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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > My journey from being a "Nice Guy"      Home login  
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 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 26
My journey from being a Nice GuyPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

So really you went from being a passive aggressive pushover to actually being a nice guy? Good for you. More "nice guys" should do that. :)

Thirding that. Or fourthing, I lost track.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 27
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 6:30:43 AM

No, quotes like that are. You know whether or not your nice.


That's the problem, a lot of these guys think that they are "nice" because they do X,Y or Z. They are doing because they think it will get them something, not simply because it is the right thing to do. That is not being nice, rather it is being manipulative and when it doesn't work, they revert back to why can't I get what I want? I deserve it because I am such a nice guy. Well guess what? If they were so nice, they wouldn't be whining about what they deserve.

I too am a genuinely nice person on the whole, but you don't see me running around and complaining that I didn't get what I wanted, or that being "nice" is the cause of my woes. I want something, I go after it! I fail, I blame me! We see all these "nice" guys on here blaming everyone and everything for what is wrong. The OP has done the opposite, he has looked at himself and what he was doing and the made the changes needed to to be successful. As many others have said, it doesn't mean he is no longer a nice guy, in fact it means the opposite, he is now a nice guy as opposed to the passive-agressive overweight whiner he had been.
 ARadicalPunk
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 28
view profile
History
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 6:37:27 AM
The man goes out of his way to share an experience, and albeit a long post, and people feel the need to cut his story down, and start using ad hominem (insults to character)? I'll do what the OP hasn't done yet: Those of you who need to lay into a complete stranger should eat a d-i-c-k and f-u-c-k off.

Buh-bye now.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 29
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 6:41:56 AM
OP I had a journey from being the "nice girl" it feels so good now to be the b1tch, the b1tch gets respect. I am not a big b1tch, I am a little b1tch, maybe not even a b1tch at all, just dont accept kaka anymore.

It feels goo doesn't it?
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 30
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:16:22 AM

... the b1tch gets respect.


Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Um, no.
 15111958
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 31
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:37:19 AM
I'd post my journey from being a self conceited jerk to being a nice guy but I'm too lazy.
 TeaInTheSaharaWithYou
Joined: 2/27/2013
Msg: 32
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 8:07:48 AM
You are nicer after your transition because you are ore genuine. You actually went from being a pushover who was nice, to become a nice guy.
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 33
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:00:26 PM

I too am a genuinely nice person on the whole, but you don't see me running around and complaining that I didn't get what I wanted, or that being "nice" is the cause of my woes. I want something, I go after it! I fail, I blame me! We see all these "nice" guys on here blaming everyone and everything for what is wrong. The OP has done the opposite, he has looked at himself and what he was doing and the made the changes needed to to be successful. As many others have said, it doesn't mean he is no longer a nice guy, in fact it means the opposite, he is now a nice guy as opposed to the passive-agressive overweight whiner he had been.


Who said he was a whiner? This is exactly what I'm talking about. You put an entire personality to a person just by him saying he's nice.

Again, look at it from THEIR perspective. They listen to girls literally non-stop whining about how they can't find a nice guy, are there any nice guys left in the world... But what happens when the nice guy is around? She wants nothing to do with him.

Now, understand that these websites are the minority of people out there. We're not really a good representation ofthe dating world. Nice guys DO get the girl, and without having to change a single thing about their personality. I personally know a lot of nice guys who are married to people who actually care about them, and the girls they're married to are hot. The problem is that those girls, the genuinely nice ones, who are actually honest with themselves when they say they want a nice guy, are already taken by the nice guys.

The problem is this perception you have in your head that any guy who says he's nice is really a whining jerk. It's not the guys who say they're nice, it's the choices you've made in guys.

And no, doing those things aren't manipulative if you're doing it because you're genuinely doing it or the other person. You assume that because a guy acts nice, he's just trying to get something from you. Actually, changing your entire personality to get a girl interested in you seems to fit your description a little better.

It's a big world out there, try to be a little more open minded. Stop projecting guys from your past onto every future guy you meet, and hold that assumption that because they said they're nice, they really aren't.

