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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with cigarette smoke      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 51
Dealing with cigarette smokePage 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Try replacing the smoking with another vice :)
I am in the midst of trying to Quit. Very hard. And without cigarettes it seems everyone is so much more annoying! lol Good luck quitting
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 52
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 11:00:12 AM
^^^ you dont even need to be trying to quit to find most of this annoying, lol
 THEMEPACK
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 53
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 11:15:49 AM
Why would a smoker contact a non smoker ....who's profile says "smoking is a deal breaker".....he's a numpty. Hey maybe it's a match after all.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 54
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History
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 11:55:45 AM
Nagging is if you should stay with him and gripe about his smoking. He's a smoker, even those who quit for years can go back, smoking is a truly addictive habit and not only from nicotine but just the act of smoking it's self is amazingly addictive to many. So probably, stop seeing him, is your best bet.

As far as the smell and the smoke, it's not only going to be on you, but think when he starts coming over, even if he smokes outside, he's going to spread the smell and the chemicals all over your home. It's going to effect anyone else in your house including any pets, second hand smoke is horrible on one's health. There's just no way to date a smoker without it spreading around to all parts of your life.

And that's coming from an ex smoker, and I would love to be smoking if I could do it and breathe but I can't so I don't. I would never want a non-smoker to have dated me when I smoked. A non-smoker dating a smoker might just as well be smoking too. There isn't anywhere that the chemicals won't seep into, they will be on every surface of your home, car, etc., and will be taken in by any living thing in your area, including your plants.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 55
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 12:15:07 PM
The health issues from smoking are MORE than well known - unless you've literally had your head buried in the sand for the last 40 years - so bringing up the standard health 'lecture' is really a waste of air. If you feel smoking is a deal breaker, that's ALL you should need to say. Period.

Some morons will dodge the issue and try to get you to give the "True" reason as some other aspect of their personality - but they know damn well it's the cancer sticks. It's a nasty addiction, and damn hard to break - but it's ultimately THEIR choice, and THEIR effort that will make quitting possible - not ANYthing you can do for them.
 Quasimodo11543
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 56
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 1:02:45 PM

He's a drug addict, and like all drug addicts will use any excuse or lie to avoid dealing with the reality that he's a drug addict unable to break his addiction. Nicotine addiction is a character flaw. Smokers smoke because they lack the character or courage to tolerate a few weeks of withdrawal.

If he lied about his smoking, what else is he lying about?


Smoking is a physical AND psychological habit/addiction. Nicotine goes right to the pleasure centers of your brain and causes the neurons that are receptors of nicotine to flourish and prosper. When you suddenly stop smoking, these receptors start to die off, this is what makes you irritable, it is most certainly not a character flaw. Studies have shown that it is as addictive as heroin or opium. People gain weight when they quit smoking but it isn't necessarily because they eat more, your heart beat slows down on average 10 beats per minute. Heart is a muscle, using muscles burns calories, voila. Do the math for a daily total.

You can most certainly hide cigarette smell, unless you are smoking in a phone booth and bathing in it.

The smoking ban in OUTSIDE places is ridiculous when cars, trucks, buses, mopeds, weed whips and any other internal combustion engine is spewing out the same toxic crap.

If the guy likes you which he seems to, I would talk to him about it. It is not easy to quit at all but if you use the right approach, I'm sure he would consider it. Until then, Fabreeze works very well at covering the odor.
 Indira46
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 57
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History
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 1:11:18 PM
I smoke an e-cigarette called Apollo. It works great and has no scent. I still list myself as a smoker. It cost $35. Buy him one as a gift.

I tried Welbutrin and it made me act like a crazy person. Yelling and picking fights with everybody I saw.
 Patrick45015
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 58
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History
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 1:18:04 PM
I frebreeze my friend that smells of smoke when she comes over
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 59
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 1:27:16 PM

I smoke an e-cigarette called Apollo. It works great and has no scent. I still list myself as a smoker

If that is all you smoke, you should clarify your status. My brother smokes and e cig and I don't consider that smoking.
 nirvanawithu
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 60
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 1:41:29 PM
If he cares about being with you enough, he'll use Ecigs to quit. I know all to well what it's like to have to give up someone you love dearly, over smoking.

