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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 25
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Give her a taste of her own medicine. You back off and tell her that you need to hang with your friends and not talk to her and see how she likes it. So fricken stupid how people say they don't like to play games but yet pull stupid crap like this?? On top of that move on without her OP. You deserve better
 ArtDeVivre777
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 26
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/21/2013 8:18:07 PM
You are much more interested in dating her than she is in dating you, she is not that much into you. I guess we all have been in this situation , why bother to do it again? Let her go, do not contact her,and if she wants to come back,accept her if u wish but on YOUR terms,not her terms. She has much more control now and it's not a healthy relatiomship for you and a recipe for disaster. People who ask for more space,just want to keep their options open, you are not her first choice for now sorry :(
 AthatitaApudetat
Joined: 9/26/2012
Msg: 27
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/22/2013 12:17:50 AM
If your in any kind of relationship, When you feel something is wrong follow your gut because something is wrong. You are picking up signals unknowingly by her moods and behavoir patterns. It's time to move on or get her to be honest and go from there. she is cheating and perhapse guilty or he dumped her and she txt you back.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 28
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/22/2013 7:07:07 AM
Lol..... sir... shes you are embaressing to her. Maybe she thinks you are ugly.. but for sure she thinks you are not fit to be her boyfriend (in public). That is why she only comes to your house; thats why you are ignored among her friends, and why she treated you that way.

SHe goes to bars and acts aloof because shes having sex with people she meets there, or one of her friends.

BE real with yourself, unless you are a glutton for punishment, how can you love that?!?
I bet money you love sex with her.. so here is what you do: ignore her for the time that you are gone.. but keep on mind she is dirtball of a girl, all that time you are gone, assume she is having sex with someone else other than you.. i know this may hurt your ego, but you need to get rid of it. When you get back, if shes already messaged you by then, chat with her, and let her know you arent interested in being her boyfriend anymore, but whenever you are down to have sex, youll call her, and she can do the same.. your reason? Because she's not girlfriend material.

If she hasnt messaged you by the time you get back, never message her again. once again, assume shes sexing with someone else. It will hurt for a bit, but that needs to happen to separate the ego from this.
 TeaInTheSaharaWithYou
Joined: 2/27/2013
Msg: 29
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/22/2013 7:27:28 AM
Dude, have some self respect. No way would I allow someone I was dating to act as though I wasnt at the bar with her. Dump her for that.
 StLCardsChick
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 30
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/22/2013 9:45:42 AM
How old is your girlfriend? That might give us more insight into this. And yes, it's weird that you have been to her house but not in her bedroom? Does she live with her parents?

If she asked if you had left yet but didn't follow up after that, she is more than likely checking out of this relationship. I think you should give her the space she asked for and not contact her at all while you are gone. When you are back, ask her ONE TIME to meet with you and talk. If she can't give you an answer as to what is really going on with her (and I think the fact that she needs her "friends" so much is your answer), then you need to move on.
 BACHELOR02
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 31
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girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/22/2013 10:23:11 AM
I agree with domainfullduplex100: "dump and move on..she is stringing you along..till she can't find what she is looking for...not you"
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An ex-gf did the same thing to me a few years ago. It was a LDR and her friends convinced her she could do a lot better by dating someone local (i.e. dinner, drinks, movies, etc.) several nights a week, instead just on weekends,
not to mention spending her hard earned money on gas and tolls to visit me. She told me several times while we were dating how important communication was in a relationship, but she was a terrible communicator and shut me out whenever she had a problem, or an issue. If you really care about her, I would suggest you confront her and try to work it out, otherwise cut your loses and move on.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 33
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/22/2013 1:43:03 PM

I would start talking to/dating other women as quickly as possible, it will ease the pain if she does breakup with you.

No, it will just mask the pain and create a whole 'nother set of problems when this contrived "rebound" involvement goes belly up.
It does sound like the woman is pre-occupied with something and possibly some of her marginal behavior is due to feeling badgered.
Not every woman is out there looking for a man to use as an emotional tampon, many of us prefer to handle our problems in our own way without involving our current romantic interest. 4 months is not exactly long-term. But when wrestling with a difficult issue in our lives, that may be about family, work, money, practical issues, a person can tend to become a bit distracted or distant. Badgering for details( what's wrong??!!) is often the LAST thing a person wants to deal with.

but she was a terrible communicator and shut me out whenever she had a problem, or an issue.

Here's a newsflash-often women "shut out" a bf, because they know that talking about the problem or issue will make the guy feel like it's on him to step in and try to "fix" the problem, and they don't want to put that on him. It may in fact be a practical, business or family matter that she PREFERS to keep private. Women thse days do not always subscribe to the idea that having a bf or SO means that they have lost their personal competence and are required to dump all their concerns into the bf/SOs' lap.

