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 milehiguy12
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 41
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Husband wants to watchPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
A lot of men like to fantasize about their partner taking on two men. It sounds like your husband is far from actually living this one out. The mixed signals he keeps sending you could be a way of testing your commitment to him but seems like mind games to cause nothing but problems. I suggest you keep this in the fantasy stage than even suggesting to take it further because your husband couldn't deal with it in reality.
 rainbowsox68
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 42
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Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/25/2013 2:29:38 PM
he's not gay, he's insecure. He's testing you, if you do go ahead and you actually enjoy it, that'll spell the end! It's a warped way of finding out how much you care about him...he thinks it is what he wants, but a fantasy is best left where it started...in the mind!
Perhaps you should just tell him it's never going to happen, he's more than enough man for you, and he should stop asking and see if that works or not....he would drive me insane if i'm honest....good luck!
 *Dr_Hugnkiss*
Joined: 8/6/2009
Msg: 45
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Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/27/2013 2:49:34 AM
It is better to regret something you HAVE done than something you haven't ;o)

Kudos for the honesty. I have known a situation like this before and it was like the couple opened Pandora's box...It's hard to close it back up.

From my perspective it's a bit like riding a mechanical bull...great fun if you can hang on.

In the short term...nothing wrong with double the pleasure ;o)
 Spifflog
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 47
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Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/27/2013 5:17:35 AM
Yet another thread here with posts by folks offering as fact issues that they have absolutely no clue about. Without knowing either the husband or the OP we get posts like: "He is all talk," or "he's Bi," or "he's testing your trust," or "he's gay." Conjecture at best. We have no idea what his motives are. You (the op) might know (or not), and your husband might not know for sure what is causing him to want this.

Here are some issues to be concerned with, no matter what the case. I'll say this, it's a male fantasy to have a threesome, and it all sounds great for him to imagine it. But the first time he hears a familiar groan of ecstasy coming from you due to you having sex with another guy, this fantasy may come crashing down for him. I've seen this happen more often than not. There are some that love it when their lover closes the door for some "alone time" with another or when the husband to watch. But in my experience that's not the norm, and your relationship needs to be rock solid for this to work.

I'd suggest going to a swingers party and just check out the scene. Agree not to participate with others there the first time no matter what. Don't get caught up in the moment. Playing with each other is allowed though! Then come back and talk and think what you want to do next. I'd recommend this for anyone thinking about this, not just you.
 nononsense11
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 48
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/27/2013 5:51:58 AM
Just buy some toys and act out the fantasy with you pleasuring yourself and talking as if you are with someone else or let him pretend to be someone else.
 anomalyoflife
Joined: 10/16/2012
Msg: 49
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/27/2013 8:44:22 AM
I am the other man in the lives of a couple, been seeing them for three years now. Right now he loves the fact that another man can sexually satisfy his wife. It has NOTHING to to with gay, it's about you. There are a lot of feeling bouncing around in his head. You have tolad him you are not satisfied, he is thinking of a man satisfying you, scared that you will leave him once you have had another man, will you think less of him, your safety, what is someone found out..........
It's a shared thing have him find the guy, then you approve, drinks first, he does that talking, makes the rules, then start slow a session of just oral, he tells each what to do that way he feels he is in control. You thank him, reassure that you love him. Then when it over you let him take his prize back. You can't believe the fun it will unfold!
 andy1961
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 51
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Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/27/2013 3:28:42 PM

If I were married, I wouldn't want ANY dude banging my wife.


Yeah, too right! Wouldn't want to be anywhere near a woman who wanted that.

Still, each to their own.


And update had the threesome and it was double the pleasure..


Don't believe a word of it anyway.
 dtaysw1
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 52
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/28/2013 2:18:36 AM
i might just want to see you cum real good and see how u act
 pollock57
Joined: 5/11/2007
Msg: 54
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/28/2013 1:28:40 PM
i dont think he is gay i think he is just a lousy ****.......if he brings it up again tell him who u want to be the third person if he doesnt like it, then u know its because he has no self esteem
 K0BAL
Joined: 3/22/2013
Msg: 57
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/28/2013 4:01:56 PM

If they find other men attractive are they gay?


I can say as a male who enjoys the art of sex with a woman, I can not even consider another man involved, myself with another man especially. I am pretty far from gay, I have never thought about another man for any reason, the idea has been put in my head, but it has never been my idea.
 K0BAL
Joined: 3/22/2013
Msg: 58
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/28/2013 4:05:14 PM

Sex alone doesn't make you straight or gay. men and woman can have sex with members of the same sex and not be 'gay.' Being gay is much more than a sex act. At least that is how I view it.