And remember, people aren't just born whiners. Try having a little empathy and try to see what it has to be like for these guys on their side. A lifetime of rejection can turn anyone against women. And there's way more respect for someone who stays themselves and doesn't change to impress a woman than there is for someone who decided to put on an act of being a jerk because the women he interacts with respond better to it.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 34
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:26:22 PM

Again, look at it from THEIR perspective. They listen to girls literally non-stop whining about how they can't find a nice guy, are there any nice guys left in the world... But what happens when the nice guy is around? She wants nothing to do with him.


And again I say it's because they are wimps and whiners not truly nice guys. No one wants a doormat and from the OPs description that is exactly what he was. That doesn't make him nice, it makes him a wimp. Take a look at all the threads on here from the "nice guys" making nasty comments about women. Sorry but a guy who was truly nice wouldn't do those things. So do you think that maybe the women are seeing beyond the "nice guy" facade to the guy behind it? The guy who blames others for all his woes as opposed to taking responsibility as a truly nice guy would do.


It's a big world out there, try to be a little more open minded. Stop projecting guys from your past onto every future guy you meet, and hold that assumption that because they said they're nice, they really aren't.


You are funny. I am opened minded and am not projecting anything. you are being incredibly presumptuous in assuming that you know anything about my past. Have never chosen the "nice guy" because I am not interested in a wimp, I have been with some very caring and compassionate men and not one of them has ever labelled themselves as a "nice guy".


Try having a little empathy and try to see what it has to be like for these guys on their side. A lifetime of rejection can turn anyone against women.


Sorry I don't have empathy for self-inflicted wounds. These men are not being rejected because they are "nice"; obviously there is more to it than that, as you have stated you knows lots of nice guys who got the girl. Bet they never went around telling the world they were nice and whining that the world didn't give them everything they deserved.

I am tired of the attitude that the nice guy deserves some kind of medal just because he says that he is nice.
 hotsurferchick4u
Joined: 3/9/2013
Msg: 35
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:36:51 PM
^^^Agreed. I have never met a self-proclaimed "nice guy" that was actually nice or a good guy, for that matter.
"Oh but I'm nice" is what many guys say when they are passed over due to lacking many of the qualities that women look for in a man. Qualities such as character, manners, intelligence, personality, confidence, integrity and guys that are fun, interesting, funny and REAL, a bit edgy even, just to name a few. Trouble is that many a "nice guy" are actually very whiny, calculating and manipulative which does not make a genuine nice guy. It's so fake and guys that try too hard are doormats which is a huge turn-off.

Most women want a guy that treats them amazing and you don't have to be a boring push-over in order to do that. Truth is that many of these so-called "nice guys" are acting and as soon as a woman doesn't give them the attention they think they deserve, lol, they will turn nasty towards them in a heartbeat. Sad but true.
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 36
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:40:45 PM
You know what, fine. You two are right. If a guy says he's nice, he's secretly a whiny jerk. It has NOTHING to do with your choice in guys or anything like that, or the fact that maybe you were like "I want a nice guy", and he brought it up as "hey, look, literally everything you're claiming you want".

But you two are experts on men. If they say they're nice, they really aren't. Just like how when a girl on the internet says she's a woman, she's really a man. Look, I can generalize, and make assumptions about everyone that says something too.
 hotsurferchick4u
Joined: 3/9/2013
Msg: 37
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:43:52 PM
I've never said that I want a "nice guy". A "good guy", yes =)
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 38
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:00:29 PM
As a depressed person, it is so wonderful being put down for being a nice guy. And people wonder why nice guys get frustrated by this and lash out (oh forgive me - whine is the popular derogatory term). I guess that all of the women who get upset and respond angrily to generalizations made about them are whiners too.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 39
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 5:20:46 AM

You know what, fine. You two are right. If a guy says he's nice, he's secretly a whiny jerk. It has NOTHING to do with your choice in guys or anything like that, or the fact that maybe you were like "I want a nice guy", and he brought it up as "hey, look, literally everything you're claiming you want".


Did you miss the part where we said we didn't want the "nice guy?" And it has nothing to do with my choices because I never have and never will chose the "nice guy." Not interested in a manipulative whiner, I would rather take my chances with a real guy. One who is genuinely nice and takes responsibility for his life. My guy is one of those and gawd forbid if you ever call him a nice guy!


