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 AUTHOR
 RB_64
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 51
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I Chose The Wrong GuyPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
OP, you are a brave woman, you took a chance and left the door of interest open. I agree with Stubidooo, you may be pleasantly surprised and be contacted by your friend later. Give it some time. Don't be afraid to say hello again in a couple weeks or longer based on your situation and comfort level. Life is unpredictable, so never say never.
 willitend
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 52
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:19:36 AM
I somewhat agree , but the damage is done & yes all forgive but "few" can forget !
That is what you have to live with & will always have the need to prove or know he trusts your work , actions ! That takes away from the true relationship . Relationships (of anykind ) are based on what is going to happen in the future & not waht has happened in the past but the past is always there ,right?
Soo again I know how to help with this problem but it would take me 10 days to write it all & I have to knaow your interections , the people ,, its not just a standard answer for all!
I can give u some key guidelines to go by ,if your interested ? I left my email on the page for you ,just contact me !

I'm trying to help !
 willitend
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 53
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:26:37 AM
Come on they talked ! This is true & real life . I trust 100% myself & I take away parts I can't trust someone in , when 50% of that trust is gone , there is no getting it back , you can't ern it back (the person will just tell u what u want to hear ) that's not earning it talk & that's all!!! It hurts but while you are trying to figure out what you want with this person , the true & real person may just pass you by ! Now think about it like that& it might help ?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 54
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:30:45 AM
Holy phuck people, some of you should be reading what you type cause it sure exposes the reality of what some of us are dealing with out there in the dating world. It's NOT suppose to be a phucking war for phuck's sake!!!!! But, reading some of your words it sure looks like a lot of you are ready for battle at every turn and corner.

I thought the purpose of dating or whatever ya want to call it is to discover and explore another, that other that you feel some form of initial attraction for???? No one here or there, knows for CERTAIN that the choices they make when first "accepting" an certain individual's interest will be the "correct" one. And, just because, an adult decides to expore and discover that ONE person "at a time" doesn't mean that adult has "rejected" those "others". It just means they are trying to concentrate on that "one", something a lot of us would do just naturally.

As an intelligent ADULT, I can understand the process. How come so many here in this topic cannot???? I'm asking, cause a lot posting here are sounding like two year olds with their reactions to this scenario. And personally, it's one of the reasons that I have slowly kept my distance from a lot here in this pond.

The OP was being honest and forward with her feelings and actions. She was asking about taking another shot at a guy she didn't take the intial shot with. What the phuck is the problem with taking another shot??????? I mean really??? OP, I would have probably done what you did, if I was actively "searching". Yesterday was yesterday. Tomorrow, may never come. Today is all you have, so there was nothing wrong with you "recontacting" the "other" guy. Well, nothing wrong in my mind anyways.Let those others whine, complain,snivel or whatever they want to do. Those are the ones that want and expect everything in this world to be "perfect" FOR THEM, and only THEM.
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 55
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:38:47 AM
Dang dobbie ... back away very slowly from the computer ... it's gonna be alright ;p

Willi ... thanks for the wonderful thoughts and ideas

(((Walts))) ... you get it, thank you. I did not dump, I did not reject ... simply a gal out here dating who made a choice to go for one guy or another ... BOTH fantastic and I feel very fortunate to know them both ... I chose wrong. I think the way I approached it was better for me then trying to juggle both.

Sometimes, the things we wait for in life or so much better ...
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 56
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:45:02 AM

So you think that you made a mistake with man number one...well whoopdedoo. Now you want to backwards and that would not be a mistake, or maybe it should have been man number, or three or four. Get over yourself and stop playing these juvenile games. Nobody wants to have to measure up to your expectations.


Holy sh*t dobbie!!!! (see message 56)

I am laughing my fool a$$ off at that one!!!!!

But that being said, I could say that about of a few of the men out here who pull the same sh*t......and the games that DO get played get more and more juvenile with each passing day......and the total UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS these guys have of the women out here are totally out of hand and are getting more and more so.....


which caused me to pack up my tent and call it a day on the dating front.

- you can't go much lower than when you meet someone for coffee, they walk in, don't even sit down, tell you that you aren't worth anyone's time, walk out, THEN try to call you three days later like nothing ever happened, leaves me to believe he had someone else lined up to meet, it didn't pan out, and I was was his last resort. Sorry, I just don't play that way.


I did not dump, I did not reject ... simply a gal out here dating who made a choice to go for one guy or another ... BOTH fantastic and I feel very fortunate to know them both ... I chose wrong. I think the way I approached it was better for me then trying to juggle both.


