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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 94
My journey from being a Nice GuyPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
"take me as I am, or don't"

>>>when people come here and post, "how can I keep a man from cheating" or "how can I find a woman who loves me" or something along these lines...the simple advice is, don't cast your net wide, don't be something for everyone, don't try to be what the majority wants. just be yourself, and be proud enough of it, to stand by it. It won't be everyone's cup of tea, but you will eventually find the person who really wants you...b/c its the only thing you are offering them.

at my first high school reunion, I was surprised how many fellow students who wouldn't have given me the time of day back then, looked me up. apparently they had respected me for being me back then, not chasing fads or being a fake friend when it was convenient. So, I learned people can respect you, but not want to hang out with you. but those who do like who you are, they will like what they see. when we're younger, we want the crowd to accept us. when we're older, we may have only a few close friends. maybe that's a problem for younger nice guys, they want to be accepted by as many as possible, so they try out being the Nice Guy.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 95
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/8/2017 4:38:17 PM
gtomustang- I'm going to be 49 soon.
With age, comes wisdom.
Over the years, my circle has grown smaller as I have learned to spend time around people who are a positive influence and who accept me, as I am.
I'll always be a quality over quantity type person. Better 1 quarter, than 25 pennies. ;)

Butterchickenchuck and me talked in another thread about how we wish it was possible to be both wise and young. By the time you are old enough to realize the wisdom of your words (as stated in your post, Gto), you (the generic, you) aren't young, any more.

Oh, well, such is life. I am thankful for the wisdom that age has afforded me. :)
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 96
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/8/2017 4:46:02 PM
There's always a tradeoff. If we had harbored middle age adult-like wisdom in our youth, we probably wouldn't have had some of the fun we did due to constantly safeguarding ourselves.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 97
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/8/2017 5:23:33 PM
ThePigOfYourDreams- " There's always a tradeoff. If we had harbored middle age adult-like wisdom in our youth, we probably wouldn't have had some of the fun we did due to constantly safeguarding ourselves."

Oh, yes, I had some fun times, back then. It's a miracle we survive it, but I do have fond memories of those days.

I still know how to have a good time, we just learn to make adjustments so we don't end up in jail, or the ER, hopefully. :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 98
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/9/2017 5:17:13 AM
"wish it was possible to be both wise and young"

>>>I'll be arrogant enough to answer that :)

when I was a kid, my father once lamented while we were out fixing something or the other (which soon turned into, "OK now that you know how it works, you know how it broke, fix it i'm going to go inside and continue working on my computer program :) ), what would life be like if the young did not have to go out and make the same mistakes their parents made. if only we could learn while we were young, then we'd do different things, and maybe make mistakes, but at least the human race would advance rather than waste its time repeating. so, I took it to heart, and as Pig pointed out, I avoided doing some "Dumbfun" things.

But I read everything I could to learn, I listened to adults tell stories, and knowing a lot of common sense when you're young (I thankfully wasn't a Sheldon Cooper) doesn't help a young person fit in with others. We sure aren't cool. My first gf wanted to fool around in the back seat of a car, I already had my own place at 18 and wanted to go there and fool around like an adult, rather than like a pretzel in the back of a cold car in December. I'd notice things around me and get interested in what made them work, while my peers were busy being too cool to be impressed by anything. And of course, there were the silly fads they wasted their $$ on in order to fit in, while I saved that money so I could pay for college b/c I heard stories of having that debt thru life.

but if you're geared to go thru life alone...then doing it wisely does give you the last laugh. when later in life you end up financially set, in good health, your back isn't sore when you're trying to sleep b/c your parents taught you, "bend at the knees, you'll be pleased", and other things you did wisely when young to avoid issues you heard happen when older. but trying to find people to laugh with you? :)

"I still know how to have a good time, we just learn to make adjustments so we don't end up in jail, or the ER, hopefully. :)"

>>>And that's important. I can't remember the old saying, about how wisdom comes from knowledge and knowledge comes from experience and experience tends to occur when we do something lacking wisdom and knowledge. No matter what skills you have, life can occur just due to dumb luck. Success isn't always about avoiding bad luck, but how you recover from bad luck. do you get back to where you were originally, or do you stay screwed?
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 99
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My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/9/2017 11:41:39 AM

when later in life you end up financially set, in good health, your back isn't sore when you're trying to sleep


I resemble that remark.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 100
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My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/9/2017 12:28:48 PM

some Nice Guys are SNAGs..Sensitive, New Age Guys. they will claim they won't use a gal like her bad boys in the past did, and after they refuse sexual interest in her, will eventually get upset they didn't get their turn at her bed.