As a depressed person, it is so wonderful being put down for being a nice guy. And people wonder why nice guys get frustrated by this and lash out (oh forgive me - whine is the popular derogatory term). I guess that all of the women who get upset and respond angrily to generalizations made about them are whiners too.


Looked at your posting history and buddy you aint no nice guy! And you have proven my point so to you I say thanks!

Now as to your quote about women, think it is a little bit different. I can't call myself anything other than a woman. You, however, can stop proclaiming to the world that you are one of the "nice guys" that got screwed. If you were geniunely a nice guy, you wouldn't have posted the things you did.

You are both missing the point, all these nice guy saying nasty things about women are not nice! If they were they would never say those things, even out of frustration, at least not in a public forum.

Again, looking at the OP's story, he has taken the journey from doormat to nice guy, he just never really knew what a nice guy was.
 Deepseaceecee
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 40
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 6:03:24 AM
Your new found confidence and weight loss has contributed to more success. You grew a pair and that is what women respect. Be a doormat and we walk all over you. You can still be a decent kind guy but just not a wimp.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 41
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 7:20:00 AM
The "nice guy" phenom.. is misunderstood by a lot of folks.

The "nice guy" says .. would you like to go out tonight? What would you like to do? Where would you like to go? I'll do anything you want to do.. is it ok if I hold your hand? is it ok if I kiss you (usually after many dates)? etc .. he's being nice .. and guess what? Women just hate that crap.

The "other guy" says .. we're going out tonight, wear something nice, be ready at 6 and he lays one on her when they meet.

No matter what women "say" the first guy gets friend zoned and the second gets laid. It isn't about being mean. It is about being a man and taking charge of things.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 42
view profile
History
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 8:04:19 AM
The "nice guy" phenom.. is misunderstood by a lot of folks.

The "nice guy" says .. would you like to go out tonight? What would you like to do? Where would you like to go? I'll do anything you want to do.. is it ok if I hold your hand? is it ok if I kiss you (usually after many dates)? etc .. he's being nice .. and guess what? Women just hate that crap.

The "other guy" says .. we're going out tonight, wear something nice, be ready at 6 and he lays one on her when they meet.

No matter what women "say" the first guy gets friend zoned and the second gets laid. It isn't about being mean. It is about being a man and taking charge of things.


The only time it is acceptable for a man to be a called a nice guy is if an old lady tells you that haha. If a young, single woman throws me the nice guy tag that is a shot to the gut on the other hand. :(

I applaud the OP for actually taking charge and yes being proactive does make you more atrractive to women. Men also like women to be proactive as well instead of settling for a daily, boring routine of life.

 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 43
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:03:48 AM

Looked at your posting history and buddy you aint no nice guy! And you have proven my point so to you I say thanks!

Now as to your quote about women, think it is a little bit different. I can't call myself anything other than a woman. You, however, can stop proclaiming to the world that you are one of the "nice guys" that got screwed. If you were geniunely a nice guy, you wouldn't have posted the things you did.


And here is where your ignorance comes into play. The people who actually know me know that I am a nice guy. And they know just how screwed I got during the divorce. When my wife and I broke up, my buddy was of the opinion that he really liked both my wife and I, and he wanted to stay friends with the both of us. Then there was all of the crap that she and her parents pulled during the divorce; now my buddy and his father no longer speak to any of them (they used to be regulars at their annual 4th of July parties).

So, I am a nice guy. But I am a nice guy who is fed up with other people's crap and will be outspoken about said crap!
 hotsurferchick4u
Joined: 3/9/2013
Msg: 44
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:38:57 AM
{never have and never will choose the "nice guy".}
+1
He definitely missed the point. Though he did prove our points rather nicely, that self-proclaimed "nice guys"
do turn not-so-nice very quickly. :0
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 45
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:55:04 AM

He definitely missed the point. Though he did prove my point also, that self-proclaimed "nice guys"
do turn not-so-nice very quickly. Looks like you can't disagree with them either. :0


Well let's see here - getting upset about being classified as a fake nice person and being berated as such is not supposed to bring any kind of response to the contrary, otherwise the fake nice person is whining and proves that the nice person is a fake nice person. So, instead, he is supposed to just be silent and take it. Hmmmmm, that would be the doormat you all love so much. So what it actually looks like is that women can "stand up for themselves" and be labelled strong, but men who do so are whiners and not nice. Okay, got it!

