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 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 26
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I Chose The Wrong GuyPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I hope he hangs up the phone when you call. You made your choice. It wasn't him
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 27
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 2:56:58 PM
If I had been the other guy, and was contacted out of the blue, I still would meet you. If I had felt genuine affection for you and parted as friends I would certainly give you the benefit of the doubt.

People often get it wrong in the dating game and you shouldn't pay for one mistake by never knowing how things may have worked out with the other bloke.

Give him a call, what's the worst that could happen?
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 28
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:06:58 PM
Thanks to you all ... this is exactly what I needed to hear ... the good and the bad opinions. They are all appreciated and are considered.


A lot may depend on how you communicated your earlier decision to him. If you said (or implied) that he wasn't enough or that you were indeed "rejecting" him, I suspect that he'll not have time for you.

It may also depend on how you have handled his "checking in" texts. If you've been ignoring them, he'll have a pretty accurate picture of your interest.

It may also depend on the nature of your actual interest. Some folks just crave attention. If he has an inkling that your renewed interest is simply because he stopped messaging you, he'd be smart to keep his distance.

We're not privy to the communication style you had with him. But it might be appropriate to simply text him for permission to call him and find out if he has a block of time for you. "Can I call? When would be a good time?"
______
None of the foregoing is meant to imply that you did anything inappropriate. I'm merely exploring possibilities.


This is one of my favorite as it takes the information given and makes very few assumptions, makes no implications ... advice that was very well thought out ... and in no way a put down. Thank you sir !

I never made him feel rejected at all, never was negative or gave him reason to believe he was nothing but wonderful and treated him with the charm and grace in which I was raised ... understanding I have no control how he perceived this whole ordeal. I always answered his texts and we had pleasant conversations ... laughs. We started as chat buddies before we even considered dating, so the conversations did not suffer.

So, I did message him ... he was glad to hear from me, a bit cold ... and did inform me that he has been seeing someone and it is working out "so far". With that, I opened the door ... and we shall see. I do not anticipate I will hear from him further. I messed up ... I choose the wrong guy.
 ErikJason
Joined: 3/18/2013
Msg: 29
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:07:27 PM
Hmmm...that's a tough one. Me personally? I would response respectively, but something like this will always be like the huge gorilla in the room. Maybe not quite a huge gorilla. Maybe a small chimp. But that small chimp is still going to occasionally throw it's own poop at you. So be ready for that.
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 30
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:12:46 PM

People often get it wrong in the dating game and you shouldn't pay for one mistake by never knowing how things may have worked out with the other bloke.


You know, that's what a girlfriend told me ... this is dating, not like I was engaged to either or stood them up at the alter ... it was dating. I just decided to try exclusivity with one over the other ... recognized my mistake pretty quickly ... and now am doing damage control.

Those who say I deserve what I get ... you are correct ... I will TRY to make better choices in the future ... yet there's no guarantee.

Great discussion ... thank you.
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 31
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:16:58 PM

So, I did message him ... he was glad to hear from me, a bit cold ... and did inform me that he has been seeing someone and it is working out "so far". With that, I opened the door ... and we shall see. I do not anticipate I will hear from him further. I messed up ... I choose the wrong guy.

So the door is open, if things don't work out with this other lady you have a good shot.

If things work out with this new lady, be happy for this fellow anyway, if he is as good a man as you say he deserves to be happy does he not?

I was in a relationship with a great lady when I had to move overseas for work, she couldn't come with me so we broke up. She ended up meeting another man and they are still together. We remain friends to this day and I am genuinely happy for her. I have subsequently met a great lady and my former girlfriend is genuinely happy for me. That's how life works.
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 32
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:20:07 PM

Did they know about each other?

They both were told my view on this POF thing ... I am dating, talking with others ... and dating like people on here do. Yes, they knew they were not the only person I communicated with. I was open in my view as far talking to several people, perhaps even actually meeting several others. I told them as I do all men I communicate with that if I ever got to point were I was going to see someone exclusively, I would say so. I said so.
 AnnabellTN_1
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 33
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I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:25:58 PM
I've found that it is very hard to go backward. There seems to be a lerky feeling hiding in back ground. Sometimes it is just best to keep moving forward.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 34
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:57:02 PM

So, I did message him ... he was glad to hear from me, a bit cold ... and did inform me that he has been seeing someone and it is working out "so far". With that, I opened the door ... and we shall see. I do not anticipate I will hear from him further.