My last girlfriend and I both had smoked for years. One morning she came up to me saying she was scared, that she couldn't breathe. She was in a total panic and it looked like she was suffocating, so I called 911. They paramedics told me it was mostly a panic attack, but she went to the hospital for a breathing treatment and needs to use inhalers now.

After the hospital trip, her father told me I need to get her to quit smoking. I loved her very much and knew that I would have to support her by quitting myself, so I bought us Ecigs. I did good by slowly changing over from cigarettes, she kept using the inhaler and continued to smoke. She would cough so violently, it scared the hell out of me and broke my heart every time. It's a major factor why I left, and it also gave me the power to quit.

Talk to him and tell him you don't want to see him injuring himself. Tell him you don't like the smell either, and if he wants to still be with you, he needs to use the Ecigs to quit. You never know, you might be his motive...
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 61
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 1:55:19 PM

I am an occasional smoker but have never smoked in my home or car and so, if a smoker comes into my house, I can smell it on them immediately.

Ditto. And it IS gross. I don't know how I stood myself when I used to smoke more... well, everyone around me did then, too, so I guess we were just all used to it.

Anyway, Advwench, I think the electronic cigarettes sound like a good idea, since he said he was smoking them anyway. So presumably he's familiar with them and could use those at least some of the time.

And maybe you could persuade him to smoke the regular cigarettes outside, whether you're there or not? It will make an enormous difference in how much odor gets on you, as it clears out of his house, and, probably, car. It'll also force him to think about each cigarette, and gradually he'll smoke less just naturally (I think this may be how I got down to my current 1-2 per day - it wasn't through any conscious effort).

Those steps might do as a middle ground for the moment.
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 62
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 2:02:38 PM
I'm an ex smoker and when i did smoke, I never realized how strong the smell would linger on my clothes, and hair. So it never bothered me.

Now when ppl smoke on the streets and in any public area, I can't stand the smell of it. I feel suffocated and need fresh air.

Some of the things I did when I did smoke to hide it from my parents was to wash my hands with soap and then sanitize as well. I would let the smell of smoke linger on me for a bit and just b4 I'm about to go home, I make sure I don't smoke an hour or 2 b4 that and spray myself with perfume including on my hair.

I chew gum constantly or use mouth wash. Those are the only thing a person can do to get the smell out.
 Advwench
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 63
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 2:36:48 PM
Thanks everyone for the suggestions and advice.


And maybe you could persuade him to smoke the regular cigarettes outside, whether you're there or not? It will make an enormous difference in how much odor gets on you, as it clears out of his house, and, probably, car. It'll also force him to think about each cigarette, and gradually he'll smoke less just naturally (I think this may be how I got down to my current 1-2 per day - it wasn't through any conscious effort).


He doesn't smoke in his house as far as I know - at least, I don't notice a smokey smell inside. I think the problem this weekend was him smoking outside then coming back inside to snuggle with me on the couch with fresh smoke on his clothes. His car also smells of smoke (he doesn't smoke with me in the car but does smoke while driving when I'm not) so maybe switching to my car would be a good plan as well. The jeans I wore to his house on Saturday reeked when I threw them in the laundry and he didn't smoke in my presence once. I did, however, ride in his car and participate in snuggling.

I saw an e-cig battery on his countertop but not the cartomizers (I've been doing my research). Could be he's just out of them. I'd be happy to chip in and buy some if he's willing to quit the regular cigs. I just need to talk to him about it at this point.
 nirvanawithu
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 64
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 3:07:33 PM
Sounds like he is making a pretty good effort. It may not seem like it, but he is!

Give him time, make sure he has cartos and an extra fully charged battery. I think it's fantastic you're trying to be supportive. Good for you!
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 65
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 3:07:59 PM

He's a drug addict, and like all drug addicts will use any excuse or lie to avoid dealing with the reality that he's a drug addict unable to break his addiction. Nicotine addiction is a character flaw. Smokers smoke because they lack the character or courage to tolerate a few weeks of withdrawal.


That sounds like your describing coffee drinkers, too. I love my coffee BTW. Caffeine is a drug as well that people cannot do without.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 66
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 3:25:31 PM
Ok, I calmed down (cigarettes do that to me)


If that is all you smoke, you should clarify your status. My brother smokes and e cig and I don't consider that smoking.

