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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Rejecting or being Rejected      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 51
Rejecting or being RejectedPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I personally do no think of it as rejection or rejecting. Its plain and simple.. not a match for me. I do not take any pleasure and telling someone I am not interested. But after an initial meeting, if i don't think this person is a good match I simply say so. Yes, I have gotten the slamming email ( only confirming I made the right choice) and several times, Please give me another chance email ( I personally do not find that attractive at all) However, I personally feel if you bother to meet someone, its just polite to say if you are interested or not. Some will whine about the slamming emails.. block and delete.. at least you did not string them along. I try to do the right thing in spite of the emails that might follow. What I mean by the right thing.. its how I would want to be treated, so that is right for me. Not everyone is a good match for numerous reasons.. it does not mean you personally are not a good person or have terrific looks, it just means you are not a good fit for the other person.
Some take it way too personally. I would rather someone just be honest and say we dont match than waste my time. I wont continue to date someone who is not a good match just for free dinners or to have a date on Saturday night,. Be grateful there are honest and good people out there who dont use everyone. For those who cant be honest, I feel sorry for you, one day you might be strung along and thinking it was a great connection only to have her disappear. I personally think the grown up responsible and honest thing is a simple text, thank you but I dont think we are a good match. We cant control what others will do after that, but we do control whether or not we entertain it. JMHO
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 52
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/26/2013 5:32:24 AM

I always thought that ignoring someone cause you aren't interested is a cowardly thing to do. You just don't want to deal with it, so you ignore it.


I have always felt this way as well.
Not so much with someone with whom I chatted and things never developed ... but with someone who we've gone the extra step and actually met and/or dated. I always feel like I want to know so I can perhaps work on a behavior. Often time, more than not, it's something I do not even realize I am doing. For me, it helps me proceed with others.

I tend to be pretty literal though ... and not everyone is. I want to know ... even if it makes us uncomfortable talking about it. If we got together, there was something ... tell me what went wrong.

I respect that level of communication is not for everyone.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 53
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/26/2013 6:15:25 AM
"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." ~ Jonathan Swift
 Advwench
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 54
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/26/2013 6:21:10 AM

Isn't that obvious? She was of the "human" race. I tend to prefer them over Vulcans and Romulans? However, may date a hot Klingon woman. Keplah. Sorry for the silly answer, but that is a silly question... Would it really matter?


How could you leave out Cardassians?? Gul Dukat... yes please.

Anyway, to answer the OP: most guys reject a lady by simply disappearing. It makes being rejected fairly simple... no painful conversation, no drama, just a few days of "I wonder if I'll hear from him" and then you realize you won't. I just let it be; no point in trying to force something that isn't there or getting angry about it. There's only been one time where it was a real disappointment when it happened... generally I'm not feeling anything, either, so it's no big deal.

When I've rejected someone, I've either done it the guy way or told him I don't think we'd be compatible in the long run, then wish him luck in his search. Again, no point being an ass.

The funniest "rejection" I ever dished out wasn't a rejection at all. A guy made first contact after I'd already gone to bed, so I read the email and looked at his profile the next morning. I wanted to message him back but I ran out of time to give a decent response because I was late for work... I figured I'd respond on my lunch hour. By the time I logged back in, he'd already sent a 2nd email berating me for checking him out and not messaging him, telling me "you're really missing out, lady. You're making a huge mistake, you'll be sorry!"

Yeah... ok. Nice of him to show his jerk side so early on, though. He saved me a lot of time and effort =)
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 55
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/26/2013 6:26:56 AM

How could you leave out Cardassians?? Gul Dukat... yes please.


But the Klingons are funnier, wicked sense of humour. And Dukat, he IS the ultimate player. Ask Kira, she'll tell you.
 SimpleCltMan
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 56
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/26/2013 7:21:24 AM

Cardassians?? Gul Dukat... yes please.


Cardassian men, Studly, but the Cardassian women. Sorry, the broad chin is a turn off.

