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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 176
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Womens views on FWB???Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

BC Pills: 9% or 1 in 11.1

That's "typical". If used Accurately, it's the same as an IUD. Which brings to the "pull out" or "condom" use. What do they go by, along with the pill (as opposed to implant or IUD)? You're going by word of mouth.

OF COURSE people are going to claim "Yeah, I put the condom on right!" or "Yeah, I took... yeah, I took my pill!" or "Yeah, I pulled out just fine!" Or they went bare-back Right after Starting the pill, which isn't supposed to work purely effectively within 30 days.

When using a condom effectively it's FAR FAR better than a 21% failure rate. That's completely laughable. Basically it means "I use a condom regularly," but 21% of the time, he will get her prego due to Not using it regularly, getting tired of it Every time... so given enough time, a Typical guy who Claims to use it "regularly" and ride purely on that, will get them prego in 1 out of 5 couples. Not a shocker from that perspective.

Pulling out though Can be more effective than folks give credit for, tho. Evaluating people doing pull-out in one (non scientific of course, as they ALL are) study, they found it took a Long time for some guys to get their wives or wives-to-be pregnant, when guys who claimed they were good at pulling out backed it up and claimed to have sex almost daily... about a year or more.

Many guys with "pre-cum" Don't carry sperm or hardly any (myth=they all carry Tons; a small minority do), so that's when the pull-out's really effective... although, you don't really have an at-home test to measure your pre-cum, so you're rolling the dice on that. I did have a GF for 8 months just doing the pull-out, porking her ~3 times a week. Best thing to do is not pull-out last second, and to pull out when you're heeding an orgasm, even if you're pretty sure you'd stop it anyway. Making it habit allows ya to do it efficiently drunk (au natural).
 ChorusAurora
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 177
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/19/2018 2:00:01 PM
A man's assertion that he will 'pull out' in time, is akin to a woman's assertion that she's 'on the pill'~

Both may be true, but best to take care of your own self, rather than rely on the other<<<

(can't believe some people still think 'pull out' is anywhere NEAR a dependable form of birth control)

:eye roll:
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 178
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/19/2018 2:51:20 PM
Greatest quote I came across while I was looking up some numbers.....

"There is another name for those that rely on the pull-out method.....Parents!!"

There is just absolutely nothing reliable about this method to prevent pregnancy....and it will absolutely not prevent STD's!!
Luckily I no longer have to worry about pregnancy... but I guarantee you when I could, the last thing I wanted to do when the mood hit was decipher if I was ovulating or not!!

I'll stick with the better safe than sorry method!!
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 179
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/19/2018 4:52:27 PM
Preventing pregnancy is a complicated thing. I know it sometimes sounds simple but I've had some experiences that have taught me. I apologize for this long post, I'm sure there's a few here that will groan at seeing it but I just want to tell you about my experience with the whole pregnancy thing.

I got pregnant in 2008 while on the pill at the ripe old age of 25. I was taking it correctly. The guy I was with talked me into having sex without a condom, even showed me his test results that he had no STDs. This was the 4th kind of birth control pill that I tried. The other 3 I had major side effects for so a doctor prescribed a new one and as I later learned, it was not as effective at preventing pregnancy. I first slept with this guy without a condom near the end of December and my daughter was born at the beginning of July so you do the math. And I didn't even know about the pull-out method at that point in my life. This was only my second sexual relationship and I wasn't so knowledgeable then. Even after a month I knew I didn't like my boyfriend, he was a jerk to other people and I disliked a lot about him so I dumped him when I found out I was pregnant. He wouldn't leave me alone though and when he found out I was pregnant he became so relentless, promising me so many things if I took him back, saying he wanted to be a dad and raise his kid, all the things a pregnant woman wants to hear so I took him back. Big mistake though because I let him move in with me and then he lost his job and I was supporting us both and I couldn't get him to leave. He got depressed and was often angry and called me names and the like. He went through a few more jobs and I began to make plans to leave.

