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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with cigarette smoke      Home login  
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 AthatitaApudetat
Joined: 9/26/2012
Msg: 76
Dealing with cigarette smokePage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Wow I love all these self proclaimed experts. Once a smoker always a smoker? and you will go back to it? Thats like saying once your fat You will always be fat no matter how much you lose. Look the best way to handle a smoker is to be polite but up front and honest. If both of you are into each other then he will quit. Once someone quits they can quit forever. My dad and several old people quit and not smoked for over 30 years. It's even easier to stop now then it was then. If smokeing is such an issue then leave him, but because your looking for an excuse to keep him tells me you are really into him. So tell him and even go buy that inferno kit and talk to him openly.
 AnEvilGenius1
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 77
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 12:36:28 AM

smoking is on my profile as a deal breaker


But you plan on mentioning it the "next" time you are "together".

My advice is, make smoking a "real" deal breaker and end the friendship/relationship and find yourself a non smoker.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 78
view profile
History
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 12:45:33 AM

Wow I love all these self proclaimed experts. Once a smoker always a smoker? and you will go back to it? Thats like saying once your fat You will always be fat no matter how much you lose. Look the best way to handle a smoker is to be polite but up front and honest. If both of you are into each other then he will quit. Once someone quits they can quit forever. My dad and several old people quit and not smoked for over 30 years. It's even easier to stop now then it was then. If smokeing is such an issue then leave him, but because your looking for an excuse to keep him tells me you are really into him. So tell him and even go buy that inferno kit and talk to him openly.


I do believe it is easier to slip back into old habits (i.e., ex-smoker starts smoking again) than to start up a new bad habit, especially if you are an adult. How many adult smokers do you know that started smoking at 30? How many smokers do you know that have tried quitting before? I am an ex-smoker. I started smoking around 14-15 years old and I quit when I was around 25. For a couple of years after I quit I would have vivid dreams in which I smoked. They were so real sometimes it was hard to separate dream from reality and I would question myself on if I had actually smoked or not. Crazy, right? I still occasionally have those dreams and I still sometimes have a craving to have a cigarette. And I was one of those people who stopped cold turkey. I just one day told myself that this was my last pack. I had never wanted to or tried to quit before that and my family and friends all smoked, so there was no pressure to quit. What I am trying to say is that the likelihood of someone who has smoked in the past to smoke again in the future is exponentially higher than someone who has never smoked. So while it is not set in stone that a smoker will always be a smoker, there is a significant risk.

To the OP, I would say that it would be best to end this relationship if smoking is a hard and fast deal breaker for you. No one is going to quit because someone else wants them to; ex-smokers quit because the time was right for them. Even if they say they want to quit, having someone on the sidelines nudging them does not help. Good luck.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 79
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 4:59:50 AM
The smokers I've met on here don't typically get a second date. I brought one to my house, she was getting annoyed because i wouldn't let her smoke inside. She literally needed as cigarette every 5 minutes. BYE!
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 80
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 5:02:32 AM
^^ Not all smokers are rude. Again, stop complaining about what others do and dont date smokers if you dont like smoke, that is your right and your choice, however to continue to whine and bash shows nothing but bitterness and anger. IMHO
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 81
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 5:10:36 AM
I haven't whined or bashed, I made points using logic. I gave the smokers the benefit of the doubt, as there are slim pickings out here. I dated one that quit while we dated before, so I know all smokers are not rude. You are implying rudeness and bitterness through my responses, but that hasn't been my intent.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 82
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 5:24:57 AM
It is not logical to assume all smokers would be so rude as to smoke in someone's house who is a non smoker. You obviously do not like smoke so why blame the smoker when it was your choice to date her. I think she lacked manners by smoking in your house and not all smokers are rude like that. In fact most of the ones I know would never do anything like that.
 Advwench
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 83
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 5:27:13 AM
Figured I'd post an update.