As far as the specific incident under discussion here, I think that-whether or not it is the OPs(or anybody's) "fault"-that y'all might as well stick a fork in it, because it is DONE.
Cindy O
 BACHELOR02
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 34
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girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/23/2013 5:58:45 AM
BACHELOR02: "but she was a terrible communicator and shut me out whenever she had a problem, or an issue. "
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ladyc4: "Here's a newsflash-often women "shut out" a bf, because they know that talking about the problem or issue will make the guy feel like it's on him to step in and try to "fix" the problem, and they don't want to put that on him"
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It sounds like you took the same Communication course as my ex-gf did, ladyc4. You just managed to explain why someone who professes the importance of communication in a relationship should be aloof when the relationship is in trouble!
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 35
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/23/2013 6:29:49 AM

It sounds like you took the same Communication course as my ex-gf did, ladyc4. You just managed to explain why someone who professes the importance of communication in a relationship should be aloof when the relationship is in trouble!


Sounds like you need a communication class. She didn't say anything about a relationship in trouble. The issue could have been period cramps, or she just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, without being badgered into it by an insecure, needy, whiny guy.
 ZombiezRock
Joined: 10/17/2012
Msg: 36
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:04:40 AM
she does not love you the way you love her. Its quite obvious. Do yourself a favor and let her go now so you can start to heal and move on.
 Kellticman72
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 37
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:44:07 AM
She is working on something on the side, but doesn't have it in place yet to kick you to the curb. Many women and men wont dump what they have until there is someone else to replace them.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 38
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/23/2013 4:03:27 PM

It sounds like you took the same Communication course as my ex-gf did, ladyc4. You just managed to explain why someone who professes the importance of communication in a relationship should be aloof when the relationship is in trouble!

I offer simply MY OPINION, based on personal experiences and observations. I claim no special "classes" or expertise, but I don't think ANYONE(IRL) has ever accused me of being uncommunicative.


You just managed to explain why someone who professes the importance of communication in a relationship should be aloof when the relationship is in trouble!

Maybe-maybe not.
I still wonder if the RELATIONSHIP was "in trouble" at all, until the OP started badgering his gf and getting all butt-hurt when she drew back a little.
In many solid long-term relationships, the 2 people involved are NOT in each others heads 24/7. If they have a matter that is troubling,or needs to be carefully thought through- a matter which has nothing-or very little-to do with their partner, they feel no need to make the matter a subject of discussion.

Sounds like you need a communication class. She didn't say anything about a relationship in trouble. The issue could have been period cramps, or she just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, without being badgered into it by an insecure, needy, whiny guy.

Precisely. Or it could have been a work problem, or something going on with her family, or a close friend. Maybe she's doing her own income taxes?


She is working on something on the side, but doesn't have it in place yet to kick you to the curb. Many women and men wont dump what they have until there is someone else to replace them.

I suppose this might be a possibility...I don't want to discount it entirely, but there are certainly other explanations that might be accurate.
Cindy O
 Moon_Rocket
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 39
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girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/23/2013 4:39:57 PM
Hey man, bit of advice from an old hand (old dude as well!) You are still banging her right? That is a plus. She is not clingy, plus two. She is sending you texts, plus three.

Only thing you need to change is....your attitude.

Right now you want this lady to be your full on, full time squeeze. Forget that. Read good attributes above again and NEVER ask her what's wrong again, instead, replace those thoughts with....yeah right, don't care!

When you show her you are a man who is NOT needy, NOT always available to her (yep start seeing other gals) is independent, is suddenly a bit mysterious, a man who is 'in demand' by other women, you may notice a pleasant change in her attitude.

Am I saying you should turn her into a fck buddy? Darn right I am.

That's what she's doing to you.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 40
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girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/24/2013 11:09:44 AM
Whenever I needed space I meant it. It wasn't because I had someone else secretly, it wasn't because I didn't love the person, I was just tired of them, or I had things to do that didn't involve them, period.

I’m with Ksayer1, I think you just started bugging her too much with the same question. Here’s another pointer for you, give her space. Don’t call her, don’t text her, leave her alone. When she is ready to talk to you, she’ll call/text you. If you meet someone else in the meantime, and if she ends up calling you l would tell her that you've moved on… she’ll respect that, I know I would. I would never expect someone who didn't understand “the I need space” and who whine about it to wait around for me!

When you don’t really love someone, and in your case, I don’t know what kind of love you could have in four months, but hey stranger things have happen. It's hard on new forming relationships to make such demands and constantly ask questions that bugs a person, especially if that person hasn't been in their life a long time. Hope that made sense!