Or get upset that they don't "get the girl" in general -- not limited to SNAGs, but any flavor of Mr Nice Guy, yeah.

Some Nice Guys are only nice when a hottie is looking. And of course, no one ever respects the Ass Kisser, even in the office.

Yes. Many times we Assume someone's a "Nice Guy" who we don't know. Sometimes they're not at all, sometimes, like many, they certainly Can be if you line them up with the right type of gal to bring that out. It's Natural to be "Nice Guy", a Yes-Man, etc -- when the gal's out of his league and is a real looker. Thru experience many of us try not to come off that way, but many times in doing so -- he actually may be being a Nice Guy to enough degree that he's going to be classified in the same category as one.

And some are afraid to raise the issue of sex, so she has to when she's ready...and take that risk.

Yeah, but a gal who's "skilled" in the dating scene can make it so it won't be a big thing if he's Merely overly-cautious about making-a-move or to converse about things sexually-related. The classic guy in this case is just overly-cautious and goes Nowhere if the gal goes Nowhere as far as signals and the like are concerned. That's where a Non-Nice-Guy (but no, not an A-Hole) takes that risk... where he's not getting a read on her other than she at least seems to like him enough to have a drink with once or twice.

I remember many times telling some of my friends when they outline their stories where they didn't kiss the gal after the 2nd evening date -- that if she's going out with you a 2nd time, you have the Right to go in for a kiss at a reasonable time & place... even if you're not getting anything except a poker face by her. This isn't some gal at the bar you walked up to and offered to buy a drink and had a convo with. I think Nice Guys understand this, but Mr Nice Guy Fears Rejection as his motive. He realizes ethically he's doing NOTHING wrong. In fact, if anything, it would be wrong for the gal to Continue to go out on Dates with a guy, him paying, the whole 9-yards for standard operating procedure in this regard -- yet Not want to kiss him, while wanting to be taken out again (unless she made a disclaimer in the beginning that she doesn't kiss until X-date or until being an Item *and* he accepts; which is weird and very unusual, but have to throw it out there). Many times, Mr Nice Guy doesn't want to "ruin" it. He wants Another date -- where that in and of itself is a "victory"... as if he's trying to win back an ex-gf who still has issues about him or something - lol. He's not realizing that yet-another date is Not a victory at all when, yet again, she doesn't want a real kiss from ya.

its funny how many Nice Guys...chase after women who are NOT Nice Girls. If the Nice Guys went after Nice Girls, they'd get more dates. But get laid instantly a lot less, of course.

Yes, there is hypocracy from both genders out there, when it comes to complaining about the opp-sex. In this case, it's Mr Nice Guy being overlooked, not wanted, will get a sympathy date at most, and a story about a makeout session with a cute bar girl is because she was really drunk and on the rebound (and that was all that transpired) -- and yet, he wants these type of gals. They're not necessarily Bad Girls, but it's more that they're certainly Not Girl Scouts, and will like the Bad Boy -- and certainly not Mr Nice Guy. He doesn't put things in perspective. I think he Would get laid More if he realizes this, and, if he Is adamant about sticking to his "way" -- his Mr Nice Guy way -- if he also went after the "Nice Girls" that he's not so attracted to. You much more want what you can't quite have but think you should be able to.

the opposite of being mysterious, is being the Try-Hard. Many guys oversell themselves instantly, trying to impress a stranger into dating them by telling all the "cool" things about them at once.

Yeah, and that's the opitomy of Mr Nice Guy. Because it's what maw & paw taught them, along with Aunt Martha and his older sister. He's going to Try-Hard to appease and make them feel so great & wonderful. Oh, and guys don't buy gals flowers anymore?! Oh, sign me up -- I'm Mr Nice Guy, here to save the day! I'll compliment them and make them feel great & wonderful! Wait... why aren't these gals wanting me? OH, it's because this is what (almost) ALL the guys do to this hottie. Wait -- this doesn't make sense! I would LOVE it if she did that to me! How can she not like it? How can she complain guys are just jerks?? --- It's because he's not realizing that reality in the guy-gal / dating scene is Not what maw & paw told ya. :)
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 101
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/9/2017 8:40:13 PM
gtomustang-(RE: Post #104) My grandparents used to say some old fashioned things. Things I repeat, from time to time.
Young people think it's an expression, from my time being young, people my age look at me funny, the older generation says "HOW do you know THAT, I haven't heard that in years!" :o

It wasn't that the wisdom wasn't told to me, I was as foolish as everyone else when I was young and ignored it, for a long time, much to my regret.

