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 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 126
Womens views on FWB???Page 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Men are exactly the same way. They'll go after crazy ****y skinny sexy chicks over your average girl next door more often than not.


If I was looking for casual sex, I might tolerate an attractive woman that doesn't have a great personality. Provided that she wasn't completely psycho. Not when I'm in a committed relationship though.
 MadameBoisseau
Joined: 5/11/2017
Msg: 127
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/7/2018 2:48:22 PM
I have found that self proclaimed "nice guys" normally are NOT so nice. They assume most men are brutes, and because they don't rape or beat women - they are "nicer" than other guys. This "niceness" (which is really just basic civility EVERYONE should display) thus entitles them to the woman of their choice - who they then proceed to complain about because she is not throwing herself at him. Funny enough these same types blow by the perfectly "nice" obese girl who likes him.

Bottom line? It takes way more than "nice" to build attraction - and BOTH sexes who are honest understand this.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 128
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/7/2018 2:55:19 PM
^^^ That’s not what I had learned from simply observing things in real life. A shy, quite decently good-looking, well-mannered man could be overlooked by women because he’s not sexually aggressive or lacks the confidence to pursue women. On the other hand the foul-mouthed, loud, obnoxious jerk who is overly confident of himself may have no problem attracting female attention. The bottom line is, the more a woman likes bad boys, the lower her IQ.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 129
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/7/2018 3:25:00 PM
I know a guy who is getting close to his 50’s and he never had a relationship with a woman because he was to shy to relate to them. He is tall, good-looking, intelligent, and very empathetic. On the other hand I know guys with criminal records who have no problem getting attention from women.
 Cryptofabulous
Joined: 4/18/2010
Msg: 130
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/8/2018 10:11:48 PM
^^^^ There's guys in prison who manage to find someone who will marry them while incarcerated!
Now that must be the ultimate "bad boy" for the woman who wants one! lol
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 131
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/8/2018 11:28:43 PM
There's been a lot of studies regarding why women are drawn to "bad boys". Usually it can fall into four main reasons:

#1 They are going for a man who is like their father.
This one is the most common although women seldom realize it. Women whose fathers were alcoholics, often end up with alcoholics. Other traits that fall in this category that women subconsciously look for are cheaters, abusers, criminals, etc. Women grow up observing their father having one or more of the above bad traits so therefore those traits are normalized for them. Also, women sometimes have daddy issues that they subconsciously try to solve by finding a man with the bad traits and trying to change the outcome.

#2 They think they can change a bad boy to a good boy.
Some women are unable to get the man they like, including both looks and character so they go for the bottom of the barrel in the character department thinking that if they find a good-looking man, they will be able to change him into the person they desire. For other women, they believe they can help the man to be better, in effect saving him, kind of like the Mother Theresa complex.

#3 They are very attracted to bad boys because bad boys actually are often very attractive.
Studies show that narcissists, psychopaths, and Machiavellianists are better at making themselves look physically appealing. They often have a nice wardrobe, amazing hair, more likeability, more confident body language, and more attractive facial expressions, and thereby are able to make very good first impressions. Women are often charmed by these outward appearances.

#4 They want to have more fun.
Bad boys seem to have a lot of fun and women are excited to be part of that fun. There is excitement in danger and women look at bad boys as facilitators of being more free.

An average guy has trouble competing with a bad boy because your average guy seems to be none of the above things.

I admit, I once fell for the bad boy thing briefly. I was a farm girl from rural Saskatchewan, a smart, tame, 7th year university student who was looking for a little excitement and adventure. Along came a city boy from lower class Northend Winnipeg. At first I thought it was opposites attracting but things soon spiralled out of control and I got in way over my head. I soon learned that he was a lazy, controlling narcissist, likely with mental issues that he really didn't care about getting help with. Never again will I ever go for a bad boy. I think there's probably a few other women on here that fell for bad boys. The excitement fades rather quickly.
 Cryptofabulous
Joined: 4/18/2010
Msg: 132
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/8/2018 11:57:59 PM
^^^ Agree with some of the above.

Attraction may also be to "something new" or "someone different" than who usually appeals to them.

I think that's how this adage came about:
Treat a whore like a lady and a lady like a whore. – Wilson Mizner
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 133
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/9/2018 9:14:46 AM
I would really like to find someone who is a lot like me but guys that I have things in common with never seem to notice me. If I even find one who I have stuff in common with. I find that the guys who message me I have none of the same interests with and its like they don't even read my profile and I bet they don't. I rarely message guys but when I have, I usually get a response like "Sorry, not interested in dating someone with kids" or just "not interested".
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 134
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/9/2018 9:58:49 AM
"Men hate hearing that sex has value"

>>some men are glad to hear they don't have to be attractive to get laid, they just have to pay a bill of some sort. Dinner, a romantic weekend away, etc. And of course there is the dowry.

some women may complain they got lied to, just like they want to say, "I was so drunk at the time", its a cover to not look promiscuous. But generally, yes, many older women are looking for more than just "to get their groove back". Some younger girls might be happy to "be like the boys" and play Sex in the City.

