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 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 51
Womens views on FWB???Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I think that someone is going to become attached and get hurt.
I cannot have sex with a man I dont get to know first no matter how good looking he is.
before having sex I want us to agree to be exclusive and to be boy and girlfriends. not fwb.
although some do lie and say you are their gf but they never planned on letting it go any further.

I am looking for a lasting loving realtionship that includes a great physical connection..
but also a great emotional and spiritual connection.
not everything is about sex.
I think some people can go much longer without it..
and for those who want a fwb they just need the sex more often than to wait for The Right One.

how do you just have sex with someone who has been your friend and then if you meet someone else you just drop the sex with them? its doesnt seem fair to that other person.
Plus I just cant have sex with my friends...
I have to have a closer more intimate feeling with a man before sex.
and if a friend and I began to have those feelings....we would become a couple.
and that to me would be a great way to begin a relationship...with someone you already know. but not fwb...a real relationship.

I dont understand the concept of why anyone would do this...unless neither of them are looking for a long term relationship and just stay being fwb...which would end up seeming like a long term committed relationship anyway if they didnt date others.
 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 52
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/22/2013 9:13:13 AM
A friends with benifits situation is a certain form of a relationship..

there are actual feelings involved and the 2 people are actually friends or grow to be friends this includes them actually spending time together outside of the bedroom...going to movies,,clubs,,playing pool,,concerts,,dinner or just spending 1 on 1 actually conversing an getting to know 1 an other..but in all there in no commitment between them..and sex is involved.

however the problem IS

the certain men who confuse or dont understand the difference between a hit an quit booty call or f uck buddy..

too many guys go around talking about FWB when in reality if some took 2 seconds to see an think it through,,that,,that is Not a FWB they have or are looking for and what they seek or all they make the woman into is just a hit an quit or booty call,,and those types of situations are Not a true friends with benifits relationship..


i think that if 2 people are wanting or looking for a fwb they both need to discuss what their own defintions are of it an how they think things can go between them..

it is true that a fwb can grow into more it happens an can happen BUT only of the 2 people involved have an open heart an open mind an would like to take that next step together..

otherwise it will just be a dead end situation like sitting in stagnant unmoving unchanged water,,no flow NO GO!
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 53
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/7/2013 4:25:32 PM
If my SO had a fwb before he met me,
do you think I would feel good about him saying he is going to keep the friendship without the benefits?
yea right. only if my head is in the sand.

If I had a fwb is my new bf supposed to feel at ease with me staying friends with him?
wow
I would wonder why he didnt mind.

I never have nor ever will have fwb.
 hotmerlot
Joined: 4/26/2013
Msg: 54
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/7/2013 4:48:40 PM
I already have plenty of friends and don't need another one.

I can get sex whenever I want it or just take care of it myself.

So you have to have more than friendship and a hard on to get my attention or my time.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 55
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/8/2013 1:56:20 AM
Melodyof_k is smart, articulate, sensitive, and pretty. Now, if only she didn't live so far away... *sigh*
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 56
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/8/2013 6:20:00 AM
FWB can work if the friendship is strong enough...F%$& buddies is a simple arrangement.
I have had a few FWB situations. The key to making it work is that the sex must always be secondary to the friendship. No exceptions.
Among some friends of mine who have had similar situations, once the sex superceded the friendship, they either entered a relationship or somebody got hurt.
Good friends are hard to find...so I suggest avoiding this whenever possible if it is unclear about the arrangement.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 57
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/8/2013 7:48:54 AM
I have found that many women do not have an aversion to women having FWBs ..but they do have an aversion to men having FWBs..this is the same mind set that many women have about cheating ..if a woman cheats she was driven to it or she is justified because her mate is probably cheating .or abusive or inconsiderate .or some reason
but if a guy cheats it because he is a cad ..now Before I am beaten up ..I didnt say all women but i do see this trend ..I even have seen it in the forums here ..If a guy wants an intimate encounter and he opens a post he will be jumped on immediately.. but a woman can want an intimate encounter and it is ignored or overlooked for the most part ..its like women subconsciously think if a woman wants to just get laid thats her right ..but if a man just wants a piece of tail he is a bottom feeder from hell..and this is aside from whether he openly admits that is his intentions or not..or whether she admits that is her intentions or not

if a guy says he wants a relationship but after sex decides the woman is not right for him .. he is a player ... if a woman says she wants a relationship and after sex decides the man is not right for her ..well she saw red flags and escaped further trauma

if a woman is in a FWB and starts getting feelings but the man dont want a relationship with her ...he is using her and breaking her heart IE hes a player

if a guy is in a FWB and starts getting feelings ...but she dont want a relationship ..then he knew what he was getting into from the start..and she has every right to break his heart
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 58
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/8/2013 8:18:05 AM

If my SO had a fwb before he met me,
do you think I would feel good about him saying he is going to keep the friendship without the benefits?
yea right. only if my head is in the sand.