When I saw him last night, I told him that the smell of smoke on his hands and clothes is bothering me more than I thought it would and reminded him that he told me he smoked e-cigs before we met. Apparently he did run out of cartos and didn't bother to order new ones... he just started buying Winstons. He said he'd switch back. We'll see.

At any rate, I've mentioned it and that's the end of it. If he does switch back to e-cigs, great, we might have a future. If he doesn't and is just saying what I want to hear, then it will be time to walk. I wanted to give him a chance to do what he originally said he intended to do before I gave up on him... if that makes me stupid or a doormat or a "numpty" or whatever, so be it.
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 84
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 7:06:26 AM
I'd decide before having the conversation if you're fine with him smoking years from now.

Smokers are addicts, and a person is an addict for life. My mother stopped smoking for 10 years and recently started up again. My grandmother tried to quit smoking her entire life, and finally kicked the habit at 80 years of age. She hasn't had a cigarette for 7 years, but she says she wants one every day. You have to be ok with him eventually falling off the wagon years down the line. He won't know if he's kicked the habit for life until he's dead...and then he's dead. *shrug*

I'm personally a non-smoker and find cigarette smoke incredibly difficult to handle. Extended contact results in hives on my skin and kissing is a big no-no. I'm open to entering a relationship with a person who has quit smoking, but I'd think LONG AND HARD before going that far. If you're able to find plenty of awesome non-smoking guys, then I'd move on. If pickings are slim, then I'd weigh the pros and cons of living with a smoker. Ignore anything about "trying to quit". In the end, "trying" is irrelevant. It means something for the short term, but it opens the door to building up resentment for both of you. If he's not quitting on his own and fighting for it himself, then only move forward if you're ok with being with a smoker.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 85
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 8:41:09 AM
Thanks for updating, Advwench.

I need a "fingers crossed" emoticon now...

If he does make the switch, though, it's still going to linger in his car for a long time. He'll have to address that. I will never understand car smoking. Such a tiny, enclosed space! Yuck. But, one thing at a time I guess.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 86
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 8:49:44 AM
if that makes me stupid or a doormat or a "numpty" or whatever, so be it

Au contraire ... kudos to you for tackling the issue up front and discussing it with him.


Smokers are addicts, and a person is an addict for life

balderdash... I smoked for years when I was young and I quit and never looked back. I not only don't want them, I can't stand the thought of them.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 87
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 8:56:04 AM
The easiest way to stop dating a smoker is to not start dating them.
 i_ski_do_u
Joined: 11/26/2009
Msg: 89
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 9:05:50 AM
Since I only date women who have no flaws, addictions or other imperfections, I haven't had a date in years. Smoking is a big no no now days. I am more concerned about other forms of substance abuse and addiction like alcohol, drugs, both prescription and illegal. Wasted 10 years of my life with a substance abuser; compared to that I would love to date a smoker.
 m8t
Joined: 3/14/2013
Msg: 90
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 9:11:55 AM
I quit for 18 years, and then started again smoking socially when out on the weekends.
A gentleman I was dating at the time convinced me to stop, so I did.
I still like having a cigarette once in a blue moon, possibly when out having an alcoholic beverage.
Does my two cigarettes a month make me a smoker? Its never indoors, and my things dont "smell".
I can have a pack in the freezer for a year if no one else smokes them.
Would you all consider someone 420 friendly (Im NOT), a smoker?

If a date minded my rare enjoyment I would certainly easily accommodate their wishes out of respect.
 i_ski_do_u
Joined: 11/26/2009
Msg: 91
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 9:16:59 AM
@ m8t

Yes, according to some of the post I have read under this topic, you are a horrible person for smoking 2 cigarettes a month. You should be burned at the stake.
 nogamegurl
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 92
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 9:29:33 AM
Wow some of the comments on here about smokers well I am a smoker I been with non smokers I went on a date with one guy who forgot I even smoked because I would not smoke an hour before I met him he took me for me I smoke outside at his place and this winter I smoked in my house usually try to go to another room.. I never lied about being a smoker it says in my profile.. But just cuz I smoke does not make me a drug addict.. as far as dealing with a smoker if you cant handle the smell or anything then he is not for you.. It is very hard to try and quit I have tried many times and I have not been able to yet.. At this point in time I am not ready to try again.. and some people are very judgmental and its sad to see that people think the way they do who are you to judge your human and your not perfect and if you think you are your delusional
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 93
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 9:30:33 AM
balderdash... I smoked for years when I was young and I quit and never looked back. I not only don't want them, I can't stand the thought of them.