Ah, well, it was worth a try. Thanks for updating your readers. Here's hoping you find another nice one soon!
 Deepseaceecee
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 35
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 5:01:35 PM
My feeling is that you felt that sub consciously you were not good enough for him. Has that changed? He more than likely would have others around if he is as special as you seem to think. .

I agree, just a casual text to get together some time and then take it from there. I had the same situation with a guy who contacted me 6 months after we had parted ways, and I was always suspicious and mistrustful that I was just a stopgap until he found someone else. The trust had gone. But we are all different and it depends on the depth of feeling he has for you, whether he will bother to see you.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 36
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 4:50:59 AM
I personally am not sure I would ever "choose you again"... you blew me off once for the "better deal", been there, got cheated on by that. Sorry, but if I was the "lesser" of two guys once, then there isn't a 2nd chance.

2nd chances for "life happening", as in just "sh*t happens, it was bad timing", etc, sure. 2nd chance because you chose someone else over me? "2nd fiddle" once, I'll be "2nd fiddle" again at some point, why bother? The things you chose "him over me" for before are going to be the things you do the same for again later.
 TeaInTheSaharaWithYou
Joined: 2/27/2013
Msg: 37
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 5:19:59 AM
Eyes - you did nothing wrong, stop beating yourself up.

Okay, so he's seeing someone and now knows you're interested. Great news.

This is good because he didn't offer to cheat - so he's FAITHFUL - yay!!!

Okay, chances are that a new relationship will bomb out somewhat quickly. This probably isn't your last chance with him.
 HoosierInMo
Joined: 6/20/2010
Msg: 38
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I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 5:58:36 AM
A girl once dumped me for another guy who was clearly not good for her or any other woman. I was hurt but gave her space and went on with my life with dignity. Two years later after she realized he was leading her on and was never going to giver her what she wanted, she begged me in tears to give her a second chance. What she didn't realize that she didn't need to beg, all she had to do was ask. We're still dating although taking it slow.

OP all you can do is call the guy and see where he stands. If there wasn't a serious betrayal of trust, you might be surprised.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 39
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I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 6:10:37 AM
As a guy, I might see you if I was infatuated....but as a comment above states, there would always be a lingering issue. Therefore, I'd never fully commit and jump ship at some point. You, as a woman, are setting yourself up for anguish in future. Any guy who doesn't completely trust you or has any insecurity is way more likely to embrace another woman.

And cripes,never 'explain '. Nothing turns guys off more than the mention of other guys, Exs,etc.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 40
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 7:02:10 AM
You didn't just pick the "wrong guy," you rejected the man you are talking about now (and yes, I know you already contacted him, etc).

If he was not the right person for you then, he isn't the right person for you now. Going back is almost always a mistake and we do it for the wrong reason.

If you picked the wrong man, figure out why. do not make the mistake again. But that does not mean you rejected the wrong man--both were not right for you, it just took longer to see it with the guy you picked.

This isn't really about the men--it's about you. Learn and move forward.
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 41
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 7:11:04 AM
I've had several men do this sh*t to me.

My philosophy is once you make a choice, then you go with it. THEY chose to go with someone else.....and found the grass wasn't greener on the other side......then tried to come crawling back........My answer......I am not going to be anyone's last choice/resort.

OP, if this guy is so great, such a great catch, all that and a bag of chips and a brownie, etc.....what in the world do you think he would even bother to come running back to you?

Do you honestly think he is sitting by the phone and waiting for your call??
Do you think he would be happy to know HE was YOUR last resort???

REALLY????

I highly doubt it. - I'd wager to say, if he had a brain in his head he will HANG UP THE PHONE if you try to call.

** EDIT **

I did message him ... he was glad to hear from me, a bit cold ... and did inform me that he has been seeing someone and it is working out "so far". With that, I opened the door ... and we shall see. I do not anticipate I will hear from him further. I messed up ... I choose the wrong guy......


Well folks.....there you have it.......the answer to the OP's question. - HE moved on and I say good for him!
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 42
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 7:27:28 AM
u picked the bad-boy over the nice guy..ur loss..do him a favor and move on.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 43
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 7:28:07 AM

So, I did message him ... he was glad to hear from me, a bit cold ... and did inform me that he has been seeing someone and it is working out "so far". With that, I opened the door ...

This is kind of cool because he kind of saved face by now placing YOU in second position. It wouldn't surprise me at all if you heard from this guy again in the not so distant future now that he knows you are available.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 44
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I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 7:45:56 AM

I think a few of you are missing the point that....they still kept in contact while she was dating the other guy...HELLO!