Then he managed to turn things around. When my daughter was a couple months old it was like he suddenly became happy and started being nice and he found a job which he kept. We had been using condoms since I had my first kid but my boyfriend was pushing hard for another kid and when my oldest daughter was 1 year old, I decided it was time because my ex was happy and had been employed at the same job for 6 months. I really thought things were going to be okay. My ex came home for the week from his job up north. He was on 3 weeks away, one week home rotation. I got pregnant that week. He was happy. Shortly after he started being really mean to me again and he lost his job and I figured the last 6 months were just an act so I would get pregnant again. Having two little kids and being on mat leave, I didn't have the money to move and he wouldn't move out of the house I'd bought and I was too ashamed of the situation to turn to family for help. I tried leaving once and he threatened to kill me if I tried again. He even described the way he'd feel pulling the trigger on one of his guns on me, it really scared me. He also sold our second vehicle and we lived on an acreage and I was pretty isolated. He kept accusing me of cheating on him, sometimes I thought he was turning paranoid. He was getting pretty intense. And then suddenly, he started acting normal again and nice. It was like he flipped a switch. And for the next five years I began to see that he would go back and forth with periods of niceness and periods of anger with occasional paranoia. I finally realized he had a mental illness of sorts and I got him to go to a doctor where he was prescribed medication which did make a difference. He never saw an actual psychiatrist though, just a family doctor so I never did know a diagnosis for him.

Since I'd had my second child I had been very careful. After I got a suspected blood clot from birth control, we began using the pull-out method a lot and when I suspected I was ovulating (from keeping track of my cycle) I would get him to wear a condom. Refusing sex was not an option because a couple of times he made me when I tried to refuse. Managed to make it for 5 years without getting pregnant. After 2 years of being on medication, his doctor took him off it. He had been sleeping a lot, he still had problems with keeping employment and he was lazy, rarely helping with housework. We had lost our house because of crazy financial spending and lack of employment on his part but he was calm and there was no resurfacing of the anger and paranoia from before. Then his doctor took him off the meds, trying others and everything turned bad again. And then someone talked him into smoking pot which he started doing all the time plus eating these pot gummies. Finally I started really planning to leave him. I was saving up money secretly and I had a plan to leave him the end of August. My kids were 5 and 6, both in school so I thought it would be easier than when they were little. A condom broke in June and I thought it was just a once off, we hadn't had a condom break before but 4 weeks later it happened again and I did get pregnant. As with my first two pregnancies, I was really sick and he told me he knew I was planning on leaving him and he said if I did I would be sorry. I resigned myself to the situation but something changed with me. I started being indifferent to him, I quit pretending to care about him, I acted like a corpse when having sex, gave him nothing. And I think that's why he found another woman because he realized that I was done. He brought his girlfriend into our house, was having sex with her in the next room, I think he was trying to rile me up, he refused to move out so I did into my mom's house.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 180
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/20/2018 2:54:17 PM
Don't know if forgetting a combined pill for 1 day could cause pregnancy BUT if that did happen you get plan B. Guy doesn't pull out in time = plan B /emergency pill straight away or asap. Condom breaks = plan B. Should be aware of medication interference and use other methods.
Truly evil to deceive and sabotage contraception or birthcontrol. In which case you could press charges.

Honestly though what I tend to find is probably the highest risk factor is people not actually perceiving a risk of pregnancy. They don't think they are susceptible to it. They don't actually think that the woman will get pregnant from doing it essentially or that it is low chance. Basically a warm and fuzzy false sense of security.

In psychology, well health psychology there is the Health Belief Model that is very relevant to risky sexual behaviors. Basically it describes that a persons readiness to act is affected by several factors: susceptibility, benefit, barriers, self-efficacy, cue-to action and severity.

I notice a lot of men perceive themselves not very susceptible. Just personally. Luckily I'm hyper anxious about this stuff to compensate lol.

I feel like another thing is people are poorly educated about their susceptibility and about having a proper birth control "plan". So as a result, more so when they start in a new relationship, they start taking risks. They basically have low susceptibility beliefs and no cue to action really as a result. Can only increase safe sex behaviours and perfect use if people have enough proper sex education.
I had sex education and I still felt like they missed out on basically telling us that penis in you bare = may get pregnant. Cvm in you bare = OMG congratulations whens the baby due?
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 181
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/20/2018 11:57:20 PM
I am always amazed at how many unwanted pregnancies there are in this day and age. Some men are selfish about not using condoms and women dont do their part obviously, either. Being on The Pill is not always the answer but there are spermicides and other things. Women only ovulate about 4 days a month so it is truly amazing.... The problem is alcohol and drugs are often involved.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 182
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/21/2018 5:26:37 PM
^^^ Where I live in Canada, women receiving government subsidies and hand outs can get more money by having more children. They can make a living doing this. That’s giving them an incentive to make more children that are born into poverty. I know a girl who didn’t have a job, but she got a huge subsidized apartment just for getting pregnant. She got kicked out for not not keeping it clean and letting her children grow up in a pig stye. There were cockroaches crawling all over the place, garbage strewn all over the floor and moody dishes in the sink - I’ve never seen anything so disgusting.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 183
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/29/2018 7:47:09 PM
Are you REALLY that dumb??????????????
 goodquestion
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 184
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/30/2018 3:53:39 AM

Pulling out is just as effective as typical condom use basically.