If I had a fwb is my new bf supposed to feel at ease with me staying friends with him?
wow
I would wonder why he didnt mind.

Really? I don't understand this. I'm not saying it's wrong, just that I don't understand it (because I don't think that way).

I had a FWB about 20 years ago.. a guy I'd known a long time before we ever had sex. He introduced me to a friend of his, and we started a relationship (as FWB, only because [I]I[/I] didn't want more from him at that time) that resulted in our getting married. Our best man was my former FWB, who is still a friend, even after the marriage ended.

What you're saying sounds like distrust to me. If I can't trust someone, I won't be able to have a relationship with him.

I also don't do jealousy.


I never have nor ever will have fwb.

It's not for everyone.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 59
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/8/2013 8:24:42 AM
Melody,

If my SO had a fwb before he met me,
do you think I would feel good about him saying he is going to keep the friendship without the benefits?
yea right. only if my head is in the sand.

I agree. It brings on the same notion as a recent ex-girlfriend, too. If someone expects to keep a real relationship (friendship) with an ex-FWB or ex-GF when they begin a dating-relationship with someone, then they're pretty self-centered.

I never have nor ever will have fwb.

I don't think that's a reason or the reason not to ever have a FWB. I think if one's to have a FWB, and wishes to have a normal/healthy life in the dating/relationship world -- they have to be willing to drop the FWB as an actual Friend and shift them into becoming an acquaintance.

deerdog1,

I have found that many women do not have an aversion to women having FWBs ..but they do have an aversion to men having FWBs..this is the same mind set that many women have about cheating ..if a woman cheats she was driven to it or she is justified because her mate is probably cheating .or abusive or inconsiderate .or some reason
but if a guy cheats it because he is a cad

I pretty much agree with your concept. I think the emphasis should be re-iterated -- it's not how all women see things, but yes, it's a popular POV held by some women which isn't contested much by other women.

if a guy says he wants a relationship but after sex decides the woman is not right for him .. he is a player ... if a woman says she wants a relationship and after sex decides the man is not right for her ..well she saw red flags and escaped further trauma

Yeah, but I would tweak that, IMO. Not that she would call it as seeing red flags & escaped trauma.... just that she's looking out for herself and he wasn't good in bed. The same argument guys will use, basically.

if a woman is in a FWB and starts getting feelings but the man dont want a relationship with her ...he is using her and breaking her heart IE hes a player

if a guy is in a FWB and starts getting feelings ...but she dont want a relationship ..then he knew what he was getting into from the start..and she has every right to break his heart

Yep. I think a lot of these double-standards are accepted by the rationale that "women are more vulnerable" or "women are more emotional" -- thus, basically inferior beings due to emotion. I totally disagree with that notion... life is a lot less Mars/Venus, and much more human/human, notably when people are years past drinking age.

I think we see that double-standard-POV so much because of the women who hold it, (a) Aren't really aware they're carrying it, and (b) It's not contested often enough by others.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 60
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/8/2013 2:52:28 PM
no 1 bby

to what you said:
"What you're saying sounds like distrust to me. If I can't trust someone, I won't be able to have a relationship with him."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Your situation was very different than mine.

I wouldn't call it mistrust. I would call it intuition and intelligence.
Its just that I wouldnt have or ever did have a fwb situation.
But my ex bf did..
and due to his past history...
no, I did not trust him to be alone with his ex fwb, who he would not introduce me to, or even want to tell me her name. But I did find out her name and also found out that they worked for the same company.

It would have been different, (possibly) had he not had a history of cheating,and if he introduced us and included me into their time together.
But why would I even want to spend time with her....just looking at her and him knowing they had recently been in bed together. And knowing it could easily happen again had we been having a difficult time and him justifying it by saying we were "broken up" for a week....right...

It just taught me not to get serious with anyone who has a history of cheating.
That is what made me not very trusting of him in general. Yet,..I tried to see the good..
and I wanted to believe him. But he could have and should have introduced us if he wanted to keep her " friendship" without the benefits. We can go from our personal experiences...and mine was not a possitive one. There was no proof as to whether he cheated or not....but if I had to bet on it..I would bet yes.

As for myself personally,...I dont understand a desire for fwb. I need to be more than friends and then its not benefits...its a relationship based on more than friendship and sex.
The relationship I described above,...I would never have again. I became emotionally attached to him...or I would not have stayed a minute more had he told me he was having lunches with his ex fwb. ( he didnt even refer to her as fwb..he called her a fb)
They never went out in public together.