"Deception is hard wired into males"

Remember Koko the gorilla, taught sign language, and everyone was surprised to find Koko knew how to lie? well, if one believes we are descended from apes, then maybe we do have a lot lying, deception, etc in our genes. Supposedly Jack Russell terriers back their hind legs up tree trunks to leave their mark high to fool other dogs, and there are birds who sneak their eggs into the nests of other birds. So yes, animals do engage in tomfoolery.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 135
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/9/2018 10:55:11 AM

#1 They are going for a man who is like their father.

There is that -- combined with what their mother wanted, ie what gals want. So it doesn't really solve the Why so much. A more dominating/leader type -- or at least that impression (many actual 'bad boy' types are weak underneath).

#2 They think they can change a bad boy to a good boy.

There is this, too. He has those "man in front" qualities that attract women -- but with a catch. Oh, I'll solve the issue! Kind of like a guy seeing a Real cute gal who would normally be out of his league -- but she's got some mental issues (depressed, big attitude problem, etc), but "I'll take it! Just have to solve that there problem."

#3 They are very attracted to bad boys because bad boys actually are often very attractive.

No, not really. Hence the "Why is she going after the Bad Boy all the time??" Otherwise, it'd be "See? Women ARE just as much into looks! They can even be an a-hole, and that still won't stop them." That's not it.

Now, that doesn't mean a guy can't be Labeled as a "bad boy" because he's good looking, by a specific gal. Guys will be mislabeled as a "bad boy" when they aren't into her that much, but she's really into him (good looks does this). Many of these Aren't "bad boys" -- just guys she's overshooting for. So there's the Real "bad boy" VS Mislabeled "bad boy" (because he didn't like me enough but still hung out and we fooled around).

Additionally, there's a faux Mr Nice Guy vs Real Mr Nice Guy. The faux Mr Nice Guy -- one who says he is, but isn't, is because he WAS Mr Nice Guy and is frustrated & PO'd. Or what Seems like Mr Nice Guy, gal walks all over him, and come to find out, he's just an Average Joe, and he bites back (sorry Sally, you deserved it). The Real Mr Nice Guy -- lets girls walk all over him. He goes out of his way to cater to her and what she wants. Doesn't mean he can't End Up ticked if the right girl comes along really f-ing with him for too long... so it can be fuzzy determining it. They come in different degrees like anything else.

#4 They want to have more fun.

No, not necessarily. #3 & #4 go together where it's more easily the Mislabeling of "bad boy". He's attractive, likes to have fun -- which means he's more willing to casually date, gal gets frustrated, and just labels him as such. Sorry Sally, pretty much Every guy who's attractive & likes to go out & have fun a lot isn't going to be wanting to go steady with you, unless you're out of his league (or he has a true crush on ya). That doesn't make him a bad boy. It makes him a guy. :)

Many actual Bad Boys aren't any more fun than your average Joe. If he's projecting a Bad Boy vibe and is seen by others as such, and a gal gets a little moist at that notion, that in and of itself will be "fun" -- even if he doesn't have a whole lot of money and doesn't go out everywhere, and just hangs at the local watering hole shooting pool.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 136
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/9/2018 5:22:41 PM
"A shy, quite decently good-looking, well-mannered man could be overlooked by women because he’s not sexually aggressive or lacks the confidence to pursue women."

>>Considering the stereotypical role is the man chases woman, this makes sense.

"On the other hand the foul-mouthed, loud, obnoxious jerk who is overly confident of himself may have no problem attracting female attention."

>>>if she's not mature enough to know the diff between c0cky and confident, I concur.

"The bottom line is, the more a woman likes bad boys, the lower her IQ."

>>>maybe not, she might be a business exec. But I have known plenty of women who love bad boys who...share similar characteristics, once you get to know those ladies. Poor impulse control, self-focused, insecure need for attention, driven by emotion rather than logic, inject drama into their lives for fun, etc. But i'll agree to the four reasons July mentioned. which makes it ironic that some nice boys want to win over the gal who loves the bad boy--what a victory if the boy can pull it off.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 137
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/9/2018 8:10:52 PM

"A shy, quite decently good-looking, well-mannered man could be overlooked by women because he’s not sexually aggressive or lacks the confidence to pursue women."