Klingon women? They are a bit rough with you, but after you have healed from it they are awesome.
 TiffLS
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 57
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/26/2013 1:34:45 PM
Side issue to your original post, but you raised an issue that always makes me wonder. You've basically said that she was attractive but you didn't really connect with her "intellectually"...so you suggested being friends and hanging out together? What would have been the basis for friendship?
 TiffLS
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 58
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/26/2013 1:35:12 PM
Side issue to your original post, but you raised an issue that always makes me wonder. You've basically said that she was attractive but you didn't really connect with her "intellectually"...so you suggested being friends and hanging out together? What would have been the basis for friendship?
 TiffLS
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 59
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/26/2013 1:37:39 PM
Side issue to your original post, but you raised an issue that always makes me wonder. You've basically said that she was attractive but you didn't really connect with her "intellectually"...so you suggested being friends and hanging out together? What would have been the basis for friendship?
 SimpleCltMan
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 60
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/26/2013 3:40:25 PM

What would have been the basis for friendship?


My basis for friendship is just to be a friend. We did get along and we enjoyed music and art. So we could go out and do those things and enjoy just hanging out. She couldn't take that.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 61
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/26/2013 3:51:43 PM
More men should friend zone women , they do it to plenty of men . Could care less about rejection from a woman , looking for some one to suit me not the other way around . Think after spending awhile on one of these dating sites one can become very jaded as I have become . It is all just some little micky mouse game the ladies keep playing and all that ends up happening , is they end up with what they deserve , nothing meaningful .
 LoveBeautifulDays
Joined: 2/21/2013
Msg: 62
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/27/2013 3:41:31 PM
Oh please, if so many men wanted her she probaly would not have went out with you and for her to just blab about it constantly, doesnt mean anything. So what if you are pretty? Thats not all there is to life, that might be why she is still single, sounds shallow to me and very mean. Who wants that? No man with common sense!!
 Tiggiebear
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 63
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/7/2013 9:51:07 AM
Count your lucky stars that she showed her true colors. You are the better person. Block her as well and move on. She sounds pretty much into herself and I must add very concieted. With an attiude like that no wonder she is alone, sounds to me like she really needs her ego fed.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 64
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/7/2013 9:58:00 AM
It is better sometime not to say anything and move on than trying to reason out why two people cant match for the two has different opinions about perfect match
 jeni366
Joined: 2/17/2013
Msg: 65
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/7/2013 11:18:12 AM

It is funny how people take rejection. Being on here for some time, I handle it with a smile and wish the person all the happiness in their search here. I don't take it personally if someone doesn't find me attractive or not into the things I am into. I try to take the high road even if it was mean spirited in the response. However, I have heard some stories that are just crazy. I have just ran into one myself.


I'm usually rejected from the first message so I don't really feel a need to reply; I simply move on. I accept being rejected as part of the process. It's not really a big deal to me.

On the other hand, at least half of the people I turn down hit me back with insults. Most of it I ignore, some of it I reply to with wit. Once in a while I'll let a person know what I really think of their attitude. In the end I always feel better for having rejected someone that reacts that badly. It's a sure sign that they aren't ready for a real relationship.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 66
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/7/2013 1:03:30 PM
Being rejected after 1-2 dates is like getting a blood shot at the doctor's. It might hurt a little bit initially. But I would move on fairly quickly. If I'm not interested in someone after 1-2 dates and they contact me, I would simply tell them that there was no connection. I think being upfront with tact is more polite than ignoring someone or keep making excuses about not being unavailable for another date.