Not sure where you got that from. She had his number, she didn't say they talked.
Anyway..As for the update..
I was going to suggest to call him,
Good for you for trying OP..Now you know.
If it was me, if i chose a wrong woman, it would have been bothering me not knowing, and would called her too.
 horses44
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 45
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I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 7:46:08 AM
Eyes you sound like a gem, handled it the way I would have (which of course means perfectly :))

You reached out and by the sounds of things his response was a bit chilly.

I have been in both scenarios - I had a gentleman I only went out with twice, and from "my perspective" things were going smoothly, then I got the e-mail, he was seeing someone else and wanted to take that exclusive both wished each other the best. This was about 6 months ago -if he were to contact me today and ask how I was doing and would I like to go out - I would say yes immediately - why? From my perspective I wasn't second fiddle, just not the right fit...would it be the right fit now? Who knows.

I also had this happen to me, there were a couple of gentlemen I was seeing at the same time, one I felt a bit more of a connection with than the other, sent the polite e-mail saying - there is someone else and seeing where it goes - we ended with pleasantries and wished each other well. As is the case often, my new romance fizzled and I got to thinking about this gentleman and thought what the heck, dropped an e-mail...did not receive a response

Eyes best of wishes in your search for your special someone!
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 46
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 7:52:38 AM


So, I did message him ... he was glad to hear from me, a bit cold ... and did inform me that he has been seeing someone and it is working out "so far". With that, I opened the door ...

This is kind of cool because he kind of saved face by now placing YOU in second position. It wouldn't surprise me at all if you heard from this guy again in the not so distant future now that he knows you are available.


I sort of looked at it that way Stubidoo0 ... however, from my point of view there was no face to save. I will admit I messed up to him if given the opportunity. I would not be surprised to hear from him again either especially since he said "so far". Time will tell. I am going solo for a bit to breath and rejuvenate.

For those who have been harsh ... I can understand your reactions from the gut as we've all been hurt and such a story can bring up old wounds. Sorry we all have to go through this but it does happen when we date.
 ArtDeVivre777
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 47
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 8:20:07 AM
Well, we all made wrong datingchoices I guess, if we are using dating site , that means that we are single and not a loving relationship for now, we can't judge each other too harsh , we are all in the same position more or less....

Well, believe me sometimes we idealize people, but there is a reason why this guys was not your first choice, you didn't feel it for him, you were not much into him, you tend to forget that now. It happened to me several times that I'd break up with some guy or won't want to see him after several dates,but after a while,I'd forget the bad moments and only remember the good ones, n then I'll go back to tthat guy and oops! I'll recall why the first time I chose to part our ways....sometimes it's lack of physical chemistry,sometimes not enough shared interests, but believe me there is a reason WHY he was not your first choice as great as he is, he might not be the bets chocie for you in the long run. Dating is numbers game,we all make mistakes. He is a nice guy, but u were not that into him,not attracted to him, he can be a greta friend and a person but will u be happy and excited whne he kisses you or even something more? I am not sure...as a woman I can toally relate to that.
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 48
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 8:37:04 AM


I think a few of you are missing the point that....they still kept in contact while she was dating the other guy...HELLO!

Not sure where you got that from. She had his number, she didn't say they talked.


I did post that he would randomly text me ... periodically, just checking in ... those texts eventually stopped. We were always civil with each other, always. It's not in my nature to be less than gentle with someone I care about ... he knew I cared about him and now he knows I still do. Not to mention it would serve no purpose to be hurtful.
 willitend
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 49
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 8:58:14 AM
The key bword is "guy" find a real man & you will not have this problem !
Women have the need to fix "guys"
A man doesn't need fixing & that is what becomes the hard part for you ladies . A "guy" makes u feel better when u see you have helped him in some way !
A man , will just make you feel better by doing , not looking for the reward , the cookie that guys are , let's say taking out the trash , a man just does it .....a "guy" wants a reward for it !

Soo ladies , I'm 1 of the men that have watched this for many yrs . If u want to know what's going to happen in your relationship next , feel free to email me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx




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 dobbie101
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 50
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I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:06:24 AM
So you think that you made a mistake with man number one...well whoopdedoo. Now you want to backwards and that would not be a mistake, or maybe it should have been man number, or three or four. Get over yourself and stop playing these juvenile games. Nobody wants to have to measure up to your expectations.
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