Basically, move on find someone who won’t mind you speaking your thoughts and concerns about them every few minutes…
Good Luck,
Jan
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 41
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/24/2013 11:17:37 AM

Some girls are like this. It is very immature for people to say she is looking for another man, and that she doesn't love you. That COULD be the case. Maybe she has certain issues (depression, etc) that cause her to act this way once in a while. If she is unwilling to be open with you about it however, then I'd take a step back.



I wouldn't even bring issues into it. Maybe she's not the type to talk over every...single... little... thing... that pops into her head. I'm like that and being pestered into it would be highly irritating. Enough so that I'd tell someone I needed space *cough*.

"You don't like stuffed crust and I do? Wow, let's talk about how this could impact our relationship if we ever order a pizza."
* wonders why he would even consider something like that an "issue" then quickly moves on to figuring what time she has to leave work in order to make sure she's home for a furniture delivery tomorrow and reminding herself to have enough cash on hand to tip the delivery guys *
"You got quiet suddenly. Is something wrong?"
"Meh, just thinking"
" About what".
"Nothing important. Not worth talking about really"
" Tell me"
"It's the pizza thing isn't it?"
"No"
"Then tell me"
"Can we just relax and enjoy the drive home"

*he thinks "OMG, SHE"S GOING TO DUMP ME.*

Then replay this scenario over and over substituting things like where he lays down the remote, his leaving the toilet seat up, putting the cap on the toothpaste, re-introducing friends (wtf) etc.

OP, dude, she said she needed space because she needed a break from your constant need for reassurance. Coming from someone who has dealt with someone like you before, it's really tiring. And if you don't stop doing it, there's going to be a time when it's just not going to be worth the bother anymore.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 42
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girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/25/2013 5:14:19 AM
I'll reply to the thread title since my eyes starting bleeding when I tried to read the wall of text.

Give her all the space she wants...without you in it. That's usually what "I need space" means anyway.
 acospr12
Joined: 11/14/2012
Msg: 43
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/29/2013 3:41:30 PM
So after the last text she sent asking if I had left yet....
I get a FACEBOOK message a few days later saying that we should go our separate ways. She said she can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust her. To be honest, I never accused her of anything at all. The only thing that came close to that was me asking her to come back to my house after the bar on ST. Patties day. She also said she didn't want more kids but we rarely talked about that.

So I know it's over. I wrote back and told her that I did trust her and that kids was something I've been on the fence about and then I thanked her for her message. But Facebook.... Really? Feels kind crummy to get a breakup on facebook.

She hasn't taken me off her friends list yet and her status says that she's still in a relationship. Should I remove her? Man, this sucks because I saw a great future with her. I know I'll see her at least one more time when she comes over to get her stuff. I'm wondering if I should just act like I don't care or try to talk to her one last time. Blah.
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 44
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 3/29/2013 3:51:29 PM
Remove her before she removes you, it will hurt less and you heal quicker. Delete or flush or sell everything of hers.

Yup, they breakup on facebook so it's harder for you to reject her back - he who rejects first wins, remeber? Plus they don;t have to face you.
 virgogidget
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 45
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girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 12/13/2013 4:39:46 PM
Time to move on.
Dont text her. phone her, dont ask her whats wrong. I think you got your answer early on in the piece, but you didnt read the signs.
Sorry, but shes just not into you. Sounds like she used you as her back up, She rather-ed some man at the bar. Best of luck you deserve a lady that IS INTO YOU.
 aanarchist
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 46
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 12/14/2013 12:29:30 PM
When a woman says I need space what she really means is "I want to f*ck other men", dump her and find a quality girl.
 rosewood_girl
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 47
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 12/14/2013 1:42:29 PM
She seems indecisive with the relationship. Maybe she wants to break up. I would wait it out a little longer, and if she does it again then break it off. When the other person in a relationship is becoming distant, its because they want to break up but don't know how to tell you.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 48
girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 12/14/2013 2:26:34 PM
Old post but I'll answer anyway...Actions speak louder than words. Texting sucks and asking for space is girlspeak for I'm sick of you. Move on, already, if you haven't already done so.
P.S. Paragraphs/space lines are your friends.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 49
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girlfriend acts aloof for a week then asks for space... then texts me
Posted: 12/16/2013 12:01:26 PM
Been there done that, now I automatically give them space and time, go out and have fun without
her and fill your facebook with the fun you are having with other friends, if she responds good if not forget her, no one is to beg , if love is there, love is there if not, she is probably thinking of other guys and is no longer into you.

Usually in my case after this, they get all jealous and stalker like, cat fights ensues since they could never find a better guy than I , I am almost perfect to a fault, golly gee wiz, makes for good cat fight videos for keggers.
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