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Joined: 3/12/2018
Msg: 78
best joke of the weekPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Two people are hunting in a forest when one of them keels over, apparently dead. Their companion uses a cell phone to call the emergency line. "Help! My friend just keeled over! I think he's dead!"

"Calm down," says the emergency operator. "but first we should make sure he's dead."


A gunshot.

"Okay, now what?"
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 79
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best joke of the week
Posted: 3/17/2018 3:54:04 PM
The three rings of marriage....
Engagement ring
Wedding ring
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 80
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best joke of the week
Posted: 3/24/2018 11:37:11 AM
Why did Stephen Hawking only tell one liners?

Because he couldn't do standup...
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 81
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best joke of the week
Posted: 4/16/2018 6:54:02 AM
For my fellow bikers,
The calif D.O.T found over 200 dead crows on on Calif hwys recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.

The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"
Joined: 9/16/2017
Msg: 82
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best joke of the week
Posted: 4/18/2018 5:02:38 PM
What’s the difference between me and a calender?

A calendar has dates.
Joined: 4/30/2018
Msg: 83
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best joke of the week
Posted: 5/4/2018 10:50:07 AM
Twin sisters in a nursing home were turning one hundred years old.
The editor of the local rag told the photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year-old twins.
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.
Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.
"HE SAYS, 'SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE.'" So they wiggled up close to each other.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.
Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
With a huge, happy grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH LORDY JESUS! - BOTH OF US?
Joined: 4/30/2018
Msg: 84
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best joke of the week
Posted: 5/7/2018 3:08:25 PM

Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business.

In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding...with morning, afternoon and evening prayer sessions at their church.

Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand re-opening, when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!

After the brothel burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer."

But late last week, 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation, on the grounds that the church... "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business... either through direct or indirect divine actions or means."

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and vociferously denied any and all responsibility, or any connection to the building's demise.

The crusty old judge, read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented...

"I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner, who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all bull$hit."
Joined: 6/18/2018
Msg: 85
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best joke of the week
Posted: 12/11/2018 8:31:14 AM
Have you heard the story about the brown nosed reindeer?
yea he is just as fast as Rudolf but he doesn't stop as quik
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