It's not gay as long as you leave your socks on right? lol
 Morespam
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 60
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/29/2013 9:23:47 PM
I think
1)hubby wants to enjoy some weiner action himself but is afraid to admit it because its "bad"
2)wants to see you with another guy
3)may worry about being the smallest guy in the room.

So, ask yourself this, could you handle it if he told you he's bi-curious or bi? If yes, AND you don't mind find another guy. Easier said then done of course.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 61
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/29/2013 10:57:02 PM
Igor touched on it somewhat...CONTROL...



We have a decent sex life but at times I am unsatisfied. I have asked him how he feels about it and he always says of course that he is very happy with it...


You asked him how he felt about you being unsatisfied at times, or you asked him, if he was satisfied with your sex life in general,lol, I think the latter...

He brings up the threesome,he is safe, where he controls the situation, once you said YOU want to go for it, you are taking over control some what of the situation...

Like you said, he is very jealous of other men, if YOU were to talk to them, or YOU had control of the scenario, yet when he has control of the situation of another man having sex with you, he is okay with it....
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 62
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/30/2013 5:36:39 AM
A couple of questions for the OP. If you and your husband do find a man can you guarantee your husband that you won't leave him if the man is better at satisfying you sexually?

Also, do you feel emotion is necessary for good sex? In other words do you have to "like" the man, as in "click" in some emotional way, or is just being clean and attractive all that matters?

Did you usually develop an emotional bond with whom you had sex?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 63
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Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/30/2013 8:37:36 AM
Yes, she has followed through with the husband's fantasy (assuming all of this is real). It is only now that she will find out, as he will, whether his fantasy was what he really wanted, and will improve things for them or not. If it does, wonderful. Not my cup of tea (I LIKE tea), but I'm all for people doing what ever works for them.

By the way, OP, I'm not surprised that you enjoyed it. I'm absolutely sure I would enjoy an FFM, with me as the M, too. But that isn't the test of things for the relationship, the test is whether it makes the relationship better, or worse, or is unchanged.

Good luck.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 64
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/30/2013 10:11:51 AM

(Msg #76. (3ffervescent) ^^^Dave, she has done the deed...


They already had the 3-some? I must have missed that post.


No need to fish around to see if you could be the extra ; )


LOL! Not my thing. I'd get confused regarding what I was supposed to do. I work off the rhythm of my partner. For example, I stop moving but the person touching me starts to moan louder because someone else is touching her? How does that work, anyway? Any idea? :)
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 66
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/30/2013 4:11:13 PM
Going back to your question about the gay whether your ex wanting to watch you meaning he has gay tendencies.

It's my understanding that being gay or lesbian has to do with being attracted to men/women verses having sex with your same sex. When a woman will have sex with either a man or a woman we don't refer to her as being a lesbian. She's bisexual. I would guess the same thing applies to men. A man who wants to kiss and hold hands with another man would seem more gay to me verses some horndog that just wants to get his jollies one night.

In your case it would be what he get's out of watching you with another man? And you should have asked (now that the deed has already been done). Maybe he thinks you are really hot and his turn on is that you are his and this makes him feel good about himself. Who knows. He may only been curious about the idea and didn't know how he would feel after it happened.

I actually had a similar experience with a girlfriend once when she asked to bring another woman into our bedroom. It threw me as it went against all of the traditional relationship experiences of my past where you were in the doghouse for even thinking about it. My first thoughts were she's testing me, I'm not enough for her, if I go for this than I will open pandoras box for any other scenerios such as MFM and that it would be too risky to our relationship. Turns out she was just exploring her sexuality as an adult for the first time and felt comfortable enough around me to share her fantasies. Silly me. The one thing you should walk away with is just because you acted on a fantasy, it doesn't have to define you. You did it. Now you know. You may never do it again or you might decide you liked it and will. Just make sure you communicate your feelings both before and after. Relationships are complicated enough with just 2 people involved. The more you add the more complicated it can be.
 hugehank2
Joined: 10/19/2007
Msg: 68
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/30/2013 9:39:08 PM
I would want it if it made my partner happy. I get off on them getting off, so if you're comfy with it, i say do it...and no i'm not volunteering!
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 69
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 3/31/2013 7:59:53 AM
I see a divorce in your future.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 71
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 4/1/2013 6:46:20 AM

(Msg #85. Groovygirl69) That is a shame that you can be so judgmental of such things. You see divorce merely because they enjoyed a sort of sex that you find distasteful? I would HOPE that their marriage is about more than that.


