second attention span.
Heck, Millenials up to their armpits in debt will get their first decent job out of college and dump it within three weeks because it wasn't 'rewarding' enough.

The over-stimulation of our brain from everything demanding attention these days means we don't have the time (or more precisely, the patience) to follow through on anything gradual. We're lucky we can keep our eyes on the road for five miles, much less a relationship for 5 years or more.

As a guy, I rarely get confident feedback early on, so it's the walking on eggshells part that makes me lose interest. Vague texts and lack of willingness to participate in planning makes me feel like this thing is not going anywhere. Makes me feel like a performing monkey begging for tips. No thanks. I'm there to find someone who makes me feel special, not someone who makes me pay to put a smile on their face, and still reserves the right to dump and run at any second and for any reason.

Sex or no sex - at least a sleepover means they can trust/tolerate being in my presence for more than two hours. It's amazing how much difference that can make to one's confidence versus a bunch of one hour chats across a table over several weeks.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 93
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 6/14/2018 12:23:30 PM
cooldog
As for working on a computer in a Starbucks, those people are space hogs and attention whores. There's plenty of room in the library and it's much quieter.

Agreed. Also agreed that in the PNW (I'm in Portland), Starbucks is pretentious.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 94
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/14/2018 5:45:03 PM

People go on coffee dates because they have been stung

No, that's not why they go out on coffee dates. It's to make it a low-key date, not a Date-Date. You go to a coffee house or a low-key bar for a drink to chit-chat and talk. Both have the same motif (although coffee dates are well suited for any time of the day where a low-key bar may not be so ideal for that).

Dating Today....coffee meet, then sex. This has been the hardest thing for me to understand.

Having sex before having a date (from the bar or a party) -- or having a low-key date and then having sex the next go-round... it wasn't invented just a few years ago. Been around for quite a while. Go back enough decades, they still did it, although not quite as frequent, but a lot more than you think (they were just more quiet about it).

Why anyone would be on a dating site and only want hookups.

LOL. If you wanted hookups, where would you go? To the dating scene. Where's the dating scene online? A dating site! Why Wouldn't they go to a dating site? But a disclaimer: Most people (guys included) don't want Only hookups. They'd love to meat a gal where he she's Wow and start seeing her. But in the meantime, yeah, porking around is always an option.

It disappeared with the beginning of the video game culture and the 30-second attention span.

I don't think that helped, but I think the "impatience culture" is more modern than the 80s when the video game culture started. I would say the "impatience" culture started when IMing & texting started to take hold, emboldened by Facebook commenting & tweeting. The "summary culture".

That said: "What ever happened to dating and getting to know each other?" -- my question is: Do they not? Just because one fools around before being an item -- which again, is no "new" thing by any stretch -- doesn't mean they're not getting to know each other if they Do really like each other.

I think with Facebook and the like, you have (potential dating) options at your fingertips. Too many choices in the store of a certain product, the less apt you're going to buy one. Proven in free-sampling advertising at grocery stores. So they learned to limit their selection to try-out. Add to that, less people feel lonely without being an item with someone. Which is a good thing -- but also, less of a yearning to have someone for the sake of it. More (emotionally) independent. So that's not a focal point of -something- to Chase.

That said, the newest generation actually have less sexual partners than the older generation. WHAT? Yep. You can get the (social, sexual) attention from the comfort of your own home.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 95
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/14/2018 7:55:36 PM

cooldog65
In the Pacific Northwest where the whole Starbucks phenomenon started in the early 70s, they're usually pretty crowded.

I have not observed that around my neck of the woods. I’ve never been to a Starbucks and been unable to find a quiet corner.

cooldog65
As for working on a computer in a Starbucks, those people are space hogs and attention whores. There's plenty of room in the library and it's much quieter.

Hmmm… around here, there are probably 20 or 30 Starbucks (or equivalent) for every public library. Maybe more. Which means the coffee shop is much closer, and much more convenient. And people actually do seem to get real work done.


norwegianguy456
But a disclaimer: Most people (guys included) don't want Only hookups. They'd love to meat a gal where he she's Wow and start seeing her.

+1
I’m always interested in sex with any attractive woman. Always. But if she impresses me with her conversation, with her mind, with her attitude towards life – I want more. Much more.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 96
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/14/2018 8:50:49 PM
Coffee dates and sex = stds. I wouldn't date guys that are desperate for sex, because they may have resorted to risky behavior. Then they want to say it's not their fault they have an std. Good luck tracking down someone that gave you an std when you don't really know who they are.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 97
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/14/2018 8:59:26 PM
I didn't realize coffee was the reason for STDs - better stick to booze instead
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 98
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/15/2018 2:31:20 AM
If you turn over the coffee cup, you'll see the surgeon general's warning☺
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 99
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Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/17/2018 11:48:55 PM

Coffee dates and sex = stds.

So dinner dates & sex = no stds? :) I don't see how having a coffee (or beer/wine) date, followed up by sex translates to anything worse than a date that had dinner to go along with it. I guess food is the anti-STD, huh? :)

I wouldn't date guys that are desperate for sex, because they may have resorted to risky behavior.

Just because guy Or gal has sex at the end of a 1st or 2nd date, doesn't mean they were desperate for it. Those who have a hex on sex, sure, would have to be desperate-horny to have sex with someone they don't know well. But those (like myself) who aren't conditioned into thinking that sex-is-bad-outside-Relationship -- no desperation required to follow thru on physical sparks, to take it under the covers.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 100
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 6/18/2018 2:12:22 AM

Dating Today....coffee meet, then sex. This has been the hardest thing for me to understand. Why anyone would be on a dating site and only want hookups.


- That's just some crazy players. Forget about them and date some real guys.
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