You all have a nice day. Pointless talking to you.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 46
view profile
History
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:14:31 AM
Hmm, I guess I don't get it. All the things you did to change did not make you NOT a nice guy. Guys who have all the qualities you worked on are still nice. Difference is they don't run around crying about how nice they are.

I stand up for myself, I take care of myself, I don't stop my life for anyone, but if I can help I will. I don't let people push me around - and I think I'm still a nice person. I don't announce it, but I know it - so no need to say it.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 47
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:48:30 AM

So, I am a nice guy. But I am a nice guy who is fed up with other people's crap and will be outspoken about said crap!


Going on the internet and spewing vitriol about women in general is not something that a genuine nice guy would do, it is the reason that we roll our eyes at the "self-proclaimed nice guys" Again I know lots of guys who divorced, even know some (not many, but some) that got taken to the cleaners and I have never heard them spout the kind of crap you post on here. Sure I sometimes hear negative things about the ex, but not the general bitterness against women. You can call yourself a nice guy all you want, but your history here proves otherwise and posts like yours just reinforce the point.


hotsurferchick4u: He definitely missed the point. Though he did prove my point also, that self-proclaimed "nice guys" do turn not-so-nice very quickly. Looks like you can't disagree with them either. :0

JoeBnD: Well let's see here - getting upset about being classified as a fake nice person and being berated as such is not supposed to bring any kind of response to the contrary, otherwise the fake nice person is whining and proves that the nice person is a fake nice person. So, instead, he is supposed to just be silent and take it. Hmmmmm, that would be the doormat you all love so much. So what it actually looks like is that women can "stand up for themselves" and be labelled strong, but men who do so are whiners and not nice. Okay, got it!

You all have a nice day. Pointless talking to you.


Good Gawd she wasn't even referring to you! Talk about hypersensitive.

So here you go nice guys. The minute someone says you are not nice, you go on the attack and start spewing garage. Guess what? That is not nice!
 hotsurferchick4u
Joined: 3/9/2013
Msg: 48
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:52:04 AM
{Good Gawd she wasn't even referring to you! Talk about hypersensitive}
This is true. I will have a nice day though =)
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 49
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:55:52 AM
Nice > Not Nice
Outgoing & out spoken > Shy
Being who you are > Saying who you are
Standing up for yourself > being a pushover
Be nice a nice guy, be polite, be friendly, be outgoing, standup for yourself. You tired of being a nice guy then become a Jerk and see how that works for you.
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 50
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:56:27 AM

The "nice guy" phenom.. is misunderstood by a lot of folks.

The "nice guy" says .. would you like to go out tonight? What would you like to do? Where would you like to go? I'll do anything you want to do.. is it ok if I hold your hand? is it ok if I kiss you (usually after many dates)? etc .. he's being nice .. and guess what? Women just hate that crap.

The "other guy" says .. we're going out tonight, wear something nice, be ready at 6 and he lays one on her when they meet.

No matter what women "say" the first guy gets friend zoned and the second gets laid. It isn't about being mean. It is about being a man and taking charge of things.


Right misunerstood by a lot, including you.

Listen, a nice guy can take charge, a nice guy can be confident, a nice guy can be what a woman considers hot. The difference is their attitude towards other people. This is what none of you seem to be capable of comprehending.

I can be as passive as your description of the nice guy, and then beat the crap out of the girl when we get home later that night. I can also be your descpription of the other guy while actually giving her a choice if she wants to go out.

Just because I don't treat people like crap, it doesn't make me a pushover that doesn't know how to step up.

Like I said, the nice guy can only take so much of the generalization before he just becomes too jaded to the whole thing to keep being nice. If someone keeps getting rejected based on the fact that he has respect for people which they assume that niceness is weakness, eventually they're going to get mad at everyone doing it. I honestly can't imaging a single person who would actually be happy with being rejected all the time.
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