>>Considering the stereotypical role is the man chases woman, this makes sense.

"On the other hand the foul-mouthed, loud, obnoxious jerk who is overly confident of himself may have no problem attracting female attention."

>>>if she's not mature enough to know the diff between c0cky and confident, I concur.


I think the strong, silent type can also be confident, but women seem to drawn to men who are more verbal. Even if he is confident, if he’s a man of few words he may be overlooked by women, unless he looks like Fabio Lanzoni.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 138
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/10/2018 4:42:25 AM
I've been offered the proverbial "friends with benefits" card so many times it's unreal.....with the "well it's not that bad.....it's not what you think" crap.

Well sure.....it's good for the guys.......THEY are the ones getting free sex with no commitments........

But as MadameBoisseau has mentioned in her posts on here that it's the women who bear most of the burden of getting pregnant unexpectedly, (and having the "father" run out proclaiming it isn't his) and a much higher risk of STD's out here.

Well.....my answer is NO high value woman who has a SHRED of self esteem and self respect will go for such an "arrangement". We are so much MORE than "just a roll in the hay" so to speak.

I've seen these so called "arrangements" amongst my peers out here and the vast majority of them ended very badly with a LOT of hurt feelings and some of the participants feeling "used" in the end.

Sure.....things are peachy keen and wonderful.....at first......then one of the parties "wants more" than just the original "arrangement" because they have developed feelings......

while the other party "likes things the way they are" and don't want to take it further.

So the party with the developing feelings goes out of their way to "prove they are more than just that" while the other party who "likes things they way they are" doesn't bite.

When the impasse is reached.......and when the proverbial "final curtain" comes down and the "friendship with benefits arrangement" ends.......it gets really messy with a ton of drama, hurt feelings, and anger.

So in the end......it just isn't worth it -----and those of high value know this and will more often than not pass on those types of "offers".

Why?

Because those of high value do not have time to engage in that type of situation. Those of high value are busy with their professional, academic, civic, and personal lives to bother with that type of crap and KNOW they have much to offer and deserve so much better.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 139
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/10/2018 7:14:28 AM

But as MadameBoisseau has mentioned in her posts on here that it's the women who bear most of the burden of getting pregnant unexpectedly, (and having the "father" run out proclaiming it isn't his) and a much higher risk of STD's out here.


You do realize these things also happen when 2 people are in a committed relationship. Besides the odds of an unwanted pregnancy are very low WHEN a woman uses birth control.


I've seen these so called "arrangements" amongst my peers out here and the vast majority of them ended very badly with a LOT of hurt feelings and some of the participants feeling "used" in the end.

Sure.....things are peachy keen and wonderful.....at first......then one of the parties "wants more" than just the original "arrangement" because they have developed feelings......


I think what often happens is 1 person will agree to a FWB secretly hoping that it will lead to a serious relationship. A FWB or any type of relationship won't work when someone isn't honest about about their intentions. FWBs can work for some people in the right situation. But honesty, communication, and following whatever rules were set at the beginning are important.


Well.....my answer is NO high value woman who has a SHRED of self esteem and self respect will go for such an "arrangement". We are so much MORE than "just a roll in the hay" so to speak.


You are entitled not to want a FWB. The problem is some women on this thread will assume FWBs are bad overall because it went poorly for them or some of their friends. But not all women are the same or are in the same point in their life. Not all women that have FWBs have low esteem or low self respect. That's a generalization. I mentioned some reasons upthread about why some women had a FWB.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 140
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/10/2018 9:44:34 AM
The older I've gotten, the less I want to get married to anyone.
With the subsequent development that I'd probably be ok with a FWB arrangement.
Probably.
So far the people that have suggested this type of relationship are people I couldn't stand to be in the same building with for more than five minutes.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 141
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/10/2018 3:07:57 PM
I’ve heard that something like 58% of pregnancies in North America are unplanned. I don’t see how that could be with all the birth control options available these days.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 142
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/10/2018 3:41:32 PM
"I think the strong, silent type can also be confident, but women seem to drawn to men who are more verbal. Even if he is confident, if he’s a man of few words he may be overlooked by women, unless he looks like Fabio Lanzoni."

>>>not to reduce it to animal levels, but what you say makes biological sense--imagine the peac0ck that fails to reveal its plumage.

"I don't see how a majority of pregnancies are unplanned"

>>some of it is a matter of cost. Planned Parenthood gets unfunded, publically slammed, and they get to help fewer poor folks as a result. And then there's the religious view in some states of birth control. And then there's flat out those who hate the feel of a condom and hate the feel of....acting like an adult :)
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 143
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/10/2018 4:18:54 PM

You do realize these things also happen when 2 people are in a committed relationship. Besides the odds of an unwanted pregnancy are very low WHEN a woman uses birth control.