I think that people who are saying its not a good idea vs those who say it is may be drawing from past experiences or their own logic and knowledge of human behavior between men and women. What is the reason for FWB? It seems like convenient using one another for sex until "the right one comes along"

Not all "right ones" are going to accept a person who has the personality and feelings of those who are ok with FWB. its a different kind of thinking and feeling and than those who dont do that.
There are several men I have written to on here who have never seen these forums. They didnt even know what FWB or FB were. Neither did I until I read these forums.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 61
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/8/2013 3:12:07 PM

(no_1_bby) I had a FWB about 20 years ago.. a guy I'd known a long time before we ever had sex. He introduced me to a friend of his, and we started a relationship (as FWB, only because [I]I[/I] didn't want more from him at that time) that resulted in our getting married. Our best man was my former FWB ...


And, I don't understand this; just as you don't understand melodyof_k's position...


What you're saying sounds like distrust to me. If I can't trust someone, I won't be able to have a relationship with him.

I also don't do jealousy.


Not wanting to partake of a particular activity, or relationship paradigm, is not indicative of distrust, or jealousy. That's deflection, and quite infantile, at that.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 62
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/8/2013 3:23:20 PM
Not wanting to partake of a particular activity, or relationship paradigm, is not indicative of distrust, or jealousy. That's deflection, and quite infantile, at that.


In the future...
I will not engage myself into a relationship with anyone who has had a fwb relationship.
Because our views on relationships and friends differ to much.
Had I known my ex had participated in FWB and FB before we got close....I would not have chosen to form any kind of relationship with him. Whether I trusted him or not.
And I would have no interest in hanging out or doing lunches or anything with someones ex gf or ex fwb.
I dont think any man who I have had a ltr with would have wanted to have lunch or go to the movies or whatever with an ex bf of mine either. Why would they?
to each his own.

As for an ex introducing you...
sure, why not....but they can do it by phoning you to tell you about the person. You(not you personally) dont have to be in fwb relationship with him.

You (no 1 bby) Personally got blessed from this situation. So your perceptions are very different than mine.

If I felt my ex would be right for one of my friends I could tell her about him and if she was interested at all....I could call him....and let them exchange numbers.
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 63
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/22/2018 3:43:10 AM
Everyone's different....I had an FWB and then I got this hair in my ass to find a relationship....5 years later we broke up and I was right back where I started....it's hard to find a true FWB.....my thing would be a true friend then the perks as needed. Oh there are woman out there who do this but few and far between. As I said I had her.....but didn't realize it..lol
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 64
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/23/2018 9:20:32 AM
To me its cheap and dirty.
I have no desire for random dik lol
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 65
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/23/2018 10:00:46 AM
I keep considering it but keep talking myself out of it.

The only reason I am considering FWB is that I am having some self-esteem issues and feeling like guys I like will never like me back. I've been offered such an arrangement with guys I'm genuinely attracted to but I know if I do it I'll start to want more than just sex. So I won't go for it. I just need to work on myself for a while and build my confidence up so I can try for the real deal, not just set for only sex.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 66
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/23/2018 12:52:23 PM
I like all these old topics, they're interesting but i cba to search for them myself.

Erm, we don't need friends for random sex because it's easy to get it whenever we want it and with whoever, why would we bother revolving around a guy who offers us nothing?

And no, i am looking for good sex and commitment in a relationship, not to be some booty call for some guy who offers me nothing that any other guy has to offer.

Although i have had them in the past, it worked out alright but you need to have about 20 of the to get enough of the sex that you need. But basically they offer you nothing more than what any man can offer and it can be hard work dealing with them all so i figured one nighters are better off coz at least then you can get sex when you want it and with who you want, instead of having 6 guys ask at once and then of course you have to reject a few of them and then they don't bother asking again until a month later and it's like ffs i cba with this also.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 67
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/23/2018 1:49:35 PM
Tried it, didn't like it.
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 68
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/23/2018 5:28:31 PM
I love how women say they won't it's frigging hilarious they are so full of sh!t their eyes are brown.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 69
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/23/2018 10:19:00 PM
Why would I have sex with friends. I vent about work with friends. Sex is for when you LIKE (AND FLOAT ON AIR AND WATCH THE SUNSET IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS) EACH OTHER!
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 70
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/24/2018 3:40:06 AM

Erm, we don't need friends for random sex because it's easy to get it whenever we want it and with whoever, why would we bother revolving around a guy who offers us nothing?

And no, i am looking for good sex and commitment in a relationship, not to be some booty call for some guy who offers me nothing that any other guy has to offer.

Although i have had them in the past, it worked out alright but you need to have about 20 of the to get enough of the sex that you need. But basically they offer you nothing more than what any man can offer and it can be hard work dealing with them all so i figured one nighters are better off coz at least then you can get sex when you want it and with who you want, instead of having 6 guys ask at once and then of course you have to reject a few of them and then they don't bother asking again until a month later and it's like ffs i cba with this also.