I agree. If a woman tells me that "there was no connection" and there was mutual lack of interest I might tell them that I feel the same way and wish them well on their search. I also think it's better to be upfront because the other person will know and can move on sooner. As for possible rude emails, you can unread / delete and/or block the other person after you told him/her that you weren't interested. BTW not replying and suddenly ending contact without any notice doesn't always prevent rude emails. Some people will send rude emails because you ignored them.
 TheUsualSuspects76
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 67
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/7/2013 1:11:41 PM
Well at least you have a good heart and you didn't just date the girl because of what she looked like. All in all...definitely a positive character building experience for you...which i'm sure GOD will reward.
 ~Arianna~
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 68
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/7/2013 2:05:14 PM
I believe in the golden rule. When I was still active on the dating side of POF a couple of years ago, I replied to every mail received unless they were a horndog which thankfully were few & far between. I don't recall exact words I used to politely say no thanks but I never once got a hostile response in return. Either it was a polite response for having the decency to reply even when not interested or they just moved along to the next profile.

After meeting someone, I would still do the decent thing & let them know if I was not interested in pursuing things and I appreciated the ones who also gave me the same respect.

Silence is not always golden.
 TheUsualSuspects76
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 69
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/7/2013 2:27:53 PM
I learned how to accept rejection as one of the greatest positive soul cleansing forces in life that there is. Truly the greatest Man in all of history was mocked, betrayed , spat upon , and rejected,and then crucified. Yet the lessons He taught humanity shall Live On Forever...


Blessings...
Bill Lumbergh
 marilynh77
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 70
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/7/2013 3:55:20 PM
She is immature, lol
A guy friend of mine I met on this site was married to a beautiful, model-like woman and she was a mean spirit person during their marriage. Some women are plain idiots thinking they are entittled to things because of their outer beauty. Can't wait till it fades and open up their eyes.
Rejection is good for it's one step closer to the right fit.
I rather for a man to reject me than to lead me on. Rejection is just a simple way of stating that we aren't a match.
 CharAnne52
Joined: 2/23/2013
Msg: 71
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/7/2013 6:30:53 PM
Well atleast you were kind enough to tell her that you didn't think it would work the JERK that I met didn't even have the commom courtesy to tell me what it it was that turned him off he just said he had issues after driving 4 hours to meet me, sound familiar greyfoxlooking2, yeah that's u that I am talking about
 brewswain
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 72
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/7/2013 6:59:44 PM
.....he had issues after driving 4 hours to meet me, ......

You'd have to be Very Very Thin to make that long of a drive worthwhile :)













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 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 73
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/7/2013 9:09:54 PM
That's why people avoid confrontation, to a fault. If the other person feels you would match well together, and your reasons are just generic/vague, they're not going to like it. And also, even if they weren't That into you, if you drew first blood in a rejection, they will want you more (but will disappear IF you changed your mind).

People don't like rejection. You can do it in a "nice" way -- but with many, there is no "nice" way, there is no "good time" to do it, etc. That's why many people like playing the "I'm busy" game after a 1st date, never available, etc. It can actually be BETTER than an outright rejection... because if they don't have a crush on you or anything, and you're just not available, they'll think you're rude or a player or whatever... but a flat out rejection? You're telling them you're not good enough for them. Ouch! Many people's emotions are hurt Worse.

I think doing the busy/got-things-going-on card is good at first. If she keeps tapping you on the shoulder and doesn't get the hint, then you be really cool and let her know.
 CharAnne52
Joined: 2/23/2013
Msg: 74
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/7/2013 9:44:02 PM
Well my picture is accurate so that wasn't the issue and yes the JERK did drive 4 hours to meet me, stayed for dinner because I shamed him into and just because you wouldn't drive 4 hours unless someone was very thin doesn't mean that an0ther wouldn't. I have no reason to lie about this. Jus saying
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 4/8/2013 12:09:30 AM
For some reason, I keep reading Cardassian as Kardashian....go figure.

Rejection. I know this will sound like self pity or whatever but it really isn't. I think for myself that growing up scrawny (I know!), with glasses, constantly changing schools when we moved, being extremely shy made it easier for me to deal with rejection as an adult. Didn't do much for my self esteem, but you can't have everything. Strangely, now that I am the age I am, I couldn't care less when I get rejected. Sting a little? Yeah, I guess-especially when it happens several times in a row. But I get over it. Besides, nothing any of the people here or anywhere else do can compare to the pain I had when I was rejected by my husband.
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