I am sure to reject, or dump was NOT the intent, but be that as it may, Mr. Catch may not see it that way. - It's all about perception and how you communicated with him.

His feelings were a bit hurt, he moved on and is dating someone else.....and if that doesn't work out, don't bank on the hope he will all of a sudden start chasing you....for if you were to go running to him, he would date you until he found someone he perceived as better and leave in a New York second. -

Remember, if you believe in what comes around, paybacks are a b*tch.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 57
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:50:40 AM
Why not be honest and HUMBLE. Say you made a mistake and let him decide.
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 58
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:03:21 AM

Why not be honest and HUMBLE. Say you made a mistake and let him decide.

Hey Charlie ! that is what I have done.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 59
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:04:21 AM
sorry.. I did not read the entire post, my bad.. but best of luck to you.. its really hard finding a suitable match, especially on POF.
 dobbie101
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 60
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I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:05:53 AM
EyesRgreen
I did not intend to be insulting or derogatory so for that I apologise. That being said, you made choices based on what you considered to be correct for you at that time. You chose to love that man...it was a free choice and at a later stage you chose divorce.
At this stage you want to be loved and cherished and honoured and probably to reciprocate those feelings, and in that mix of virtues there are also the feelings of aloneness, loneliness, need for understanding and support etc. But going backwards into a relationship that has already shown itself to be bereft of your desires and or needs is a sure way to enter into a world of the same thing. Can such a relationship possibly be different the second time around? Perhaps..
For all of those people who have entered into this type of relationship and succeeded I have nothing but the greatest regard.
Their strength and belief in one another is beyond the pale.
 ironwinecoffee
Joined: 9/4/2012
Msg: 61
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 1:50:48 PM
Eh. You made the wrong choice and now you have to live with it. I would not be very excited about being contacted by somebody knowing I was "the back up plan".
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 62
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I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:07:20 PM
OP, you may have chosen the wrong guy, but the way most women treat me as not even being human, I think I chose the wrong planet...........
 DixieGeorgia
Joined: 10/3/2011
Msg: 63
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:12:36 PM
Stop and think seriously...did you really choose the wrong guy or do you want to start back with
the other one simply because the one you did choose did not work out?
 AstroCat505
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 64
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:15:16 PM
Fortune favors the bold OP. Text him and ask him how he is doing and if he has had any luck on PoF. Just make sure you have the fortitude for any answer you might receive. I have done it before, it's not a crime to ask, just be willing to accept the answer that entails...
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 65
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/26/2013 7:32:57 PM

just be willing to accept the answer that entails...


Thank you ... and you are so right ... but had I not texted, I'd never know and always wonder ... at least now I know I tried ... found he is seeing someone else with everything going well "so far" ... we'll see how it all plays out.

I loved reading everyone's reply ... suggestions ... and comments. Just thrilled at the supportive ladies on here ! and the wonderful guys who live too far away (damn!) ... :)
 bakerchamp
Joined: 3/17/2013
Msg: 66
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/26/2013 7:49:13 PM
i think you have two options.

1. somehow do a surprise pop up.. if you know he shops somewhere, or hangs out somewhere, then show up and be "surprised" you ran into him... if it goes well try again, if its weird or awkward you know the ship has sailed...

2. move on, let it go, you made a mistake and it isn't happening again...

yup either secretly be a crazy stalker and hope for the best or move on thats my advice... I am aware that this sounds bad/crazy but many women are reading this and are either thinking it, or have done it.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 67
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/26/2013 7:57:47 PM

Simply deciding between two people is not necessarily rude it is simply honest and upfront that you intend to date one person at a time. That is actually an admirable choice.

That is the best explanation that I can see and should follow some advices to go for it. The worst it can be is "No". Then again if "No" is the answer then you should consider yourself lucky for not having someone that is so insecure and full of himself.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 68
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/26/2013 8:26:35 PM

If he was not the right person for you then, he isn't the right person for you now. Going back is almost always a mistake and we do it for the wrong reason.

If you picked the wrong man, figure out why. do not make the mistake again. But that does not mean you rejected the wrong man--both were not right for you, it just took longer to see it with the guy you picked.

This isn't really about the men--it's about you. Learn and move forward.If he was not the right person for you then, he isn't the right person for you now. Going back is almost always a mistake and we do it for the wrong reason.

If you picked the wrong man, figure out why. do not make the mistake again. But that does not mean you rejected the wrong man--both were not right for you, it just took longer to see it with the guy you picked.

This isn't really about the men--it's about you. Learn and move forward.