Did you happen to miss sex somewhere along the way Southcity (see message 151) ??? MEN can use CONDOMS OR GET SNIPPED. - as in a vasectomy.

It takes two to tango and if you cant handle the responsibility......then don't partake.


some of it is a matter of cost. Planned Parenthood gets unfunded, publically slammed, and they get to help fewer poor folks as a result. And then there's the religious view in some states of birth control. And then there's flat out those who hate the feel of a condom and hate the feel of....acting like an adult :)



Machmustang...........^^^^^^^ you took the words right off my keyboard.- and acting like an adult and actually being RESPONSIBLE seems to be an issue a LOT of guys who claim to be "adults" on here seem to have.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 144
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/10/2018 5:59:52 PM
^^^ That’s not my experience. It was my ex-wife who felt her biological clock was ticking and was desperate to have children, despite the fact that we were not financially stable and I was just out of university and not employed yet. To me having kids would have been nice, but it’s not the end of the world if I can’t. To her, she seemed to base a lot of her self worth on her ability to be a mother.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 145
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/10/2018 7:01:49 PM
I'm actually surprised when i hear someone has planned a pregnancy. Most people i know didn't plan theirs, including myself (had two types of pill fail on me, some do have a 10% failure rate so that is quite high i reckon).
Myself and my best mate have gone through stages of not having sex just because we didn't want to risk pregnancies at all. I found the rhythm method actually works best for me as a contraceptive.
 MadameBoisseau
Joined: 5/11/2017
Msg: 146
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/10/2018 7:55:17 PM

shy, quite decently good-looking, well-mannered man could be overlooked by women because he’s not sexually aggressive or lacks the confidence to pursue women. On the other hand the foul-mouthed, loud, obnoxious jerk who is overly confident of himself may have no problem attracting female attention.


Many women understand men like an hour glass figure because that ratio screams fertility. Its time for the "nice guys" to understand: because women are smaller and get pregnant - they value protection skills in mates. Just as wide hips helped men make offspring: having a brawny male to pick up a stick and face down a predator helped offspring to survive. Men who whine women only like bad boys sound as ridiculous as morbidly obese women whining guys prefer thinner women - its like "no shiat sherlock" - there's a pretty big evolutionary reason for these things and we can either fit the bill to up our chances of getting a mate, or continue as we are and accept that our chances are reduced.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 147
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/10/2018 8:07:42 PM
^^^ Oh, so the caveman hasn’t been bred out, is that what you’re saying? Then you’ve clearly never seen stone-age art. The obese female was a common motif - it meant plenty of food, and our ancestors thought that was a good thing. Research the Venus of Willemdorf. And you don’t have to be a bad boy to have protection skills.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 148
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/10/2018 8:19:08 PM
A Canadian study on unplanned pregnancy revealed that almost three-quarters of the pregnancies occurred because a woman had planned to use a condom but the man had talked her out of it.

My first pregnancy was not planned. I was on birth control, I had wanted to use condoms as secondary protection but yes, I let myself get talked out of it. Its possible I got pregnant the first week we were together. My second pregnancy was planned. My boyfriend was really pushing for it and I wanted my kid to have a sibling and things had actually been going well in our relationship so I agreed to try. Got pregnant as soon as we tried like literally the first time. And then my third was not planned. I managed 5 years without getting pregnant but a condom broke on a camping trip in our tent on Canada day. Sure enough, I found out I was pregnant. I still have my suspicions about that condom because I learned that he had found out I was planning on leaving him at the end of July and we'd never had a condom break before. I had to go off birth control a couple weeks before that because of a suspected blood clot.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 149
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/10/2018 9:31:05 PM

Did you happen to miss sex somewhere along the way Southcity (see message 151) ??? MEN can use CONDOMS OR GET SNIPPED. - as in a vasectomy.

It takes two to tango and if you cant handle the responsibility......then don't partake


I do use condoms. Sometimes I had to insist on using condoms when a woman didn't want to. However my previous statement was about what women could do on their end to greatly reduce the chances of an unwanted pregnancy.
 sundress1
Joined: 10/29/2017
Msg: 150
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/11/2018 6:52:21 AM

Well.....my answer is NO high value woman who has a SHRED of self esteem and self respect will go for such an "arrangement". We are so much MORE than "just a roll in the hay" so to speak.


I don't have sex outside of a committed relationship very often. But when I did, I enjoyed it. No regrets. There can be a time and place for it. A promiscuous woman probably would have a better chance of having low self esteem and self respect. But a woman engaging in casual sex or a FWB doesn't mean she is promiscuous.
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