{ off Topic } As stated by other posters this method is as false as the day is long. I just can't believe people believe this works. Most guys and women that are lets say fooling around, there bodies are already gearing up for sex even if it does not go that far. Everyone is different but most guys that are already involved being that they are more likely wet if you want to use that word is enough to get a woman pregnant much less engage in intercourse and decide to pull out at the right time. At that point it is already to late. You may have already started the process before you pulled out with whatever little bit of pre c$m has already been floating around. It is a fact I just do not get how people think this pull out method works.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 185
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/30/2018 3:56:11 AM
I have a total aversion to FWB. I am old school and believe in monogamy. More because I can't separate feelings from sex. In order to have sex, I must have feelings for someone. FWB totally defeats the purpose. As for possible pregnancies, that is a very valid concern. Personally, If I find out I was a father, I would take responsibility as a father. If she doesn't want it, I would take care of the baby by myself. That doesn't mean we have to be together, just that I will take care of my business like any real man should.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 186
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/30/2018 6:23:39 AM
I don 't think I could do the FWB thing either. I think it's the emotional intimacy connection I most crave when it comes to sex so in order for the sex to be good I need to really like the person. And if I like the person then I want more than just sex. I also have to get to know someone before having sex with them, having sex with a stranger is just not something I have done or ever will do so casual hookups are not in the cards for me either.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 187
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/30/2018 7:32:15 AM
I've had a few FWBs over the years. It was great. WE were actually friends . We would go out, talk about all kinds of things and then , do the deed.

I dont see anything wrong with it if you are both on the same page. Some times in life you cant be tied down to a relationship
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 188
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/30/2018 8:02:00 AM
I don't want to be tied down in a relationship but I'd like to go out with someone, enjoy their company on dates, getting to know them plus have sex. I want to have fun but I don't want things to get serious.
 ChorusAurora
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 189
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/30/2018 8:40:09 AM
^^^
I don't want to be tied down in a relationship but I'd like to go out with someone, enjoy their company on dates, getting to know them plus have sex. I want to have fun but I don't want things to get serious.


You say you don't want a FWB arrangement, but isn't the above the very definition of what it is?
 hey_suze
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 190
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/30/2018 11:29:47 AM
I’m not so sure it is, I’m feeling the same way as July is right now...
My head probably isn’t in the right space for finding someone to have an end goal with right now, but, I feel I could still date, like someone enough to do things with and if that includes some hot kissing....win win.....
But I’m also aware that “want to date but nothing serious”, to a lot, means only sex, and I don’t want, only sex...
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 191
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/30/2018 11:34:39 AM
Exactly. I want to spend time with someone to spend time with them and not just have sex with them. You can be dating someone, seeing them exclusively, but you can make it clear your objective is not to end up living together or married.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 192
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/30/2018 8:16:53 PM

I have a total aversion to FWB. I am old school and believe in monogamy.

Actual Friends, with benefits does not mean you're not monogamous. Single people enjoying dating can be monogamous without settling in with a girlfriend or boyfriend. Possibly serial monogamy, but it's still monogamy.

More because I can't separate feelings from sex. In order to have sex, I must have feelings for someone. FWB totally defeats the purpose.

FWB isn't one-night stands. I think you're going by mom's definitions. ;) You can have feelings for a FWB. One of the Problems with FWB -- as with ANY guy-girl situation where they're not settled into a Relationship -- is where one person has stronger feelings than the other. I think your issue is more than just not being able to separate feelings from sex -- but your weakness is that you can't have feelings of Love (or true crush). If you can't have sex in a FWB situation due to 'feelings' -- you can't have sex with someone you're not settled into a solidified Relationship with.

I've had a few FWBs over the years. It was great. WE were actually friends .

Yeah, exactly. There is nothing wrong with it. I think more proper-image-oriented people don't call them FWB because it has a 'naughty' tone to it - lol. But to be fair, a 1-on-1 FWB relationship, in the end, is really no different than (prolonged) Just dating. If anything stronger, because it implies a friendship between the two, where it's not dating-or-nothing.

I don 't think I could do the FWB thing either.

I don't want to be tied down in a relationship but I'd like to go out with someone, enjoy their company on dates, getting to know them plus have sex. I want to have fun but I don't want things to get serious.