Quite an interesting point! It was happened to me that I did not pick the first one because of my insecurity (too young and we both poor communicators), but I knew he was "the one" that I walked away.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 69
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I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/26/2013 8:32:53 PM
I was the guy in that situation once. First and last time. Guess what? She ended up going back to the first guy. Never again.
 AthatitaApudetat
Joined: 9/26/2012
Msg: 70
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/26/2013 11:24:17 PM
Most of my friends are female and we became friends for the above reason, she chose the other guy. We talk about everything and when something breaks or someone cries they call their big brother and I support them as a brother would. Many times I get coments of this nature" I Chose The Wrong Guy" but always replied you had made your choice but gained a true friend. I personally don't mind being friends and would do anything for them after they chose the other guy but never would I give it a go no matter how I felt about them.
 JSBL1967
Joined: 2/22/2013
Msg: 71
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/27/2013 7:43:46 AM
Contact him and act like nothing happened. If he asks then explain your reasoning. I am sure if you get together it will come up, and I would not BS him, just be straight up.

I think explaining that he is NOT your second choice, but you made a mistake and chose the wrong number one person puts the blame on You and not him, because to be honest it is your fault. No big deal, but you chose wrong.

What do you have to loose anyway? He will say no? Then it leaves you right where you were at now.

If it were me, and depending on the details and situation, I would be flattered.

Good luck
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 72
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/27/2013 8:39:08 AM

From the male perspective, how would you feel if you were contacted out of the blue by a girl who rejected you in the past to pursue someone else ?

None of us are anybody’s first pick. On a dating site, unless we’ve just arrived we’ve all seen others, felt attracted to others, wanted others, contacted others. And probably had false starts with others.

If I was on a woman’s short-list and then she chose somebody else, I wouldn’t even see that as a rejection. She thought they had a better chance of making it. Go with my blessing.

And if it didn’t work out for them that doesn’t mean she made a mistake. She probably made the best choice she could with the information she had. If she wants to resume with me, that would be welcome.

And if we find in time that we’re no compatible either, is that yet another mistake? Would she be telling her friends I was a ‘mistake’? Hardly.

We took a chance. We explored the possibilities. We enjoyed the moments, gave each other our best and parted with love. Maybe it’s an age thing, maybe it’s experience, maybe it’s attitude – but I don’t see my relationships as a series of mistakes. And I don’t take a woman’s try with another man as a personal rejection. Not when our hearts are true.
 LoveBeautifulDays
Joined: 2/21/2013
Msg: 73
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/27/2013 3:26:15 PM
Just try :-)
Never know
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 74
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I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/28/2013 1:23:14 AM

None of us are anybody’s first pick. On a dating site, unless we’ve just arrived we’ve all seen others, felt attracted to others, wanted others, contacted others. And probably had false starts with others.

If I was on a woman’s short-list and then she chose somebody else, I wouldn’t even see that as a rejection. She thought they had a better chance of making it. Go with my blessing.

And if it didn’t work out for them that doesn’t mean she made a mistake. She probably made the best choice she could with the information she had. If she wants to resume with me, that would be welcome.

Yeah, that's exactly how I'd feel too. In fact, OP, I don't understand why you keep saying that you've made the "wrong" choice or have chosen the "wrong" guy. There is no right or wrong here. You didn't know these two men, you had no way of knowing which one might work out and which one might not - and may be neither would. The thing is, you've been honest with the second guy all along so if I was him, I would certainly not feel slighted in the slightest.

So there is no need to feel that you've screwed up or made the wrong choice. You made your call based presumably on a dating profile and a few emails/text/conversations; it didn't work out and you're back on to the drawing board again. That's not so different from the rest of us who are out there trotting the dating scene, trying to find a match with incomplete (and sometimes even inaccurate) information. There is going to be a lot of trials & errors, and that's the reality of dating.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 75
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/28/2013 2:49:11 AM
OP, I don't understand why you keep saying that you've made the "wrong" choice or have chosen the "wrong" guy. There is no right or wrong here. You didn't know these two men, you had no way of knowing which one might work out and which one might not - and may be neither would.


She had a choice of two men - based on what she learned about both of them (presumably from meeting them) she found either a bunch of "better" things with "the guy behind curtain #1" to choose him over "the guy behind curtain #2", or a bunch of things she didn't like about "curtain #2" to NOT choose him.

I've been in this situation numerous times. Let's be realistic, you're on a dating site - how many times have you been "curtain #2" and wound up letting her back, that it's worked out long term and you're still in a relationship with?

My experience is that in the long run it never works, because the things that either "turned them off" or "expectations you didn't meet" originally wind up being the things that end it eventually anyways.
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