Exactly. Because it's not. It is some kind of vapor/fog/steam. Smoke is solid matter in gas, but that's not the case for e-cigs. I 'smoked' e-cigs at work, and I'd be in trouble if that counted as smoking.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 67
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 3:38:12 PM
You're a better woman than I, OP. I do understand really, really liking someone, but smoking is always a dealbreaker for me. I'm an ex-smoker myself and I just can't stand the smell. I dated a guy for a short period of time who used those e-cigs, but it was just too weird sitting in a restaurant when he'd fire that thing up -- he still got those looks from people and it made me uncomfortable.

I hope he quits -- for himself and for you.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 68
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 3:52:07 PM
I like a lot of people that smoke, I just don't like being around them when they smoke. Nor do I like getting within arms length of them if they've smoked since their last shower. Kissing is out of the question.

For me, these make the prospect of even dating a smoker a non starter. Never mind living with them.
 nikkisenko
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 69
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 4:02:13 PM

Nicotine addiction is a character flaw. Smokers smoke because they lack the character or courage to tolerate a few weeks of withdrawal.


Judgemental much???

OP - I have only recently quit smoking. I can tell you; I wanted to quit for years, but couldn't quite get there until recently. The fact that this guy is telling you he wants to quit means very, very little. Although you can ask him to quit, it seems to me that is setting up a dymanic of "you need to change for me" right from the get go. Anyone pushing, encouraging or just in general mentioning they wanted me to quit always made me hang on to my habit in the most childish stubborn way. He may not respond that way, but my experience is that most smokers do.

If you cannot handle the smell, you probably should think of just letting him go. (And, I understand why you wouldn't.)
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 70
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 5:11:23 PM
I've been a non smoker living with a smoker and been a smoker living with a non smoker. As long as the smoker goes outside to smoke it hasn't been a real problem, if they stay outside for a little while and let their clothes air out. It's when the smoker comes right in without letting it dissipate that it's the strongest. Neither of us would smoke in the cars, though.
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 71
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 6:50:16 PM
If you smoke around me, ya better be on fire!

I have tried dating smokers twice...one I did for 7 months. He started out never smoking around me, and the first two dates not at all the whole night. Gradually it got worse and worse...He then kept saying he wanted to quit, and I told him of coure I would do what ever it took to support him and help him. Yet, he never made the attempt. We ended up breaking up over a lot of other things, but I sure did not miss the smoking when we did.
 ImReadyForUnow
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 72
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:13:33 PM
I have not read all the posts above me so this may have been covered.

You deserve to have a person who is right for you. It seems that you are having a problem with a major boundary that you clearly set for yourself. Only dating non smokers.
You know that this boundary is very important to you and that is why you have reached out to get help in ending this before it goes too far. Yes that is why you are here.
Send him a message saying that in retrospect that you are looking for someone who does not smoke.
We never want to be someones "B" plan or a compromise, he should not be yours.

Your "A" is out there...
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 73
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History
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:25:42 PM

His match.com profile didn't say anything about smoking (didn't specify either way)


If you'll go back and, oh... read perhaps, you'll see his profile said nothing about smoking whatsoever.

Seriously. The category choice of "No Answer" for smoking (assuming that's what he picked) on match.com is a dead giveaway that he smokes. Nobody who doesn't smoke is going to use that one. You're fooling yourself if you really believe a non-smoker would pick "no answer."
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 74
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:50:26 PM
I used to smoke 2 packs a day. I stopped smoking for 1-1/2 years. Then one day I just had to have one. That got me hooked once again but its been a few months and i only smoke a half pack a day. When I was off the cigarettes I could smell the nasty smell on other smokers. Now I stink once again, go figure. I don't smoke in my home or car because of my son, he has asthma.

To each their own. Dating a smoker is ones own choice. I would talk to him about it. Maybe mention chantix or other smoking aids to assist him with his desire to quit. Offer to give him support to stop smoking.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 75
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 8:09:27 PM
July will be 5 years I have been smoke free , even though I do not care for the smell any more . I would not let something as small as a cigarette stand between me and some one who may be right for me . People talk about second hand smoke , I got some news for you . If people live in a city its like they smoking a pack a day already .
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