You hope their marriage is about more than that? !!!

No, no, no, Groovygirl. All those things such as enjoying similar activities and holding similar views on childrearing and, of course, similar spending/saving habits and whether one is a homebody or more of a party person....all those things we're told are essentials for a marriage are lies! Sex is the one and only vital ingredient. Sex is everything!

If one has an unusual sexual preference or, God forbid, has an affair all those so-called essentials mean absolutely nothing. Fifteen minutes of sex with someone other than ones partner and the last 5 or 10 years of compatibility in virtually every aspect of life means nothing. Activities, similar financial goals, raising children....nothing is more important than sex and people will clamor and "demand" the couple divorce if one has had sex with someone other than their partner.

That's why we're told sex talk is taboo. Society has encased it in lies and a closer look might expose those lies. We're told sex has nothing to do with a happy marriage. It's unimportant. It's a footnote in marriage. It's a tiny, minuscule part of marriage but choose a different sexual practice or have sex with someone other than ones partner and it becomes that big, dirty, disgusting, all-consuming, divorce-demanding elephant in the room on a rampage. Strange, considering how unimportant sex is. ;)
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 75
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Husband wants to watch
Posted: 11/7/2013 5:54:47 PM
or he simply wants to test the OPs stamina lol...then dump her afterwards
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 77
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 11/11/2013 7:00:48 PM
Need to spice up sex in a marraige so you invite a 3rd partner...
Bad Idea!
unless your vows were I promise to only be faithful to you...... and whoever else shares the bedroom with us
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 82
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 11/12/2013 11:40:12 AM
wanting to watch your lover with someone else is a pretty effed up fetish. how can a guy watch his wife and another man without thinking,
Hey! hes bigger than me!
Hey! he is going down on her way longer than I do
Hey! She never made that noise before!
Hey! she just screamed his name!
Hey! I said no kissing on the mouth!
Hey Hey! thats enough!!
 Morespam
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 83
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 11/30/2013 10:13:20 AM
If it wasn't for your husband's anger, I'd say he's just too embarrassed to admit to wanting to do a little knob-gobbling. But with the anger, I say he has issues and not being a doctor I have know idea what they are. I will say one thing, I would dump anyone who has anger issues. Getting mad is one thing, but rage and jealous accusations is a deal breaker.
 Emvici
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 88
Husband wants to watch
Posted: 12/19/2013 12:41:48 PM
I tell you, I struggled myself with the idea of being with a threesome. For me, it was always about attention. Growing up I always got attention from women and (presumably) gay men. I liked the attention from women as I was always attracted to women, but from the men I was more curious as to how I was suppose to react because I really am not attracted to another mans body. As I grew up and had sexually experiences women always seemed to love to train my ass lol, guess I have a nice butt:) and it put ideas in my mind. A lot of the ideas in my mind besides being taboo to me, also made me very curious to why women like butts so much?, and made me wonder was there something more they wanted me to do. I always feel safe and confident around a women no matter what she does to me, I guess because she is a woman. ( if that makes any sense). I really got curious about the possibilies with sex with men a few years ago, and got a dildo and experiments with myself to finally see if it was something I wanted to pursue; ouch I found that was not something I enjoyed, and decided that the parts worked best and felt best the way I believe nature intended them to work. At about the same time, I found video material on the web from femdom types of women that try to talk men down and into sex with men. Because I love challenges and I found this Hot, because I felt from here on, that women no matter what she said to me, could never change my mind about my decision and it was just a challenge I could not lose. So I find women attempting to instill their wishes upon me extremely interesting and exciting, but yet I have absolutely No desire to be with another guy. I would honestly say it took a lot of time to make up my mind, it was exactly over night, it took time to see that I enjoyed being a man and I enjoyed the privilliage a of being with a woman.
Honestly I can say that us men (atleast myself) came very close to becoming gay and I think that somethings atleast with me, needed to be "tested" to be sure of what I wanted. Otherwise I think I would have always have been dangerously curious. So your guy, could also be dangerously curious, and also he might be enjoying the attention that he knows you are giving him, because he knows you fear and care for his well-being. All this can excite a guy, because we don't always get a ton of attention in other ways, so if he has found that this makes you think about him more, he might like it. I think no man knows what he really might or might like if you haven't had some kind of experience. I can only thank God mine was "self play" because if you get the careless and actually get involved with another guy, I could image how that would destroy a persons image of themselves and once it is re-shaped it is over. My advice is to have openly bold and clear talks (if you can handle it) and ask him truly where he is in his curiousity stage of life, and what is it he is really thinking.
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