You listened and took it to heart, so did I, just not until I was old enough to appreciate the wisdom of my grand parents words.

I share them now, from time to time, here in the forums, some people listen, others don't.

Maybe that is my karma, giving the advice with some ignoring it and some taking it. For the sake of THEIR karma, maybe the younger posters might read what we say and listen, like you did, one can hope. :)
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 102
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My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/10/2017 7:52:59 AM
"Maybe that is my karma, giving the advice with some ignoring it and some taking it. For the sake of THEIR karma, maybe the younger posters might read what we say and listen, like you did, one can hope. :)"

Bama. .. This is why I travel the state going to jails, institutions, detoxes, church basements, hospitals to share my message of experience, strength and hope. Even if I just get to one person from the podium my voice is not wasted and I have paid a debt to my Karma, which has been very good to me.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 103
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/11/2017 4:24:36 AM
that's the proper attitude for dealing with some of those people. My friend works in corrections, she hasn't gotten cynical yet, but she tells me stories of how some got there. One convict had a good future lined up, but he was "from the neighborhood" and a cousin still there called. so he went to help, and got wrapped up in something. sometimes the best help for some of those people is to get away from the people they grew up with...how easy is that.
 Manofsubstance1970
Joined: 7/8/2017
Msg: 104
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My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/12/2017 5:33:33 AM

MGTOW and I think the movement is remarkable. It saved my grandson from feeling suicidal to becoming his own person.
He had his heart broken and I pointed him in the direction of truth tellers who are discussing modern relationships and the damage feminazis are doing to young men in our society. It saved his life. He just shaved his head, lost 80 pounds, is going into training to go into the army. He is focusing on himself and whatever self improvements he needs to make for himself. He is finally thinking of his own goals and ambitions, not those that women or young girls have demanded from him. The turn around was amazing. He is getting a thick skin and tough as steel.

He fell into a deep depression from rejection and what followed was his Mom getting cancer again, his uncle shot himself in the face and his grandfather died. Doctors and therapists or medication didn't help him. MGTOW philosophy did.
Now in an era where many men are being brought up by single mothers I applaud men that help young men develop skills, independence and a high self esteem. Now my grandson knows how to be respected and be a young man with determination and an attitude that gave him fulfillment and a new course in life. The institution of marriage may not be dying but not every young man has to seek a future with a wife, family and all the responsibilities that go with it.

I tell men here all the time to just be genuine, be yourself, do not placate or re-invent yourself for anyone. Be who you are and who you were meant to be in God's mind.

Here is a link to a guy that is promoting MGTOW and is hilarious with his teaching but honest. He tries to piss women off but if they have a keen ear and a open mind they will hear that he is actually telling women how not to behave. You may already have heard of him. You seem to be on the same page..and it is refreshing to find some posters here actually talking about men's issues. I know this is an old thread but good job OP!!!

"Great attitude you have Penny and so glad your grandson found MGTOW, before he gave up on life"
"Sounds like he has a purpose again and feels proud to be a man again"
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 105
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My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/12/2017 6:15:18 AM

I tell men here all the time to just be genuine, be yourself, do not placate or re-invent yourself for anyone.


... except that's exactly what your grandson did.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 106
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My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/12/2017 7:07:06 AM
^^^ NO ORANGE TIGER.. My grandson re-invented himself FOR HIMSELF. There is a HUGE difference!! Now BACK IT UP or SHUT THE F&CK UP!!
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 107
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My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/12/2017 7:14:53 AM
Actually, he didn't. He judged himself as inferior in the eyes of what some class as masculinity, helped along by the MGTOW faction.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 108
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My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/12/2017 8:24:22 AM
Oh so you KNOW my kid? A$$HAT. He had severe depression. His uncle shot himself in the face. His grandfather died. His mother had cancer AGAIN.. That is not judging himself as inferior. That is a kid that had a hard go in the cards that life sent him and decided to get HELP and TURN IT AROUND. Why don't you go shit in your hat and WEAR IT.. Mr ORANGE. You f8cktard. Don't go there again. You don't know my grandson. BACK the **** OFF.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 109
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 7/13/2017 2:33:49 PM
Be careful Penny, he works in....Human Resources.
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