If that's still true when you die, then you will have proved me wrong. Ta da.


Does my two cigarettes a month make me a smoker?


The answer will depend on who you ask honestly. My dad smokes a pack of cigarettes over the span of years. He keeps his pack in a little hole in the garden (I am NOT kidding) and digs it out whenever he gets stressed. That pack lasts him a few years. I see my dad as a smoker since he smokes cigarettes. To another person, he wouldn't be a smoker because its so rare. Everyone has their own tolerance levels.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 94
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 9:38:22 AM
+1 I skidou.. now that was funny!!
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 95
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History
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 9:43:36 AM

But just cuz I smoke does not make me a drug addict...


I think we are getting too much into semantics and people are getting upset over the word "addict." Sorry folks, but smoking causes nicotine addiction, hence, if you are a smoker you are an addict to nicotine. As an ex-smoker, I will always be susceptible to going back to smoking, just like an ex-alcoholic and ex-substance abuser have to struggle to stay clean. I know for myself that if I was to smoke just one cigarette, I would be back smoking a pack a day. Some days are harder than others but the craving is still there and it has been over 10 years since I quit.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 96
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 9:52:28 AM

just cuz I smoke does not make me a drug addict..

If this were true....

It is very hard to try and quit I have tried many times

.. then this would not be true....
 nogamegurl
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 97
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 10:40:44 AM
Ok you know what you guys are just plain evil i swear I will tell you for a fact that smoking does not make you a addict drugs make you a addict like cocaine herion shit like that gawd act your age really
 victorianist
Joined: 2/22/2013
Msg: 98
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 10:49:08 AM
To claim smokers are not drug addicts is delusional denial. Smokers are DEFINITELY drug addicts. Most drug addiction experts claim nicotine is in every way as addictive as heroin or cocaine. Once addicted, a smoker can never become a non-smoker but will always be a recovering addict ex-smoker. Smoking just a single cigarette can bring back full blown addiction just as a single drink can return a recovering alcohol into full blown alcoholism.

It's wrong to treat smoking as a habit or lifestyle choice. Smoking is an addiction. Smokers don't smoke because they want to smoke. They smoke because they're addicted to nicotine and can't stop smoking.
 Jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 99
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History
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 11:00:01 AM
If anyone is still wondering why people lie about all sorts of things on their profiles, this thread is the poster child. Everyone thinks that if they lie about their bad attributes/habits (smoking, height, weight, etc), it will facilitate an in-person meet where they can win the person over with their looks/personality and thus the person will fall for them and overlook their flaws. And guess what? It works. In this case, had the guy been truthful about his smoking, the OP would never have even met the guy in the first place. Instead, she is now bending over backwards to try and make it work despite the fact that smoking is a "deal breaker".

Deal breakers are never actually deal breakers....for the right person.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 100
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/26/2013 11:05:19 AM
I smoked from the time I was 12 til about three weeks ago...it IS an addiction and any smoker saying otherwise is deludiung themselves, or else they would just stop doing it.

Treating it as an addiction has been the only way I have been able to stop smoking actually. It is serious and should be treated as a serious issue.

There is only one thing a non smoker can do to rid the smell of tobacco smoke...and that is to stay away from people who smoke tobacco.

Give him the book 'allen carr's easy way to stop smoking'. It helps alot of people, but they have to be ready to stop smoking. The book in itself wont do it alone.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with cigarette smoke