Soooo friggen true

They offer nothing huh.
It's like whyy even bother.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 71
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/24/2018 4:43:14 AM
I'm not in love with my friends.

Most FWB relationships turn one sided....
Someone develops feelings and then all hell breaks loose.
My BOB doesnt mind when I close the door on him he's always there when I need him and he wants nothing in return...perfect!
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 72
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/24/2018 5:06:09 AM

Why would I have sex with friends. I vent about work with friends. Sex is for when you LIKE (AND FLOAT ON AIR AND WATCH THE SUNSET IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS) EACH OTHER!


See that's a matter of perspective you think co-workers are your friends their not the co-workers. If person vented at work their personal life I wouldn't go near them not the type of person I want to be around. See you believe a friend is someone who only gets the sh!t parts of you not the good stuff. My classification is people I communicate with have fun with and enjoy fun times with whatever that maybe as well as we support each other in our choices and decisions. Sometimes things happen when you are around people for so long you can't control sexual desire in someone it happens. And the most solid relationships stem from actual friendship hate to burst your bubble on that but it's the truth which is why people have problems today. They don't have any concept on the 2 going hand in hand but your best friend should be your mate, they should have a lot of things like 100% honesty more than anyone else you never lie to them, never betray their trust, never insult them, never harm them physically. They are basically a part of you and you are a part of them what happens to one happens to the other.

The only difference between FWB and an actual relationship is a person is unwilling to commit to the relationship full they don't want to be tied down and want their freedoms not obligations. FWB can even be exclusive people are so closed minded it's not even funny, people who are separated are usually the top friends with benefits people cause they can't really get to a point as they are still separated not divorced can't commit to something like marriage without a divorce first. Hence they are friends with benefits and some are unwilling to marry again ever that is a FWB for life you want to call it common law bullsh!t be my guest but that is not how I see it.
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 73
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/24/2018 5:08:26 AM

Why would I have sex with friends. I vent about work with friends. Sex is for when you LIKE (AND FLOAT ON AIR AND WATCH THE SUNSET IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS) EACH OTHER!


See that's a matter of perspective you think co-workers are your friends their not the co-workers. If person vented at work their personal life I wouldn't go near them not the type of person I want to be around. See you believe a friend is someone who only gets the sh!t parts of you not the good stuff. My classification is people I communicate with have fun with and enjoy fun times with whatever that maybe as well as we support each other in our choices and decisions. Sometimes things happen when you are around people for so long you can't control sexual desire in someone it happens. And the most solid relationships stem from actual friendship hate to burst your bubble on that but it's the truth which is why people have problems today. They don't have any concept on the 2 going hand in hand but your best friend should be your mate, they should have a lot of things like 100% honesty more than anyone else you never lie to them, never betray their trust, never insult them, never harm them physically. They are basically a part of you and you are a part of them what happens to one happens to the other.

The only difference between FWB and an actual relationship is a person is unwilling to commit to the relationship full they don't want to be tied down and want their freedoms not obligations. FWB can even be exclusive, people are so closed minded it's not even funny, people who are separated are usually the top friends with benefits people cause they can't really get to a point as they are still separated not divorced can't commit to something like marriage without a divorce first. Hence they are friends with benefits and some are unwilling to marry again ever that is a FWB for life you want to call it common law bullsh!t be my guest but that is not how I see it.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 74
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/24/2018 5:51:52 AM
Why does it seem to me the only people who want FWB are males lol

FWB being exclusive defeats the whole purpose of a FWB.

I used to have a fwb with my Ex then I realized, what the heck am I doing, it's basically a relationship.
FwB usually have said or unsaid rules that you're not to sleep with others and that when you date the fwb stops.
FwB does tie you down and restricts freedom and creates obligation to that person that is only a fwb. It's a joke.
It IS essentially a weird **stardized degraded relationship, where you get little to nothing out of it. Just doing it till something more exciting or better comes along.

It's unhealthy to only have one best or very good friend that is your mate. Really should have at-least one other.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 75
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 3/24/2018 9:45:29 AM

Why does it seem to me the only people who want FWB are males lol


It's clearly not for everybody. But I don't think people should assume FWBs never or rarely work just because it didn't go so well from them or some of their friends. It can for work for some men and women in the right situation. People need to be honest about their intentions and follow whatever rules were set at the beginning. I know women that were satisfied from their casual / FWB relationships. They had these relationships usually because of some combination of the following reasons.


1. They were recently divorced or ended a long term relationship and didn't want another serious relationship right away.
2. They didn't want to invest time and energy into a serious relationship because of other things going in their life.
3. Both people liked each other. But there were certain differences in lifestyles, beliefs, or long term goals that would probably prevent a serious relationship from working out.
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