Contradiction. The latter is what FWB *is* -- and if anything, more serious much of the time, as a FWB implies they're a Real Friend, where benefits are just a side dish.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 193
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/30/2018 10:06:31 PM
I think the definition depends on the person doing FWB. There's many FWB arrangements where talking is discouraged and you don't hang out together. Basically there's no F with WB. And that's the type I'm familiar with.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 194
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/1/2018 3:31:08 AM
If you’re in a long-term relationship you should also be friends and be having sex. FFB just means they want to be able to sleep with other people if they find somebody they like better. That’s why they don’t want to be tied down.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 195
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/1/2018 5:08:24 AM

I think the definition depends on the person doing FWB. There's many FWB arrangements where talking is discouraged and you don't hang out together. Basically there's no F with WB. And that's the type I'm familiar with.


then that is a FB (f*kbuddy)....someone that is there only for the sex.

FWB are friends whether there are benefits or not.

And yes, FWB can be monogamous if the 2 involved decide for it to be.
I had a FWB for many years - we were best friends that had sex every now and then. We had a understanding that if either of us decided we wanted either sex with someone else or a serious romantic relationship with someone else, we would respect each other enough to discuss it. And we did! When he met someone that he wanted to actually date....we stopped having sex. They are now married and I am the godmother of their children...because first and foremost we were Friends!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 196
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/1/2018 11:44:55 AM

I think the definition depends on the person doing FWB. There's many FWB arrangements where talking is discouraged and you don't hang out together. Basically there's no F with WB. And that's the type I'm familiar with.

No, as Micki points out -- that's a Fvck Buddy, not a FWB. You're getting it wrong. Why do you have such a desire for disdain with "FWB" -- even though how you describe it IS what you want? LOL. Guilt, perhaps? :)

If one doesn't want to talk when you're not hanging out -- you're not actual friends. You're just hooking up. Geezus, this should make total sense to you by the labeling. Don't let emotion lead you to redefining things. :)
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 197
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/1/2018 11:42:49 PM
Since we got briefly into monogamous vs non-monogamous, this is an article about the difference in brain activation between monogamous males and non-monogamous males. It is very interesting.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/zhanavrangalova/2017/09/23/monogamous-and-nonmonogamous-mens-brains-respond-differently-to-romantic-images/#53ca9ddf7166

I still don't like the whole deal with FWB/****buddies, though. It just doesn't sit well with me. I guess I am really naïve about this, but I do want something romantic at least. If it comes to just getting off, I can do that by myself. What I want is to experience something like love with someone. I was hoping to experience it at least once before I died. Looks like that won't happen though. Kind of sucks, but oh well.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 198
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/1/2018 11:48:47 PM

I still don't like the whole deal with FWB/****buddies, though.

A FWB is not a Fvck-Buddy. I repeat, a FWB is not a Fvck-Buddy. I repeat, a FWB is not a Fvck-Buddy. Two Very different concepts. A FWB is closer to, and when it's a 1-on-1 Friend w/ Benefits, *IS* -- Dating. BUT...

I guess I am really naïve about this, but I do want something romantic at least.

... yes, it does generally lack Romance. It's on the level of casual dating in that respect. You try to keep romantic distance, but you're Actually friends. But again, it's not about "just getting off". That's Booty-Calls/Fvck-Buddies. Big Difference.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 199
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Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/2/2018 12:24:30 AM
I get what you are saying. FWB are friends who happen to have sex, while ****buddies are people who have no interest in eachother other than sex.
I do understand, but when I analyze them, I get the same answer, "totally not for me". I guess that might be one of my weaknesses when it comes to the dating and sex scene, but I can't help it. Everything about both feels absolutely wrong to me.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 200
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 5/2/2018 8:30:03 AM
Where I have trouble with this concept is that with FWB, doesn't both physical and romantic attraction need to exist for the sex to be any good? And once you start sleeping with someone, there's a real risk someone is going to want more than just friendship. For example, my one attempt at FWB with an ex ended up with me breaking up with the guy because I was getting really into him. And I almost had another FWB with someone I wasn't interested in being with long term but then he started asking questions that had to do with love and marriage and kids that clued me in that he was just pretending to want FWB but actually wanted more. I wasn't really that attracted to him though. I just wonder if I can really separate attraction with romantic feelings. If I want to do it with someone it's usually because I have romantic feelings as well. My long term guy I never ever had romantic feelings for but slept with him anyway. Maybe years of sleeping with a guy I didn't love has made me not want to have that kind of sex anymore.
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